God commanded us to love people. But in order to love people, one must first meet people. And for some of us (myself included), that is sometimes harder than it sounds.
I was listening to friends talk about this at Bible study last Friday. I heard statements like, "I'm an adult… I shouldn't have this problem" or "I can't sit through small talk about business or kids' busy schedules." These women avoid signing up for church events because they are afraid of sitting in a room with virtual strangers. They dread going to social obligations like dinners and fundraisers. But they know that God wants them to reach out to people, no matter what the situation. They just don't know how to find the courage to love in those types of situations.
And I still feel like them sometimes. It is much easier for me to tell myself, "I'll never see these people again, so what does it matter?" or "I'll keep loving my small circle of people." But God is calling me to not live in fear (There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. ~I John 4:18a) or to doubt His abilities (I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:13). He wants me to trust Him even in this, and allow Him to love through me.
And so I have learned to take steps in reaching out to people. I've listed them below (I'm a visual person… I like lists) for those of you who also want to become bolder in reaching out in Christ's name.
1) Pray
Ask God to give you compassion for the people you will be meeting, no matter how shallow they may seem. Also ask God to lead you to the person He wants you to talk to. I did that once at a women's retreat-- simply sat in a chair and prayed and crocheted. Along came a fellow knitter who asked if she could join me, and now Beth is a wonderful friend and fellow band member!
2) Accept yourself.
If you read my post 'On Bucket Lists and Halloween Parties', you already know the story of how I learned to accept myself for the introvert I am. God is not asking you to change into a gregarious and outgoing person. In a room full of people, find one person who looks like he/she needs a friend. Know that as nervous as you feel, there are people who feel just as nervous, if not more so. But do not buy into the lie that it is other people's job to reach out to you first. Don't let self-centeredness fueled by fear and doubt paralyze you.
3) Go prepared.
Before any event, you can plan on questions to ask to move conversation along. These questions don't have to be shallow. Your goal is not to fill space, but to find out more about the other person and find common ground (and no matter how different you may think you are, there is always common ground). Questions like "So how do you know the bride and groom?" or "How did you end up working for so-and-so business?" can lead to a interesting or funny story. Or, if you really, truly don't like small talk, be bold and get right down to business. "Tell me something interesting about yourself" might turn some people off, but I think many people will be pleasantly surprised by your bluntness and let down their guard. My favorite conversation starter in casual and quiet settings is "So, tell me your life story." I always find a connection with a person when I ask that.
4) Remember your goal.
You're not converting someone to Christianity. Rather, you are being Christ's hands and feet. And you're not forcing a friendship. You're cultivating one in the short time given, ministering to the person on whatever level they need it at that time. The conversation may end with a short encouraging good-bye or a prayer request from your new friend. Whichever it is, be open to God using you.
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