Thankful, Not Entitled

"You deserve it!"

All my life, I've heard this from advertisements, movies, TV shows, and well-meaning folk. I've heard it so much that now there is a voice in my head yelling it whenever I feel someone has wronged me somehow. Just this past week, after nights of coughing and bad sleep, I was impatient and grumbly with my family because I kept thinking, "I deserve a break! I deserve help! I deserve people listening to me with no question because I am sick!" Not to mention all the times when I am perfectly healthy but feel that "I deserve recognition" or "I deserve a better present" or "I deserve a nicer house."

But here's the truth: I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything at all.

A mother loses a child. A wife loses a husband. A girl finds out she has cancer. A family loses their house. I have my children, my husband, my health, and my house. Did I do anything to deserve this? No, I am not anymore deserving than any other woman.

An attitude of entitlement is the opposite of a heart of thanksgiving. Telling myself that I deserve something, no matter how big or small that something is, only raises my expectations that people should give me what I want, and this breeds discontent, pride, and bitterness. I cannot be thankful if I don't receive everything as a gift.

And so this year, as Thanksgiving Day comes again, I am working on quieting that voice in my head in order to cultivate my heard of thankfulness. Instead of "I deserve", I tell myself "Be thankful." Be thankful for a husband who shows you love everyday, be thankful for children who are growing and learning, be thankful for a body that works with minimal pain, be thankful for a warm, safe home. 

And even if tomorrow I lose what I hold most dearly, God has given me the gift of His love and His mercy, which I can never, ever deserve. God has given me more gifts than I could have ever imagined: my family, my friends, and new mercies everyday.

Doing BIG Things

It's that time of year again.

Time to put another candle on the cake. And time to ask myself, "Did I use my time well this past year?"

Sometimes I get frustrated because there is so much I want to do: missions trips, book ideas, art and music. I've always had a great desire to do something to change the world, or in the words of Sara Groves, "and when the saints go marching in, I want to be one of them." I want to do something BIG.

And what have I done this past year? No books, no songs, and definitely no time with orphans in China, with churches in Africa, or with refugees in Iraq. I live a quiet, peaceful life in suburbia, potty training toddlers and driving teenagers around. I am doing so little compared to those who sacrifice their comfort, their health, their income, or their very lives for the Kingdom.

But this I've learned, and I continue to remind myself: doing what God calls me to do IS big. I want to go to Africa; God says, "Tend my sheep... in California. Impact the world here, where family and children are no long valued. Show them what My love looks like. Teach others, and continue to learn from your elders so you are ready when I guide you to a new adventure." And so I make a sacrifice too, the sacrifice of doing what I want.

Living the life God intended for me is about two things. One, there are times when He calls me to step out in courage and tackle something new. There are times when He calls you too. And two, there are times when He calls me to stay put and focus on the task He had appointed for me. And for some of you, this is where you are at. You wonder if there is more to life than this mundaneness. You wonder if you are making an impact on the world. But remember, it is not the size of the task that matters. One child or eight, writing a book or changing a diaper... we may feel that what we do is insignificant, but He never does. Not if we are doing what He called us to do, and not if what we are doing brings Him glory.