Spring Waking

Oh, spring is here! The diapers are waving happily from the line, and the children are outside, flitting about, as busy as the birds preparing for their first brood. I feel myself waking up with the trees and flowers; somehow, the sun always makes my soul feel lighter, no matter what the situation.

I took advantage of this glorious day of sunshine to take the children to the Livermore airport. Did I mention that I really, really, really like watching airplanes and visiting airports? How lucky I am then to live practically down the street from one! And because the children are learning about maps and our neighborhood, it was the perfect opportunity to take a homeschooling field trip.

Besides watching the airplanes on the runway, I thoroughly enjoyed my time with my children. My younger daughter spent the whole time diligently drawing the airplanes. My youngest, 19 months old, said "Bump!" whenever an airplane landed and waved to airplanes as they took off. The older children ran in the sun, up and down the stairs of the observation deck, chatting about planes and marveling at the beautiful scenery that surrounded our valley.

With the weather warming up and the sunshine being more than dependable, I am planning many more field trips for the children and me. Last summer was our California-history summer, with trips to Sutter's Fort, Sutter's Mill, and Mission San Jose. This spring, we will visit the beach, the redwoods, the marshlands, the Livermore hills... there is so much of Him to enjoy!

Trust in the Author

Did you ever read "Choose Your Own Adventure Books" when you were young? The way they work is you read the story until you come to a page with a choice. Either choice will tell you to turn to a certain page, from which 'your' story continues. Sometimes you end up with a bundle of treasure, and sometimes... you're eaten by sharks. As much as I enjoyed the books, I was always frustrated when what I thought was a good decision led to death. I'd flip back through the pages to see what I SHOULD have chosen instead. But either way, I don't really have control, because I didn't write the book.

You probably know what I'm getting at. Life... the greatest book ever written. But who is the author? We'd like to think that it's us, but no, we're not, not really. I make my choices, hoping to end up with treasure and not sharks, but there is, in reality, very little control I have over the story.

And now my story is taking an unexpected turn. A new character is being introduced.

Some of you have read the previous blog entry "Playing Jonah." In a matter of three days, I had three conversations about babies and birth control. What I didn't mention was that each of those conversations included my saying, with a laugh, "We're not having any more children. Unless God wants us to." All along, I half-joked about God giving us another child, but what I was really thinking was, "I don't want another child."

Little did I know (if you've seen 'Stranger Than Fiction', then you know that this phrase is ripe with premonition), I was already pregnant.

The unexpected reveals a person's true self; it turns out I'm a weak and whiny wimp. I argued with God for days. It couldn't be happening, I thought, You wouldn't do this to me! My family was perfect: two boys, two girls. We already gave away our baby clothes... we were moving on! I was making plans for the summer, for Christmas, for my writing, for my tenth anniversary... not for having another baby! And of course, my vanity comes into play. With each pregnancy, my figure is less shapely, my hair falls out until I'm almost completely bald in some spots, and the veins in my legs look more and more like a road map.

But God won the argument (He always does). He reminded me of the mom I saw at the mall. She had two sons with her, and the elder was mentally retarded. He acted like my eighteen-month old, but the difference is, that boy will never grow out of it. His mom is truly a woman of grace, courage, and patience. I admire her. Then God says, "Rita, you can be like her. You can handle this. Trust me." He has a plan for this child, and this child will bless me as much as he will bless the world.

So I'm taking a step again, day by day, small steps of faith (and if I have twins, they'll have to be slightly larger steps of faith). Here begins a new chapter. I do not yet know the name of the chapter, but I'm ready. 

And I'm already falling in love with my new little one.

Growing a Man

I have to teach my boy to become a man.

A little tough, since I've never been a man, but I know how a Godly man should be. Joshua, Samuel, and Jesus's disciples (after the resurrection) are all examples of men of courage and integrity. There are Godly men in children's books too, although they don't always resemble a human being. Whether the character is a talking mouse, or a boy living in the jungles of South America, the same depth of character comes across, along with the adventure of traveling in someone else's shoes, and the understanding that moral courage is universal. These books are my allies as I am raising my son.

I have had a friend ask what books I would recommend for her seven-year-old son. I myself, after years of reading picture books (and knowing every author and illustrator worth knowing) am researching this new territory of chapter books and early readers. Parents have also asked me about books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid, the 'Goosebumps' books, and the 'Harry Potter' series. I'm starting with the tried-and-true classics, and when I have time, I might peruse the newer 'popular' books. This list isn't very long yet, because I am personally reading each of these books myself, but it will grow. Check back occasionally for new suggestions! And if you have suggestions to add, please do so!

If you'd like to see the recommended book list for girls, go to Growing a Lady.

A Good Start for Your Beginning Readers

Commander Toad Series, by Jane Yolen

This series is full of quirky puns, but master writer Jane Yolen crafts a story about frogs and toads in space that all boys (and girls) love. Woven in are lessons on what courage means, for men and frogs alike. (FYI- There is one book in the series that is based on evolution.)

The Drinking Gourd, by F.N. Monjo

This story about a boy meeting runaway slaves and helping them through the Underground Railroad is a level 2 or 3 reader. It is great for talking about right and wrong, human worth, and courage.

Wagon Wheels, by Barbara Brenner

Another great historical level 2 or 3 reader. This one is about the real-life Muldie family and their search for a home of their own in unsettled Kansas. When their father travels ahead to stake out the land, the three Muldie brothers must take care of each other until they are reunited with their father. Many of the incidents in the book are based on true accounts.

Stewart Stork, by Ross Martin Madsen

Steward is a stork who is unhappy with his physical qualities. He does crazy things to try to change himself, but his friends are able to convince him that he doesn't need to change a thing!

Tales of Oliver Pig, by Jean Van Leeuwen

More Tales of Oliver Pig

Oliver Pig at School

Oliver and Albert, Friends Forever

This is a series that I absolutely adore! Gentle and sweet, the books start with Oliver learning to get along with his new little sister. In the subsequent books, he learns lessons about family, school, and friends. There are thirteen books altogether, some with Oliver and Amanda together, and some mainly about Amanda and her adventures with her best friend Lollipop (my kids love that name!) All are worth reading!

Poppleton, by Cynthia Rylant
The Poppleton series is about a pig named Poppleton, his next door llama named Cherry Sue, and his neighborhood friends. The stories are funny and sweet, and the illustrations by Mark Teague are rich and colorful.

The Sword in the Tree, by Clyde Robert Bulla
If your son loves stories about knights, this is the story for him… justice, honor, courage, with a cameo by King Arthur and the knights of the Round Table.

Great for Read-alouds or More Advanced Readers

Call It Courage, by Armstrong Sperry

A Polynesian boy faces his fear of the ocean and learns to survive by himself on an island. I thought it was too slow for my son, but he couldn't put the book down! Note: Polynesians are polytheistic. Their gods play a role in this tale, making it a good platform for teaching about world cultures and religions.

The Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S. Lewis

If you don't want your child reading about sword fighting and witches, then don't read this series. But what your child can learn in the fantasy world of Narnia is so much more than swords and witches. Honor, sacrificial love, goodness... Biblical values are only thinly veiled throughout these books. My children all long to be friends with Aslan and to become a king or queen in Narnia.

Little House on the Prairie Series, by Laura Ingalls Wilder

Full of adventure, details of frontier living, and 'real stories', girls and boys alike love this series. Boys especially will enjoy Farmer Boy, which is about Almonzo Wilder, Laura's husband, when he was growing up on a farm in upstate New York. This one is also one of my personal favorites, because it is full of delicious descriptions of food!

The Mouse and the Motorcycle, by Beverly Cleary

A simple story about a mouse and boy becoming friends because of a shared love for motorcycles. What I love the most is the lesson that Ralph the mouse learns when he breaks the boy's trust.

The Phantom Tollbooth, by Norton Juster

Language, math, learning, and curiosity come alive in this fun book that I have loved for years. If your child ever says, "I'm bored!", then this is the book to read.

The Genius of Willie MacMichael, by George MacDonald

The Boyhood of Ranald Bannerman

The Wanderings of Clare Skymer

Any story by George MacDonald is worth reading, but these chapter books are especially relevant to young boys. My husband and I call these the 'Boy Books' because each tells the story of a boy and his struggle to live by integrity as he faces a world that is sometimes cruel and harsh. There is death and injustice in some of these, so be prepared to discuss them with your child as you read.

The Princess and the Goblin, by George MacDonald
The Princess and Curdie
If you love fairytales and are not familiar with George MacDonald, you're missing out! George MacDonald was a great influence on J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S.Lewis and wrote collections of short stories and "children's" books that hold many hidden gems of wisdom. Boys and girls alike will enjoy The Princess and the Goblin and its sequel.

The Sign of the Beaver, by Elizabeth George Speare

I had read The Witch of Blackbird Pond, but never Speare's historical fiction about a young man learning to survive in Indian territory. Not only does Speare pay great attention to detail, she also brings a new perspective to history. While befriending his Native American neighbors, the protagonist learns about humbleness, respect, and cultural diversity.

Caddie Woodlawn, by Carol Ryrie Brink

Carol Ryrie Brink remembers sitting and listening to her grandmother tell stories of growing up on the Wisconsin frontier in the 1860s. That grandmother's name was Caddie Woodlawn. Though the book features a female protagonist, boys will enjoy reading this book as much as girls (there were parts where my son just laughed out loud!) Each chapter is a glimpse into the life of Caddie and her family on the frontier, and how the girl may often act 'improper' and 'unladylike', but when it really matters, she does what is right, despite what others may say.

Charlotte's Web, by E. B. White

The classic tale of a deep and wonderful friendship between a pig and a spider. I don't normally like spiders, and even I can't help but want to become a person more like Charlotte!

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, by Barbara Robinson

My all-time favorite Christmas read, this story is funny and poignant and gives the reader a new perspective on the Christmas story.

Winnie-the-Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner, by A. A. Milne

Always sweet, the original Winnie-the-Pooh stories are a must-read if you know only the Disney character. It's great as a read-aloud, but the illustrations and way that Milne lays out the text also add to the quiet humor of the stories.

On the Wings of Heroes, by Richard Peck

A boy's story about World War II and his two greatest heroes-- his father and his older brother. Full of details from the time period, and plenty of humor and memorable moments.

Sarah, Plain and Tall, by Patricia MacLachlan
Simply and beautifully told, this is the story of a family in search of a new mother. The sequel Skylark is also worth reading.

Babe, the Gallant Pig, by Dick King-Smith
Sweet story about a polite and chivalrous young pig who wants to be a sheep-dog (I mean, sheep-pig!)

By the Great Horn Spoon!, by Sid Fleischman
This book's central character may be a humble butler, but he is honorable, respectful, loyal, level-headed, and brave, what every father and husband should be. The story is also a fun lesson in the California Gold Rush!

The Whipping Boy, by Sid Fleischman
A fun, short story about friendship and seeing life from someone else's perspective.

Five Little Peppers and How They Grew, by Margaret Sidney
This book began as a series more than 100 years ago! The poor Pepper family sticks together through thick and thin and remind each other that they are blessed, despite their hardships.

For Junior High/Highschoolers

Freckles, by Gene Stratton Porter

An orphaned and disabled boy overcomes his handicaps through perseverance, honesty, and his love for the trees and creatures in the forest in which he lives.

The Bronze Bow, by Elizabeth George Speare

A young Jewish man has vowed to avenge his father's death in the hands of the Romans. He is waiting for the Messiah to come and lead an army of fighters, but is surprised and confused when he meets Jesus of Nazareth. A younger reader can handle this book, but the message of love, grace, faith, and forgiveness may be lost if not discussed.

The Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens

This story is classic, and I would have put it in the read-aloud section if all children could handle the older writing style. And like many stories that people 'think' they know, the original is worth reading because of the depth, insight, and Christian message that is often left out of the movies and retellings.

The Witch of Blackbird Pond, by Elizabeth George Speare
When I finished this book, I was so impressed by how the author handled the different personalities and religious views without pointing fingers at anyone (except one, who is an unloving, negligent mother and cantankerous wife). A great book to discuss loving one's neighbor and not being judgmental.

Number the Stars, by Lois Lowry
I remember seeing this book in the library when I was young, but I never read it. If only I had known what I was missing! Based on historical facts, the book tells of how the country of Denmark helped save their Jewish residents during German occupation. It is a heavy subject matter (as any book having to do with WW2 would be), but a very uplifting and amazing story.

Thirty-two and Dreaming

Birds and airplanes, elephants and giraffes, theaters and stages...

what do they have in common?

Anytime I see one, I become a ten-year-old again. My jaw hangs on its hinges, my eyes grow like sunflowers, and my heart beats faster to keep time with my breathing.

But at my age, I have the common sense to know that I probably will never become a pilot, or raise an elephant and giraffe farm, or become a stage actress... but I can dream. I can dream of all the things I can do when I'm finished with this phase of my life. I can dream of the possibilities of learning something new. Or I can just dream. I can stop and admire a bi-plane as it soars over my backyard, and imagine what the view must be like from the cockpit. I can picture myself walking side-by-side with an elephant, my hand on its side, feeling the strength, power, and gentleness of the great creature flow through me. And I can relive the rush of being in the wings, moments before the curtain comes up, the lights, the costumes, the character, the audience... it never leaves me. None of this will ever leave me.

I don't think I have to squash these dreams. God gave them to me, along with the dreams to be a stay-at-home mom, to write books, to perform music, and to run a bed-and-breakfast ministry someday. As long as I'm focused on Him, my feet are firmly on His ground... and my head is in His clouds. Maybe when I'm in heaven, I will have eternity to pursue the dreams I couldn't pursue on earth.

What are your dreams?

Once Upon a Time...

there was a poor servant girl who wished to attend the royal ball.

Well, actually, it was her brother-in-law’s wedding…and the servant girl was me, just your typical, everyday, busy suburban mom.

   
But like the servant girl, I had nothing appropriate to wear to a fancy party. My wardrobe consisted mostly of jeans and T-shirts, because with four kids, I was on ‘mommy’ mode around-the-clock. Just trying to picture myself in an elegant dress was difficult!

   
Nevertheless, the big day was approaching, and no fairy-godmother was coming to magically transform me.

   
Or so I thought.

   
It was a Friday morning, three weeks before the wedding, when I packed the kids into the minivan. My mother-in-law accompanied me as babysitter and fashion advisor. With her help, I picked out several dresses. Then I hid myself in a dressing room and slipped on the first dress.

   
Ugh, I thought when I saw the person in the mirror. I wanted my jeans and T-shirt back. But, with a sigh, I opened the door, ready to face the judges.

   
Like a mouse in a room full of cats, I crept out and stood uncomfortably in front of my children and mother-in-law.

  
 “Ooooh!”

   
“Aaaah!”

  
 This was not the reaction I had expected.

   
“Does it look okay?” I squeaked.

   
My mother-in-law laughed. “Okay? You look fantastic!”

   
My children chimed in. “Mama, you look beautiful!”

   
I glanced down at my pale legs and bare feet sticking out from under the flowing purple fabric. I swished the skirt a little and watched the ripples. Not able to bear the scrutiny any longer, I mumbled something like, “I’ll go try on another dress…”

   
I put on a cranberry-red number and tiptoed out.

   
“Mama, you look even more beautiful!”

   
I smiled in spite of myself.

   
My mother-in-law spun her finger in the air. “You need to twirl.”

   
I turned once, slowly, and stopped. The dress wrapped itself around me. I turned again, a little quicker. My daughter clapped her hands and exclaimed, “Oh, do it again, Mama!”

   
So I spun around several times and stopped before I became dizzy. I felt sheepish, but my heart was pounding and my smile was growing.

   
“Should I try on another?”

   
The next dress, a satiny mauve piece, elicited more “ohs” and “ahs”. By this time, a saleswoman had joined my small yet enthusiastic audience. I twirled without prompting.

   
“I like this one more,” said one child.

   
“No, I like the red one better,” argued another.

   
The debate went on for a minute and we decided that I should try on the red dress again. Once more, I hid, slipped on the fancy dress, and glanced at the person in the mirror. And once more, I saw the bare feet and the ponytail, but this time I also saw pink cheeks, bright eyes, and an easy smile. Without knowing it, I had stepped into a fairytale and been transformed from ‘Tired Mom’ into Cinderella! And who had been my fairy-godmothers but my own children!           

   
Feeling more confident this time, I opened the door and stepped out. A great sigh escaped the lips of my daughter.             

   
“Oh, Mama, you look like a mermaid!”

   
She could not have given me a higher compliment. All my self-consciousness melted away, and the transformation was complete.

       

I wore the red ‘mermaid’ dress to my brother-in-law’s wedding and felt lovely, even if the dress was mostly obscured by the baby in my arms and the children huddled around my legs. But that’s okay, because it was never about the dress. The dress served only as a reminder to me that, “Yes, I may be a mother of four, but I am still a princess!” And even if I never wear that dress again, I will not forget the moral of the story, or the magical things that can happen, once upon a time…

(This article was published in the January 2011 issue of the MOPS International magazine.)

Taking the 'Schooling' Out of 'Homeschooling'

Regina wanted to know more about homeschooling, so I think it's the perfect time to address the topic. (Yes, I do take requests!)

First, though the term 'homeschooling' is widely used, homeschooling does not mean copying a classroom exactly. Many people feel overwhelmed by the thought of homeschooling because they picture lectures, tests, and six hours of books and paperwork. Yes, it can involve those things, but it doesn't have to. Teaching one child is very different from teaching twenty or thirty. Many of the methods used in a traditional classroom were designed to maintain order in a large group. For example, a test is a way to assess every student when a teacher cannot sit with each child for ten minutes at a time. But for a mother with one or two children, you can take the time to assess your child individually. You will know if your child has understood and learned the material. And activities that are more active and hands-on are much easier to do with a few children. Field trips, games, crafts, and many other fun projects are much more feasible in a homeschool, while worksheets are more suited for a small room full of thirty children.

Another way to think about this is to take the 'schooling' out of 'homeschooling'. Although you want your child to know 'reading, writing, and 'rithmetic', your main goal is fostering a love of learning and discovering the God-given gifts in your child. Your child doesn't have to follow state standards (again, set up for the general populace) and he doesn't have to be a Baby Einstein. You are teaching your child how to understand and interact with the world. Language, math, history, and science play a part in that, but they are not everything in life.

Second, whether you are just curious about homeschooling or already immersed in it, I highly recommend the book I Saw the Angel in the Marble by Chris and Ellyn Davis. This short collection of essays is insightful, practical, and encouraging. It is my 'homeschooling handbook'; I read it every summer to remind myself of the real goal of teaching my children at home. Try to find it at your library (I know Dublin has it because I requested that they purchase it) or you can buy the book on Amazon.

In the book, the authors list seven reasons why parents in general choose to homeschool. I have made a (slightly) shorter list here of the reasons why my husband and I chose to homeschool our children.

1) The best kind of teaching. There is no argument that one-on-one teaching is better than teaching to a large group. A child receives more individual attention, as well as tailor-made explanations and assessment. Taking learning out of a classroom teaches that learning is something done anytime and anywhere (and from anyone!), and that it is applicable to everyday living. It is not just about 'jumping through the hoops' to get an A or a diploma, but about being curious and growing the mind.

2) Teaching to the individual. Unfortunately, some children fail in school because they are not the sit-down, take-notes kind of learners. My daughter is an active, hands-on six-year-old who needs to touch and move as she is learning. Her mind works very differently from her brother's, and so I present information to her in a different way. If it takes her longer to grasp a math concept, there is no quiz at the end of the week marking her as a failure. We simply continue with the math concept, or leave it for a while and return to it later, until she has an understanding. Meanwhile, her brother's mind is geared for math. He can learn the lesson in one week, then move on to something new. In homeschooling, there are no 'tracks' or 'labels' (your child is 'slow', my child is 'gifted', etc.) because each child is an individual. One may be college-bound while another may choose to pursue a vocation, but neither is better than the other.

3) Control of the curriculum. I hear stories about new curriculum that teaches sex ed in elementary school, or introduces the idea of a family with two mommies to a group of kindergarteners. I don't want my children learning about those kinds of things until they are really ready for it. I'm not an overprotective and sheltering mother; I just don't want my children exposed to mature materials before they are mature enough to handle them. We don't throw our children into a war zone because it will teach them about 'real life'.

4) Relationship with our children. Until they are grown and married, I know my children better than anyone. And because I know them, I can be a better nurturer and guide for them. My prayer is that when they are teenagers, they come to me with their problems before going to another teenager. And the other thing I love: my children are great friends with each other, despite age differences. Because they are not separated from each other all day, they know how to work and play with each other.

5) Guarding our children from harmful influences. I didn't remember this one until last night, as I was reading a chapter in Dr. James Dobson's Raising Up Boys, because this reason has less to do with curriculum and more to do with socialization. As I observe each of my children's personalities develop, I become very aware of the social dangers that could lead each child astray. My daughter is the best example of this: a natural leader (sometimes bordering on bossy), she can take charge and be her own person, but she is also very attracted to older girls and their habits. In a public school, she would definitely run with the trendy, older crowd, and that's not a price I am willing to pay. I hope to give her a solid foundation in her pre-teen and early teen years so that she will be able to distinguish between superficial vanities and admirable qualities, and become a true leader.

Today, homeschooling resources are very common. There are books, curriculum, conferences, on-line help, local groups and co-ops, even private schools that are part-time homeschools. If you want to know more about homeschooling, start with I Saw the Angel in the Marble and see if God leads you to be a homeschooling family. Keep in mind also that there are many different methods of homeschooling. One person's method and style may not be yours, but that does not mean that you cannot homeschool.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

A few days ago, my friend and fellow homeschooling mom Flo wrote something on her blog that just touched me. Her entry, titled "Messy Hands...needing a clean heart", shows a photo of someone's chubby but muddy hands and admits in complete honesty that her evil nature is destroying her home and the hearts of those she cherishes most. How difficult it is for us to see the plank in our own eyes!

I tell people that having children will quickly reveal the flaws in a person's character. I thought I was a patient person... until I become a mother. Homeschooling only adds to that, because you are dealing directly with your child around the clock. Homeschooling moms rarely have time to themselves. That is the bad. Your relationship is so close with your child, that you affect each other greatly (like a married couple). When your child has a bad day, you have a bad day, and vice versa. There have been so many mornings where I wake up, already annoyed with the world because I had a rough night, and I unleash my grumpiness on the children. I'm impatient with the littlest things. I say things I regret later.

And that's the ugly.

But there is the good!

The good for homeschoolers is having that close relationship. If my child went to school, came home with homework, and had extracurricular activities, I would be frustrated with how little time I have to be with my child. I already feel that way about my husband (and he's working to support us, so I can't complain).

The other good is that parenting is very humbling (if you allow it to be). You're unsure of yourself, you have to admit to your child (and to yourself) that you don't know everything, and there is no guarantee of a reward at the end of the day. And, when you have 'one of those days', you learn to get down, apologize to your child, and ask for forgiveness. Oftentimes, as I am teaching my children to be more Godly, I see the same faults in me. The good is not only for your child, but for you, because God is shaping you as you are shaping your child.

At the end of a hard day, I'm still grateful for the moments I had with my children. I tuck them into bed and reassure them of my love. Any divide between us is talked over and patched up, so we can start the new day together, afresh. 

Then I do the same with my Father. He tucks me in and reassures me of His love. We talk about the times in the day when I was unkind, impatient, or selfish, and I ask for forgiveness. His mercies are new every morning!

Giving to Caesar, Giving to God

It's tax time. My shoulders tense up just thinking about how much of my hard-earned money I may have to give up. I don't bring in very much from my lessons and my writing, so what's a few hundred dollars to the government? Nothing. But, like in those commercials, a clear conscience is priceless. I will have nothing to hide if the IRS chooses to question my forms. 

I hear that Christians still debate over taxes. Some feel that they are unjust or too high. I know that Jesus taught, "Give back to Caesar what is Caesar's." (Matthew 22:21) I don't have to like it, but that's what I'll do. And that verse is two-fold, "Give to God what is God's." Both is an exercise in discipline; obey the one on the small scale, and you'll be able to obey the other.  All my life, I have practiced tithing: one-tenth of my income is set aside for God's work. Yes, sometimes it's hard. When I calculate our monthly needs and see that an extra hundred dollars would help, I am tempted to take it out of our tithe money. But I have never done it, even when my husband was unemployed, and God has always taken care of us.

The world gives us much advice on finances: buy a house, don't buy a house, build up your credit, invest in your retirement... we obey Him first by tithing, then wisely look at what we have left. Usually, it means there is no money left for our retirement fund or a trip to Disneyland. We've never owned a house, or a brand new car. But we live debt-free, and comfortably, with two cars, health insurance, and plenty of food in our pantry. We know that we are among the wealthiest and healthiest in the world.

Luke 12:22-34 has been taped to my bathroom mirror for the past few weeks. My favorite part is "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom." I'm glad that no matter what happens, joy, contentment, peace, and treasure in Heaven will always be tax-free!

Long Unveiling

(Continuing on the subject of my last post, this is a song I wrote recently.)

When I close my eyes I catch a glimpse

Of something bigger than I am

Of someone better than I am

She's a fountain overflowing at its brim

With all things good and kind and lovely

All things far and distant from me

But I know she's more than just a picture

Of what I can become

She's the genuine article

It's a long unveiling

It's a slow revealing

As He's peeling off my fears

As He's healing all my tears

It's a slow and subtle waking

A gentle voice that's calling

As I'm crawling towards the line

As I'm falling time and time again

When I sit with Him I get a taste

Of something beautiful and sweet

Of someone fragrant and complete

Then I can't help but regret the time I waste

The times I walked around in circles

The times I stumbled on the hurdles

But I know that He is always patient

He sees what I can't see

The person I'm meant to be

He reminds me

It's a long unveiling

It's a slow revealing

As He's peeling off my fears

As He's healing all my tears

It's a slow and subtle waking

Everything is dawning

And beginning once again

I am living like I've never lived before

He grows flowers where stones reside

He can push the stones aside

He will take my grain of sand

Make it a pearl in His hand

I Am Becoming

I used to want to be another person.

Another Person was gorgeous (of course), 5-foot-8-inches tall, with long, graceful legs, perfect skin, and hair that never had a bad day. She was athletic and talented in every way, voted Homecoming Queen and "Most Likely to Succeed". She was popular, confident, the life of the party, always welcomed wherever she went.

How I longed to be Another Person. I moped and lamented about the Person I Was: awkward, tongue-tied, fashionably-challenged wallflower with flawed skin and uncontrollable hair. The Person I Was couldn't be funny or athletic even if she tried. No one noticed when she entered a room, and oftentimes no one noticed when she left.

I lived like this for years, longing for Another Person's life while wasting my own! And now, at the age of thirty-two, I am finally learning to love the person I am (and I give much credit to my husband, who tells me everyday that I am beautiful, inside and out). The Person I Am is gracious, kind, selfless, and purposeful. She knows her strengths and uses them to help and encourage. She is fearless in love, completely confident in God's love and power. And she longs to seek others more than she longs to be sought after. The Person I Am is who God made me to be, but I allowed my wish to be Another Person to stunt my growth. Maybe now, with my blinders and restraints off, I can grow into the Person I Am. 

I know I've mentioned this often in my posts. It's my recent soul-wrestle, and I don't know when I'll be done with it, maybe never in this lifetime. But it is like my soul-wrestle from a few year's back, when I was adjusting to being at home, feeling like little more than a household appliance. I have several essays from that time too, which I will share with you when this subject gets tedious. I did conquer that wrestling match, eventually. 

But what I want to share with you is how freeing this is for me! I have stopped trying to impress people. I don't have to worry if what I say is witty enough, or if I'm making the right kind of conversation. There is no pressure to make the other person like me, nor do I have to read the other person's mind. I interrupt the comparison game that goes on in my head before it gets too far. I step back and see myself as God sees me. I can become wholly myself, because I am becoming.

Real Fruit

I finished my painting for Easter, and I must say that I'm pleased with the result (being only an amateur painter). The focus of this project was to pick one of Jesus's many names and associate it with Easter. I chose the True Vine. I've always loved the imagery of new life emerging from the cross, and adding the vine was an easy step from there. I've also often thought of wine (when taking Communion) as a symbol of joy, and it was no accident that Jesus said, "This is my blood, drink this in remembrance of me." His blood was spilled for us, so that we may have joy. And lastly, I love how a grape vine stretches and reaches. That is us, grasping for more, reaching out to others, and producing fruit.

This painting, along with others, will be hung in the Valley Bible church sanctuary in April.

Healthy God-Esteem

She had a generous spirit

That her mother called 'naive'

He had the heart of a peace-maker

That his father called 'just weak'

She overflowed with joyfulness

But her teacher called her 'silly'

The Lord gives us a beautiful gift

But the world knows how to kill it.

Just a little ditty I wrote one day as I was reliving childhood memories. I realized then that I have been trained to go against many of my natural inclinations. I watch my children's personalities emerge and I see how each one reminds me of myself in some way… my oldest daughter's generous nature, my youngest daughter's joy, my oldest son's analytical mind, and my youngest son's stubbornness. I can see how each quality can be both beneficial and detrimental, but in me, the focus was always on the negative. Being generous was not good if I was giving away too much. Spontaneity was never a good thing; everything should be planned out. But now I wonder, if God made me who I am, shouldn't I revel in that? Of course, being overly naive can be dangerous, but the voice I hear in my mind says "Beware, the world is out to get you!" The voice is stifling, and it's made me paranoid.

I understand that the adults in my life were trying to protect me and teach me to be street-wise (to the point of being cynical), but stories associated with Jesus tell of a woman who was overly generous with her perfume, of a tax collector returning stolen money plus interest, of a man stopping in a dangerous area to help an enemy. Jesus's example shows that in order to love people, one cannot be afraid of them. I want the Spirit's voice to overpower the other voice in my head. I want my Father to smile because I gave money to the homeless man, even when others say "Don't help that man, he's just taking advantage of your kindness." I want to be extravagant, not stingy, in my love, and I want to become wholly the person God made me to be.

This has become my main focus in homeschooling my children. My husband and I have many other reasons for choosing to homeschool (which I may write about another day), but what I really wish to see in my children is a polishing of the personality that God has given each of them, by taking their weaknesses and building them up, and taking their strengths and channeling them towards serving God's kingdom. Of course, many children graduate from main-stream schools as healthy individuals, but I feel that it's a lottery. Will this year's teacher appreciate my child as an individual? Will my child be strong against peer pressure and negative comments? Too often, teachers resort (consciously or unconsciously) to labeling: energetic students are troublemakers and ADD candidates; quiet children are 'good', or shy, or antisocial; gentle boys are girly or wimpy (and that's saying it nicely). I don't want to give the world a chance to crush the spirit of my children like it crushed mine.

My prayer is that my children will grow up to be safe and smart, but also overly kind, gentle, joyful, generous, and thoughtful. People may observe our family and think we're crazy, but that's okay. I'd rather be crazy for God than be sane for the world.


Postscript: What do I mean by "God-esteem"? We talk about "self-esteem" all the time, especially when it comes to our children. To have a healthy self-esteem means to think of yourself in a positive way, that the overall opinion of yourself is good. We want our children to grow up knowing that they deserve respect, that they are capable, and that they should be proud of who they are. But rather than teach my children to have a healthy self-esteem, I teach them to have a healthy God-esteem. This puts the child's focus on the person God made them to be, not who the child thinks he/she should be. The child deserves respect not because he/she is better than other people, but because God made him/her and loves him/her (as He made and loves everyone in the world). The child is capable not by his/her own strength and doing, but by the talents and gifts God gave him/her.