How to Survive Having 8 Kids (or Fewer) - Part 2 1/2 of 7

I realized the other day that there may be people who read the title of my recent posts and are disappointed. They expect a practical list of ten things to do, only to get something more wordy and philosophical.

But I have my reasons for doing that.

I understand that every family is in a slightly different situation, and just because I like to cook from scratch and homeschool doesn't mean everyone can do that too. So a quick checklist isn't always the most helpful.

Also, I like to get to the heart of things. Fixing surface level problems might help in the short run, but when there are deeper issues, problems will only arise again and again. A home may be perfectly in order, but the family may be in shambles.

Well, that said, I decided to go ahead and make a list anyway. I will continue with my more in-depth parenting survival tips in my next post!

Ten Quick Tips to Surviving Parenthood

1) Make TV, video games, and computer time a treat, not the norm.

2) Send your kids outside to play.

3) Limit sugar and junk food.

4) Clean as you work (especially in the kitchen).

5) Do laundry as soon as you have a load. (We do laundry at least once a day. It's part of our routine to fold and put away clothes every day.)

6) Plan your meals for the week.

7) Expect the unexpected. (I keep extra diapers, wipes, and bottles of water in the car. I pack a small snack or treat for the younger kids when we go out, just in case blood sugar gets low. My little box of TicTacs have saved the day many times!)

8) Model behavior you expect from your children.

9) Treat your children as individuals.

10) Don't say "yes" to everything your children ask for. Don't say "no" when you really mean "I don't feel like it."

How to Survive Having 8 Kids (or Fewer) - Part 2 of 7

When I go out with all my kids, I see jaws drop (literally).

How does she do it? they wonder, then assume that I must be unique in some way because they struggle with one or two children.

This is so NOT true.

In my last post, I began to share my tips on how to survive parenthood. The first tip, in case you didn't read the post, was "Focus on the Essentials." Oftentimes, we as parents begin to believe the lie that the most important things in life are yearly vacations to Disneyland, an immaculate designer house, the Little League Championship, and a degree from Stanford. Then we don't realize that we've fallen for the lie until we find ourselves rushing from place to place, yelling at the kids to hurry, and asking ourselves, "Why is parenting so hard?" That is, if we realize it at all. By focusing again on the essentials and making those things a priority, we will find that parenting, though it still may be challenging at times, does not need to be as stressful as we make it to be.

Which brings us to my second tip, concerning this essential: marriage.

Tip #2) Communicate With Your Spouse

There is no way I could parent my eight children without my husband. Parenting is a great burden that he and I carry together. 

So, clear communication is key! We have frequent, short "scheduling meetings" just to keep all moving parts running smoothly. But we also often talk about how the children are doing, where they need more encouragement or boundaries, and how we can pray for them. We discuss issues as they arise, or even before they arise, to be sure that we are on the same page.

Now, you're probably thinking, "It sounds like all they ever talk about is their children!" Yes, it is not uncommon for parents to (either knowingly or unknowingly) make their relationship with their children higher priority than their relationship with their spouse as they become buried in food bills, disciplinary issues, and doctor's appointments. And that is why my husband and I do our best to make time for "just the two of us", even with eight children, because more important than communication with your spouse about your children is communication with your spouse about your marriage. If there is bitterness and anger in your marriage, it will seep into your relationships with our children. Your whole family will be affected. This is key: peace in your marriage means peace in your home. Children feel secure and well-loved because they see that Mom and Dad are secure and well-loved.

So make sure your line of communication with your spouse remains open with frequent checkups. Nagging, unkind words, criticism, and complaining can shut down communication. Strive for honesty, forgiveness, kindness, and humbleness. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk  come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (ESV)

Depending on where you are with your spouse, you may need to sacrifice extra time and energy to make your marriage healthy. You may need to make changes in your life, which may cause more stress and frustration.

But this short-term stress will pay long-term dividends. If we re-prioritize and make the time to focus on our marriage, we will find that our stress decreases, not increases. Years from now, when your toddlers are pre-teens, your pre-teens are teens, and your teens are adults (yikes!), you will want a strong marriage partner by your side. Don't tell yourself, "Once the kids are out of the house…" Do it now. Parenting is an immense task that God did not mean for anyone to do alone. 

How to Survive Having 8 Kids (or Fewer) - Part 1 of 7

Nowadays, I'm asked this a lot:

Is it harder with eight kids?!

The short answer to that is: yes and no.

I also hear this quite a bit:

You must be a Super Mom! I can barely handle two!

To that, my answer is:

I'm not a SuperMom. But I have learned a few things since first becoming a mom. Though these lessons took some time for me to learn (I grew alongside my children), I have to say, I definitely benefit from them now, and I believe many parents would benefit too, no matter the number of kids they have.

So, here it is, the first of my seven not-so-secret secrets to keeping my sanity and joy while parenting eight children...

Tip #1) Focus on the Essentials

The first time I found marker scribbled on my light-colored couch, I blew up. The second time, I got frustrated. The third time, I gave up. And I realized, hey, what's a couch? Why am I getting so worked up over a piece of furniture?

"Love people, not things." That's what my husband and I tell our children. Things will come and go, but people cannot be replaced. They are more essential. My children are more essential. If I remember that I am cultivating people, not furniture, I won't get stressed out when my home doesn't look as perfect as I would like it to look.

Another way I relieve stress is by keeping our schedule fairly light. Our family doesn't try to do everything. We can't do everything. So what are the essentials for us? Growing in our faith and love for God, music, creativity, family time, serving the community, inter-generational relationships. When I am looking at community classes for my kids to take, I rarely sign them up for a class that is scheduled during dinner time. Why? Because eating dinner together is higher priority. That is when our family gathers together again to talk, read aloud, or do a family devotion. My family does not attend Awana at our church, even though that would help our children grow in their faith and love for God. Why? Because our Awana program is on Sunday evenings, and we like to keep some evenings open for resting, hosting dinners, or doing ministries like pre-marital counseling. When it comes to making decisions concerning scheduling, I am always counting the costs of the time spent (which includes driving time).

Of course, we go through seasons of busyness. With two highschoolers now, we are beginning to have more and evening activities. But my husband and I know that we don't need to say 'yes' to everything. Constant busyness and over-scheduling can rob a family of its core. We can easily forget to make time for what is truly important. 

What is most essential to you and your family? If you are feeling stressed out as a parent, maybe it's time to revisit your list. Have you pushed the essentials aside in pursuit of other things?

Make It Yourself!

My husband and I are big on DIY (Do It Yourself) projects, from cutting hair to fixing the dryer (twice!). Under the umbrella of DIY projects I love are the everyday items around the house that I can make rather than purchase from the store. 

As you know from my recent post on craft ideas, I have two rules when it comes to projects: 1) they cannot take too much of my time or attention 2) I try to reuse as much as I can. Then, not only am I saving money and time with less trips to the store, I am creating less garbage overall. It's a win-win!

So, just for fun, here is a short list of MIY (Make It Yourself) things that you can make too!

Hand/neck warmer

My family has tons of socks with no matches. I started taking the bigger ones to make neck warmers for all the kids. Just fill the sock about 1/2 - 2/3 full of rice and tie a good knot. (Do be sure to check the socks for worn spots and small holes first.) The rice is warm and soothing after about a minute in the microwave. Sometimes my kids like to put them under their shirts to warm their tummies. Then the kids asked for small ones to warm their hands! I have so many fun and colorful small socks (with no matches) that it was easy to say 'yes'! The small ones warm up in 30 seconds, and are great for hugging, putting in a coat pocket, or tossing around like a beanbag (and just looking cute!)

Glass Cleaner
This was one of my best discoveries! No more buying expensive chemicals to clean my mirrors! And I wrote the recipe right on the spray bottle so I can quickly make more whenever I run out!

Glass cleaner- 2 cups water
                            1 tablespoon cornstarch
                            1/3 cup white vinegar
                            1/4 cup rubbing alcohol
                            Shake well before using

All-purpose cleaner
This one's as easy as it comes. Make a solution of half white vinegar and half water in an old spray bottle and you're ready to go. Recently I've learned how to make a citrus-rosemary infused cleaner! In a jar, combine clean (meaning no fruit left) peels from grapefruit, lemons, or oranges and several rosemary sprigs. Pour in enough white vinegar to cover the peels and rosemary. Then cap the jar and put it in a cool place (like the refrigerator) for one to two weeks. The longer you wait, the stronger the scent. Once it's ready, strain out the peels and rosemary. Measure how much vinegar you have and add that same amount of water to make your solution.

Hair freshener
There are a thousand hair products out there, all claiming that they will make my curly hair shiny, soft, and frizz-free. But I like things simple, and the best product I've tried so far is one I made myself! Make a solution of approximately one-part conditioner (I use my leave-in conditioner) and four-parts water (for example: 1/4 cup conditioner and 1 cup water). Shake it up in a spray bottle and spray onto your hair (or hands) to refresh curls without jumping into the shower again!

Fajita mix and curry powder
I have a lot of spices, and I've discovered that I can premix my own spice blends to have them conveniently on hand whenever I need them! 

Fajita mix- 2 tablespoons salt
                      2 tablespoon paprika
                      1 tablespoon onion powder
                      2 teaspoons garlic powder
                      2 tablespoons cumin
                      1/4 cup chili powder (for those who like more spice!)

Curry powder- 4 tablespoons cumin
                             3 1/2 tablespoons coriander
                             1 tablespoon ground ginger
                             2 tablespoons turmeric
                             1/4 tablespoon cayenne

And as always, if you have any project ideas to share, please do!