Nowadays, I'm asked this a lot:
Is it harder with eight kids?!
The short answer to that is: yes and no.
I also hear this quite a bit:
You must be a Super Mom! I can barely handle two!
I'm not a SuperMom. But I have learned a few things since first becoming a mom. Though these lessons took some time for me to learn (I grew alongside my children), I have to say, I definitely benefit from them now, and I believe many parents would benefit too, no matter the number of kids they have.
So, here it is, the first of my seven not-so-secret secrets to keeping my sanity and joy while parenting eight children...
Tip #1) Focus on the Essentials
The first time I found marker scribbled on my light-colored couch, I blew up. The second time, I got frustrated. The third time, I gave up. And I realized, hey, what's a couch? Why am I getting so worked up over a piece of furniture?
"Love people, not things." That's what my husband and I tell our children. Things will come and go, but people cannot be replaced. They are more essential. My children are more essential. If I remember that I am cultivating people, not furniture, I won't get stressed out when my home doesn't look as perfect as I would like it to look.
Another way I relieve stress is by keeping our schedule fairly light. Our family doesn't try to do everything. We can't do everything. So what are the essentials for us? Growing in our faith and love for God, music, creativity, family time, serving the community, inter-generational relationships. When I am looking at community classes for my kids to take, I rarely sign them up for a class that is scheduled during dinner time. Why? Because eating dinner together is higher priority. That is when our family gathers together again to talk, read aloud, or do a family devotion. My family does not attend Awana at our church, even though that would help our children grow in their faith and love for God. Why? Because our Awana program is on Sunday evenings, and we like to keep some evenings open for resting, hosting dinners, or doing ministries like pre-marital counseling. When it comes to making decisions concerning scheduling, I am always counting the costs of the time spent (which includes driving time).
Of course, we go through seasons of busyness. With two highschoolers now, we are beginning to have more and evening activities. But my husband and I know that we don't need to say 'yes' to everything. Constant busyness and over-scheduling can rob a family of its core. We can easily forget to make time for what is truly important.
What is most essential to you and your family? If you are feeling stressed out as a parent, maybe it's time to revisit your list. Have you pushed the essentials aside in pursuit of other things?
"Love people, not things." That's what my husband and I tell our children. Things will come and go, but people cannot be replaced. They are more essential. My children are more essential. If I remember that I am cultivating people, not furniture, I won't get stressed out when my home doesn't look as perfect as I would like it to look.
Another way I relieve stress is by keeping our schedule fairly light. Our family doesn't try to do everything. We can't do everything. So what are the essentials for us? Growing in our faith and love for God, music, creativity, family time, serving the community, inter-generational relationships. When I am looking at community classes for my kids to take, I rarely sign them up for a class that is scheduled during dinner time. Why? Because eating dinner together is higher priority. That is when our family gathers together again to talk, read aloud, or do a family devotion. My family does not attend Awana at our church, even though that would help our children grow in their faith and love for God. Why? Because our Awana program is on Sunday evenings, and we like to keep some evenings open for resting, hosting dinners, or doing ministries like pre-marital counseling. When it comes to making decisions concerning scheduling, I am always counting the costs of the time spent (which includes driving time).
Of course, we go through seasons of busyness. With two highschoolers now, we are beginning to have more and evening activities. But my husband and I know that we don't need to say 'yes' to everything. Constant busyness and over-scheduling can rob a family of its core. We can easily forget to make time for what is truly important.
What is most essential to you and your family? If you are feeling stressed out as a parent, maybe it's time to revisit your list. Have you pushed the essentials aside in pursuit of other things?
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