Christmas is Coming!

Well, Thanksgiving is over... it's time to prepare for Christmas, my favorite holiday! 

Our tree is up and decorated. Garlands hang above doorways and a wreath is on our door. Christmas music fills our house. And I'm thinking about traditions old and new.

The Bairds have tried different things over the years, and we've pretty much settled on three family traditions. 

1) We visit the tree farm and saw down a tree on the day after Thanksgiving. (check!)

2) I wrap Christmas picture books and put them under the tree. Every day a child chooses a book and unwraps it for our story time. (We're going to the library tomorrow to find some good books!)

3) I hang up twelve pairs of Christmas socks and put Bible verses and ornaments in them. All through December, we read the story of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus's birth. (I still have a week to get those ready-yay!)

Sometimes I wonder if it may be time to retire some of these traditions, especially since I see my older children starting to outgrow the picture books and stockings. But I still have little ones, so I will happily keep these traditions going.

Even so, as much as I enjoy our traditions, I want to make sure that our family doesn't become self-centered during Christmas. I would like to adopt traditions that are less about what we do and more about what we do for others. And at this time of year, I feel that it is especially important that we reach out to others, in ways other than giving to local charities. What can we do on a more personal level, for the many people who don't experience peace and joy during this holiday of peace and joy?

Here are some ideas:

-Make an edible treat and drop them off at your dentist's office or other local businesses. My daughter, who loves to bake, is requesting this, and so it is becoming a new tradition for us! This year, we hope to leave cookies at our dentist, orthodontist, plumber, favorite Chinese restaurant, and library.

-Do some old-fashioned Christmas caroling from door-to-door.

-Put out some snacks for the mail carrier and delivery people. They're busy this time of year! (the photo on the left shows the little basket that sits out on our front step, right under the mail box)

-Introduce yourself to a person of a different age group at your church. Invite them over!

-Keep extra gloves, socks, hats, granola bars, and restaurant gift cards in your car to give out to homeless people.

What do you do to reach out during the holiday season? Please share! I'd love to hear from you!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

from my family to yours

How to Survive Having 8 Kids (or Fewer) - Part 7 of 7

I have eight children. I have eight pieces of my heart living their own independent lives apart from me. What are the chances that a child will break my heart at some point? The odds are high.

Of all the lessons I have learned as a parent, one lesson rises above the others: I cannot control my children. I can guide them. I can talk to them. I can pray for them. I can love them. But what I can't do (and I really wish I could) is hide my family in a bubble. And in the end, my children are their own people, after all. They need to make their own decisions. So I can do all the "right" things, and there is still no guarantee that my children will grow up to be the people I hope they will be: healthy, wise, Christ-following servant-leaders. 

Sounds hopeless, doesn't it? What's a parent to do?!

But wait. 
Take a deep breath [ i n h a l e . . . e x h a l e ]. 
Because I have great news for you– there is hope!

Tip #7: Trust Your Heavenly Father

A few years ago, I was mentored by a wonderful woman named Cathy. She shared about being a young widow raising her children through their teenage and young adult years, and how difficult it was when her son, despite all their Christian teachings growing up, went through some very rough times. Cathy's heart ached as all she could really do was care and pray for her son. The wonderful part of this story is that her son eventually put his life in God's Hands. He is now a strong man of faith. When I asked Cathy how she felt about those rough years, she told me, "I wouldn't take those years back. Not when I see the man my son has become. He leans on God more because of those years." 

God is writing the story for each and every one of your children. You play a part in the story, but you are not the Author. There may be times when your child makes a decision that hurts you and the family. There may be times when your child makes a decision that hurts him/herself. As hard as it is during those times, you have to trust.

I know this tip may not be as practical as you would like, but I cannot emphasize how very important it is. I could not parent eight children (or any number of children) without God's help. I would be an angry, grouchy, impatient, guilt-and-anxiety-ridden basket case. I would be so concerned with my children's happiness that I would make idols of them while bitterly resenting them. I would strive for the perfect family, at least perfect-looking family, and put so much pressure on my children that in the end, they resent me too.

Cindy Rollins, in her book Mere Motherhood, says it better:

This is not about having the perfect family or the perfect school. Your success or failure doesn't rest on your perfection, just your faithfulness. Your family is going to be a mess sometimes. You could cure this, of course, by not having a family at all, which is the modern choice… Western Civilization does not rest on perfect families but on imperfect ones. Your family and mine… 

A wise person once said not to take too much credit or too much blame for your children. That is comforting… 

One day we will come to the end of what we can do for our children. In those early days our children cannot live without us, but slowly they grow up and move away. This is almost heart-wrenching, but the process also gives us a chance to lean on our Heavenly Father and to trust Him more. God entrusted us with a great treasure. It is our life lesson to hand it back. To let it go.

So pray for your children. Guide them and help them become the people God designed them to be. Love them, truly unconditionally. And remember, with every step you take, that you are not parenting alone. God is walking with you, and your children too.

How to Survive Having 8 Kids (or Fewer) - Part 6 of 7

My second son loves experimenting with fire, climbing anything vertical, and collecting bugs. 

One day, he came in with his new "pet" snail and placed it in a jar on the counter. A few days later, I noticed that my basil plant was looking a little… hmm… gnawed on? The snail had chewed through the paper cover of its jar and found something better to eat! So the "pet" went bye-bye. But my plant did not get better. I couldn't figure out why there were still holes, new holes in fact!, in my basil plant until I discovered tons of baby snails living on the underside of the basil leaves! Snails AND plant went bye-bye. I told my son, no more snails in the house.

One day not long after this incident, I was cleaning up knick knacks on the counter when I found a small covered container. I lifted the lid and almost jumped out of my skin because the container was full of scurrying, climbing beetles. I told my son, no more beetles in the house.

Then, guess what? Another container appears. I lifted the lid carefully. Nothing moved inside. It was full of dead bees. I told my son, no more dead bees in the house.

One night, I was picking up after everyone went to bed. On the faux leather seat was a container. With the lid off. And a few maggots inside. And the other maggots were escaping and climbing on the chair seat. It was pretty gross.

I wanted to get angry. I wanted to yell and shout about these bugs I keep finding in my house. But I took a moment, and when I exhaled, laughter came out instead. My son, who may be a future entomologist, was indulging in his passion, without disobeying me. We have to learn a few lessons along the way (don't forget to put a lid on the maggots!) but I love seeing his unique, wonderful, God-given personality develop.

Tip #6: Cherish your children (and laugh!)

Children are hard work. We all know that. And some children are more work than others. My bug-collecting son is the most stubborn and least empathetic of my children. He almost always sheds a few angry tears during school (and has caused me to shed a few too). He's quick to argue back rather than obey. Along with lessons about bug collecting, we've also had lessons on fire safety and doing stunts from high places.

But I remind myself that my son is a gift from God. He is no less a gift than my easy-going, cheerful daughter. And it is no accident that they are both in my family. And the more I keep this thought in the forefront of my mind, the easier it is for me the tackle the parenting challenges that arise, and laugh in spite of them!

How to Survive Having 8 Kids (or Fewer) - Part 5 of 7

Okay, so I'm a 'list' person. Putting things into lists help me organize my thoughts. So today, for Tip #5, I have a list. Yes, another list. Maybe this helps you too. Sometimes using fewer words is more beneficial. So here goes...

Tip #5) The Little Things Matter

1) Get down and play with your child
2) Listen and respond when he/she talks
3) Ask about what he/she is reading, building, drawing, etc.
3) Say 'Thank you' and 'I'm sorry'
4) Give hugs and kisses every day
5) Say 'I love you' often
6) Point out what you appreciate about them
7) Ask for his/her opinion
8) Invite a child to join you on an errand or to work on a project together 
9) Make birthdays a unique day
10) Put your cell phone away and check it only once or twice a day

Where did this list come from? People often ask my husband and me, "With eight kids, how do you find the time to make sure each child gets enough individual attention?" In their minds, each child needs evenings out or special days with Mom or Dad. We like to do those when we can, but frankly, it gets expensive (and is nearly impossible with eight kids).

But I have noticed, that though my kids enjoy time away from their siblings every now and then, none of them feel lost in the shuffle. My husband and I do our best to treat each child as an individual, and we do it in little ways.

My husband always grabs a child to go on errands to the hardware store or grocery store. I invite a child (or two) to help me bake. I kiss each child at night (with my second son, we have a whole series of kisses, like a "secret handshake"!) and sing a few songs to the younger ones. On birthdays, I allow the birthday child to pick the breakfast, dinner, and dessert. On half-birthdays, we put candles on a dessert and sing half the birthday song. I ask my daughter about clothes (because they've always had a better fashion sense than me). When my son runs in, shouting, "Come and see the sticks I stacked outside!" I put down whatever I'm doing and go outside to see the sticks. And if I catch myself saying "Uh-huh" without really listening, I ask the child to repeat him/herself, and make sure I really listen the second time.

The little things do matter. Five minutes here and there throughout the day add up to a lot! It really doesn't take much to let a child know that you cherish him/her. Doing these little things let your child know that he/she is a vital part of the family. (And here's a bonus: I've noticed that now I have teenagers, many of these little things are helping us bridge that tricky gap between childhood and adulthood!)