I have eight children. I have eight pieces of my heart living their own independent lives apart from me. What are the chances that a child will break my heart at some point? The odds are high.
Of all the lessons I have learned as a parent, one lesson rises above the others: I cannot control my children. I can guide them. I can talk to them. I can pray for them. I can love them. But what I can't do (and I really wish I could) is hide my family in a bubble. And in the end, my children are their own people, after all. They need to make their own decisions. So I can do all the "right" things, and there is still no guarantee that my children will grow up to be the people I hope they will be: healthy, wise, Christ-following servant-leaders.
Sounds hopeless, doesn't it? What's a parent to do?!
But wait.
Take a deep breath [ i n h a l e . . . e x h a l e ].
Because I have great news for you– there is hope!
Tip #7: Trust Your Heavenly Father
A few years ago, I was mentored by a wonderful woman named Cathy. She shared about being a young widow raising her children through their teenage and young adult years, and how difficult it was when her son, despite all their Christian teachings growing up, went through some very rough times. Cathy's heart ached as all she could really do was care and pray for her son. The wonderful part of this story is that her son eventually put his life in God's Hands. He is now a strong man of faith. When I asked Cathy how she felt about those rough years, she told me, "I wouldn't take those years back. Not when I see the man my son has become. He leans on God more because of those years."
Of all the lessons I have learned as a parent, one lesson rises above the others: I cannot control my children. I can guide them. I can talk to them. I can pray for them. I can love them. But what I can't do (and I really wish I could) is hide my family in a bubble. And in the end, my children are their own people, after all. They need to make their own decisions. So I can do all the "right" things, and there is still no guarantee that my children will grow up to be the people I hope they will be: healthy, wise, Christ-following servant-leaders.
Sounds hopeless, doesn't it? What's a parent to do?!
But wait.
Take a deep breath [ i n h a l e . . . e x h a l e ].
Because I have great news for you– there is hope!
Tip #7: Trust Your Heavenly Father
A few years ago, I was mentored by a wonderful woman named Cathy. She shared about being a young widow raising her children through their teenage and young adult years, and how difficult it was when her son, despite all their Christian teachings growing up, went through some very rough times. Cathy's heart ached as all she could really do was care and pray for her son. The wonderful part of this story is that her son eventually put his life in God's Hands. He is now a strong man of faith. When I asked Cathy how she felt about those rough years, she told me, "I wouldn't take those years back. Not when I see the man my son has become. He leans on God more because of those years."
God is writing the story for each and every one of your children. You play a part in the story, but you are not the Author. There may be times when your child makes a decision that hurts you and the family. There may be times when your child makes a decision that hurts him/herself. As hard as it is during those times, you have to trust.
I know this tip may not be as practical as you would like, but I cannot emphasize how very important it is. I could not parent eight children (or any number of children) without God's help. I would be an angry, grouchy, impatient, guilt-and-anxiety-ridden basket case. I would be so concerned with my children's happiness that I would make idols of them while bitterly resenting them. I would strive for the perfect family, at least perfect-looking family, and put so much pressure on my children that in the end, they resent me too.
I know this tip may not be as practical as you would like, but I cannot emphasize how very important it is. I could not parent eight children (or any number of children) without God's help. I would be an angry, grouchy, impatient, guilt-and-anxiety-ridden basket case. I would be so concerned with my children's happiness that I would make idols of them while bitterly resenting them. I would strive for the perfect family, at least perfect-looking family, and put so much pressure on my children that in the end, they resent me too.
Cindy Rollins, in her book Mere Motherhood, says it better:
This is not about having the perfect family or the perfect school. Your success or failure doesn't rest on your perfection, just your faithfulness. Your family is going to be a mess sometimes. You could cure this, of course, by not having a family at all, which is the modern choice… Western Civilization does not rest on perfect families but on imperfect ones. Your family and mine…
A wise person once said not to take too much credit or too much blame for your children. That is comforting…
One day we will come to the end of what we can do for our children. In those early days our children cannot live without us, but slowly they grow up and move away. This is almost heart-wrenching, but the process also gives us a chance to lean on our Heavenly Father and to trust Him more. God entrusted us with a great treasure. It is our life lesson to hand it back. To let it go.
So pray for your children. Guide them and help them become the people God designed them to be. Love them, truly unconditionally. And remember, with every step you take, that you are not parenting alone. God is walking with you, and your children too.
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