Stores are decked out in red and pink hearts. Chocolates, stuffed animals, and cards are on display. St. Valentine's Day is less than a month away, as is my husband's birthday. So naturally, my thoughts (and writing) turn to the topic of marriage. And in light of my last post, I want to start off this "series" by addressing the issue of gender differences.
Several years ago, I was filling up my car at a local gas station, just sitting in the seat waiting to finish, when I saw a woman pull up at a pump across the way. There were two empty pumps available to her, but for some reason, she stopped at the first pump instead of pulling forward to the second pump. The pick-up truck behind her waited and waited for her to drive forward, but when the woman got out of her car to pump the gas, it was clear that she wasn't moving. So, the truck drove around the woman's car and backed up into the empty spot. A man stepped out of the truck, clearly annoyed, and said one word, "Women."
I wanted to say something to this man. I wanted to say, "I am a woman, and I wouldn't have done that. Please don't lump us all into a stereotype." But I didn't. I wasn't bold enough to approach a big, burly stranger and tell him that he had the wrong impression of women.
And maybe he didn't even realize that he was in the wrong. We have heard so often that "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" that this "war of the sexes" has creeped into our subconscious. How often do you hear someone say "typical male" or "just like women" in a derogatory way? How often do movies and TV shows use overgeneralization of genders as the basis of jokes and caricatures? I find it even in children's literature. Mrs. Beaver in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe says, "Don't stand talking there till the tea's got cold. Just like men." In the Harry Potter movies, I notice how often Hermione Granger sighs and shakes her head at Harry and Ron. You know what she's thinking– "Boys can't do anything right."
Gender differences are real (so let's not go to the other extreme and say that men and women are exactly the same), and yes, they can cause some conflict. When given a specific situation, a man and a woman may perceive and respond in very different ways. But do we resign ourselves to our differences and do as Hermione does? Just sigh, roll our eyes, put up with the other gender when they're around, but get away for our "guy time" or "girl time" when we can?
First, we must remember that by God's design, men and women were created to be different, but complementary. This means that our differences have a purpose– to be sufficient where the other is lacking, to shape each other, to care for each other. And, God created men and women in His image, which means both men and women reflect His glory. To demean the other gender in any way is to demean the image of God. Furthermore, when a man and woman join in marriage and "become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24), together they reflect God's glory even more. A man and woman together give us a more complete picture of God!
With this in mind, we should see our differences as a gift! The next time you are with a person of the opposite sex and begin to feel frustrated, take the opportunity to practice giving grace and finding God's gift in your gender differences. You will see the person in a whole new light! And you will find that much of your frustration comes from your desire for the other person to do things YOUR way (because we tend to think that our way is the RIGHT way). Which leads us to my second point…
We must also remember to see people as individuals. If we brush someone off as a "typical male" or "typical female", we will never learn to love that person for who he/she is. Take me and my husband, for example. Like some women, I sometimes I get worked up over little things. And like some men, my husband sometimes gets impatient with the kids. My husband could think, "Women are so emotional!" and I could say, "Why can't men be more nurturing?", or we could be forgiving and encourage each other to grow in Christ. My husband needs only to say a word or two (or give me a hug) to help me calm down. I can put a hand on my husband's arm to gently remind him to take a breath. We are both people in need of grace.
Lastly, if there is a real issue, this teaching from Jesus is always the best way to go: "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone." (Matthew 15:18a) This means no grumbling, talking behind the person's back, or judging the person based on his/her gender. The person is your brother and sister in Christ (and if not, the person is still God's image bearer), so let us treat one another as such.
Several years ago, I was filling up my car at a local gas station, just sitting in the seat waiting to finish, when I saw a woman pull up at a pump across the way. There were two empty pumps available to her, but for some reason, she stopped at the first pump instead of pulling forward to the second pump. The pick-up truck behind her waited and waited for her to drive forward, but when the woman got out of her car to pump the gas, it was clear that she wasn't moving. So, the truck drove around the woman's car and backed up into the empty spot. A man stepped out of the truck, clearly annoyed, and said one word, "Women."
I wanted to say something to this man. I wanted to say, "I am a woman, and I wouldn't have done that. Please don't lump us all into a stereotype." But I didn't. I wasn't bold enough to approach a big, burly stranger and tell him that he had the wrong impression of women.
And maybe he didn't even realize that he was in the wrong. We have heard so often that "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" that this "war of the sexes" has creeped into our subconscious. How often do you hear someone say "typical male" or "just like women" in a derogatory way? How often do movies and TV shows use overgeneralization of genders as the basis of jokes and caricatures? I find it even in children's literature. Mrs. Beaver in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe says, "Don't stand talking there till the tea's got cold. Just like men." In the Harry Potter movies, I notice how often Hermione Granger sighs and shakes her head at Harry and Ron. You know what she's thinking– "Boys can't do anything right."
Gender differences are real (so let's not go to the other extreme and say that men and women are exactly the same), and yes, they can cause some conflict. When given a specific situation, a man and a woman may perceive and respond in very different ways. But do we resign ourselves to our differences and do as Hermione does? Just sigh, roll our eyes, put up with the other gender when they're around, but get away for our "guy time" or "girl time" when we can?
First, we must remember that by God's design, men and women were created to be different, but complementary. This means that our differences have a purpose– to be sufficient where the other is lacking, to shape each other, to care for each other. And, God created men and women in His image, which means both men and women reflect His glory. To demean the other gender in any way is to demean the image of God. Furthermore, when a man and woman join in marriage and "become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24), together they reflect God's glory even more. A man and woman together give us a more complete picture of God!
With this in mind, we should see our differences as a gift! The next time you are with a person of the opposite sex and begin to feel frustrated, take the opportunity to practice giving grace and finding God's gift in your gender differences. You will see the person in a whole new light! And you will find that much of your frustration comes from your desire for the other person to do things YOUR way (because we tend to think that our way is the RIGHT way). Which leads us to my second point…
We must also remember to see people as individuals. If we brush someone off as a "typical male" or "typical female", we will never learn to love that person for who he/she is. Take me and my husband, for example. Like some women, I sometimes I get worked up over little things. And like some men, my husband sometimes gets impatient with the kids. My husband could think, "Women are so emotional!" and I could say, "Why can't men be more nurturing?", or we could be forgiving and encourage each other to grow in Christ. My husband needs only to say a word or two (or give me a hug) to help me calm down. I can put a hand on my husband's arm to gently remind him to take a breath. We are both people in need of grace.
Lastly, if there is a real issue, this teaching from Jesus is always the best way to go: "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone." (Matthew 15:18a) This means no grumbling, talking behind the person's back, or judging the person based on his/her gender. The person is your brother and sister in Christ (and if not, the person is still God's image bearer), so let us treat one another as such.
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