Suddenly, it became clear.
As my son stomped off to his room with a gruff "Fine!" I knew what Jesus meant by "If you love me, keep my commands" (John 14:15 NIV).
My son was obeying me. Some would say that was a win for the parent. But he didn't do it out of love; he did it out of fear of punishment, and as a parent, this pierced me. If it wasn't for two reasons (#1: he could hurt himself; #2: he could hurt someone else), I would rather than he didn't obey unless he wanted to.
So all those years when I obeyed God out of obligation– when I begrudgingly gave tithe, when I mechanically sang songs and sat through sermons, when I guiltily read my "chapter for the day"– did that pierce my Father's heart too? I was a young Christian then. I thought doing certain actions made me a "good" Christian. I thought doing the actions earned me favor with God.
Remember the story of Jesus and the rich young man?
Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"
"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments."
"All these I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?"
Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
~Matthew 19:16-22
I was like that young man. I obeyed the rules, but I didn't give God my whole heart. I still loved certain things more than I loved him. There was still a benefit to obeying God, regardless of my heart's condition (review #1 and #2 above), but what a greater joy I found in obeying Him out of love!
Remember the story of Jesus and the rich young man?
Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"
"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments."
"All these I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?"
Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
~Matthew 19:16-22
I was like that young man. I obeyed the rules, but I didn't give God my whole heart. I still loved certain things more than I loved him. There was still a benefit to obeying God, regardless of my heart's condition (review #1 and #2 above), but what a greater joy I found in obeying Him out of love!
But Samuel replied: "Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams." ~I Samuel 15:22 NIV
This is what I am learning now. I have come a long way! And I know that my son is learning too. He has much maturing to do. I hope someday to hear him say, "Sure, Mom! I would love to do that!" Then I will know that he understands me, trusts me, and loves me, and my heart will be full of joy.
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