This morning, I had a baby crying for no apparent reason, a toddler crying from a fall, a three-year-old leaving messes in every room, older children requesting help with school work, laundry, dishes, a long errand list, the anticipation of guests tomorrow… and all I really wanted to do was go back to bed.
I went to change the baby's diaper, hoping that that would calm her, and I started crying with her. I was crying because the house felt chaotic and I felt overwhelmed and incapable of fixing the chaos. And because I wanted a morning of just-rolling-over-and-going-back-to-sleep. And because I still longed to nurse the baby when she cried. And because it has been two months since the baby's birth and I felt like I should have a handle on things. Most of all, I was crying because I had become a grumpy, snarling monster who answered her husband and children with snapping.
By the time I finished changing the diaper, my daughter and I were both done crying. And we both felt better.
Sometimes, a mom just needs to cry. Crying doesn't mean you are any less courageous. It's okay to admit that you can't do it all. It's okay to accept life for what it is at the moment. It's okay to hope and pray that it will not always be this way. So you let the tears fall, and when you're done, you take a deep breath. Then you face the challenges one at a time, and you get through the day.
I'm going to take a nap later. And maybe tomorrow, I'll cry again. But I know now that sometimes I need to let the tears go, and there's no shame in it.
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