Where “Yes" May Lead You

Twenty-seven years ago, God asked me to work with teenagers, and I said "yes."

There's a story that leads up to that moment (which I won't share with you today), but what was most surprising was:

1) I was twenty, so barely out of the teens myself,

2) I never had the desire to work with teens. In fact, I was a little afraid of them, having had not-the-best junior high and high school experience,

3) I had my doubts. I had no "training." I had no clear direction.

Nevertheless, I said "yes," without knowing where that "yes" would lead me.

Soon after, I started a leading a small youth group at my church.

After graduating from college, I was hired as a French teacher at a private junior/senior high school.

Then I got married, became a mom, and spent about the next twelve years or so NOT around teens. I was hanging out with other toddler moms, chatting it up about nap schedules and cloth diapers.

And I forgot about my "yes," until I got involved in my teenagers' youth theater company (how this happened is another great story).

What a shock! I never would have imagined that I would be teaching music to teens and directing them in shows. And the best part is that I love it! I love working with teenagers and being a supportive adult in their lives.

But along with the highs come the lows.

Two years ago, a lovely, spunky eleven-year-old came to audition for Moana Jr. She then went on to be in The Wizard of Oz and The Sound of Music, making many friends along the way. Shortly after her third show, she was diagnosed with brain cancer, and two weeks ago, she lost that battle. This was heart-breaking news for everyone in our company.

Twenty-seven years ago, I wouldn't have pictured myself in a bedroom, strumming a guitar through tears, leading a small group of girls in singing Christmas carols, witnessing the final moments of their friend. I couldn't have imagined our time afterwards in the foyer, crying and holding each other for comfort. And I never would have known that in working with this young girl, I would be asked to sing songs with her friends at her memorial service.

Her service is tomorrow. I feel nervous and anxious. I put my two-year-old to bed, then lay next to her for a few extra moments just to pray. I ask God for peace. And I hear this song in my head.

This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine...

And that's all God is asking from me when I say "yes."

Our Enduring Christmas Tradition

From "Elf on the Shelf" to cookie exchanges, there are plenty of Christmas traditions to choose from. But for book lovers, this is an enduring tradition in my family that I'd love share with you! I started doing this when my oldest was 5, which means my family has been doing it for 17 years!

It's simple: I gather our Christmas picture books and check out Christmas picture books from the library and wrap them in Christmas wrapping paper. Then I put the books out, and every day one child will choose a book to unwrap. Then I read the book aloud.

That's it!

I usually wrap only a few books at a time (library books go first, and I try to reuse the paper if possible). If you wrap all 24 books beforehand, you have an Advent calendar! My children look forward to hearing their favorites, and we are also always on the look out for new favorites. And who doesn't like to pull off wrapping paper and see what's hidden underneath?

If you're looking for some wonderful Christmas books, here is the link to my post Our Favorite Christmas Books! 

There are so many beautiful Christmas stories out there; I hope you discover a few this year!

Christmas Memories, A Song

I had forgotten about my last blog post. 

"Sometimes, a writer writes just because..."

Now I wrote a song that I can't sing.

It's not because the notes are too difficult or the range is too high. It's because every time I try to sing it, tears start streaming down my face.

But I had to write it.

A few months ago, my friend told me that she has cancer. She is 36 years old. Then soon after, I learned that a young girl I know has cancer. She is 14.

My heart at times feels like it's held in a vise. I want to yell, but I have no words. When I visit, I see the parents smiling, but with a sad, tired look in their eyes. If my heart feels like it's in a vise at times, their hearts must feel like that every day. Day in and day out, around the clock, they are selflessly caring for their daughters, while knowing that there is no hope for recovery. I can't imagine the feeling of watching my child in pain, slowly becoming a shadow of the person I knew. I can't imagine how Christmas, usually a joyous time, will be for these families this year.

And so, I wrote this song. For them, for me, for you if you've lost a child. I find myself holding my little one closer these days. Remember, you have only so many Christmases with your children.

Christmas Memories

I have Christmas memories

Of you seated on my knee

As I read you stories in the glow 

of lights upon the tree

I have Christmas memories

Of the sound of little feet

Running to my bed to wake me 

with your laughter and your glee

Long ago

But it feels like yesterday

When I watched you run and play

Then I held you as you slowly slipped away

So many Christmas memories

Some are sad and some are sweet

Now my only Christmas wish is to hold you close 

Just like I used to do

And to make more Christmas memories with you

Writing a Memoir

Sometimes, a writer writes just because, without really knowing why. It's a way to get thoughts and emotions out.

I started doing that a few weeks ago. I felt prompted to write a memoir of sorts, but without knowing what I would do with it. I just wanted to put my memories down on paper, to sort through some details and record them before I forgot.

But I still wasn't sure what I would do with it once it was done. Writing a memoir is scary. It's my life on paper. But at the same time, it feels pointless. I'm no one special. This isn't going to the autobiography of Julie Andrews or Ghandi or something. Who would read it?

But then I remembered that I had the same thought fourteen years ago.

"Who would want to read what I wrote?!"

So I didn't write.

Until...

I realized that some of my thoughts could be a benefit to some people. Maybe not everyone. Maybe not all my thoughts. But someone out there could read what I write and have a revelation.

So I started a blog.

Anyway, fourteen years later, I'm finishing up my memoir of sorts. I'll let you know when it's ready, just in case you're someone who might want to read it.