Christmas Memories

I had forgotten about my last blog post. 

"Sometimes, a writer writes just because..."

Now I wrote a song that I can't sing.

It's not because the notes are too difficult or the range is too high. It's because every time I try to sing it, tears start streaming down my face.

But I had to write it.

A few months ago, my friend told me that she has cancer. She is 36 years old. Then soon after, I learned that a young girl I know has cancer. She is 15.

My heart at times feels like it's held in a vise. I want to yell, but I have no words. When I visit, I see the parents smiling, but with a sad, tired look in their eyes. If my heart feels like it's in a vise at times, their hearts must feel like that every day. Day in and day out, around the clock, they are selflessly caring for their daughters, while knowing that there is no hope for recovery. I can't imagine the feeling of watching my child in pain, slowly becoming a shadow of the person I knew. I can't imagine how Christmas, usually a joyous time, will be for these families this year.

And so, I wrote this song. For them, for me, for you if you've lost a child. I find myself holding my little one closer these days. Remember, you have only so many Christmases with your children.

Christmas Memories

I have Christmas memories

Of you seated on my knee

As I read you stories in the glow 

of lights upon the tree

I have Christmas memories

Of the sound of little feet

Running to my bed to wake me 

with your laughter and your glee

Long ago

But it feels like yesterday

When I watched you run and play

Then I held you as you slowly slipped away

So many Christmas memories

Some are sad and some are sweet

Now my only Christmas wish is to hold you close 

Just like I used to do

And to make more Christmas memories with you