Three nights ago, I dreamed that I was sitting in church, watching as people gathered for the beginning of the service. For some reason, there were children sitting together, apart from their parents, in the back corner of the room. As more parents arrived with their children, they saw the separation and they too left their children in the back of the room and went to sit elsewhere. I awoke with a strange feeling in my chest.
While my dream self was worried about the children sitting alone ("What if they start getting rowdy?"), the thought that bothered me the most when I awoke was, "Did the parents just assume that they should do what they see a few other parents doing?"
It is true that when people are in doubt, they take cues from other people. They do what they see others do, without always asking why. In the book Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion, psychologist Robert Cialdini discusses a principle called 'social proof' and describes a study in which a person stands on a city sidewalk and looks up at the sky. Soon, other people stop and look too, though no one knows what they are really looking at (which was basically nothing).
Harmless enough when it is a matter of making a few people look foolish and wasting a few minutes of their time, but what about parenting situations, like in my dream? Is it enough for parents to say, "My neighbor lets his kids do that, so it's okay"? Or for children to tell their parents, "Everyone else in my class has one!"? How about "Kids on TV and in movies do it"? Media portrays teens (and pre-teens) as tech-savvy, iPhone-wielding, sex-hungry, street-wise rebels. And parents start going along with it.
Keep in mind also that when we talk about culture, this includes church/Christian culture. My dream is another great example of this. We should be asking ourselves, "Why are the children sitting apart from their parents during a worship service?" Is it because that's the way it's "always been"? Other questions to ask are: Does my church tend to function on practicality, popular vote and expectations, or tradition? Is the Bible the filter for all major decisions?
Culture is ever changing and dependent on time, place, and people. Don't fall into the trap of using the cultural norm as your standard of parenting (or living). Remember that if you do, you are basing your life on other people's opinions, not on God's word. Hold fast to the only standard that is based on truth, love, and hope, and when in doubt, say, "I'm not sure, let me check on that," and turn to the Bible for wisdom and guidance.
While my dream self was worried about the children sitting alone ("What if they start getting rowdy?"), the thought that bothered me the most when I awoke was, "Did the parents just assume that they should do what they see a few other parents doing?"
It is true that when people are in doubt, they take cues from other people. They do what they see others do, without always asking why. In the book Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion, psychologist Robert Cialdini discusses a principle called 'social proof' and describes a study in which a person stands on a city sidewalk and looks up at the sky. Soon, other people stop and look too, though no one knows what they are really looking at (which was basically nothing).
Harmless enough when it is a matter of making a few people look foolish and wasting a few minutes of their time, but what about parenting situations, like in my dream? Is it enough for parents to say, "My neighbor lets his kids do that, so it's okay"? Or for children to tell their parents, "Everyone else in my class has one!"? How about "Kids on TV and in movies do it"? Media portrays teens (and pre-teens) as tech-savvy, iPhone-wielding, sex-hungry, street-wise rebels. And parents start going along with it.
Keep in mind also that when we talk about culture, this includes church/Christian culture. My dream is another great example of this. We should be asking ourselves, "Why are the children sitting apart from their parents during a worship service?" Is it because that's the way it's "always been"? Other questions to ask are: Does my church tend to function on practicality, popular vote and expectations, or tradition? Is the Bible the filter for all major decisions?
Culture is ever changing and dependent on time, place, and people. Don't fall into the trap of using the cultural norm as your standard of parenting (or living). Remember that if you do, you are basing your life on other people's opinions, not on God's word. Hold fast to the only standard that is based on truth, love, and hope, and when in doubt, say, "I'm not sure, let me check on that," and turn to the Bible for wisdom and guidance.
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