The past two days, we've been enjoying the wonderful company of a friend from France. She is an elementary school teacher, and such a natural with the children. The kids had a mini language lesson as she taught them French songs, read them French stories, and practiced phrases with them like 'Bonjour', 'Merci', and 'Bonne nuit'. We (meaning the adults here) also talked about how the French tend to overuse their verbs 'aimer' (to love) and 'adorer' (to adore/worship), much like American speakers use 'love' and 'hate' for nearly everything. Our French friend shared with us how she has been intentional about how she uses 'adorer', because it is the verb often reserved for God in the Bible. We told her about a phrase we've taught our kids ever since they could speak, "Love people, not things." Which got me thinking about...
In the Greek, there are four words for love: phileo, eros, storge, and agape. (Excuse me if I'm wrong, for I am no expert in Greek; I only know these from sermons and Wikipedia.) To give a quick definition of each, phileo is brotherly love or friendship, eros is passionate love or deep affection, storge (rarely used) is natural familial love, and agape is deep sacrificial love. If the Greek were talking about 'loving' an object or activity, I'm not sure what word they would use.
Now, how would life be different if we also had four words for love in English? What would Hollywood movies look like? What would our relationships be like if we were truly honest about how we felt towards each other? There are times when we say 'I love you' out of obligation, but what do we really feel? I've been learning these past two years what agape love is, as my affection for a family member was pushed to its limit. What was once storge and phileo is now agape, but I didn't know that until my relationship with that person got rough. If we take a good look at many of our relationships, we may be surprised to find that we don't have agape love for those people. And if we take a really good look at our relationship with God, we may discover that we are like Peter when Jesus asked him, "Do you agape me?" Peter could only reply, "I phileo you, Lord."
I apologize if you feel overwhelmed and depressed; this was not my intention! But start by training yourself to reserve 'love' for people, not things. Teach your children to do the same (and in a few weeks, they'll be the ones reminding you!) It truly does change your mindset if you are intentional with 'love'.
Great point on the use of the language. Many Norwegians consider Americans superficial since they say things that go beyond what they mean. Though, in other cultures, they always say yes and also say things that are different than what they mean. Language can be a tricky thing. I am happy that people don't always say what they mean ;)
ReplyDeleteAlthough, Chris, last time you said that you don't like it when people hide criticism in sarcasm and jokes. :)
ReplyDeleteI am also very intentional about how I use 'maybe' with the children. I never use it as a way to get out of something without having to say 'no' and I've taught them that's that is not always the case with people. But with me, my kids know that "maybe doesn't mean yes, it doesn't mean no, it means maybe!"
Very interesting point Rita. I have a very strict rule at home that I don't ever promise anything in the future. This includes something as simple as whether we will go out or buy something or whatever. I simply tell them to remind me at a later point when it is possible for something to happen. Thus, "maybe" is also never used. After all, in the here and now, the answer can't be maybe it is either a yes or no or ask me later. I found that children (and adults) tend to remember things differently than they are stated. A "maybe" is 100% of the time interpreted as not only a "yes" but a promised "yes." About a year ago when I quite making statements about the future to the kids (and at work), I never had to defend against something I may or may not have said. Rather, I simply plan things out in my head and reveal the plans as they are in the hear and now (or when it is time to pack or get ready for events).
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