Writing about the beautiful made me think about physical beauty. I always want to write about female beauty, but unlike God's beauty, female beauty is more difficult for me to grasp. So then, I don't write about it. But I think it's a topic worth discussing, so I'm writing this now hoping that you the reader may offer some insight.
I grew up wanting to be blond and blue-eyed, or brunette and green-eyed, because I never saw or heard of a Chinese person being beautiful. Then I traveled to Hong Kong to visit family, and only felt like a misfit there because of my height, my tanned, freckled skin, and my wiry hair. I didn't fit the image of Chinese beauty: petite and ivory-skinned, with hair that cascaded like a rich, black waterfall. It didn't help that my grandmother called me 'gweigh mui' (foreign devil girl) and my aunts called me fat.
Then I attended UC Berkeley, the land of feminist ideals. Females there rebelled by not shaving, not wearing make-up, and not allowing males to box them in in any way. Women were strong and beautiful, and didn't need men to tell them so, or tell them how to be so. In a setting like that, I couldn't help but feel more confident, but something was still wrong. Did I really NOT need men? I didn't agree with that entirely. As graduation neared, and students talked about graduate school, performance, and career goals, I shied away from the conversations, because I couldn't ignore the desire in me to forego a career-driven life and become a stay-at-home mom.
I was so confused. Mixed messages bombarded me from every side. The adolescent part of me still saw the magazine covers and longed for super-model legs and flawless skin. The realistic part of me berated me with "You cannot change the body you have! Work on making the most of what you have!" And the Bible has several passages that address women and beauty: Proverbs 31 (verse 30, Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised) and 1 Peter 3 (verse 3-4, Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight). I knew these verses, and believed in them with all my heart, which only made me feel more guilty for taking time to tame my hair, look at make-up, or peruse fashion magazines.
But then I read Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. Something spoke to me there. For the first time, I heard the message that God created women to add beauty to the world, through her physical appearance, her decorative touches, and her attention to detail. Denying myself of 'looking pretty' was not in God's design at all, according to the authors. And wanting to look my best and to be admired for it (especially by my husband) is not a sin.
So you see my dilemma. And now I have two (almost three) daughters to raise and teach. Already, my oldest (who is almost seven) is gazing at herself in the mirror, trying out hairstyles, wanting to wear make-up, and simply admiring her own reflection. What can I say to my girls when they reach their teenage years, besides the truth that everyone is beautiful because we are all created in God's image? What is a good balance for a Christian who wants to stay fit, look good for her husband, look presentable to the world, and enjoy being the person God has created her to be?
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