There's a phenomenon with which many moms are familiar, what I call 'stuck at the swings'. It's when you're at the park with one or two other moms, finally getting a bit of adult conversation after a week of being in the house, and all your child wants to do is swing.
"Mommy, I want to swing."
"How about the slides instead? You like the slides."
"No, Mommy, I want to swing. Can you push me?"
"Okay, for just a minute."
"Higher, Mommy, higher!"
And while you're at the swings, pushing your gleeful child (which really is a lovely picture and probably the right thing to do), you look across the playground at the other moms. They're actually conversing, you say to yourself with longing and envy. Why can't my child play by himself, like all the other children are doing? Why can't my child hate the swings, just for today? We come to the park to play with other children, and all my child wants to do is swing! The thoughts go on and on, rolling into a giant snowball of bitterness.
That's how I've been feeling lately... the longing, the envy, the giant snowball of bitterness... all of it. I feel like I've been missing out on life as I am at home, breastfeeding the baby in the back room, trying to rock her to sleep. Or if we are out and about, as I'm watching the baby crawl and explore, trying to keep her from eating everything she finds on the ground. And meanwhile, the conversation continues elsewhere.
So, there, I've unburdened myself. And I do know that there is much repenting that I need to do on my part, to melt this giant snowball of bitterness. First, I will go apologize to my husband. Then we'll see where the Spirit leads me... maybe there are more people to whom I need to apologize. And then I hope and pray that my joy returns, because I really, really, really do love the life God has given me. And this is only for a season, a very short and precious season at that.
And a note to those of you who have never been 'stuck at the swings'. If you see a mom, alone, faithfully pushing a child on a swing at the park, go talk to her.
I hear what you are saying about missing discussions when trying to find the balance between engaging with your children and then with your friends and family. This is especially painful when the discussions are good and you know they are still happening ;)
ReplyDeleteThough, on the other side, I would focus on ethical obligations. You have a responsibility to train and instruct your children. However, the extent to which this goes isn't clearly spelled out. Also, different children have different needs. Another interesting thing here is that your personnel feelings of doing enough or not may or may not actually reflect whether what you are doing is or isn't enough ethically. That is to say, many people feel just fine not living up to their obligations while others feel guilty no matter how much they do above what most would consider a responsible level of parenting.
So, what I am getting at is that the first question is whether or not you are actually obliged to push the swing at a particular moment is a very important point no matter whether we feel we ought to or not.
I would also agree that if we find ourselves growing bitter or discontent, then that is another issue. Though, my first focus would be on the level of burden we place on ourselves and whether or not we are already meeting a responsibility.
Yes... the analogy of the swing is not a perfect analogy, since pushing a child on the swing is not as necessary as nursing a baby. But I do have control over my feelings, and I can choose not to be angry towards people or bury myself in self-pity.
ReplyDeleteChris, I often wish your family lived next door... any chance of that ever happening? :)
That would be great if you lived nearby. Heidi Merete was born in Stanford, but there are a few downsides to California these days ;) Norway isn't as Sunny and warm, but the up-sides are too good to pass on! It's also impossible to just move here without either being a refuge, in the European Union, or marrying someone from here. Though, I don't think you guys are candidates for any of these three :(. So, perhaps if you happen to be in Florida one of these Christmases we are in the States, we could always meet ;).
ReplyDeleteOn the subject of the swing. I think there are multiple dimensions that are interesting here. At a base level, you are correct that there are times where you have responsibilities that get in the way of other things that might be more fun. The part I find interesting is the internal analysis of how exactly you ought to feel and whether you are allowed to long for things you don't have. For example, God loves a cheerful giver and thus thinking about what you could have done with the money elsewhere isn't exactly what is in focus for cheerful. However, spending time telling yourself how you are suppose to feel also isn't ideal. Jesus wasn't cheerful about sacrificing Himself. He was pushing hard to go in the other direction, but was willing anyways. He met his obligations based upon the will of the Father and internal agreements and decisions within the godhead. That is, of course, assuming he was obliged in the garden or if it would have been OK to not... though, that is a different subject ;)
My point would simply be that our first priority should be to meet the obligations we have upon us whether based upon decisions we have made or societal norms that establish obligations or biblical standards. Though, meeting an obligation doesn't demand that we are happy about it. Learning to be content is a doable thing. Though, I don't see any reason for people who are meeting their obligations to establish an internal law regarding how you have to feel about them and then holding yourself to too high of a standard. If most people even bothered to try to meet the obligations that are upon them, things in the world would be quite different.... whether they feel good about it or not ;)
Thank you, Chris. I am reminded of Philippians 4:12b-13: I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
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