Gardening Tips for Your Marriage

(As you know from my recent posts that I've been thinking a lot about marriage in the past month. Here is a post that I started a week ago, and finally finished today! I hope it's encouraging after the more sober post on Sunday.)

Gardens for me are a place full of beauty, peace, and wonder. So when my husband and I first started courting, I naturally pictured our relationship as a garden. Sun and water to help it grow, some occasional pruning and weeding to keep it healthy, and- voila! A bountiful harvest!

But eleven years of marriage has shown me that it's not as easy as that. Just as in gardening, I've learned that there is much more to marriage than a little sun and water. Do the wrong things, and your marriage (and garden) can wither over time.

So the first gardening tip for your marriage is: become an expert in your spouse. Different plants need differing amounts of sun and water, and similarly, your spouse needs care specific to him/her. Just as you can't water a cactus like you water a violet, and you can't plant a fern in the sun next to a rose, you should not assume that your spouse needs to be loved the same way as your best friend or your parent. Nor should you assume that your spouse gives and receives love the same way as you! A helpful book in this topic is The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Second, part of weeding is learning to identify the weeds before they get too big. If you wait for the weeds to be mature before you pull them, then you have the much harder work of digging to remove the roots also. Other plants may be damaged, or weaker because the weeds sucked up some of the nutrients and water. Examine yourself and find the tendencies in you that are not beneficial to your marriage, and then learn to nip them in the bud! Practice Ephesians 4:25-27, "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." Be quick to forgive, and quick to apologize.

Third, pruning is more painful than it looks. When I first got married, I thought pruning meant being less selfish and sharing the last piece of pie with my husband. But pruning means cutting off whole branches-- things in my life that are not healthy and Godly. It may mean giving up a hobby or changing a bad habit, and it usually involves sacrifice and discipline. And if I don't prune it myself, God will!

The last two things to keep in mind when cultivating your marriage are fertilizer and time. To replenish the "soil" of your marriage, read marriage books with your spouse, attend an occasional conference, and spend time in the Word, both together and alone. Remember that Bible verses about marriage are not limited to Ephesians 5 or Colossians 3. Any time the Bible speaks of a neighbor or the Body (as in the verse above), it is also referring to your spouse!

And time, though important, is often forgotten. One cannot plant a seed and expect a tree the next day. Plants, and marriage, need time to grow and blossom. Have patience and pray for diligence as you care for your garden! In time, you will be rewarded!