More on 'Privilege'

I really like the word 'privilege'! Last July, I wrote about 'privilege' as applied to marriage. Here are two posts from March 2012 (revised into one post and edited to fit the fall season) about how 'privilege' applies to parenting your children. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I overheard my children playing the other day. Sometimes I hear them say nasty things to each other, or get overly competitive, but that day, I heard my oldest say to a younger sibling, "That's very good. You're doing a good job. Now try to stack this one over here."

My heart melted. My eight-year-old was encouraging! Instead of a typical response like "Don't mess with my stuff!" or "Mine's better than yours" (which I do hear every now and then), my son was teaching, sharing, and praising.

It made me feel better about myself as a mom. For all my bad role-modeling, I'm glad to see that the good role-modeling is sticking. And I never (and I emphasize the never) allow my children to put each other down. TV and movies make it seem like a normal part of growing up, but I don't buy that. The home is a training ground, and if my children cannot be encouraging and loving to even those around them every day, how are they going to go out into the world and love their neighbors? 

The word that comes to mind is 'privilege.' I looked up the word in our dictionary, partly because I never can spell the word right the first time (priviledge… privelege… priveledge...), and partly to see how it was defined. Here is what the dictionary read:

a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor

When it comes to raising children, one doesn't hear the word 'privilege' very often. The word I am hearing more and more often is 'entitlement'. The generation coming up wants their iPods, IPads, cell phones, educations, jobs, and room and board handed to them on a silver plate. Now, this may be because I'm living in the United States in an affluent suburb of San Francisco. Life in the midwest may be very different. But I do believe that the media is also playing a part; there is a subtle but strong message in TV, movies, and music today that young people should get exactly what they want. 

But many years ago, when I was a fledgling mom, I heard a wise mother share this thought: Teach your children about privilege. Most people think of a privilege as something special, something out of the ordinary, something beyond the everyday. Teach your children that the everyday is the privilege, because everything comes from God. Living in a safe neighborhood is a privilege. Eating three, good meals a day is a privilege. Going to school, having toys, feeling warm... if you are reading my blog, you are already among the richest 1% in the world!

Now, where I apply this thought most often when I parent is with words and siblings. When I hear a child speak unkindly, I remind them that speaking to a person is a privilege; God gave us a voice and words to encourage and love. If it's an issue that needs disciplinary action, then the child gets a silent time-out (loss of his privilege.) It's the same when siblings fight. I remind them that having a brother or sister is an amazing gift, and if they abuse the gift, they cannot play with each other for a certain amount of time.

It's a simple concept, but a good foundation for teaching about thankfulness, stewardship, and compassion. And it's a good reminder for all of us, that life in itself is a privilege, and that Christ Himself is our privilege. As Thanksgiving and Christmas draws closer with each day, let us keep this in mind.