Saturday, June 6, 2015

To Lose a Baby

When I gave birth to my first child, I also gave birth to all my vulnerabilities. 

And now I have six children. A turtle without a shell has it better than me.


I take it back. A turtle could never love as deeply as I love my children. I am a different person because of my children– more kind, more sensitive, more humble. To be vulnerable is not a weakness. If I ever lost a child, I would not regret the pain. But I wonder how I would respond.


My friend's baby died today, a week and a half before the baby's due date. I cry for them. There are so many questions, but no answers. I think about MY baby's heart beating in me. I remember how I loved him, even before he was born. Before I met him, I already knew him. If it had been my baby, would my faith be shaken? Would my deep sorrow drive me to hate God, or cling to God? I would pray that I could see God's goodness in the situation and remain faithful.


If you had ever lost a baby, my heart cries for you too. But I pray that you cling to God, though none of it makes sense, though there are no answers, though you feel worse than a turtle without a shell. Keep loving your baby, and God can use that love to change you.


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