This past weekend, my husband attended a men's conference at our church. The keynote speaker was Dr.David Eckman, Ph.D, Old Testament scholar, theologian, professor, author- just to name a few of the many hats he wears. I myself have never heard Dr. Eckman speak, but my husband is always astounded and inspired by his knowledge, wisdom, and insight, and my husband came home with much to share with me. Did you know that...
when God made man, the word used in Scripture is 'shaped', as in a pot (Genesis 2:7), but when God made woman, the word used is 'fashioned ', as in a work of art (Genesis 2:22)?
the word for 'helper' does not mean an assistant or sidekick, but a divine helper, much like God is a helper to man (Genesis 2:18)?
when God made man and woman in His image, He purposefully gave some of His character traits to man and others to woman, so they can complement each other (Genesis 2:24)?
Whether you are a man or a woman, you can see that God's design was for men and women to have specific roles, to respect each other, and to work together for His kingdom. Women are not mere afterthoughts, nor are they ornaments or stepping stones for men. They bring beauty, emotion, and a unique facet into a man's life. And men, who, in our culture, have to fight against ramped-up sexuality and dumbed-down views of themselves, need to know that they were created to be purpose-driven, and that their place in the world is to build, lead, and care for people. If he is married, his wife is his greatest ally.
Now, my husband also shared this statistic with me (not that I usually believe in statistics, because most things in life cannot be summed up in a mere number, but this one is worth mentioning):
When married and single men and women are asked "How happy are you?", married men rate at the top and married women rate at the #3 slot, with single women in the #2 slot and single men at the bottom.
Regardless of the millions of factors that result in this statistic, I am shocked that married women are not right up there with the married men. How many women feel that their marriage is lacking? That their emotional needs are not met by their husband? Do they feel like nothing more than housecleaners, dishwashers, chauffeurs, cooks, and nannies? Do they really think to themselves, 'My life would be better if I hadn't married this man?'
Well then, it is time to change all that!
Ladies, I don't know what your marriage is like, and I will not give you '5 Steps to a Perfect Marriage', but I can share with you what I've discovered during my nine years of seeking after a Godly marriage. These are lessons I've learned, and am still learning, and they do make a difference in my marriage- not by changing my husband, but by changing me.
The first is: see your husband as God sees him. Yes, your husband is different from you, but how can those differences be used to build up your marriage, your family, and the Kingdom? Encourage him to cultivate his God-given talents, through praise, not nagging, and allow him to be a leader. Don't expect your husband to be a copy of you, then get disappointed when he fails! When I am aware of my husband's strengths, I know how I can rely on him, and when I need to communicate better how he can help me. (For more, read my post My BFF.)
The second is: seek God's purpose for yourself, and find value in the things you do. If you know that your place is by your husband's side, or in the driver's seat of the minivan with a carpool of kids, you will find new joy in even the littlest things. (For more, read my post Sacred Days.)
Marriage is the most difficult human relationship to nurture, but it can also be the deepest and most fulfilling. Yes, it is not effortless. I have to fight my natural urge to make demands, or whine and complain. I've discovered that I'm often passive-aggressive. I still have days when I wish my husband could read my mind, but that thought crosses my mind less and less. As I watch my husband grow as a father and as a Godly man, my respect and admiration also grows. And I know I'm growing too. I can see how we fit like locking puzzle pieces, and together, we make the picture whole.
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