Many people have a bucket list. My friend Jessica wanted to milk a cow before she turned thirty, and a week ago she got her wish.
I guess there is a certain sense of satisfaction in making a goal and accomplishing it, but I don't really have a bucket list. I'd like to visit China and Australia someday, I'd like to learn the cello and the harp someday... but I don't feel like I really, really need to do those things. At this point, I'd be happy just to leave the state or play the piano for an hour. Or maybe I'm not as ambitious as some.
Anyway, there is one thing I can say now that I have done at least once, and that is 'attend a Halloween party'. Yep, in my nearly thirty-five years of living, I have never been to a Halloween party, partly because I'm not great at dressing up, partly because Halloween is not my favorite holiday, but mainly because I DON'T LIKE BIG PARTIES. (Oops, was I getting worked up? Sorry.)
Back to my story. Our band was asked by our church's college ministry to play a few songs at their annual party. And of course, we had to be in costume. I thought through the clothes I had and remembered a Chinese outfit I had inherited from a relative. Perfect. Well, it wasn't exactly a costume, since I'm already Chinese, but it served its purpose. Then I found out that the party was going to be held at the Lopez's. They are the couple my husband and I counseled before their wedding this summer. Perfect again. I know them and I know their house. And then my sister-in-law and mother-in-law agreed to take my five kids trick-or-treating. Perfect again! To be kid-free at a party means I can focus on performing and mingling, rather than chasing the toddler from one danger hot spot to another.
The stage was set, but I still wasn't entirely comfortable. Remember, I don't like big parties. I don't even like medium-sized parties. I don't like going up to people I've never met before and giving them my name. I don't like loud music, small talk, and too many people squeezed into too tiny a space. But get this, right before the party started, Jason, the pastor in charge, gathered everyone in leadership for a short meeting. Before we prayed, he reminded us the purpose of the party and said, "If you're not a big mingler, that's okay. Whatever your comfort level is, do that. If you're a one-on-one kind of person, awesome. Be one-on-one."
It's funny, that though I didn't ever need permission to not be a party animal at a party, I felt much freer after getting permission. I was able to be myself without guilt and contribute to the party in my own fashion. I talked to people I already knew, but hadn't connected with in a while. I helped a young man having face paint woes. And though I didn't go directly up to a new person, I did meet new people through other friends.
Then the band played, prizes were announced (my husband was nominated for 'best homemade costume' wearing a Viking hat I had crocheted), and I returned home tired but happy. For the first time in thirty-five years, I had fun at a party. I didn't hide at the food table (okay, maybe I did a little, but only long enough to eat a few chips, and that was because I hadn't had dinner) and I didn't busy myself with kids (before I had children, I borrowed other people's children). And I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to next year's party. And now I have a year to plan my costume!
Maybe that's why I don't a bucket list. Sometimes we are surprised by the unexpected. The little things become the big things. And there are too many things in life that I don't know I want to do... until I've done them!
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