Planning Not to Plan (Part 2 of 2)

Before I was married, I never had to think about birth control. It was a simple idea: don't have sex, don't get pregnant.

But as my wedding day approached, I knew I had some choices to make. My husband and I wanted children, but we thought it would be wise to wait a few years, after we've saved up money from my teaching job. I started looking into birth control.

The first thing I learned is that the term 'birth control' is a misnomer. Though many methods are more than 90% effective, there is still the chance that a woman will become pregnant. The idea that we can control when life begins is a false hope.

The second thing was that some of the most popular methods involve putting foreign substances or objects into your body, with possible harmful side affects. Some methods are even abortive. I knew right away that I didn't want any of that.

Then, at a party, my husband bumped into a college friend. The two started chatting about work, and she shared that she was working with a Christian pregnancy support organization, and that she and her husband had learned a natural method of birth control.

This was the first time I had even heard of such a thing. It had never seemed like an option, not with all the new products and modern methods out there. But the more I listened, and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. God never makes mistakes, and He made women's bodies to function a certain way. His design was that a woman can become pregnant only during a short window every month. A husband and wife simply needed to avoid intercourse during that window.

I was very excited. Months before my wedding, I ordered a book and started learning about my body. The bodily signals were easy to learn, and I was soon an expert in my monthly rhythm. Besides being a preparation for my marriage, what I learned gave me a new respect for the body that God had created, because I finally understood what was going on inside me. I shared the information with my soon-to-be husband, and we discussed it together. We knew that this was in alignment with God's Word, making it the best choice for us. We also knew that this was a step of faith for us. By essentially 'planning not to plan', we were giving up 'control.'

There were some people who smirked when they heard about our choice in birth control. Those same people were able to say "I told you so" when I became pregnant four months after our wedding. Then when my son was five months old, I became pregnant again, though I was breast feeding. People started to joke about our rabbit-like characteristics, especially when I had another baby twenty-four months after my second. And every time, the question was, "Did you plan this?" I began to hate that question, because although the baby did not come in my timing, I knew it was all in God's plan, and He knew what was best. And I began to hate hearing people say a baby was an 'oops!', because no baby is a mistake, and no one should grow up thinking that he is an 'oops' and unwanted by his parents.

Looking back, I can see that there was a period of time when my husband and I felt emotionally alone, though we had supportive friends and family. We didn't feel financially or emotionally ready to become parents, all normal thoughts for first-time parents, but on top of that, we were nervous and afraid because we started doubting our choice. We lost sight of God's sovereignty and goodness. We wondered if we could care for these fragile new lives. And we desperately longed to shut out the voices that said, "You've made a mistake", clinging instead to the words of encouragement from the few people who understood what we were going through.

What helped us through that time was the Truth: all good gifts were from God, and that we needed to rely on Him, not on ourselves. We reminded ourselves that this IS what we had chosen, to step out in faith. So we had to take steps, albeit little steps at first. From this, early on in our marriage, my husband and I learned to trust God in all things. We lost our naive outlook on life, the underlying philosophy that everything can be planned out from graduation to retirement, and our comfortable "what-life-seems-to-be" bubble popped, not from dire circumstances, but on our own accord. And we started realizing, when we personally experienced the miracle of birth and witnessed the uniqueness of each child, that every child was indeed a blessing. When we met couples who could not have children, or have lost children, we were even more grateful for our healthy, beautiful children.

With time, our little steps grew bigger. Our biggest was when we decided to try to have a fourth child, even though my husband was unemployed at the time. We knew that if God gave us a fourth child, He would also provide all the means we needed to raise that child. I love telling that story now when we introduce our youngest member of the family.

Recently, we have met other like-minded couples, many who have had similar experiences. For so long, I thought I was one of few women to think this way. What a surprise then when, earlier this week, I had three conversations about this very topic! Though it saddens me to know that there is still an opinion out there among Christians that choosing natural birth control is uneducated, irresponsible, or old-fashioned, I am encouraged when friends remind me, "God will provide ALL that you need."

And that is our story, of how my husband and I learned to walk in faith together, step by step. With every step, our courage grows, and now we venture forth, like missionaries, into the suburban jungle. God opens our eyes to the lies around us, some so subtle or so ingrained that they are easily overlooked. Whenever we can, we teach our children that God has a purpose for each of them, that they were born at the perfect time. We encourage couples who are expecting to put their worries and fears into God's Hands. And this is always a good reminder for my husband and myself, since we still worry sometimes, and we still fight our fears, especially when we are feeling financially and physically stretched. But God is good, and God is sovereign. He may be writing the book for a fifth Baird child right now, but He'll let me know his or her name when the time comes.

If you are preparing yourself for marriage, learn about your options before going with what's 'popular'. There are people and tools out there to help a couple make a wise and Godly decision.

Addendum: I forgot to mention that I have fairly easy pregnancies and births. I have many friends who do not, and they have decided to limit the number of children they have. I know that if my pregnancies were difficult or life-threatening, my husband and I would have to reassess the situation and ask God for His wisdom to do what is best.