An Ode to My Mother-in-Law

When it comes to decorating, she has a special touch,

She's careful of the details for holidays and such.

And though I'm not much like her (I'm not into frills and lace)

She understands our differences and gives our family space.

But she makes herself available to lend a helping hand

As babysitter, teacher, or an audience for our band.

She is an exceptional person, in fact she's my husband's mother,

And when I married my dear friend, I knew I gained another!

After a month of heavy writing, I was at a loss for the subject of my next blog post. Then after chatting with my mother-in-law on the phone yesterday, I was inspired! Really, how often do you read something positive about mother-in-laws?!

My mother-in-law (which I will shorten to MIL) and I are almost as different as night and day. She likes crystal and china, sea green and peach. I like rustic wood and clay pots, crimson and purple. I'm always creating, and she says she's not creative at all (though I like to argue otherwise). But we both love art, music, nature, and homeschooling, and underneath it all, our foundation is Christ, and I am thankful for that. Though we may see things very differently sometimes, I know that her goal is the same as mine: that our family seeks God first.

Over the years, I have learned to care for and love my MIL. (side note: At first, I thought it would be fun to call my mother-in-law "Milly", and my father-in-law "Filly", my sisters-in-law "Silly" and my brothers-in-law "Billy", but that was short-lived. Now I just call them by their names.) I will go with her to a tea party, just for her (again, going back to wisdom from my previous post, "Two Stories"). I allow her to share special moments with a grandchild, without feeling jealous of my child's affections. It has been my privilege to watch her grow as her children became parents, as her own parents entered a stage of needing more assistance, as her husband retired, and as a family member passed away. And I remind myself that she was once the main-caretaker of her son, the one who knew almost every detail of his life, and that she must miss that. 

And my MIL has done her part to make our relationship healthy too. She knows she can drop by anytime, but she also knows that we have school in the morning and activities in the afternoon. She tells me if she's planning to purchase something big for the children, to avoid redundancy and 'stepping-on-toes'. She has taught me how to make a house a home, how to make memories with my children, and how to make guests feel comfortable. And she has also come to understanding that I am not a mini-version of her, and that the family unit I am building with my husband will not look like a replica of her family, and that's okay. 

We all know that mother-in-laws have a bad reputation. After doing a quick Internet search, I found a website where people can post their mother-in-law "horror stories", read mother-in-law jokes, and purchase items that say 'I hate my mother-in-law'. Another website gave tips to mother-in-laws, most of which I feel don't apply to my relationship with my MIL. For those looking for advice on a Godly mother/daughter-in-law relationship, there is not much out there. But there is this, which I read this morning: 

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ~Ephesians 4:2-3 (NIV)

God hand-picked the people in my family, and that includes my MIL. We've had our share of disputes (she did have to live with me for a year, after all) and though she is not perfect, then again, neither am I. I have much to learn about loving people, and someday, when my boys are grown, I too may become a MIL to a young woman. When that day comes, I hope I am ready. I hope I remember how gracious my MIL was to me, and how I felt as a young bride and mother. Because there is no relationship quite like this one: mother, daughter, family, and friend.


(Pssst... Mother's Day is coming soon on May 12th. How will you honor your MIL this year?)