Bringing Out the Art in Your Child

I'm sorry that I haven't been blogging. I keep telling myself, "It's 2022 and you haven't posted ONE thing!!"

But I have an excuse. I've been delving into writing for musical theater and doing more visual art. The musical theater stuff is a conversation for another day, but the art... oh my! I'm rediscovering an old love!

And not only am I painting and drawing again, this time I'm posting my creations on Facebook, which is a big step for me. I've learned to stop worrying about "not being good enough." There are a gazillion people on the Internet who are definitely better artists than I am, but that doesn't matter anymore. I'm learning, I'm growing, and I'm having fun.

Seeing my art on Facebook prompted a conversation with a friend. She has a son who is creative and artistic, but won't do any art outside of art class. Her question was "How can I encourage him to draw at home?" Our lengthy dialogue became the perfect basis for this blog post!

So here are some steps to encouraging your child to do more art!

1) Sit and draw with your child. A reluctant child is more likely going to sit and draw if he/she sees you drawing too. Get a drawing book from the library and try a few exercises together. Try one of the drawing games listed below. Suggest drawing something that your child loves (your dog, cars, ponies, Minecraft...) Make it about having fun, not about achieving a goal.

2) Use only encouraging words. Your child is probably reluctant to draw because he/she doesn't feel competent. He/she sees another person's drawings and thinks he's not good enough. Build up his/her confidence by emphasizing that the goal is not to draw as well as a professional artist, but to improve his/her skills.

3) Combine steps 1 and 2! Even if you're not an artist yourself, by sitting down with your child, you are showing him/her that you are also willing to try something new. Put aside your self-consciousness and your child will too! You'll be growing together! And be careful here: use only encouraging words to yourself. No self-deprecating remarks like "Mommy's not that good."

4) Display your work! Frame your artwork and hang it on the wall! Take a picture of it and text it to a friend. Make a card out of it and send it to grandparents. Art is for sharing!!

Now, for some ideas for art time at home!

1) Get a big sheet of paper and draw a scene together! Pick a theme and everyone can add little details to create the scene. Theme ideas: underwater, outer space, your neighborhood, medieval castle.

2) Create a silly creature. There are two ways to do this. One way is simply to give a prompt like "Combine an octopus with a hamster to make a new animal" or "Draw an alligator-chicken." Another way is to make it a group game: everyone gets a sheet of paper, folded in thirds. On the top third, everyone draws a head of some sort. Then fold back the top third so it is hidden; pass the paper to the person on your right (he/she should not be able to see the head drawn on the paper.) Next, take the paper that was passed and draw a body on the middle section of the paper. Again, fold the paper back so that the new drawing is not visible. Pass papers again to the right. On the bottom third, everyone draws legs of some sort. Then open up the papers to reveal your new creature!

3) Invent a do-it-all machine. This one is similar to the silly creature. "Draw a machine that can flip pancakes and make your bed at the same time." The sillier the better!

4) Draw a squiggle monster. Draw a squiggle or blob or weird shape on a piece of paper. Then trade papers. Now turn the squiggle/blob/weird shape into a monster of some kind by adding eyes, horns, teeth, whatever you like!

5) Try March of Robots or Inktober. Sometimes it helps to have prompts. The March of Robots (in March) and Inktober (in October) are both online drawing challenges that give 31 prompts for 31 days of drawing. If that is too intimidating or stressful, come up with your own prompts. My friend Liz and I started our own group! Every week (or so, depending on how busy we are), we take turns coming up with prompts. Then we share our work–it's fun to see what the other person comes up with!

How to Get Started in Homeschooling

After last year's abnormal year of schooling, I've had many parents ask me about homeschooling in the coming fall. Some are considering it because they really enjoyed having their kids at home, and some just want to try something different from what the schools are offering right now.

Whatever your reason, if you are on the fence about homeschooling, or you're ready to jump in but don't know where to start, this post can help. Read on!

SOME GREAT REASONS TO HOMESCHOOL (just three of many)

1) You pick the content.

The biggest plus of homeschooling is that you can pick what you want to focus on and include in your lessons. If your child is enthralled with astronomy, make that your science lesson. If your child is not a strong reader but loves to draw, do drawing book reports instead of written book reports. If you are looking for science or history books with a Christian base, there are many out there to get you started. 

2) You pick the methods.

The biggest complaint I heard from parents last year was how much time their kids were spending on the computer. Homeschooling parents can choose whether they want their child to learn through a book or an online program. You can get really creative and do math through cooking, sewing, or woodworking, and science through bird watching and gardening! Homeschooling does NOT have to look like classroom schooling. In fact, it shouldn't look like classroom schooling at all, so don't try to copy what teachers do in a classroom! When you're not teaching to 30+ kids at a time, there are so many things you can do differently!

3) You pick the pacing.

You know those standardizes tests that they give students every year? You don't have to do those as homeschoolers (at least in California.) I love it that when my daughter was a slow in learning to read, there was no report card saying "Needs improvement" or pressure to make her "catch up." We can spend more time on subjects that we need more time for, and less on subjects that come easily. 

4) You pick the schedule.

Is your child slow to warm up in the morning? Start school at 10am. Do you have little ones in the mix? Tackle the harder subjects during their naps.

DIFFICULTIES IN GETTING STARTED IN HOMESCHOOLING (it's an adjustment!)

1) Finding your groove.

There is a LOT of curriculum out there–it can be overwhelming. Start with something you know (I look at workbooks at the drugstores, bookstores, even Costco.) Go to the library and check out books to read. It takes a professional teacher three years to find his/her rhythm, so give yourself time too. You might not like the workbook you bought. A lesson you thought would be great might be just 'blah'. But don't give up. Keep trying.

2) Putting in the time.

Homeschooling will definitely take up your time. You'll need to look at lessons ahead of time and prepare. You'll need to sit with your child to teach them and help them. At first, you may feel like you have no free time.

3) Juggling different ages.

If you have children of different ages and levels, it will take you longer to find your groove. (And if you have toddlers and infants, it can take you longer just to get through a school day!) I combine subjects as much as possible (science, history, art, music) and have individual workbooks for math and language arts.

4) Feeling the pressure.

Homeschooling parents are always fighting against that feeling of "Am I doing enough? Will I fail my kids?" Remind yourself constantly that you cannot fail your kids by giving them more time with you at home. What is the goal, after all? That your child can read and think, love learning, love people, and love God. So it's okay if your child isn't taking AP Chemistry or Honors English. Success is marked differently in homeschooling–your child is thriving, feeling confident, feeling loved. And homeschooling doesn't have to be for forever... if it doesn't work out, you can enroll your child in school the next year. 

SOME BENEFITS OF HOMESCHOOLING 

1) When you're done, you're done.

There is no homework. No extra hour after school. When your child finishes for the day, he/she is truly finished. When you feel like your child has mastered a skill, you can move on! 

2) Your child will have more time for other things.

Homeschooling is not like a typical school day, which can go from 8am-3pm. We start at 9am and my younger kids are finished by lunch. Because there is no time used for attendance taking, crowd management, passing out papers, etc., the work is done a lot quicker. (And if your child is a fast worker, there is no waiting for the rest of the class to finish.) Then your child has time to pursue other interests, visit the library, or go play at the park with friends. 

3) Your child will eat better.

Every morning, my kids eat a good breakfast with the family. Lunch is healthy, balanced, and warm. There is no need to buy box juice or packaged snacks, or make sandwiches in the morning when you homeschool. (You're still welcome to do so, but you don't have to.)

4) There is time to work on heart issues.

If a child has a bad attitude about math at school, the teacher will do what he/she can do, then maybe contact you about it so you can deal with it later (or you find out about it weeks later at a meeting). If a child has a bad attitude about math at home, you can stop the lesson right there and talk to your child about it. Sibling disputes, talking back, all those issues that can pop up throughout the day can be dealt with right there and then. It becomes the more important lesson at that moment.

5) Less pressure.

I know my teenagers need to learn about grades and deadlines, but my younger kids don't need the pressure of passing spelling tests and turning in projects on time. We move at a slower pace, and if unexpected situations come up (because you know they do!), we can change our deadlines.

6) Time to be together.

My family is tight knit. We enjoy each other and have fun together. My kids are best friends and work together well. In a few years, my children will start leaving the nest, so we want to make the most of this time we have together!

HOW TO LEGALLY HOMESCHOOL

If you live in a state besides California, you must look up your state requirements, because every state is different.

For Californians, it is simple to become a homeschooling family. California does NOT require yearly testing. That is entirely up to you.

1) If your child was in a public or private school, talk to the administrators about making the switch. Ask them if there is any paper work you need to fill out or anything you need to do.

2) In October, file a Private School Affidavit online with the California Board of Education. Here is the link: Private School Affidavit. You can pick a "name" for your "school". My husband signs as the principal, and I sign as the administrator.

3) Keep a record of your child's attendance in school (minimum number of days is 175, recommended number of days is 180.)

4) Keep samples of your child's work in all subjects.

5) If you have younger children, keeping a record of grades is up to you. For high schoolers, record grades and start a transcript. (more of this here: High School Transcript Templates)

If you have questions, please ask!

Growth

During a piano lesson one day, I was thinking about recitals and how far each of my students have come, when I recalled an incident from my years as a high school teacher.

It was my second year of teaching and I had been put in charge of the musical performances for graduation. No big deal. At the small private school I was teaching, I knew each senior by name and already knew who the strong singers were.

Then a senior named Kate approached me. She was friendly, gentle and kind, a girl who was content to be in the background. A quiet leader, I called her. She was a great role model in her class, and though not considered one of the "popular" students, she was loved by all. She had been doing some singing with me, and when she asked if she could sing at graduation, I said enthusiastically, "Yes!" She wasn't a strong singer, but I didn't make my decision based on that; I made it based on her character.

And then it was my job to stand up for my decision. With barely two years of experience under my belt, some other teachers felt that I shouldn't have made that call, but I stood by Kate. I knew how she'd grown the past year. I knew the courage it took for her to even get up on a stage. I knew that the song she was singing may not sound as good as some other girl singing it, but it would have more meaning. 

We still live in a culture that pressures us to look a certain way or act a certain way. We see photos of "the rich and famous" and aspire to be like them. We want to impress people, or we want our children to impress people. We compare, measure, and compare some more. But-

it is not the face you show the world for 5 minutes that counts,

it's who you are consistently when no one is watching.

it's not always the end goal that matters most,

it's also the journey you took to get there.

Growth is not looking at a tree and saying, "Wow! Look how tall it is!"

Growth is looking at a tree and saying, "Wow! That used to be a tiny seed! Look how tall it's become!"

Doing BIG Things

It's that time of year again.

Time to put another candle on the cake. And time to ask myself, "Did I use my time well this past year?"

Sometimes I get frustrated because there is so much I want to do: missions trips, book ideas, art and music. I've always had a great desire to do something to change the world, or in the words of Sara Groves, "and when the saints go marching in, I want to be one of them." I want to do something BIG.

And what have I done this past year? No books, no songs, and definitely no time with orphans in China, with churches in Africa, or with refugees in Iraq. I live a quiet, peaceful life in suburbia, potty training toddlers and driving teenagers around. I am doing so little compared to those who sacrifice their comfort, their health, their income, or their very lives for the Kingdom.

But this I've learned, and I continue to remind myself: doing what God calls me to do IS big. I want to go to Africa; God says, "Tend my sheep... in California. Impact the world here, where family and children are no long valued. Show them what My love looks like. Teach others, and continue to learn from your elders so you are ready when I guide you to a new adventure." And so I make a sacrifice too, the sacrifice of doing what I want.

Living the life God intended for me is about two things. One, there are times when He calls me to step out in courage and tackle something new. There are times when He calls you too. And two, there are times when He calls me to stay put and focus on the task He had appointed for me. And for some of you, this is where you are at. You wonder if there is more to life than this mundaneness. You wonder if you are making an impact on the world. But remember, it is not the size of the task that matters. One child or eight, writing a book or changing a diaper... we may feel that what we do is insignificant, but He never does. Not if we are doing what He called us to do, and not if what we are doing brings Him glory.

Why Reading Aloud is (Still) Important

This post is for the parents and grandparents out there.

And especially for the parents reading this right now.

Yes, that means you.

Because if you're reading this right now, it means you're on your laptop, iPad, phone, or computer. And it means that you're not reading to your kids.

I'm not trying to guilt-trip you. If you've just spent an hour at the park, or playing a game, or reading to your child, and you're taking five minutes for yourself to read my blog, then, all I can say is, "Yay! I feel so honored!!"

But if you've been on your phone or computer for the past hour while your child is watching a video, then according to Meghan Cox Gurdon, you need to rethink your priorities.

Because according to the author of The Enchanted Hour: The Miraculous Power of Reading Aloud in the Age of Distraction, sitting down with your child and a book MATTERS. Especially at a young age. Through reading books with parents, children develop vocabulary, thinking skills, and social skills. They learn to empathize, observe, and dialogue. And most importantly, they bond with their parents as they slow down, snuggle down, and dive into a story that they can experience together.

Meghan Cox Gurdon's book sites study after study of the benefits of reading aloud to your child. Having an iPad "read aloud" to your child is not the same. A child's brain does not react the same way to a video or audio as it does to a person reading a book. There is NO app, NO computer program, NO technology out there that can replace a live human being.

And the real question is not just "are you reading to your children?" but "what are you doing instead?" Are you talking to your child? Laughing with your child? Teaching him about the world around him? Or are you distracted? Are you (and your child) immersed in the online and electronic world more than the real world? You can choose to read to your child because science and research says you should, but you can choose to read to your child simply because it's a delightful, wonderful thing to do!

I could go on and on, but it's best if you just read Cox Gurdon's book. You can also find interviews with her online.

As for me, I've been trying to read more to my youngest four. I had been diligent about reading aloud with my first four, but in the past few years I've been spending more time, especially in the evenings, trying to "get things done". Now I tell myself, "The dishes can wait." And I go cuddle with the littlest ones to read two or three stories before nap time and bedtime. I've also been spending less time on the computer (and, maybe you've noticed, less time blogging). 

A Little Thread of Gold

Many of you know of Laura Ingalls Wilder from her "Little House" books. I  grew up reading and rereading Little House in the Big Woods and the other books, and was so excited later to discover a collection of her essays and magazine articles in a book called Little House in the Ozarks. While thumbing through my copy of the book today, I found this gem and wanted to share it with you. You will see that though times have changed, they have not changed as much as you may think. Maybe it will give you encouragement today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daily Tasks Are Not Small Things

May 1923

"The days are just filled with little things, and I am so tired doing them," wailed a friend recently. Since then I have been thinking about little things or these things we are in the habit of thinking small, although I am sure our judgment is often at fault when we do so.

Working in the garden; taking care of the poultry, calves, and lambs; milking the cows; and all the other chores that fall to the lot of farm women may appear small in itself; but the results go a long way in helping to "feed the world." Sometimes I try to imagine the people who will eat the eggs I gather or the butter from my cream and who will wear the clothes made from the wool of the lambs I help to raise.

Doing up cut fingers, kissing hurt places, and singing bedtime songs are small things by themselves; but they will inculcate a love for home and family that will last through life and help keep America a land of homes.

Putting up the school lunch for the children or cooking a good meal for the family may seem very insignificant tasks as compared with giving a lecture, wiring a book, or doing other things that have a larger audience; but I doubt very much if, in the ultimate reckoning, they will count for as much.

If when cooking you will think of yourselves as the chemist that you are, combining different ingredients into a food that will properly nourish human bodies, then the work takes on a dignity and an interest. And surely a family well nourish with healthful food so that the boys and girls grow up strong and beautiful, while their elders reach a hale old age, is no small thing.

It belittles us to think of our daily tasks as small things, and if we continue to do so, it will in time make us small. It will narrow our horizon and make of our work just drudgery.

There are so many little things that are really very great, and when we learn to look beyond the insignificant appearing acts themselves to their far-reaching consequences, we will, "Despise not the day of small things." We will feel an added dignity and poise from the fact that our everyday round of duties is as important as any other part of the work of the world.

And just as a little thread of gold, running through a fabric, brightens the whole garment, so women's work at home, while only the doing of little things, is like the golden gleam of sunlight that runs through and brightens all the fabric of civilization.

The Start of Another School Year

I finally finished lesson planning today. With five days to go. I am so thankful, because that means I can take the kids to the beach tomorrow without lugging along a textbook. And I can relax and soak in the last few days of calm.

I am hoping (and praying, of course) that this year will be different. It almost wasn't. A month ago, I was on the verge of going crazy while lesson planning, because I was worried about my sophomore son not having a biology class and I wasn't sure how I was going to teach him second-year French while my freshman daughter is still in first-year. I would lie in bed at night and try to see the situation from all sides, working it like a puzzle, and fretting about the outcome if I should fail to find a solution.

Thank God for Teaching from Rest by Sarah Mackenzie. I had heard about this book from many of my homeschooling friends, and when I saw it on sale online, I grabbed it. 77 pages. I can do that, I thought. Maybe I'll get something from it.

Right off the bat, I found myself agreeing with Sarah wholeheartedly.

The heart of this book is about remembering what our true task really is, and then throwing ourselves in completely. Giving our all. The raising of children, the teaching of truth, the sharing of life, the nourishment of imagination, and the cultivating of wisdom: These are all His anyway; we are merely His servants.

Yep, that's me! And that's why I'm up at night worrying! So then, how do I rest?

Sarah answers that question in the next chapter.

Rest begins with acceptance. Or, perhaps more accurately, with surrender. There will always be more you can do. You will never complete tasks entirely, because just on the horizon is tomorrow, and tomorrow the to-do list starts anew. It is so exhausting–sometimes even demoralizing–to realize that our work in raising up and teaching our children is never really done. But we must remember that we were never intended to finish it.

The more I read, the more I realized my mistakes in the past year. I had let the pressure of "high school" change my goals in homeschooling. I was approaching my son's high school years like I had approached mine, where I had planned every step and every class to ensure that doors would be open to me. Like any good mother, I want to give my son every opportunity! But the reality is that I can never give my son every opportunity. There are not enough hours in the day, or money in my bank. And that was stressing me out.

I needed to learn to rest, and as Sarah writes, "rest begins with acceptance."

We can't really rest in God's care until we trust that He will indeed care for us. And that means I can't teach from rest unless I trust Him with my kids' education too. I am not meant to take on this task of teaching and raising my children in my own strength, and neither are you. We are, however, meant to recognize every facet of our day as coming from the hand of God. It all passed through His fingers first, and He uses it to make sure that we lean hard on Him.

And isn't that what I saw in my own education? I was accepted to UC Berkeley based on test scores and grades, not based on what they actually knew about me. If they had known me, they would have known that I was interested in education, and UC Berkeley would extinguish that fire in me. They also would have known that I wanted to perform music, and so would have recommended UC Irvine instead. But God, my Maker, who knows me through and through, helped me get accepted to UC Berkeley because it really was the perfect place for me to develop my musical talents. The small and unique music department at that school was exactly what I needed to flourish and grow, while the campus's atheistic atmosphere challenged my faith. God knew exactly what I needed.

And that is where I am now with my children's education. I stopped worrying about biology and French 2 for my son. I remembered that I am not teaching so that I can brandish my son's impressive transcript (and therefore prove that I am a capable educator), but that I am teaching to nurture a man. That means spending more time this year on reading and less on grammar workbooks. That means reviewing French 1 with him and cementing more of those tricky verb conjugations in his head. And it means enjoying my last three years with my oldest. And if somewhere down the line, he needs to take a year or two at a community college to meet a requirement for a specific university, so be it. It is not the end of the world. God knows exactly what my son needs, and I trust that He is the one directing his path.

I will end with Sarah's words.

It's important to remember that rest is not ease. This isn't idealism. It isn't simple and peaceful in the sense of being easy or gentle. Teaching from rest is meaningful learning and growth–but without the anxiety and frenzy so common in our day...Peace comes from recognizing that our real task is to wake up each day and get our marching orders from God. It comes from diligence to the work He hands us, but diligence infused with faith, with resting in a God's promises to guide and bless us.

To all you homeschooling parents out there, here's to another year of restful and fruitful learning!

A Work in Progress

Petit à Petit

Growing up, my family did not have much money for furniture and household items. Most of what we owned were second-hand, which meant I did not have a say in what my bedroom looked like. I learned to be grateful for what I received and creative with what I had.

One day, when I was a teenager, my parents had me pick out a lamp and window valances for my room. For the first time, I had to think beyond the practical and ask myself, "What do I like?"

To the surprise of everyone, I picked out a Tiffany style lamp and ivory crocheted valances! To this day, I love stained glass and crocheted things!

My journey as wife and mother has been similar. My husband and I started off with mostly hand-me-down couches, vacuum cleaners, tables, and chairs. Then one year, I asked my husband that instead of Christmas presents, we go out and buy our very own coffee table. And slowly, ever so slowly, I've furnished my house and discovered my style along the way. I know now that I love rustic wood and antiques. I also love color and organic prints, especially florals. It may be decades before my home looks "done", but that's okay, I still have time to discover myself. My home is always a work in progress. As the French say, Petit à petit, l'oiseau fait son nid. (Translated, it means, "Little by little, the bird builds its nest.")

I chose to write about this now (and do a little pencil sketch of a jay working on its nest) to remind myself that most things in my life is petit à petit: not just decorating but organizing my home in a way so that it runs efficiently, learning to manage my curly hair, discovering my fashion sense, homeschooling (every year I'm teaching a new grade!), parenting, marriage, understanding the Bible…sometimes I wish I had everything figured out, but that is never the case! My life is a work in progress, and though I grow impatient because I want instant results (or envious when I visit someone's beautiful home or admire someone's luxurious hair), I must remember that "little by little" is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, God is shaping me, moment by moment, and just as my home slowly reflect my personality more and more, I will slowly reflect God more and more. And I get excited just thinking about the ways He is growing me and the beautiful things He has planned for me! I am the ultimate Work in Progress!

The Most Important Work

I've been thinking a lot about motherhood lately (can you tell?) Having eight children does that to a person.

My latest thought? 

Why do people so often say, "You must have your hands full! How do you do it?"

I know these people mean well (and it's only small talk anyway), but it's like they're saying, "Why would you choose to torture yourself that way? Well, someone's got to do it." It makes motherhood sound like punishment, like children are something to be "put-up-with". And many moms do feel this way! Once the school year is over, these moms are in agony because they will be with their children all day long. "What am I going to do?" they ask. "My children will drive me crazy!"

I don't blame these moms. (I do blame a culture that perpetuates the attitude that children are an annoyance and staying at home and focusing on being Mom is a less-than-worthy endeavor.) Children are hard work. They require an enormous amount of energy and time. But parents can see their roles as something more than just babysitter.

Think about this quote from Dr. John Trainer:

Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.

Bringing home a pay check may seem important. Lobbying for non-GMO, organic farming may seem important. Discovering the cure for cancer, firefighting, and preaching to a thousand people may seem important. But as important as all these things are, parenting is still more important, because the future of humanity relies on the parents of today. If we don't pass on our values to our children, our values die with us. The efforts that we start can only be continued through our children. Someday, our children will take the baton from us, so we must train them now how to run the race.

In short, moms (and dads) raise up the next generation. 

Can you grasp that? The responsibility? The undertaking? The stakes?

And we have only a few short years to lay the foundation.

Summer vacation is here. What's your game plan? Are you going to "put-up" with your children for a few months? Or make the most of it?

A Thankful Heart

Sometimes, I feel that there is much to complain about.

My kitchen cabinets are literally falling apart. I lose things because the back of my drawers have fallen off.

There is some kind of pipe issue going on that causes small floods in the garage.

My children still haven't figured out how to get themselves moving in the morning. And they still complain about school every other day (at least).

My backyard is a mess...

My husband is busy...

My schedule is demanding...

I don't have time to sleep, shower, or sit for even 10 minutes of quiet…

You see how easy it is to get on the mental train of 'woe is me'?

Whenever I get on this train, I find that the words of Colossians 3:15-20 (one of my favorite passages) helps me jump onto a different train…

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and humans and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Then I know that there is much to be thankful for.

We live in a wonderful, comfortable house in a safe  neighborhood. This house has become our home over the past eight years. Two of my children have been born in my bedroom!

My children are with me almost all day, and they are with their siblings almost all day. The ratio of time spent fighting and complaining and time spent playing, helping, learning, and laughing is actually quite low. They are healthy, happy, and growing up faster than I would like!

My husband has a 15-20 minute commute. He doesn't go away on business trips. He is almost always home for dinner, and often home for breakfast too. He loves supporting his family, and is busy serving our church body and the community to the best of his ability. Sometimes this means taking an evening Bible class. Sometimes it means meeting with a young man or a dad for coffee at 7am. He loves people. But he doesn't forget to make time for me. Yesterday, he asked me, out of the blue, "Rita, how can I love you better?" I really don't deserve him.

As for me, I have the privilege to do exactly what I've always wanted to do: being a mom, homeschooling, taking care of the home, mentoring women. I have opportunities to use my gifts. I am not hindered by health issues. My life may not be perfect, but even if it was, I could still find something to complain about, if I tried hard enough. Ungratefulness often comes from pride, vanity, selfishness, and a sense of entitlement. Contentment, on the other hand, is rooted in a humble and thankful heart. So even if you are having a difficult time giving thanks right now, remember that one's level of gratefulness is not based on one's circumstances.

Let's make a practice of giving thanks to the One who gave us all things and living in such a way that all can see our thankful hearts. As our day of Thanksgiving approaches, read and meditate upon these verses. May the "word of Christ dwell in you richly!"

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. ~Psalm 118:24

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever. ~Psalm 136:1

Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge this name. ~Hebrews 13:15

I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High. ~Psalm 7:17

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. ~I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! ~I Chronicles 16:8

Beyond the Classroom (Part 2 of 2)

My oldest is starting high school. My breath catches in my throat just thinking those words.

"This is it, right? This is the beginning of 'real' life. No more playing around. No more 'learning is fun'. If I mess up now, my son's future is at stake."

That's how I feel about high school, because that is the impression I get. If my son doesn't take the right science class, then he can't take the next right science class, which means he can't get into the right college, and graduate and get the right job. It's time to panic, Rita. 

Yes, PANIC!

But wait, didn't I just give advice to a mom of an eleven-year-old? Didn't I say (and I quote myself), "There are things that schools do not teach our children. There is so much more to life than GPAs, SATs, and PhDs"?

Take a deep breath, Rita. You can't plan everything. You want to line up the dominoes and see them fall, one by one, so neatly and methodically in the pattern you set. You want guaranteed success, for the next four years to sail by without a glitch. You want to be able to see the future, so that you can make choices rather than mistakes, and live with no regret of the past.

But that is not life. And that is certainly not God's plan for  you or your son. God asks you to obey Him one step at a time. To be faithful one day at a time. To trust Him one thought at a time.

So trust Him, Rita.

Trust Him to take care of the details.

And do what you know is right: prepare your son to be a leader, a decision-maker, and a fighter for justice and integrity. Teach him how to learn, how to research, and how to communicate in speech and through the written word. Live by example and show him the importance of God and people, family and friends, work and rest. Remind him that it is more important to reach down and help the helpless than to climb the ladder to the top.

And pray. Pray for each day. Pray for each moment. Pray for each child.

That is something your son will never learn from a textbook.

Beyond the Classroom (Part 1 of 2)

Schools everywhere are starting up again. For some, it's a happy return; for other's, it's a shock to the system.

My friend fell into the second category this year. Her oldest started sixth grade– junior high here. After six happy years of elementary school, her daughter is now entering the fast-paced, competitive world of placement tests and honors classes.

And she wasn't prepared for it.

At least, not as prepared as the students who had spend the summer doing workbooks or going to tutoring sessions, learning advanced math. My friend's daughter had had a wonderful summer playing games, practicing piano, and camp with her family. She is not "behind", but now feels like she is.

My friend shared her frustrations on her blog, ending her post with:

Now that I "know" what I should have known about school, I think next summer is going to be different for my kids. Less time in the backyard and more time plowing through workbooks.

This doesn't sound like my friend at all! To encourage her, I wrote her a lengthy reply:

I understand your frustration. You expected school to be a place of learning, but now your children are unknowing entered in a race. Be careful because you will pass on whatever anxieties you have. If you give top priority to academic achievements, your children will learn to do the same. Then they see school as a series of tests and peers, with the end goal being "prestigious school" and "top career", rather than learning for the sake of learning and applying it to life.

It is true that the start of junior high means less time to "play", but I don't see "lots of boredom time to become naturally creative" as always equated with "play", especially as children grow. Children need time to pursue what feeds their soul. They need time to rest. They need time to process emotions and thoughts. They need time to invest in people. (Adults need this too- why do you think adult coloring books are such a big thing right now?)

The key is balance. I am grateful to my parents for giving me time to play piano and allowing me to take music classes while my friends took AP French and AP US History. But I wish they had also put less emphasis on academics and more on family time, friendships, Sabbath rest, and learning life skills. There are things that schools do not teach our children. There is so much more to life than GPAs, SATs, and PhDs!

You're doing a great job!  It doesn't sound like your children wasted their summer in front of a screen. Your son loves looking at giant books on chemistry! Your daughter loves playing piano. Nurture those desires in them and they won't have a problem in the future.

It is so easy for parents to get lost in the busyness of school and forget that education goes beyond the classroom. Maybe you are feeling frustrated with school. Maybe you feel lost in the shuffle too. I hope this encourages you as another school year begins!

Not-So-Instant Gratification

"Learn how to play piano in one day!"

"Buy now with 0% financing!"

"Stream any movie, anytime, anywhere!"

As our culture moves faster and faster, we begin to believe that anything of worth must also move quickly. My children don't need any help with being impatient. The younger ones want everything "NOW!" The older ones wish school and other new skills could be mastered with minimal effort.

And I see my baby, almost one-year-old now, and I think of how far we've come, and yet, how far we still have to go. He still doesn't sleep through the night. He will be in diapers for at least another year. It will be a while before we reach a place where he is not so needy, and even longer before he is ready to be fully on his own. I'm in for the long haul, and there is no way around it.

It takes time to nurture.

It takes time to build relationship.

It takes time to learn.

It takes time to grow.

I don't want to be pessimistic, but I do hope that our next generation will not be one that gives up easily and abandons anything that doesn't give instant gratification. Parents, make the choice to slow down. To not take the quick and easy route. To emphasize skill-building rather than test-taking. To acknowledge that new technology might be fun, but not entirely necessary. Talk about saving up money to buy something. Make the time to do a long-term project with your children. 

What changes do you need to make in your life to better role-model perseverance, diligence and commitment?

Talking vs. Communicating

My baby is now nine months old, the perfect age for learning sign language! Imagine my joy today when I saw him touch his fingers together, indicating that he wanted "more" snacks! His face beamed too, when I handed him his food. In that second, he had communicated something to me. He expressed a thought, and I understood him. (If you have a baby and you don't know about baby sign language, I highly recommend learning more about it.) 

So, if even a baby can communicate, why does it seem that communication is so hard sometimes? Why is it that most of the conflict between my children stem from bad communication? Why does every marriage book have a chapter on communication?!

It is because, oftentimes, words are spoken, but communication does not actually take place! George Bernard Shaw wrote, "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." We  assume that when we say something, the other person hears our words and knows exactly what we mean. This is a very big assumption. But we all make this assumption because we naturally think that everyone else perceives the world as we do. And so parents take the time to teach their children words, but they don't teach them how to communicate. Then, when the children are adults, they find themselves in situations where they cannot work through a conflict, express their emotions, or peacefully live with another person. I am more and more convinced that communication should be a mandatory school course!

Which is why I am trying to teach my children how to communicate. Even if they don't learn anything about history or science from me, I will be grateful for the times when I was able to address miscommunication and train my children to think about how to best use their words.

What are some common "illusions" when it comes to communication? Let me illustrate them with stories of my children.

Child: She wouldn't give me the book, so I took it.

Me: Did you try asking her first?

Child: No.

Me: Why not?

Child: Because she would have said 'no' anyway.

This happens in my home all the time! The biggest problem here is the lack of communication. My son did not express his desire to his sister. He presumed that her answer would be 'no', but never gave her a chance to respond. The lesson here? No one can read minds! Without getting emotional, simply state what you need. My son could have asked, "Could I please read the book?" or better yet, "When you are done, could I please read the book?" Then if the answer given is a "no", he can then take the next step and find out why. His sister probably has a good reason. But I see similar situations happen in marriages, where one person grows mad because the spouse doesn't seem to know what he/she wants. Or the person jumps to a conclusion that the spouse is doing something simply to drive him/her mad, or that the spouse doesn't have a good reason for his/her action.

Me: Please clean your room.

Child: I did!

Me: There are still clothes on the floor!

Child: Oh, I thought you mean just clean the toys!

In this situation, my son and I had different definitions for "clean your room". I knew what I meant when I said the words, but how could my son know that unless I stated clearly what my expectations were? Expectations and definitions are not always the same. My friend says, "Let's grab a coffee early tomorrow!" My friend is thinking 5:30am, but in my mind, early means 8am. An extroverted husband suggests, "Let's have a few friends over," which for him means 4-5 people, but for his introverted wife, 1-2. Being as clear as possible is a key to communication. When in doubt, ask questions to clarify definitions of terms.

Me: Let me help you with these spelling words. They're not too hard.
Child: Yes, they are!
Me: Here, let's look for a pattern.
Child: No, I don't want to! It's too hard!

Nothing I said at this point was going to convince my child that he could learn those spelling words. I had to stop and change the conversation, taking five minutes (or more) to remind him that "Mom would never give you school work that was too difficult" and "You did fine last week. Remember how you got 100% on your spelling quiz?"  Communication must be based in trust. If a person does not want to listen, no amount of words will communicate anything! Think of a debate where the debaters are antagonistic. Are they really discussing the topic? Are they saying words in response to each other, or just saying the words they want to say? In order to establish a foundation for good communication, one must first establish trust. Attacking someone with an accusation is not a good beginning to conflict resolution. If you need to talk to your child or spouse about a difficult subject, make sure the person is first ready to listen. This may mean picking a different time to talk, or apologizing and asking for forgiveness to clear the air. On the flip side, when someone tells you something that is hard to hear, don't get defensive. Take a deep breath and hear them out.


Learning to communicate well is not something one can do overnight. It takes daily practice and years to develop good habits. I myself never learned good communication from my parents, so I am learning right along with my children! My hope is that I am a better communicator now then I was when I was first married, and that I will be an even better communicator when my youngest is school age!