Where “Yes" May Lead You

Twenty-seven years ago, God asked me to work with teenagers, and I said "yes."

There's a story that leads up to that moment (which I won't share with you today), but what was most surprising was:

1) I was twenty, so barely out of the teens myself,

2) I never had the desire to work with teens. In fact, I was a little afraid of them, having had not-the-best junior high and high school experience,

3) I had my doubts. I had no "training." I had no clear direction.

Nevertheless, I said "yes," without knowing where that "yes" would lead me.

Soon after, I started a leading a small youth group at my church.

After graduating from college, I was hired as a French teacher at a private junior/senior high school.

Then I got married, became a mom, and spent about the next twelve years or so NOT around teens. I was hanging out with other toddler moms, chatting it up about nap schedules and cloth diapers.

And I forgot about my "yes," until I got involved in my teenagers' youth theater company (how this happened is another great story).

What a shock! I never would have imagined that I would be teaching music to teens and directing them in shows. And the best part is that I love it! I love working with teenagers and being a supportive adult in their lives.

But along with the highs come the lows.

Two years ago, a lovely, spunky eleven-year-old came to audition for Moana Jr. She then went on to be in The Wizard of Oz and The Sound of Music, making many friends along the way. Shortly after her third show, she was diagnosed with brain cancer, and two weeks ago, she lost that battle. This was heart-breaking news for everyone in our company.

Twenty-seven years ago, I wouldn't have pictured myself in a bedroom, strumming a guitar through tears, leading a small group of girls in singing Christmas carols, witnessing the final moments of their friend's time on earth. I couldn't have imagined our time afterwards in the foyer, crying and holding each other for comfort. And I never would have known that in working with this young girl, I would be asked to sing songs with her friends at her memorial service.

Her service is tomorrow. I feel nervous and anxious. I put my two-year-old to bed, then lay next to her for a few extra moments just to pray. I ask God for peace. And I hear this song in my head.

This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine...

And that's all God is asking from me when I say "yes."

Friends, or "Friends"

When I was in the second grade, I learned an important lesson: how to win friends.

I had moved from Hong Kong to the United States just one year before.

Then after attending first grade in one school, my family moved to another part of town and I had to begin all over again at a different school.

So I found myself trying to break into established social circles while speaking a new language. I spent many lonely lunches by myself, chasing butterflies on the grass and biding my time until class started again. I honestly believed that if I could get a butterfly to sit on my hand, it would prove that I'm special in some way, and maybe my classmates would notice me too.

The butterflies never chose me. But it didn't matter. One day, I brought a pack of ramen noodles to school. But I didn't eat it in a bowl with warm water. Instead, I crushed up the noodles in the packaging, then opened the bag, took out the spice package, and shook the spices onto the bits of uncooked noodles. The result was a tasty, salty, crunchy treat, and soon I was a favorite among some of my classmates.

It didn't take me long to realize that as long as I brought ramen noodles to school, people paid attention to me at lunchtime. I knew that they weren't really my friends, but I didn't care. For five to ten minutes at lunch every day, I was not alone.

Funny how, many years later, memories like this suddenly come back to you. Second grade was nearly forty years ago. And this afternoon, as I was washing dishes, I realized that I still often think that my friends just want something from me. I don't expect people to truly want to be with me. Deep down, I still think that people like me only for what I can give them or do for them. I had learned this lesson as a little girl, but I had learned it too well.

Of course, I have friends who love me; they tell me so often. I just don't allow myself to believe it. And they aren't just Facebook "friends"–they bring me meals, check up on me, take my kids to the park so I can rest, and invite us over. But if I'm completely honest with myself, I still don't really believe that they love me just for being me. It shows in how I hold back sometimes–how I can't be open in conversations, or how I hesitate to ask for help. Forty years later, I have a lesson to unlearn. I myself need to work on being more than a "friend". 

In this present culture of social media, commuting, texting, and fast-paced living, true friendship–having a deeper connection with a person and loving him/her for who he/she is, not what he/she can do for us–is slowly fading away. If you want to fight this trend in your life, I recommend this book: Made for People: Why We Drift into Loneliness and How to Fight for a Life of Friendship, by Justin Whitmel Earley.

Grains of Sand

I reread an old post from December 2011 and found it to be encouraging, in light of my latest post. These photos show grains of sand, courtesy of Professor Gary Greenberg and his book, Grains of Sand. To our naked eyes, sand looks like tiny brown rocks. But when magnified, we can see that each grain is amazingly unique.

Not only that, some are precious gems, just so minute that we don't realize it. Can you imagine... if God can make each individual grain of sand so beautiful, how much more does He care for us? God is in even the tiniest details!

We look at sand and think of it as ordinary and unremarkable, but let us remember that oftentimes the "ordinary" can be extraordinary! We may pass our time daydreaming of doing "bigger" things, when what is important and beautiful is right under our feet: time with our children, calling an old friend, inviting a neighbor over.

Is This What It's Like to Be Afraid of People?

I went shopping at Costco today, with my mask on, of course. As I was pushing my cart towards the rotisserie chickens (dinner for tonight), I noticed an older gentleman looking at me. 

No, he was staring at me.

I tried to give him a friendly smile, but that's hard to do, with a mask on.

He finally stopped looking at me and went back to his shopping, but it made me think, 

"What was going on in his mind?"

Was he thinking I was one of the Chinese responsible for bringing over the Coronavirus? Was he thinking I should go back to my country?

And once that thought was in my mind, I couldn't help but wonder if other shoppers saw me that way. They saw my black hair and dark eyes and yellow-toned skin and that was enough. Even if they caught the hint of a smile under my mask, it wouldn't matter to them. I was Chinese. Period.

But I was probably being overly dramatic. The man wasn't looking at me for more than a second; it just felt longer.

I continued with my shopping.

Then I passed an African-American woman. I tried to give her a small smile. Too late. She didn't see it. Or I mean, she didn't see my eyes crinkling in a friendly manner.

And what was she thinking then? That I didn't smile at her because I don't like African-Americans? That I looked down at her because of her skin color?

My mind couldn't stop. The next thing I knew, I was in a shopping cart traffic jam in the bread aisle.

Then I remembered about social distancing!

Did these people think I was being irresponsible? Were they mad because I wasn't keeping my distance? Did they want me to stay away?

Fortunately, at this point I ran into a friend from church. We started talking about his baby coming in July and baking bread at home. I forgot about the questions in my head and thought more about how to care for my friend and his family.

Fear can be contagious; it can spread through a crowd quicker than Covid-19. As I finished my shopping trip, I realized that I had had a glimpse of what it would be like to live in a world of fear, to be afraid of people–the very people that Jesus commands us to love.

"Love your neighbor" sounds easy when we talk about it from the comfort of our living rooms. If you asked me if I was a kind person, I would say "yes." But deep down, if I dare to admit it, loving my friend is one thing, while loving my enemy is a totally different thing.

Jesus doesn't see it as two different cases though. His love for a friend is the same as his love for an enemy.

You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. (Matthew 5:43-44)

A neighbor may be your friend... or he may be your enemy.

My pastor asked this question last Sunday, "Which of these people would you help–a rioter? A first responder? A scared neighbor?"

It's good to ask ourselves these questions:

If someone spray painted nasty words on my store front, would I help this person if I saw him/her lying on the street?

If someone made threats against my family, would I still help this person if he/she was injured?

If a neighbor ignored me every day, would I still offer help when I saw him/her struggling with something?

Will I allow myself to be ruled by fear, or ruled by love?

Adopt a Grandparent!

At our church's 4th of July picnic, I noticed an older woman dressed festively in a red and white striped shirt. Though she needed a walker to move about, she was right in the middle of the activities–watching the water balloon toss, trying the different desserts, chatting with people of all ages. She came right up to me and started talking to me about my young children. We became fast friends.

By the end of the picnic, I knew many things about Kathy. One of her two brothers died when he was fairly young. Her sister Rita (a connection!) passed away last year. Her husband died a few years before that. Of her four children, only one is still living. Her family is now only her other brother, her nephew, her son, and herself. She lives with her brother, but her son does not live in the area. She has no grandchildren.

I, on the other hand, have grandchildren to spare. Immediately, in my mind, I adopted Kathy. She and her brother came for dinner recently and they had a fabulous time. They loved the children, the food, the conversation and the music, and my husband and I enjoyed their delightful company. I'm already planning to invite them to Thanksgiving dinner, and to make it known to them that they always have a place at my house on the holidays.

I have a deep love for inter-generational interactions. I grew up in the United States, oceans apart from my grandparents in Hong Kong. Now I see the role of grandparents in a child's life. Grandparents are a direct link to our past, and it is in that relationship where children first learn how to interact with people who are older, and hopefully wiser, and yet are not their parents. It is where children learn to care for someone who may need to move a little slower or need special care. And by spending time with their grandparents, children grow comfortable with being with people who are elderly. And children play a very important part in an elderly person's life too. They bring joy, energy, and a spark to everything. Their wide-eyed wonder makes anyone, no matter how old, feel young again.

You may not be living near your parents. You may sadly have parents who had already passed away. Or maybe your relationship with your parents is tenuous and unstable. In any case, I encourage you to reach out to the older members of your community and adopt a grandparent or two. They will be blessed, and so will you.

10 Unique Ways to Show Hospitality

Okay, maybe my title is a little misleading… there is really nothing amazingly creative or blow-your-mind-earth-shaking about this list. BUT… in light of what I wrote in my recent posts, this list may help you think outside-of-the-box when it comes to hospitality. Note that none of these ten ways involve cooking a fancy dinner or throwing a Pinterest-worthy party. This list is about true hospitality, which is simply loving your neighbor as yourself. 

1}  Offer to babysit for a couple who does not have family living nearby. (after getting to know them first, of course)

2}  Visit someone who is housebound, or visit seniors in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. (especially if you have children!)

3} Drop off a meal (either bought of home-cooked) for someone who recently had surgery or a baby. (ask for food allergies or preferences beforehand)

4}  Invite a new person to sit with you at church.

5}  Offer a ride to a person who doesn't drive.

6}  Surprise a neighbor with flowers or vegetables from your garden.

7}  Offer to pick up things at the store for someone who has a hard time getting out.

8}  Invite someone to join you on what is usually a family outing- the park, the farmer's market, a walk.

9}  When you meet a new person at church, invite them to lunch that day. And if he/she can't do lunch that day, schedule a meal for another day.

10}  Go out for tea or coffee (or ice cream!) with someone who is not in the same age bracket as you. 


To think of more ways to show hospitality, ask yourself, "What do I do already?", then ask yourself, "And how can I invite someone to do this with me?"

Final Thoughts on Hospitality (Part 5 of 5)

Hospitality sounds complicated, but it really isn’t. 

Magazines, stores, TV shows, and Pinterest make standards look impossible to achieve, but notice that the Bible doesn’t mention anything about cooking, decorating, cleaning your house, or being a good conversationalist. It simply says “seek to show hospitality.” Dioko philoxenia. Pursue a love of strangers. Cultivate it. With confidence, use the gifts that God gave you and be the first to reach out and make a connection. You don’t have to qualify somehow before you can practice hospitality. It’s as simple as a child going up to another child in the park and asking “Do you want to play with me?” or “Do you want to share my cookie?” That’s hospitality. 

And though I say it’s simple, I know it’s not always easy. We all have obstacles to overcome. Some aspects of hospitality will come easily to you, and some will be hard. Scripture memorization is easy for some people, and difficult for others. But just because it's hard doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.

And sometimes practicing hospitality takes courage. Sometimes it takes energy. Sometimes it takes repentance and inviting over the person that you feel had wronged you somehow. Being obedient in hospitality, like any spiritual discipline, takes work, practice, and preparation. And as a followers of Christ, we are called to be hospitable. We are called to obey. It’s evangelism. It’s loving your neighbor as yourself, one of the great commandments given by Jesus. So don’t discredit hospitality as something other people do, or something you can do someday. 

Of course, obedience doesn’t mean inviting people over even if you are ill, or you had a baby recently, or you are dealing with family issues. If your own life isn’t in “order” (for example, if your marriage is struggling) you need to take care of that first. Those are times to receive hospitality. There are seasons when you will practice hospitality more and seasons when you will practice hospitality less–that’s natural. I myself go through phases. I’ll have people over every week for several weeks in a row, then I need to take a break for a few weeks. I'm naturally an introvert and so I need time to recharge.

And–this is important–I need to practice hospitality without grumbling.

I Peter 8:8-9 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 

There has been times when I’m getting ready for a dinner and I’m tired and have a bad attitude. 

"Last thing I want to do is host a party right now," I would say to myself. "I'd rather hide in a hole." 

But remember the story of sisters Mary and Martha. Martha  is busy serving and preparing a meal while Mary simply sits at Jesus's feet. When Martha asks Jesus to tell her sister to help with dinner, Jesus says, “She has chosen the better thing.” I never understood this before. Was it wrong for Martha to be making a meal while Jesus was there?  No, Jesus gently scolds Martha, not because what she was doing wasn’t worth the time, but because she was grumbling. Her heart was in the wrong place. She wasn’t really being hospitable. But Mary was. 

The beauty of the way my story ends is that God still uses my shortcomings to bless me. After having people over, I’m always glad I did it. 

To end this series on hospitality, here is a quote from Joanne Thompson’s book “Table Life- Savoring the Hospitality of Jesus in Your Home.”

“Christian hospitality is like a great harvest of bread, delighting us with a joy only God can supply. It’s common to hear phrases like “pray by faith,” “witness by faith,” “give by faith.” But how often have you heard someone say, “I entertain by faith”? It sounds unfamiliar, doesn’t it? Our tendency is to categorize hospitality into two groups of people: those who naturally love to entertain and those who say, “That’s not my thing.” Both perspectives may be devoid of faith. And yet it is faith–that is, our living connection with God– that opens the door for every Christ follower to experience God’s treasures of the table.

Hospitality is more about your faith than your competence. A farmer can’t create a single grain of wheat himself, but by faith, he cooperates with God by tilling, planting, watering, and expecting a great return. Sharing your table isn’t fueled by faith in your magnificent entertaining skills or gregarious personality; it’s believing that God will satisfy hearts as well as appetites when you share your table in Jesus’ name.”

The Call to Hospitality- Passing on Blessings (Part 4 of 5)

My husband and I and our friend Susan recently had an opportunity to visit the home of an Iraqi refugee. We were invited into the small apartment and offered sweet, delicious Turkish coffee. It was hot that day; there was no air conditioning in the home. The family did not own much; their furniture were most likely second-hand. But we chatted for hours and left feeling like old friends.

Sometimes I forget that hospitality doesn't depend on the size of my home, or the price of my furniture, or the food I offer my guests. I live in an area where many of the homes, inside and out, look like they could be featured on a magazine cover. I feel the pressure to impress. But as I mentioned in previous posts, biblical hospitality is not entertaining or showing off. Biblical hospitality is taking what God has given me and multiplying it by sharing it with others.

So what does that look like? My family has sit-down dinners, so we invite people join us. I sing and play the piano, so on occasion I will visit the elderly in nursing homes and play for them. When I bake, I will make an extra loaf for a neighbor. I have a car, so I can offer someone a ride. I'm not a gardener, but if you are, you can drop off a bouquet or veggies at someone’s home. If you have time while riding the airplane, chat with the person next to you instead of scrolling on your phone. If you are sitting with friends at church, invite a new person to sit with you. There are an incredible number of ways to be hospitable when we focus on what we have, more than what we don't have! And you can be hospitable in ways that I cannot!

In the first century church, Christians opened up their homes to host church meetings. They shared everything. Acts 4 says there was not a needy person among them. People noticed that Jews and Gentiles, masters and slaves, men and women, rich and poor were welcomed. They would gather for dinners that Bible scholars call "love feasts", where communion would be shared and Christ's sacrifice be remembered.

And that is what I picture heaven to be, a giant potluck where people of all different ages and backgrounds gather together to feast. We all bring something to contribute to the meal and we all partake of what others had brought. Everyone feels welcomed and loved. It's the most amazing party of ever!

That is hospitality. A bit of heaven to earth.

The Call to Hospitality- Strangers as Family (Part 3 of 5)

We are surrounded by lonely people. 

An article on the Scientific American website says, “Thanks to remarkable new technologies and the widespread use of social media, we are more 'connected' than ever before. Yet as a nation, we are also more lonely. In fact, a recent study found that a staggering 47% of Americans often feel alone, left out and lacking meaningful connection with others. This is true for all ages, from teenagers to older adults.”

It’s true that once a person graduates from college, it’s harder to make friends. You might make friends at work, but rarely are those deep abiding friendships. More and more, people commute long distances to work, families don’t live near each other, and neighbors are aloof. So a person hopes to find friends somewhere, at a book club, for example. You look for friends among those who share your interests. 

But this is not the case for those of us in Christ's family.  We come from many different backgrounds and have many different interests, but we are united by the amazing love of Christ. We ourselves, having been invited by God to become a child in His family, now in the name of Christ look to invite “strangers” who may be very different from us. This is hospitality, treating a stranger as family, bringing in outsiders, loving others even though we may not have much in common.

Remember Hebrews 13:2, Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. 

The word 'hospitality' in the Greek is philoxenia, which literally means 'love of strangers'. This love is a brotherly affection, phileo; it’s the love described in Romans 12. If our phileo is genuine, we would not hesitate to show hospitality even to a stranger. This may mean talking to a new person on a Sunday morning. This may mean making room for one more at Christmas because someone brought with him a person who had nowhere to celebrate. The Old Testament is full of commands to include strangers, or sojourners, at the Jewish festivals and to treat them the same as if they were a Jew.

Leviticus 19:33-34 “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God."

Deuteronomy 16:14 You shall rejoice in your feast, you and your son and your daughter, your male servant and your female servant, the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow who are within your towns.

And these are just two of the many commandments given to the Israelites. The idea here is when you see at stranger, you don’t look upon him as an outsider. You treat him just as if he is one of you.

Now, of course this doesn't mean that you have to invite home every person you meet on the street. The key is to remember that as Christians, we are not a part of an exclusive club. We should never become detached, elite, or cliquey. We should strive (dioko, remember that verb from Part 2?) to be the first one to intentionally break the invisible barrier that divides us as strangers. And for some of us, this is hard. We feel vulnerable. We worry about what people might say if we shared ourselves with them. But put aside your self-consciousness and uneasiness as you look to Jesus as the ultimate example of love. He loved us even when we were His enemies. He loved those who were dirty, broken, and unworthy of love. He removed all barriers so that we could be with Him.

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." ~Matthew 25:37-40

The Call to Hospitality- Ambassadorship (Part 2 of 5)

Did you know… the most hospitable person who ever lived was a homeless man?

This man was Jesus of Nazareth, who never threw a party in his home, but invited everyone he met to the biggest and grandest party that ever was–the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus talked about the Kingdom more than anything else (yes, more than anger, murder, hypocrisy or adultery)! Everywhere he went, he shared about the Kingdom and revealed this Kingdom through his actions: he ate with the outcasts, he fed people, he called the friendless to be his friend, he touched people who were deemed unclean, he comforted the sad and lonely. This is hospitality.

And that is what we are called to do too. Hospitality is being an ambassador of the King of Heaven. As ambassadors, we are going out in Jesus’s behalf and representing the King of heaven to the world. This is the King who loved us even when we were his enemies. This is the King of peace and hope and unconditional love. And we get to wear that badge! And if we’re ambassadors, then our homes are an embassy, a safe place where people can find a peace and comfort that they may not find elsewhere. A cup of tea, a chair, and a listening ear are all you really need for this kind of hospitality.

But it’s not just in our homes that people should feel loved; it’s in our presence. You make people “at home”, and you can do that anywhere. It can be an another person’s house. It can be at work. This is the fundamental difference between being hospitable and entertaining. Any person can entertain and have friends over. Any event coordinator can throw an impressive party. Any interior decorator can make a house look lovely. But hospitality is the overflow of an inner change, an evidence of maturing in Christ. As you mature in Christ, you become more and more an ambassador of heaven, and people see that in you. 

Paul writes in his letter to the Romans:

I appeal to you therefore, brothers by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.... (Romans 12:1-2 ESV)

You may already be familiar with these verses. They talk about growing and becoming more Christ-like and standing out in this world. See, though, what Paul says as he continues with his list of ways to grow in our faith. Just a few verses down, he writes:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. (Romans 12:9-13 ESV)

Have you ever noticed that hospitality is on this list? If you want to be more Christ-like, you must seek to show hospitality!

And what does it mean to "seek to show?" In the Greek, the word is dioko, a very strong verb meaning "to pursue, to cultivate, to strive toward, or to run after". In the NIV, the word is translated to "practice", but it would be practice with intense effort and a definite purpose or goal. My husband studied the work dioko and discovered that it was the same word used in Acts 9:5 to describe Saul and his persecution of early Christ followers. Saul was intensely pursuing Christians to kill them. We should be intensely pursuing people to love them. This is not a haphazard activity or weekend hobby! If we are mature followers of Christ, we should be actively looking for opportunities to show hospitality, because God’s love is overflowing in us so much that we "Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:14-15 ESV). We desire to reach out because we know that we are representatives of the God of love. 

So the first step in understanding biblical hospitality is knowing that it is not limited to your home. We are not called to throwing impressive Pinterest-worthy parties. Remember my definition from the last post: hospitality is showing love to your neighbor and caring for him/her in ways that embody the home. I seek to look beyond my circle of family and friends and people with whom I feel most comfortable. I strive to show hospitality to the librarian and the grocer and the mom at the park. I work to show hospitality even to the person who spoke to me rudely or the neighbor who seems to be antagonistic towards me. After all, God loved us while we were still his enemies (Romans 5:8) and as His ambassadors, He calls us to do the same.

The Call to Hospitality (Part 1 of 5)

What comes to mind when you hear the word 'hospitality'?

"Yes! I LOVE throwing a good party! Baby showers, birthdays, holidays, you name it! I have decorations and dishes ready for every event and I know exactly what will be on the menu!"

or

"No! All the cleaning I have to do beforehand! And I'm just not a great cook! And where would everyone sit?! Our house is so small!"

Before you read any further, you should know that this series of posts is not about throwing parties. I will not be giving you tips on decorating or menu planning. I will not even include a recipe. Because, hospitality is not about parties! But don't be disappointed, because we will be talking about so much more! Just what does the Bible say about hospitality? And why is it important?

First, let's look at the modern definition of hospitality: the entertainment of guests in your home. The problem with this definition is that it is very limiting. What if your home is not very big? What if your budget is not very big? Does entertainment mean telling jokes and juggling? And how does this kind of hospitality differentiate between a warm, genuine invitation for a simple dinner versus a gala thrown by a hired event coordinator?

In contrast, let's look at the definition of biblical hospitality.  There is no one verse that clearly states what hospitality should look like, so this is what I came up with based on what I've learned from the Bible:

Through love, caring for your neighbor's needs in ways that embody the home.

Why your "neighbor"? Because you can show hospitality to anyone who is near you. Why "needs"? Because you are thinking about what this person needs the most at this time, more than thinking about what you are willing to give. And why "ways that embody the home"? Because the home is a place of love, trust, care, and acceptance, and we would not be truly hospitable if we did not give those things. Just think, a simple cup of cocoa and conversation warms a heart more than a buffet and a DJ.

But maybe this definition is still too ambiguous. So to help you (and not to overwhelm you), I will take time in my next four posts to describe biblical hospitality in depth (and what the Bible has to say) and giving you suggestions on how to make it a part of your life.

One final thought for today: as followers of Christ, we are called to be hospitable. Romans 12:13 says simply "Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Hospitality is evangelism. It is loving your neighbor as yourself–one of the great commandments given by Jesus. So don't discredit is as something other people do, or as something you can do someday. But also don't feel discouraged if you feel ill-equipped in this area. We are all growing, and I hope to encourage you if you seek to grow in the area of hospitality!

In Memory of Ed

My friend Ed died on December 12th. I went to visit him yesterday, and the receptionist told me that he was no longer with us. I had a birthday card with a big '95' on it. It was to be his birthday on January 23rd.

I was hardly surprised by the news. I had visited him after Thanksgiving and I could see how tired he had grown. He had been a widower for nearly a decade; his heart, both physically and emotionally, was wearing out. He needed rest. It was as if his soul was trapped in a cage and was longing to be free.

And now he is. He is with his Creator. 

Death, as natural as it is, always seems unnatural to me. I'm not grieving over Ed's death, and yet, I feel somber and restless. People die and leave their broken bodies behind, but there is so much more to people–to us–than bodies. My friend is gone, but not really.

In memory of Ed, I am sharing with you a bit of his story. On his 92nd birthday, he came to my house for beef stew and carrot cake (his request) and I took some time to interview him about his service in the Air Corps during World War 2. His memory was impressive. He knew every date, every location, and every airplane in his stories. And it all sounded like an epic movie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Edward Marnell turned 18 on January 23rd, 1942, he wasted no time. Twelve days later, he was enlisted as Private Marnell with the Air Corps.

Ed likes to laugh about how quickly he rose in the ranks. Within weeks, he was trained as a mechanic, then sent to aviation school for a 30-day crash course on the B-25 bomber. Two days after graduation, he became acting crew chief. He boasts that while he was the acting crew chief, his plane was always ready for a mission, even if this 3-men crew had to work all night to make it so.

About a year later, Ed received his overseas shipping orders. His officer wanted him for a crew chief, but only sergeants could be crew chiefs. The solution? Ed became Sergeant Marnell and had his stripes sewn on.

Ed was then sent to Alameda, California, to leave on a transporter with 5,000 other soldiers. He remembers watching the fog roll into San Francisco as his ship sailed under the Golden Gate Bridge. It was so beautiful that Ed told himself, "If I get out of this mess, I'm going to settle in California." None of the soldiers knew their destination, and they wouldn't know until they were well on their way. Finally, they were told that they were headed to Brisbane, Australia, and they were going to have to sail dangerously close to Japan to get there. When a Japanese fishing boat spotted the transporter, there was a skirmish in which 2 pilots were lost.

Besides this incident and a few occasional storms at sea, Ed's time on the ship was uneventful. There were no planes to work on, so he spent his days playing cards, watching schools of flying fish and porpoises race in the waves, and taking his shift on watch in the crow's nest. When given a choice of shifts, he chose midnight to 4am. Most people thought he was crazy but he knew something they didn't: the freshly-baked goods came out of the galley at 4am.

The soldiers finally arrived in Australia, and they boarded a train and another ship to get to New Guinea. Along the way, they were constantly watching for the Japanese, with good reason. The Japanese had bombed the airfield in New Guinea just before the soldiers arrived.

19th Bomb Squad, Engineering Department, New Guinea, August 19th, 1943
Ed is in the third row, eighth from the right

Ed was then assigned to a B-26, which meant he couldn't be crew chief after all. But he kept his sergeant status and worked with the men on New Guinea until he broke his femur and spent nine months in a West Virginian hospital.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ed with my daughter in 2013

Ed also told us about the cockatoo that swore like a sailor and hopped from shoulder to shoulder at meals, looking for hand-outs. About how the men would chill the rare keg of beer by flying it up 20,000 feet in an airplane. About the memorable two-egg breakfast after six months of nothing but pancakes. About soldiers risking their own lives to save their brothers with nothing but basic radios and navigation equipment, their quick thinking, and their own bare hands. And Ed, who finally did settle in California and met a beautiful young lady named Jean, became a husband, a father, and a grandfather. When he wasn't talking about World War 2, he talked about Jean. I am honored to have been a small part of his 95 years.

Introducing… Dorcas!

Many years ago, I was a lonely ten-year-old whose family had just moved from New York to California. I soon met my first friend, a joyful, spunky, enthusiastic girl named Dorcas. She was a year younger than me and we had much in common– Chinese parents who were devoted Christians, a home in the suburbs, weekends spent at piano lessons and church gatherings.

A few years passed, and as life changes came our way, it seemed that Dorcas and I no longer had as much in common. Sadly, Dorcas's father passed away from liver failure when she was only 14-years-old. Dorcas went on to attend Stanford University, then married her college sweetheart, who was an engineer/entrepreneur and the cofounder and CEO of d.light, the maker of solar-powered, rechargeable, LED lanterns (check them out at www.dlight.com). Now Dorcas Cheng-Tozun, she and her husband lived internationally before settling back in California to raise their two children.

Somewhere along the way, Dorcas and I reconnected on Facebook, and that was when I discovered that Dorcas was an amazing writer! With a humble, honest, beautiful, clear voice, Dorcas shared on her blog about her faith, her life as wife and mom, and her time being a Chinese-American living in China. As I read about her unique and sometimes challenging life experiences, I found myself laughing, sighing, and sympathizing with her, and our lives once again shared a commonality– one that went beyond our young, junior high, suburban lives. Now, with her talent for writing about culture, Christian faith, and the world of small-business start-ups, she is a regular contributor for Inc.com, Christianity Today, The Well, and Asian American Women on Leadership. 

Then, almost a year ago, Dorcas made an exciting announcement! A publisher was interested in her book proposal, and she had signed a contract to write a book on start-ups and family life! And all while expecting her second child! Knowing that she was one busy mama, I hesitated to ask her for an interview, but I also knew that she had such wisdom and insights to share. So I contacted her, and she kindly found the time to answer a few questions for me. Read on (and find out where you can pick up a copy of her book!)

1) Tell us about yourself.

I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, but I have also had the privilege of living in mainland China, Hong Kong, and Kenya. My husband, Ned, and I are college sweethearts who have been married for more than twelve years. We have two adorable boys who have the wonderfully unusual combination of being part Chinese, part Turkish, and part Jewish.

For the first decade of my professional career, I worked in the nonprofit sector, supporting a number of different programs and policies to empower underserved communities. But I always loved writing and found excuses to write in my jobs, whether it was writing reports, proposals, or newsletters. When my first son was born five years ago, it seemed like as good a time as any to try pursuing writing full-time. It’s been a wild, unpredictable ride, and I have loved it.

2) What passions drive you in your writing?

I firmly believe that powerful stories can transform us on a very deep level. I am especially passionate about telling true stories that delve into the messiness of human existence—the awful, the beautiful, and the profound. It is from these stories that I think we can learn the most about who we are, what connects us as fellow human beings, and how God is redeeming each of us day by day.

3) What is the greatest lesson you’ve learned as a wife?

Being a wife has taught me the importance of prioritizing my husband’s flourishing, even when it has been costly for me. Ned has a vocational calling that is extremely demanding, and the entire family has had to sacrifice significantly to support him. 

It has been far too easy for me to grow resentful of these sacrifices without acknowledging that Ned’s flourishing is directly linked to my own. As he has grown in his leadership through his business, he has become a more mature and supportive husband and father. He sees what I have given up for him and is that much more willing to sacrifice for me. Ned has been the greatest supporter of my writing career, even though it’s probably one of the least stable careers I could pursue.

4) What is the greatest lesson you’ve learned as a mother?

In a single word: grace. Grace for myself, as I see all my flaws and imperfections emerging through the daily toil of managing sleep deprivation, tantrums, and adorable little people who have a mind of their own. I have learned far more about my limitations than my abilities after becoming a mom, which has pushed me to be more humble and to be more willing to ask for help. 

Grace for my sons, of course, who are trying to find their own way and establish their own identities in this world. Grace for my husband, who is a fantastic dad, even though his time with the family is limited. 

And grace for all the other moms out there, who are juggling kids and housework and vocation and community service and more. None of us are doing it perfectly, but we’re all trying our best, and we deserve to be acknowledged for our efforts.

5) What is the greatest lesson you’ve learned as a daughter of the King?

Like many kids of Asian immigrant parents, I’ve struggled for years with striving, achievement, people-pleasing, and perfectionism. Over the past decade or so, God has been slowly unraveling the false idea that I am only as good or valuable as what I can accomplish. He has been teaching me that my worth is in my identity as his beloved—just as the worth of every other individual is as his beloved as well. 

While this is a lesson that I am still very much in the middle of learning, in recent years I have felt far greater freedom to take risks, to try new things, and to be (somewhat) okay with failing. My life is so much richer when I am less burdened by the need to prove myself or earn others’ approval. I can instead lean into the unpredictable adventure that God has me and my family on.

6)  What is the best way for readers to get a hold of your book?

As of November 7, my first book, entitled Start, Love, Repeat: How to Stay in Love with Your Entrepreneur in a Crazy Start-up World (Hachette Center Street), will be available wherever books are sold! You can get the hardcover version, e-book, or audio book through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other online retailers. Hopefully you’ll also be able to find it in your local bookstore.

As you can imagine, this book was inspired by my real-life experience. My hope is that this will be a helpful, practical guidebook for couples that are struggling to balance marriage and family with growing a business. And it’ll also tell you a lot more about the life lessons I’ve learned as the wife of an entrepreneur.

To read an excerpt from Dorcas's book, or to read Dorcas's other published works, visit her website, www.chengtozun.com. And thank you so much, Dorcas, for taking the time to answer my questions! Congratulations on your new publishing venture!