The Unexpected Blessings of Being Stay-at-home with Older Children

I always knew that I wanted to stay home with my children. Then, when they were older, I'd go find a job somewhere. That was the plan.

And for the most part, I've stuck to that plan. On this blog I've written about the unexpected blessings of being home with my children. It's not just that I have more time with them and that I can homeschool. It's that they eat better (and more cheaply) and that we have flexibility in our day, instead of rushing out the door every morning.

Then, as my children grew, I began to get the itch to work outside of the home. I was already teaching piano part-time in our living room, but I wanted to be more influential in the community. The problem was that, at that point, I had older children, AND younger children. I started teaching music classes and working on shows, but I still limited my hours and stayed home in the daytime as much as possible. This was frustrating at times: I felt that I couldn't do as much as my friends with only older children, and at the same time I didn't have the more carefree days of being at home with only younger children. The feeling that I was just "spinning my wheels" hovered over me. I had to push that feeling aside and tell myself that being available for my family was better for my children, both young and old.

But I didn't realize ALL the benefits until this summer!

Being home means that I can be more hospitable. I have the energy to have guests over for dinner almost any day of the week. I have flexibility to cook someone a meal and deliver it. And the big plus–we have other kids over. This summer, we've had soooo many of my children's friends over. And for many of these kids, because they are older, their parents are working full-time and the kids are home all day, sometimes by themselves. They eagerly say 'yes' when we invite them to our house! I bake some cookies and pop some popcorn, and they all have a grand ol' time!

Another plus is that I've had more time with my adult children. My oldest daughter graduated from college and was home in between jobs. My second oldest daughter had summer school, but came home during breaks. My oldest son needed a ride to the airport to fly to visit his cousins, and I was able to take him in the middle of the day. These "babies" of mine still need guidance and support, and I'm able to be there for them.

Stay-at-home moms, I know sometimes you feel like you aren't doing enough (or that you're doing a lot, but it's the same, mundane routine day in and day out!), but you may be doing more than you know! Keep looking for ways you can bless others by being stay-at-home!

Ready to Meet Baby!

It's been a busy end to our summer. We squeezed in some fun days at the beach and friends' swimming pools, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, we sent one daughter off to college in faraway North Carolina, I worked extra hours to help pay for her schooling (and the increase in our rent in an already overpriced housing market), and we started another year of homeschooling.

But lately, I haven't felt very productive. I have projects awaiting me, but I'm achy and tired by the end of the day. Then I remind myself that it's okay to allow myself to focus on simply being mom to my nine children right now.  At 34 weeks pregnant, I'm telling myself, "You're making a baby. That's productive."

And I'm still in awe of this whole process. The ninth time is not any less magical than the first. When I wake in the middle of the night to the feel of my little girl's strong kicks in my abdomen, I am still taken by surprise at this whole process!

Nine months ago, this person did not exist except in the mind of her Creator.

I'm making in me something that is far more complex than anything Man could ever make, and yet, I am not doing the making; I am simply the vessel. The making is happening on its own.

This new person is in me, but a person all her own. She wakes when I sleep, she moves when I lay down, she is her own being. And... she responds to piano music. When I'm teaching piano lessons, it's like she's dancing inside of me. I love that.

We are eagerly counting down the weeks until we get to meet this new person. Baby clothes are ready, carseat and diapers are ready... I just need a bassinet from a friend and then we're good to go. And I am eagerly counting down the days when I'm no longer pregnant! Because not only does that mean I can wear my old clothes again and eat a normal diet again, I can hold my ninth child in my arms for the first time!

God and Dishes

When I was a young teen, I suddenly decided one day to wash the dishes for my mom while she was out (this was in the day before we had a dishwasher). Surprisingly, I had never washed the dishes before. My parents never taught me, or made me.

But this one day, when I saw the dishes piled in the kitchen sink, I thought it would be a nice surprise for my mom. Most likely I was prompted by a recent Sunday school lesson, something about "honoring your parents." So I did my best to wash everything and put it in the drying rack, then I waited for my mom to come home and notice.

It didn't take long for her to spot the clean dishes. 

I waited for her to come and ask me about them, which she did. But when I told her that I had washed them for her, she didn't say "thank you" as I expected her to. She said, "They're still greasy. You didn't do it right."

And I didn't wash dishes for my mom for a long time after that.

This was the memory that suddenly popped into my head as I washed the dishes this morning. I don't know why. But I see a two-fold lesson here:

1) Praise a child for doing right. There are times when quality matters, but what is more important is that the child is choosing to obey, to take initiative, or to make the attempt at something that is difficult. Rather than focusing on how well the child did the job, praise him/her for doing it to the best of his/her ability.

2) Our Father in heaven loves it when we obey Him. We hesitate because we worry about failing, but God asks us to take the first step in obedience, and He promises to guide us the rest of the way. He is the perfect Father, and He never criticizes us for not doing a good-enough job. Rather, He's the Father who asks you to do the dishes, then stands with you at the sink, gets His hands dirty, and cleans three plates for every spoon you clean (and the rest of the kitchen besides!)

A Higher Calling (Finding the Balance When Mothering)

It's been a crazy summer. You can tell because I haven't posted anything since June. Our summer started off with a major play production, my parents' visit, my sister's wedding, my best friends' visit, and my husband's grandmother's memorial service. July slowed down, but ended with a week-long camping trip, followed by kids' camps.

And now it's August! Time to buckle down and focus on school prep, all the while trying to clean the house after bringing home the woods (and laundry!) from our camping adventure.

BUT...

I'm rebelling inside. I go through phases like this every now and then, and this summer, it's been especially hard. I'm tired. And I don't like housework. Or schedules. I don't really like cooking, washing, and household managing for 8 kids day in and day out.

BUT...

I do it. I do it because I know it's only for a season, and because I believe that mothering truly is a higher calling. Nothing I do in life will be as important as nurturing my children and creating a loving, warm, safe environment for them to grow in.

BUT...

there is still a part of me that wants to ignore the dishes (that are in the sink at this very moment) and spend my hours doing something else. I'm always itching to dive back fully into the world of music and art. I got a taste of this in June, when I directed and performed the music for the play production, and let me tell you–I loved it! I felt like I was finally doing what God designed me to do, after keeping myself in check for the past 18 years (yes, my first-born turns 18 this month!) and my heart jumped when the youth theater company asked me to be music director for their upcoming season!

BUT...

I had to say no. Believe me, it was difficult. I just couldn't see how I could juggle homeschooling, housekeeping, and music directing. I knew that I wouldn't "be there" for my husband and kids, both mentally and physically. For now, I still need to focus on mothering. And so, I prayed that God will give me opportunities like this again, when the timing is right, and in the meantime, I will trust Him and be patient. I know that God gave me talents to bless others; it's just a matter of finding ways to do so even in this season.

FYI, just because I have 8 kids and homeschool doesn't mean I always enjoy my full-time mothering job. It's hard. I'm not always content. 

BUT...

this is what the Bible says about contentment.

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13 ESV)

If you know you are where God wants you to be, you can be content. God will give you the strength to get through it. And so I know that being home is EXACTLY where God wants me to be! And from that, I draw my contentment, even as I struggle, and in my contentment, I find joy. 

If you are like me, constantly debating with yourself, constantly bouncing between "buts", let me encourage you. There is nothing wrong with having the desire to use the talents God has given you, as long as those desires don't become your main focus and override God's will for you. It won't be easy; it will require years of patience, perseverance, creativity, and trusting in God. 

BUT... (the final but) 

it's worth it. No one else can be Mom to YOUR children. While you feel like you're just cleaning and dealing with grumpy children all day, you are doing SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

In the meantime, what to do when you feel the pull between your responsibilities and your desires?! If you fill all your waking hours with only cleaning etc., you will burn out and lose your joy in mothering. You NEED to do the things that feed your soul. And you can balance that by either creatively involving your children, or finding an hour or two every week to do what you love. Here's what I do:

1) Remind yourself of the truth (review Philippians 4:11-13). Don't listen to the lies out there. You don't need a job to fulfill you. You may choose to work (and I know how good it feels to get recognition and pats on the back) but a job or career will not "complete" you. Only God can do that. Motherhood is not the loss of identity, but the gain of a new one. Only when you understand this will you find contentment and joy in motherhood.

2) Pinpoint what you really need to feed your soul. Is it getting outside? Is it moving physically? Is it thinking in a creative way? Is it collaborating with people? I thought I missed being a professional musician, but it wasn't necessarily the performing that I miss. I discovered that I just love making music with people (any people!), and being challenged musically. Once I pinpointed this, I figured out ways to meet this need. 

3) Be creative in finding an outlet. When I couldn't paint, I discovered chalk art. When I couldn't sing in a choir, I started a little children's choir at my church. When I need something to break up the mundane, I try a new recipe, play or sing a new song, or take the kids exploring in our area. You can teach a class, you can involve your neighbors, you can play piano for residents at a senior care home, you can volunteer at the school or library. If you think outside the box, you will find that there are many ways to do what you love with your children, or do what you love in a smaller setting that still leaves you time for mothering.

More MIY Projects

I love making things. I get such joy when I see the finished product and think, "I made that myself!"

If you're a DIY kind of person, here are some MIY (Make It Yourself!) projects for you to try this summer!

Deodorant 

This was my most exciting discovery from this year! As soon as my store-bought deodorant ran out, I pulled out a recipe I had been saving. A little mixing and voila! homemade deodorant! What is amazing is that when you first mix it, the concoction looks liquidy and nothing like solid deodorant. The first time I made this, I put the mixture in a a little jar to see what would happen. The liquid solidified after a day! Then I tried making some in my old plastic deodorant container: just twisted the push-up part all the way down again and spooned in the "soupy" deodorant, and the next day, I came back to perfect stick deodorant! 

Here is the recipe:

1) Mix together 1/4 cup cornstarch and 1/4 cup baking soda. 

2) Add 2 tablespoons liquified coconut oil and mix. (You can put the coconut oil in the microwave for a few seconds to melt it.)

3) Spoon into your container of choice and allow to firm up.

Facial Scrub

I also started making my own facial scrub! It's fine enough to use on my face, but I also use it on my body. If you prefer less graininess, use less sugar. If you want more graininess, you can add more sugar, or use regular sugar (for a body scrub only... regular sugar is too rough for your face). I keep the scrub in a small jar identical to my deodorant jar.

Mix together:

1/2 tablespoon coconut oil

1/2 tablespoon olive oil (or more coconut oil)

2 tablespoons of baker's sugar (superfine sugar)

Fingerless Gloves 

Are you cleaning out winter clothes and discovering some old sweaters that you need to throw out? Cut the sleeves off and make fingerless gloves! 

1) Take two pieces of an old sweater, fit them around your hand. If you are using the end of two sleeves, they may fit perfectly! If they are too big (or you are using two rectangular pieces), you will need to sew them first. 

2) Fold over the cut edges and hem. In the pair I made, I only had to hem the top. 

3) Add a few stitches between the thumb and finger, and you're done! 

(In this picture, you can see the stitch I made between the thumb and finger. It's bright blue.)

Little Pumpkins

You can also use old sweaters to make these adorable pumpkins! The instructions can be found on my friend Kim's blog: Kim Chew Cooks and Crafts

Laminated Book Marks

Another simple project is to make book marks, using heavy packing tape to "laminate" them.

1) Create your design on a piece of cardstock. 

2) Cut a piece of heavy packing tape that is longer than your bookmark. 

3) Carefully lay the tape down, sticky side up. Center your bookmark over the tape and lay it on the tape.

4) Cut another piece of packing tape to match the first. Carefully lay it down, sticky side down, over your bookmark (sandwiching your bookmark between the two pieces of tape.)

5) Smooth down to press out any air bubbles.

Homemade Playdough

This recipe is from my friend Rebecca, and it's such a good one that I shared it in my new book (yes, there are recipes!) It's a fun "cooking" project to do with your kids! (That's my daughter's hand in the picture... she saw me "playing" with her play dough and couldn't help herself!)

1) In a large pot, mix together 2 cups flour, 1 cup salt, and 2 tablespoons cream of tartar.

2) Add 2 cups water and 2 tablespoons oil. At this point, you can add a few drops of food coloring, if you want only one color of play dough.

3) Cook on medium-low heat until a ball magically forms!

4) Knead on floured surface (add little bits of flour if it's sticky.) If you haven't already added the food coloring, you can divide your dough up into separate balls and add your food coloring to the balls. Knead to mix. (Your hands will get some color of them!)

5) Store in an air-tight bag or container in the refrigerator.

My next MIY project is taking a set of white cotton napkins and tie-dying them with my kids! I'll let you know how they turn out!

(For more MIY projects, check out my older posts: Make It Yourself! and Craft Ideas for Busy Moms)

This Year, Try a New Tradition!

I've heard from several families that this year they would like to try something new for Christmas. We're all wanting to make this Christmas extra special and memorable!

So here is a simple tradition that my family does... with books! We start on December 1st and go until the 24th, and there is still plenty of time for you to get some books ready for next week.

This is what I do:

I collect our Christmas picture books, and borrow several from the library (sometimes ones we've read before, sometimes new stories), and I wrap them in Christmas paper. Some people like to wrap all the books at once, and the kids can see them as a kind of "count down" to Christmas. I like to wrap a few at a time (3-5) to minimize confusion and reuse the paper if I can (and I don't really have the space for 24 books to sit). Then every day, one child gets to "open" a "present", and we "oh" and "ah" over his/her choice and read the story together! It's a fun way to incorporate read-aloud, and also helps kids who are itching to open something before Christmas.

If you're in search of some great Christmas books to share with your family this year, let me suggest these!

Our absolute favorites:

Santa's Favorite Story by Hisako Aoki
A picture book that perfectly combines Santa with the true Hero of Christmas

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson

This is a chapter book for read-aloud or older children, but it's best read together. You'll see Christmas with fresh eyes!

The Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

The old English may be hard, so I recommend reading this aloud, or listening to an audio version of it. But don't think that watching a movie of this story (even the Muppets version... my favorite) is enough. Most adaptations remove Dickens's Christian message (and his humor– that Dickens is surprisingly funny!) Focus on the Family Radio's Radio Theater also has a wonderful audio drama version.

Christmas Tapestry by Patricia Polacco

A longer picture book that always moves me to tears 

The Legend of the Candy Cane by Lori Walburg

How that traditional little candy can tell a wondrous story

Great Joy by Kate DiCamillo

A simple, touching story about a girl and a homeless man

More favorites:

Follow the Star (all the way to Bethlehem) by Alan and Linda Parry - interactive book, has little letters and puzzle pieces

Shall I Knit You a Hat? by Kate Elise

One Night in a Stable by Guido Visconti

The Crippled Lamb by Max Lucado

Tree of Cranes by Allen Say

Oliver and Amanda's Christmas by Jean Van Leeuwen

Toot and Puddle: I'll be Home for Christmas by Holly Hobbie

Toot and Puddle: Let it Snow by Holly Hobbie

Lighthouse Christmas by Toni Buzzeo

A Homemade Together Christmas by Maryann Cocca-Leffler

Zelda and Ivy One Christmas by Laura McGee Kvasnosky

Lighthouse Christmas by Toni Buzzeo

Cranberry Christmas by Harry and Wende Devlin

A Christmas Like Helen's by Natalie Kinsey-Warnock

Auntie Claus by Elise Primavera

The Wild Christmas Reindeer by Jan Brett

The Christmas Trolls by Jan Brett

(and if you like Jan Brett's books, she has a plethora of Christmas stories: The Night Before Christmas, Who's that Knocking on Christmas Eve?, The Twelve Days of Christmas, Home for Christmas. All her Christmas stories can be found in one book, the Jan Brett's Christmas Treasury)

Though this is not my home...

I apologize for not having written since... June?! Has it been that long?!

If it helps at all, I started a post in July, then put it on hold. AND I've been using my quarantine time to finish my new book, which I hope will be available to you al before the end of the year!

Other projects I've been doing during this time are:

-making cards for residents at the nearby assisted living facility

-trying new recipes, like ube ice cream (yum!)

-doing crafts with the kids

-reading stories to the kids and teaching my five-year-old to read

And just yesterday, I decided to landscape the front yard.

Now, those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that my family rent our home, and over the years, I've always had to tell myself, "Don't get too attached. You'll only be here for a few years."

This was partly for my own good. When I first got married, after having moved from house to house all my life, I dreamed of buying a home and living in it until I died. When our attempts to purchase a house failed several times, I had to let that dream go. God taught me that my home is not found in a location, but in the people in my life–my husband, my children, my friends, and my church.

But the down side of a "temporary" home is that I didn't want to invest in anything long term.

"Should I start a garden? Nah, we might have to move in the summer."

We always knew that the owners of this house plan to move in some day. When they deiced to chop down the only tree in the front yard, there wasn't anything I could do abut it. When the sprinkler system broke and the lawn died, I just thought, "Oh well." Every summer, when the lease-end date approached, I found it harder and harder to put my energy into the house.

Then this year, the owners gave us a two-year lease. And maybe it's because I'm feeling listless for the lock-down, or maybe I just grew tired of looking at my dead lawn, but I decided to beautify the front of the house. Even with only a few pots of fruit trees and bright flowers and several bags of mulch, I was able to make my brown yard into something colorful, cheery, and life-giving.

And here's the lesson I learned as I stepped back to look at the beautiful greenery:

Just because a home is temporary doesn't mean I shouldn't care. It's easier to be apathetic and do nothing, but I can add to the beauty, no matter where I am.

And that goes for my temporary home on earth too. There are days (especially in recent months) when I just want to say, "I don't care anymore." I know that life here is short and something better awaits for me. So why try to fix anything here on earth?

But God wants us to be His hands and feet here. He wants us to bring beauty and light to the world, though sometimes we would rather hide for the darkness. Even if I live to be 101, I want to always be doing what I can to share God's love and joy with others.

How can you add to the beauty today?

7 Ways to Make Every Day More Romantic

1) Share the story of how you met, and share it often. Share it with your children. Share it with your friends. Share it with other couples. Then ask the couple how they met!

2) Speak highly of your spouse. Compliment your spouse in front of him/her AND when he/she is not around. Praise your spouse in front of your children, your family, your neighbors, your co-workers.

3) Don't speak poorly of your spouse when he/she is not around. Praising your spouse one minute, then putting him/her down the next, does not build up your marriage.

4) Surprise your spouse with little things. Leave a note under the pillow. Do a chore that your spouse usually does. Bring home a treat when you have a chance to go out.

5) Hold hands. Sometimes, if your hands are full with children, chores,  and activities, the only time you have to hold hands is when you are lying wearily in bed together. But even so, you are making a connection, both physical and emotional.

6) Put down the phone and talk. You and your spouse may be sitting in the same room, but if you're looking at screens, then you're not really together. Turn off the computer, the TV, the phone, etc.

7) Be the first to say "I'm sorry." By this, I don't mean kowtowing and saying "Yes, yes, you're right, I'm wrong" all the time. After a disagreement or argument, ask yourself, "Was I unkind at all?" Maybe you yelled, or used a sarcastic tone, or were accusatory. Apologize for your wrong actions.

Adopt a Grandparent!

At our church's 4th of July picnic, I noticed an older woman dressed festively in a red and white striped shirt. Though she needed a walker to move about, she was right in the middle of the activities–watching the water balloon toss, trying the different desserts, chatting with people of all ages. She came right up to me and started talking to me about my young children. We became fast friends.

By the end of the picnic, I knew many things about Kathy. One of her two brothers died when he was fairly young. Her sister Rita (a connection!) passed away last year. Her husband died a few years before that. Of her four children, only one is still living. Her family is now only her other brother, her nephew, her son, and herself. She lives with her brother, but her son does not live in the area. She has no grandchildren.

I, on the other hand, have grandchildren to spare. Immediately, in my mind, I adopted Kathy. She and her brother came for dinner recently and they had a fabulous time. They loved the children, the food, the conversation and the music, and my husband and I enjoyed their delightful company. I'm already planning to invite them to Thanksgiving dinner, and to make it known to them that they always have a place at my house on the holidays.

I have a deep love for inter-generational interactions. I grew up in the United States, oceans apart from my grandparents in Hong Kong. Now I see the role of grandparents in a child's life. Grandparents are a direct link to our past, and it is in that relationship where children first learn how to interact with people who are older, and hopefully wiser, and yet are not their parents. It is where children learn to care for someone who may need to move a little slower or need special care. And by spending time with their grandparents, children grow comfortable with being with people who are elderly. And children play a very important part in an elderly person's life too. They bring joy, energy, and a spark to everything. Their wide-eyed wonder makes anyone, no matter how old, feel young again.

You may not be living near your parents. You may sadly have parents who had already passed away. Or maybe your relationship with your parents is tenuous and unstable. In any case, I encourage you to reach out to the older members of your community and adopt a grandparent or two. They will be blessed, and so will you.

Final Thoughts on Hospitality (Part 5 of 5)

Hospitality sounds complicated, but it really isn’t. 

Magazines, stores, TV shows, and Pinterest make standards look impossible to achieve, but notice that the Bible doesn’t mention anything about cooking, decorating, cleaning your house, or being a good conversationalist. It simply says “seek to show hospitality.” Dioko philoxenia. Pursue a love of strangers. Cultivate it. With confidence, use the gifts that God gave you and be the first to reach out and make a connection. You don’t have to qualify somehow before you can practice hospitality. It’s as simple as a child going up to another child in the park and asking “Do you want to play with me?” or “Do you want to share my cookie?” That’s hospitality. 

And though I say it’s simple, I know it’s not always easy. We all have obstacles to overcome. Some aspects of hospitality will come easily to you, and some will be hard. Scripture memorization is easy for some people, and difficult for others. But just because it's hard doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.

And sometimes practicing hospitality takes courage. Sometimes it takes energy. Sometimes it takes repentance and inviting over the person that you feel had wronged you somehow. Being obedient in hospitality, like any spiritual discipline, takes work, practice, and preparation. And as a followers of Christ, we are called to be hospitable. We are called to obey. It’s evangelism. It’s loving your neighbor as yourself, one of the great commandments given by Jesus. So don’t discredit hospitality as something other people do, or something you can do someday. 

Of course, obedience doesn’t mean inviting people over even if you are ill, or you had a baby recently, or you are dealing with family issues. If your own life isn’t in “order” (for example, if your marriage is struggling) you need to take care of that first. Those are times to receive hospitality. There are seasons when you will practice hospitality more and seasons when you will practice hospitality less–that’s natural. I myself go through phases. I’ll have people over every week for several weeks in a row, then I need to take a break for a few weeks. I'm naturally an introvert and so I need time to recharge.

And–this is important–I need to practice hospitality without grumbling.

I Peter 8:8-9 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 

There has been times when I’m getting ready for a dinner and I’m tired and have a bad attitude. 

"Last thing I want to do is host a party right now," I would say to myself. "I'd rather hide in a hole." 

But remember the story of sisters Mary and Martha. Martha  is busy serving and preparing a meal while Mary simply sits at Jesus's feet. When Martha asks Jesus to tell her sister to help with dinner, Jesus says, “She has chosen the better thing.” I never understood this before. Was it wrong for Martha to be making a meal while Jesus was there?  No, Jesus gently scolds Martha, not because what she was doing wasn’t worth the time, but because she was grumbling. Her heart was in the wrong place. She wasn’t really being hospitable. But Mary was. 

The beauty of the way my story ends is that God still uses my shortcomings to bless me. After having people over, I’m always glad I did it. 

To end this series on hospitality, here is a quote from Joanne Thompson’s book “Table Life- Savoring the Hospitality of Jesus in Your Home.”

“Christian hospitality is like a great harvest of bread, delighting us with a joy only God can supply. It’s common to hear phrases like “pray by faith,” “witness by faith,” “give by faith.” But how often have you heard someone say, “I entertain by faith”? It sounds unfamiliar, doesn’t it? Our tendency is to categorize hospitality into two groups of people: those who naturally love to entertain and those who say, “That’s not my thing.” Both perspectives may be devoid of faith. And yet it is faith–that is, our living connection with God– that opens the door for every Christ follower to experience God’s treasures of the table.

Hospitality is more about your faith than your competence. A farmer can’t create a single grain of wheat himself, but by faith, he cooperates with God by tilling, planting, watering, and expecting a great return. Sharing your table isn’t fueled by faith in your magnificent entertaining skills or gregarious personality; it’s believing that God will satisfy hearts as well as appetites when you share your table in Jesus’ name.”

The Call to Hospitality- Passing on Blessings (Part 4 of 5)

My husband and I and our friend Susan recently had an opportunity to visit the home of an Iraqi refugee. We were invited into the small apartment and offered sweet, delicious Turkish coffee. It was hot that day; there was no air conditioning in the home. The family did not own much; their furniture were most likely second-hand. But we chatted for hours and left feeling like old friends.

Sometimes I forget that hospitality doesn't depend on the size of my home, or the price of my furniture, or the food I offer my guests. I live in an area where many of the homes, inside and out, look like they could be featured on a magazine cover. I feel the pressure to impress. But as I mentioned in previous posts, biblical hospitality is not entertaining or showing off. Biblical hospitality is taking what God has given me and multiplying it by sharing it with others.

So what does that look like? My family has sit-down dinners, so we invite people join us. I sing and play the piano, so on occasion I will visit the elderly in nursing homes and play for them. When I bake, I will make an extra loaf for a neighbor. I have a car, so I can offer someone a ride. I'm not a gardener, but if you are, you can drop off a bouquet or veggies at someone’s home. If you have time while riding the airplane, chat with the person next to you instead of scrolling on your phone. If you are sitting with friends at church, invite a new person to sit with you. There are an incredible number of ways to be hospitable when we focus on what we have, more than what we don't have! And you can be hospitable in ways that I cannot!

In the first century church, Christians opened up their homes to host church meetings. They shared everything. Acts 4 says there was not a needy person among them. People noticed that Jews and Gentiles, masters and slaves, men and women, rich and poor were welcomed. They would gather for dinners that Bible scholars call "love feasts", where communion would be shared and Christ's sacrifice be remembered.

And that is what I picture heaven to be, a giant potluck where people of all different ages and backgrounds gather together to feast. We all bring something to contribute to the meal and we all partake of what others had brought. Everyone feels welcomed and loved. It's the most amazing party of ever!

That is hospitality. A bit of heaven to earth.

The Call to Hospitality- Strangers as Family (Part 3 of 5)

We are surrounded by lonely people. 

An article on the Scientific American website says, “Thanks to remarkable new technologies and the widespread use of social media, we are more 'connected' than ever before. Yet as a nation, we are also more lonely. In fact, a recent study found that a staggering 47% of Americans often feel alone, left out and lacking meaningful connection with others. This is true for all ages, from teenagers to older adults.”

It’s true that once a person graduates from college, it’s harder to make friends. You might make friends at work, but rarely are those deep abiding friendships. More and more, people commute long distances to work, families don’t live near each other, and neighbors are aloof. So a person hopes to find friends somewhere, at a book club, for example. You look for friends among those who share your interests. 

But this is not the case for those of us in Christ's family.  We come from many different backgrounds and have many different interests, but we are united by the amazing love of Christ. We ourselves, having been invited by God to become a child in His family, now in the name of Christ look to invite “strangers” who may be very different from us. This is hospitality, treating a stranger as family, bringing in outsiders, loving others even though we may not have much in common.

Remember Hebrews 13:2, Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. 

The word 'hospitality' in the Greek is philoxenia, which literally means 'love of strangers'. This love is a brotherly affection, phileo; it’s the love described in Romans 12. If our phileo is genuine, we would not hesitate to show hospitality even to a stranger. This may mean talking to a new person on a Sunday morning. This may mean making room for one more at Christmas because someone brought with him a person who had nowhere to celebrate. The Old Testament is full of commands to include strangers, or sojourners, at the Jewish festivals and to treat them the same as if they were a Jew.

Leviticus 19:33-34 “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God."

Deuteronomy 16:14 You shall rejoice in your feast, you and your son and your daughter, your male servant and your female servant, the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow who are within your towns.

And these are just two of the many commandments given to the Israelites. The idea here is when you see at stranger, you don’t look upon him as an outsider. You treat him just as if he is one of you.

Now, of course this doesn't mean that you have to invite home every person you meet on the street. The key is to remember that as Christians, we are not a part of an exclusive club. We should never become detached, elite, or cliquey. We should strive (dioko, remember that verb from Part 2?) to be the first one to intentionally break the invisible barrier that divides us as strangers. And for some of us, this is hard. We feel vulnerable. We worry about what people might say if we shared ourselves with them. But put aside your self-consciousness and uneasiness as you look to Jesus as the ultimate example of love. He loved us even when we were His enemies. He loved those who were dirty, broken, and unworthy of love. He removed all barriers so that we could be with Him.

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." ~Matthew 25:37-40

The Call to Hospitality (Part 1 of 5)

What comes to mind when you hear the word 'hospitality'?

"Yes! I LOVE throwing a good party! Baby showers, birthdays, holidays, you name it! I have decorations and dishes ready for every event and I know exactly what will be on the menu!"

or

"No! All the cleaning I have to do beforehand! And I'm just not a great cook! And where would everyone sit?! Our house is so small!"

Before you read any further, you should know that this series of posts is not about throwing parties. I will not be giving you tips on decorating or menu planning. I will not even include a recipe. Because, hospitality is not about parties! But don't be disappointed, because we will be talking about so much more! Just what does the Bible say about hospitality? And why is it important?

First, let's look at the modern definition of hospitality: the entertainment of guests in your home. The problem with this definition is that it is very limiting. What if your home is not very big? What if your budget is not very big? Does entertainment mean telling jokes and juggling? And how does this kind of hospitality differentiate between a warm, genuine invitation for a simple dinner versus a gala thrown by a hired event coordinator?

In contrast, let's look at the definition of biblical hospitality.  There is no one verse that clearly states what hospitality should look like, so this is what I came up with based on what I've learned from the Bible:

Through love, caring for your neighbor's needs in ways that embody the home.

Why your "neighbor"? Because you can show hospitality to anyone who is near you. Why "needs"? Because you are thinking about what this person needs the most at this time, more than thinking about what you are willing to give. And why "ways that embody the home"? Because the home is a place of love, trust, care, and acceptance, and we would not be truly hospitable if we did not give those things. Just think, a simple cup of cocoa and conversation warms a heart more than a buffet and a DJ.

But maybe this definition is still too ambiguous. So to help you (and not to overwhelm you), I will take time in my next four posts to describe biblical hospitality in depth (and what the Bible has to say) and giving you suggestions on how to make it a part of your life.

One final thought for today: as followers of Christ, we are called to be hospitable. Romans 12:13 says simply "Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Hospitality is evangelism. It is loving your neighbor as yourself–one of the great commandments given by Jesus. So don't discredit is as something other people do, or as something you can do someday. But also don't feel discouraged if you feel ill-equipped in this area. We are all growing, and I hope to encourage you if you seek to grow in the area of hospitality!

Why Reading Aloud is (Still) Important

This post is for the parents and grandparents out there.

And especially for the parents reading this right now.

Yes, that means you.

Because if you're reading this right now, it means you're on your laptop, iPad, phone, or computer. And it means that you're not reading to your kids.

I'm not trying to guilt-trip you. If you've just spent an hour at the park, or playing a game, or reading to your child, and you're taking five minutes for yourself to read my blog, then, all I can say is, "Yay! I feel so honored!!"

But if you've been on your phone or computer for the past hour while your child is watching a video, then according to Meghan Cox Gurdon, you need to rethink your priorities.

Because according to the author of The Enchanted Hour: The Miraculous Power of Reading Aloud in the Age of Distraction, sitting down with your child and a book MATTERS. Especially at a young age. Through reading books with parents, children develop vocabulary, thinking skills, and social skills. They learn to empathize, observe, and dialogue. And most importantly, they bond with their parents as they slow down, snuggle down, and dive into a story that they can experience together.

Meghan Cox Gurdon's book sites study after study of the benefits of reading aloud to your child. Having an iPad "read aloud" to your child is not the same. A child's brain does not react the same way to a video or audio as it does to a person reading a book. There is NO app, NO computer program, NO technology out there that can replace a live human being.

And the real question is not just "are you reading to your children?" but "what are you doing instead?" Are you talking to your child? Laughing with your child? Teaching him about the world around him? Or are you distracted? Are you (and your child) immersed in the online and electronic world more than the real world? You can choose to read to your child because science and research says you should, but you can choose to read to your child simply because it's a delightful, wonderful thing to do!

I could go on and on, but it's best if you just read Cox Gurdon's book. You can also find interviews with her online.

As for me, I've been trying to read more to my youngest four. I had been diligent about reading aloud with my first four, but in the past few years I've been spending more time, especially in the evenings, trying to "get things done". Now I tell myself, "The dishes can wait." And I go cuddle with the littlest ones to read two or three stories before nap time and bedtime. I've also been spending less time on the computer (and, maybe you've noticed, less time blogging). 

A Little Thread of Gold

Many of you know of Laura Ingalls Wilder from her "Little House" books. I  grew up reading and rereading Little House in the Big Woods and the other books, and was so excited later to discover a collection of her essays and magazine articles in a book called Little House in the Ozarks. While thumbing through my copy of the book today, I found this gem and wanted to share it with you. You will see that though times have changed, they have not changed as much as you may think. Maybe it will give you encouragement today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daily Tasks Are Not Small Things

May 1923

"The days are just filled with little things, and I am so tired doing them," wailed a friend recently. Since then I have been thinking about little things or these things we are in the habit of thinking small, although I am sure our judgment is often at fault when we do so.

Working in the garden; taking care of the poultry, calves, and lambs; milking the cows; and all the other chores that fall to the lot of farm women may appear small in itself; but the results go a long way in helping to "feed the world." Sometimes I try to imagine the people who will eat the eggs I gather or the butter from my cream and who will wear the clothes made from the wool of the lambs I help to raise.

Doing up cut fingers, kissing hurt places, and singing bedtime songs are small things by themselves; but they will inculcate a love for home and family that will last through life and help keep America a land of homes.

Putting up the school lunch for the children or cooking a good meal for the family may seem very insignificant tasks as compared with giving a lecture, wiring a book, or doing other things that have a larger audience; but I doubt very much if, in the ultimate reckoning, they will count for as much.

If when cooking you will think of yourselves as the chemist that you are, combining different ingredients into a food that will properly nourish human bodies, then the work takes on a dignity and an interest. And surely a family well nourish with healthful food so that the boys and girls grow up strong and beautiful, while their elders reach a hale old age, is no small thing.

It belittles us to think of our daily tasks as small things, and if we continue to do so, it will in time make us small. It will narrow our horizon and make of our work just drudgery.

There are so many little things that are really very great, and when we learn to look beyond the insignificant appearing acts themselves to their far-reaching consequences, we will, "Despise not the day of small things." We will feel an added dignity and poise from the fact that our everyday round of duties is as important as any other part of the work of the world.

And just as a little thread of gold, running through a fabric, brightens the whole garment, so women's work at home, while only the doing of little things, is like the golden gleam of sunlight that runs through and brightens all the fabric of civilization.