Showing posts with label response. Show all posts
Showing posts with label response. Show all posts

Saturday, December 20, 2025

Where “Yes" May Lead You

Twenty-seven years ago, God asked me to work with teenagers, and I said "yes."

There's a story that leads up to that moment (which I won't share with you today), but what was most surprising was:

1) I was twenty, so barely out of the teens myself,

2) I never had the desire to work with teens. In fact, I was a little afraid of them, having had not-the-best junior high and high school experience,

3) I had my doubts. I had no "training." I had no clear direction.

Nevertheless, I said "yes," without knowing where that "yes" would lead me.

Soon after, I started a leading a small youth group at my church.

After graduating from college, I was hired as a French teacher at a private junior/senior high school.

Then I got married, became a mom, and spent about the next twelve years or so NOT around teens. I was hanging out with other toddler moms, chatting it up about nap schedules and cloth diapers.

And I forgot about my "yes," until I got involved in my teenagers' youth theater company (how this happened is another great story).

What a shock! I never would have imagined that I would be teaching music to teens and directing them in shows. And the best part is that I love it! I love working with teenagers and being a supportive adult in their lives.

But along with the highs come the lows.

Two years ago, a lovely, spunky eleven-year-old came to audition for Moana Jr. She then went on to be in The Wizard of Oz and The Sound of Music, making many friends along the way. Shortly after her third show, she was diagnosed with brain cancer, and two weeks ago, she lost that battle. This was heart-breaking news for everyone in our company.

Twenty-seven years ago, I wouldn't have pictured myself in a bedroom, strumming a guitar through tears, leading a small group of girls in singing Christmas carols, witnessing the final moments of their friend's time on earth. I couldn't have imagined our time afterwards in the foyer, crying and holding each other for comfort. And I never would have known that in working with this young girl, I would be asked to sing songs with her friends at her memorial service.

Her service is tomorrow. I feel nervous and anxious. I put my two-year-old to bed, then lay next to her for a few extra moments just to pray. I ask God for peace. And I hear this song in my head.

This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine...

And that's all God is asking from me when I say "yes."


Saturday, October 14, 2023

Who Does She Look Like?



When I look at you

I don't see your sister

Nor your brother

Nor your father

Nor even me


When I look at you

I see the Designer

the Artist

the Architect

the Sculptor

the Engineer

the Knitter

the Scientist

the Musician

the Writer


the One who gifted me with this work of art

and allowed me to hold His masterpiece

this six pound eleven ounce masterpiece

in my arms



Friday, September 8, 2023

A Fickle Gut

A short post today. This is what I was thinking about in the wee early hours as I lay in bed...


My gut is broken.

And by gut, I don't mean my intestinal insides that be can fixed by changing my diet and ingesting more probiotics, or my changes in appetite throughout the nine months of pregnancy. I mean the instinct inside me that is supposed to guide me through life. Somewhere along the way, during my childhood years, between moving so often, being bullied, not feeling affirmed enough, growing up in the Chinese tradition–a myriad of things–my "guide" broke.

Sometimes "following your gut" is a good thing, but in my case, I would be in a world of trouble, because my gut is not always trustworthy. 

I would take my small revenge–my gut tells me,"You deserve it. He/she owes it to you."

I would be fearful of everything–my gut says, "Something out there will hurt you or your child."

I would doubt myself all the time–my gut whispers, "Don't try it. You'll probably fail." or "Rita, you made a mistake... again."

I would avoid conflict–my gut screams, "Run away! Protect yourself!"

We are broken people living in a broken world. Life happens–the good and the bad–and most of the time, my jerk reaction to the bad is just not reliable. This is a lesson I need to learn again and again: trust in the Word, trust the Holy Spirit's promptings, and trust people I know in the family of God. When I get lax and overly confident in my own abilities, I go with my emotions; then without realizing it, I may choose to take the easy route, the route of self-preservation. But that route is not always the right route. 

Overriding my natural responses and emotions is not easy. It's an uncomfortable place to be–sometimes it's downright painful!–but it's better than listening to the fickleness of my gut.


Monday, September 6, 2021

Be That Role Model

I stood at the front of the room, eighteen pairs of teenage eyes looking at me. I was teaching a singing class, but I wanted to share something with my singers before we even opened our mouths.

I started telling them about how I started singing in high school, with no previous experience at all, how I learned all I could along the way, dealt with the disappointment of not making the top choir, but going on to college to study music and to keep singing. My hope was to encourage those who didn't feel like they were great singers.

I wish I could say that a student or two came to me after class and said, "Thank you so much for sharing that!" but none did. But I knew that if I had heard someone tell a story like that when I was in high school, I would have felt better about myself (and not have the courage to tell the person so.) That person would have become my role model for sure.

You have a story to tell, and you never know who might need to hear it. YOU can be the role model for someone who simply needs to know that someone has gone through similar experiences. For someone who is still on the journey, you are the one he/she sees further down the road, and it is so encouraging and so helpful for all of us to know that we are not traveling alone. 

So share your story; be that role model for someone.


Friday, February 5, 2021

My Father's Delight

When I was young, I would spend hours on the piano–playing new songs, playing old songs, singing, writing–I simply couldn't get enough. My parents loved it when I filled the house with music. My siblings didn't love it quite as much.

When it came time for me to decide on a college and major, I was set on education.

"You should study music," my parents told me.

I shrugged. But in the end I signed up as a music major because the school I picked only had education as a minor. Good thing my parents knew me better than I knew myself. I loved the four years I had to immerse myself in music; that love has not diminished. And my parents still delight in their daughter's singing and playing.

Now that I'm a mom, I also delight in my children. When I see my children doing something they love–singing, playing, running, building–the joy on their faces fills me with a greater joy.

Did you know that God delights in YOU in the same way?

Zephaniah 3:17 says, "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."

Some people, when they think of God, think of His anger or His disappointment. They see God more as a taskmaster than a father. Others, when they think of God as a father, see Him more as a provider or a guardian. But a delighted Father? one who laughs? the Creator who enjoys His creation? For most of us, it's hard to picture God this way. We're thinking, "Yeah, I know He loves me, but...." 

God does not love us out of obligation. He truly enjoys us! He is happy when He sees us loving life! He rejoices over us with singing! That's like when I'm with my kids and I start singing a number from a Broadway musical (and totally embarrassing my children)! But I can't help it because I'm swept up by the joy my children give me!

Do you know the delight of the Father?


Friday, October 30, 2020

The Better Version of Me

Okay, it's confession time.

When I graduated from UC Berkeley (ah, so many years ago!), I was a cynic. I had entered the school an innocent, idealistic, optimistic 18-year-old, and left a sarcastic and pessimistic 21-year-old. It took me a while to realize the change in me, and to realize that putting on the air of being tough and snarky was not the way I wanted to relate to people. It may be a good survival instinct in a world of pain and suffering, but it was not loving.

So I made a choice–I would rather be seen as naive, wide-eyed, and kind and generous to a fault, than be seen as witty, sophisticated, and fashionably dark and fatalistic. I worked on cultivating the skill of seeing people through a positive lens and giving them the benefit of the doubt. And I realized that it wasn't the environment of UC Berkeley that had made me a cynic; it was the part of me that wanted to stand out and be noticed. In this world, the quiet, kind person doesn't tend to get much attention. But to be kind is a gift, not a failing.

Now, I find myself at these crossroads again.

Only this time, something had unknowingly crept up on me over the past twenty years. While I was trying to be kind by being quiet and deferential, there were people in my life who told me, "Speak up! You should get what you want! You deserve it!" I started believing that it was better to always know what I want and to be verbal about it!

But now there are times when I regret what I say. I want so much to make my opinion be known that I blurt it out with no thought to the other person, and then later find myself asking, "Did I say that out of love, or in an attempt to look superior? Does my opinion always have to be know? When does it really matter that I speak my thoughts?"

The answer is that I still desire to be noticed, and I sometimes state my opinion merely to bring attention to myself, like the gong in I Corinthians 13:1.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. (I Corinthians 13:1 NIV)

Even if I say some pretty amazing things, without love, I am still saying nothing.

And I Peter 4:8-11a (NIV) says, Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God...

I know that the best thing to do is to strive for a balance between tight-lipped and being loquacious, because there are times when I do need to speak up, in truth and love. But if I really had to choose today which "Rita" I would rather be–the quiet, reserved one or the loud, opinionated one–I choose the first. Even if it would mean that I may never again give my strong opinion on anything, I would rather have the words that come from my mouth be healing, not wrecking.


Tuesday, August 4, 2020

Though this is not my home...

I apologize for not having written since... June?! Has it been that long?!

If it helps at all, I started a post in July, then put it on hold. AND I've been using my quarantine time to finish my new book, which I hope will be available to you al before the end of the year!

Other projects I've been doing during this time are:

-making cards for residents at the nearby assisted living facility

-trying new recipes, like ube ice cream (yum!)

-doing crafts with the kids

-reading stories to the kids and teaching my five-year-old to read

And just yesterday, I decided to landscape the front yard.

Now, those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that my family rent our home, and over the years, I've always had to tell myself, "Don't get too attached. You'll only be here for a few years."

This was partly for my own good. When I first got married, after having moved from house to house all my life, I dreamed of buying a home and living in it until I died. When our attempts to purchase a house failed several times, I had to let that dream go. God taught me that my home is not found in a location, but in the people in my life–my husband, my children, my friends, and my church.

But the down side of a "temporary" home is that I didn't want to invest in anything long term.

"Should I start a garden? Nah, we might have to move in the summer."

We always knew that the owners of this house plan to move in some day. When they deiced to chop down the only tree in the front yard, there wasn't anything I could do abut it. When the sprinkler system broke and the lawn died, I just thought, "Oh well." Every summer, when the lease-end date approached, I found it harder and harder to put my energy into the house.

Then this year, the owners gave us a two-year lease. And maybe it's because I'm feeling listless for the lock-down, or maybe I just grew tired of looking at my dead lawn, but I decided to beautify the front of the house. Even with only a few pots of fruit trees and bright flowers and several bags of mulch, I was able to make my brown yard into something colorful, cheery, and life-giving.

And here's the lesson I learned as I stepped back to look at the beautiful greenery:

Just because a home is temporary doesn't mean I shouldn't care. It's easier to be apathetic and do nothing, but I can add to the beauty, no matter where I am.

And that goes for my temporary home on earth too. There are days (especially in recent months) when I just want to say, "I don't care anymore." I know that life here is short and something better awaits for me. So why try to fix anything here on earth?

But God wants us to be His hands and feet here. He wants us to bring beauty and light to the world, though sometimes we would rather hide for the darkness. Even if I live to be 101, I want to always be doing what I can to share God's love and joy with others.

How can you add to the beauty today?


Monday, June 15, 2020

Is This What It's Like to Be Afraid of People?

I went shopping at Costco today, with my mask on, of course. As I was pushing my cart towards the rotisserie chickens (dinner for tonight), I noticed an older gentleman looking at me. 

No, he was staring at me.

I tried to give him a friendly smile, but that's hard to do, with a mask on.

He finally stopped looking at me and went back to his shopping, but it made me think, 

"What was going on in his mind?"

Was he thinking I was one of the Chinese responsible for bringing over the Coronavirus? Was he thinking I should go back to my country?

And once that thought was in my mind, I couldn't help but wonder if other shoppers saw me that way. They saw my black hair and dark eyes and yellow-toned skin and that was enough. Even if they caught the hint of a smile under my mask, it wouldn't matter to them. I was Chinese. Period.

But I was probably being overly dramatic. The man wasn't looking at me for more than a second; it just felt longer.

I continued with my shopping.

Then I passed an African-American woman. I tried to give her a small smile. Too late. She didn't see it. Or I mean, she didn't see my eyes crinkling in a friendly manner.

And what was she thinking then? That I didn't smile at her because I don't like African-Americans? That I looked down at her because of her skin color?

My mind couldn't stop. The next thing I knew, I was in a shopping cart traffic jam in the bread aisle.

Then I remembered about social distancing!

Did these people think I was being irresponsible? Were they mad because I wasn't keeping my distance? Did they want me to stay away?

Fortunately, at this point I ran into a friend from church. We started talking about his baby coming in July and baking bread at home. I forgot about the questions in my head and thought more about how to care for my friend and his family.

Fear can be contagious; it can spread through a crowd quicker than Covid-19. As I finished my shopping trip, I realized that I had had a glimpse of what it would be like to live in a world of fear, to be afraid of people–the very people that Jesus commands us to love.

"Love your neighbor" sounds easy when we talk about it from the comfort of our living rooms. If you asked me if I was a kind person, I would say "yes." But deep down, if I dare to admit it, loving my friend is one thing, while loving my enemy is a totally different thing.

Jesus doesn't see it as two different cases though. His love for a friend is the same as his love for an enemy.

You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. (Matthew 5:43-44)

A neighbor may be your friend... or he may be your enemy.

My pastor asked this question last Sunday, "Which of these people would you help–a rioter? A first responder? A scared neighbor?"

It's good to ask ourselves these questions:

If someone spray painted nasty words on my store front, would I help this person if I saw him/her lying on the street?

If someone made threats against my family, would I still help this person if he/she was injured?

If a neighbor ignored me every day, would I still offer help when I saw him/her struggling with something?

Will I allow myself to be ruled by fear, or ruled by love?

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Hope When Days are Dark

I haven't written in a while because I didn't have the words.

After losing two friends to cancer, then finding out that our "pet" bird was put to sleep, then saying good-bye to some of my closest friends as they move across the country, then hearing that another friend's newborn has Down Syndrome and has trouble breathing and needs heart surgery, all within a month, I didn't know how to express all the thoughts and emotions in my heart and mind.

The world felt dark, and I found myself in a strange place.

Every time I went outside, I would take a breath and smile at the beauty my eyes beheld, and almost the very next second I would feel tears welling up inside me. Every time I started to sing in worship–sing songs of God's love and salvation–I choked on the words and more tears fell from my eyes. I was having a difficult time reconciling the beauty of the world with the sadness in it. And how the God of love and joy could allow this pain in our stories.

The only thing that kept me going was hope, and not the kind of hope that is really just wishful thinking (this hope disappoints), but the kind of hope that knows, the hope founded in my faith in the God of love and joy. I know that even in the darkness, a Light shines. I know that the darkness would not consume me, even as I felt crushed underneath its weight. I know that whatever happens, the baby, the move, the bird, the cancer, will lead to something good. These stories are not over. 

I don't have all the answers. I haven't stopped shedding the tears. But hope allows me to laugh and smile and continue to strive to love and heal this broken world.  

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 
~Hebrews 11:1

Friday, December 28, 2018

New Year's Thoughts

2018 flew by like a tornado. And like a tornado, I feel like the year left things in my life overturned, upset, and destroyed.

But in a surprisingly good way.

One thing that took me by surprise was the resurfacing of a deep, old pain–pain that I had thought I had outgrown long ago. I cried and cried because the pain felt so new. And I cried and cried because I realized that the resolution I wish for may never come. But that's what we have to do with this kind of pain, the kind that we cannot heal on our own; we have to unbury it, in order to raise it up to God. We have to trust that He can heal us, whether or not the situation changes.

Another thing that I did not see coming was some much-needed pruning. But before I could be pruned, I had to come face to face with my own ugliness. And boy was I ugly! I was mean, spiteful, angry, and bitter, in my thoughts AND in my actions. And, it hurts me to say this, the people I loved the most witnessed it all. But what a happy ending! As much as I wish to hide the uglier side of me, I actually needed the ugliness to come to the surface. Then there was no way that I could deny who I was inside while pretending that I am kind and loving on the outside. And the ugliness had to be uncovered so God was able to remove it. Like a thorn that is too deeply imbedded but needs to be pulled out. Or the dross in molten silver that needs to float to the top. 

2018 was not my shiniest year, or my easiest, but it was definitely a year of much growth. And as always, I am thankful for the words of Lamentations 3:19-24:

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

And because of God's great mercy, I can look forward to 2019 with hope. This New Year, I am not making a resolution to change what I do. Rather, I want to change what I want. I want to need the Word, so much that I can't end my day until I've immersed myself in it. I want to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. I want to act in love, not react in fear. In short, I want the words of Romans 12:9-11:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 

What do you hope for in 2019?

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Ploughing Through

Lately, I haven't felt inspired in the kitchen. Seeing the beautiful colors in the produce aisles doesn't excite me like they used to. Even my usual sure-fire solution of checking out cookbooks from the library hasn't motivated me. And watching old episodes of Master Chef Junior only makes me feel more incompetent. 

But I keep cooking, because I have to feed my hoard of children. Spaghetti. Burrito night. Chicken stir-fry. At least that's better than fast food and less expensive than prefab meals.

I realized this morning, as I was whipping up some boring ol' scrambled eggs for breakfast, that what I'm doing it with cooking is exactly what I do with any creative endeavor. Whether it's drawing, writing, or playing music, there are times when you just "have to" do it. Creative professionals always say, "You can't wait for inspiration to hit. Your craft must become a habit, a job, a task you do even when you don't feel like it." You don't let un-inpiration stop you; you plough through it. And if you draw one thing a day, you slowly get better. If you write or edit a page a day, you do finish your novel. Somedays, you feel like you played 'Rhapsody in Blue' better than Gershwin himself; other days, you feel like you barely managed to play your scales.

The same applies to our Christian walk. In 2016 and 2017, I was in Bible studies and giving talks. So far this year, I have done none of that. I don't have the energy to ponder the deeper things of God, only the little things. And that's okay. As long as I'm faithfully walking with my Lord, I'm in good hands. He doesn't ask that I be always energetically running or joyfully skipping by His side, He only asks that I follow. 

So I'm crawling after Him right now, ploughing through fatigue, selfish thoughts, discouragement, and un-inspiration. But I know that He will provide the energy and the joy. He will draw me into the deeper things. He will be my inspiration.

Friday, June 22, 2018

Trading My Sorrows

My eyes filled with tears as I watched the couple slow dance to 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'. Ben, gently swaying with his arms around his wife, closed his eyes for a moment. He was fighting back tears too.

It was in that moment that I saw the pain amidst the joy, the duality that defines so much of Ben's life right now as he cares for Judy, who has Alzheimer's disease. He cherishes every smile, even when Judy isn't fully aware of her surroundings. He cherishes every word, even when Judy doesn't fully understand the conversation. And even as Ben lives with this deep pain, God has filled him with a new joy and peace that cannot be explained. When Ben is not with Judy, he is ministering to families and teaching others about Alzheimer's. 

Later, when I had a chance, I asked Ben how he has learned to manage the daily sadness of slowly losing his wife–if he has a routine or Bible verse that helps him get through the feeling when it overwhelms him.

"I don't have any one thing," Ben replied in his quiet way. "But I have learned to let myself feel the emotions."

The words struck me. I had learned at a young age to stifle certain emotions. Strength, I thought, lay in the ability to push through fear, doubt, despair, and sadness and tough it out. Why cry when I could do something about the situation? Why feel sadness when sadness hurts so much?

But as I recently discovered, sometimes crying is pushing through. Last summer, when I found out that I was expecting Baby #8, fear crept into my heart. But I didn't address the fear; I only told myself, "God wants to teach you something. So find the lesson." Then the baby came, and I found my fear realized as I struggled to manage everything. But I told myself, "I can do this. I just have to try harder." All the while, I became buried deeper and deeper in my dark emotions, sometimes lashing out at my husband or children, sometimes beating myself up for not doing enough. Joy and peace seemed elusive. I felt like everything was going to fall apart if I stopped moving. But it was really me that was falling apart. And all I was really doing was putting duct tape on a bursting pipe. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong… until I allowed myself to cry.* If you've ever watched Pixar's Inside Out, you would understand.

And I discovered that crying goes beyond a psychological or physiological need to expel pain. Whenever I try to avoid feeling loss or pain, I am really trying to hold onto self-reliance. I put on a good front. I tell people "I'm fine." And I keep trying to fix the problem. I try not to feel the pain in the hope that by the time the problem is fixed, I can move on to happier emotions. But in doing so, I also keep a death grip on my pride. Which means my hands are closed, and I am unable to receive help, or anything, from God. 

All this time, I kept asking God to reveal to me what He wanted me to learn, not realizing that I was unable to learn it. That was, until I cried. Until I humbled myself and let go. Until I admitted that I couldn't do it on my own.

I would have found this in the Bible too if I had thought to look. My friend Susan (thank you, Susan!) reminded me that centuries before me, the authors of the Psalms cried out in despair and hopelessness, sounding almost blasphemous as they accused God of abandoning them. David, in Psalm 13, wrote

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

Notice, though, how David ended his song. 

But I trust in your unfailing love; 
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.

David did not just cry out to feel better. He didn't cry out to the sky just to release pent-up emotions. He traded his fears and sadness for peace and joy.

And that is what Ben is learning. And me also. By being honest with myself and admitting my weakness, I find strength, real strength. By allowing myself to fully feel the heartache, I can then be healed. And I've felt joy, peace, and patience return to me, though my situation hasn't changed much. 

Yes, there is a release when you cry, but what's even better is when you can release the emotions and the whole situation to the One who can do something about it.


(*See the post from May 11, When Mamas Need a Good Cry.) 

Friday, March 16, 2018

Piano Lessons

I apologize for not writing since February. I had every intention to write, but March has been a whirlwind… seven sick children, a new baby born on the 4th, more sick children…

Then I found this essay amongst my writings, and it's a good one (if you don't mind my saying so). If I had a list of top 5 life lessons learned in my 39 years so far of living, this would be one of them: wherever God puts me, I am there for a reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Piano Lessons

I was young.

I was naive.

I was in need of money.

All good excuses, but that’s what they were, nothing but excuses. I should have done better, even if I hated the job. 

Stuck in a closet of a room with a piano and a kid who was somehow coerced into coming was not my idea of fun. For thirty long minutes, I listened as the student stumbled through Bach and tripped through Mozart. Good thing Beethoven’s already deaf, I thought, because he would wish he was after hearing this rendition of the ‘Moonlight Sonata’.

Finally, the hands of the clock gave me permission to release my prisoner. I watched through the window as the student ran to the awaiting car, away from my chamber of torture. Oh, how I too longed to feel the breeze on my skin and sunshine on my hair!

But tick tick tick, there was another student, another lesson, another few dollars to pay for gas.

I worked this job for five months, always hating it. I hated the fact that I had graduated from college with a degree in music but all my passion, ambition, and idealism were demoted to tinkling on a piano. I hated the fact that my working hours started when everyone else’s was just ending. Most of all, I hated the fact that not one of my students really, truly loved music, that it did not sing in their bones, course through their veins, or haunt their dreams. Music, for me, needed to be a matter of life and death. 

But I could not inspire my students anymore than a match can set fire to an ice cube. They came and they went, without consistency or commitment. Just as I was learning their names, they were gone. 

Yes, I was a cynic. I admit it now. I had graduated from Berkeley with a Bachelor of Arts in cynicism. But I was a dependable cynic. Every week, I was in that closet of a room with a piano, ready to teach.

In comes a new student. Anyone could see from his face that he would rather be on a baseball diamond or a football field than sitting at a piano. I didn’t even try Bach or Beethoven with him. I went straight to the Star Wars Piano Music for Beginners. He didn’t love it, but he at least worked through it. We’ll see how it goes next week, was my thought. If he comes back.

And he did come back. He must have been bribed. I could tell that he hadn’t practice. We tried the Star Wars music again. Okay, lesson done. We’ll see how it goes next week, I thought again, if he comes back.

The next week, he didn’t come back. I wasn’t surprised. (Did I mention that I was a cynic?) His time slot was filled by a new student, Barbara. Barbara was not what I expected. She was genuinely happy to see me. In her early 60s, retired, and ready to tackle something new, she came in with energy to spare. We started our lessons as all lessons started, and thirty minutes were over in a flash. Refreshing, to have a student who wasn’t dragged in by a herd of elephants, but I was hardened already. She won’t last, I told myself. I’ve seen it before: start lessons on a whim, but quit when you can’t play like a pro in four weeks.

I patted myself on the back when, four weeks later, Barbara didn’t come for her lesson.

Too bad, I enjoyed her, I thought. And too bad, I was stuck at work for thirty minutes and not getting paid for it.

I left my closet to find my boss.

“Hey, Rita, I forgot to tell you. About Barbara...”

Oh, I know, she decided she needed a different hobby, I sneered in my mind.

“…about Barbara... she died a few days ago.”

I stopped breathing. “...it was sudden, in her sleep, her daughter called...” none of that mattered. I returned to my closet, shut the door, and sat at the piano, the very piano where, only seven days ago, Barbara had sat and played. In all my idealism, I never thought that this would really become a matter of life and death.

And what were my last words to her?

“See you next week.”

Or, maybe... “Keep practicing!”

What would I have said instead, if I had known?

“Barbara, you are my best student. I enjoy our lessons immensely.”

Sounds overly sincere, the very opposite of cynical, but those were my thoughts, were they not?

But I chose not to express them. 

No, I chose not to give any more than the minimum required, when I should have given all of myself, tap danced on top of the piano for her, baked her lemon bars, brought in CDs to listen to together, our hearts melting at the genius of Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven. No, I had thirty minutes every week with Barbara, and I threw them away.

I saw her only as a student, a paycheck, another lesson, when she was so much more: a mother, a grandmother, a friend, a human being. She was an inspiration, to strive to learn piano when most people would say, “It’s too late!” She was a music lover, to desire the key to music-making when others would say, “You’re wasting your time.” But she didn’t waste her time, not on piano lessons, not at my piano. For she taught me, when I was full of longing to be elsewhere, full of pride and apathy, full of myself. She had less to regret in her last week of living than I had in my last thirty minutes of teaching. She was the match that set an ice cube on fire. 

My ice cube.

Soon after Barbara’s death, I was hired to teach at a local junior and senior high school. I told my boss that I had to resign because I couldn’t juggle both jobs. He mentioned something to me about Barbara.

“Yes, I’ll miss her,” I responded. Because I’ll never forget her.

My new job was rough, my new classroom a little more than a closet. Instead of a piano, I had desks, textbooks, and a white board, and instead of one unenthusiastic student, I had twenty at a time. But for fifty minutes a day, five days a week, I gave all of me. My enthusiasm permeated the room like perfume, my fervor set them on fire. Even the most apathetic of students could not discourage me. And after finishing one quarter with a class of seventh-graders, I sat down and wrote a ‘thank you’ note to each of my students. I did the same with my high-school choir at the end of the year, my music class the next year, my graduates at the end of my third year. Whenever I had the chance, I told my students how much I enjoyed them, what potential they held, and how they made me smile, whether it took one minute, thirty minutes, or fifty minutes to do so.

There were no excuses anymore.


Monday, December 18, 2017

Scrooge Needs a Heart Change (again)

In past years, always around this time, I've had to fight the 'Bah humbugs'. This year, I was surprised to find that I had somehow avoided the 'Bah humbugs'... or so I thought. 

Just this morning, I abruptly left the breakfast table in a huff because I felt stressed, tired, and overwhelmed by the many demands put on me by the holiday season (stacked on top of school, work, and everyday duties.) A comment from my persnickety three-year-old (after many other persnickety comments) was what tipped the scale. All my mind could dwell on were thoughts like, "Why doesn't anyone have sympathy for the pregnant lady?" and "I wish I had a moment just to enjoy Christmas!" Simply put, I was in a self-centered state of mind. And wasn't it just a few weeks ago that I was grateful for being back in my house? Now, I am grumbling because the house work seems to be piling up on me. How fickle I can be...

So, once again, I need a heart check. 

Why are we celebrating Christmas?
Where is my true source of joy?
Am I remembering that the things I do at Christmas are not mere obligations, but gifts of love in themselves?
Am I allowing bitterness and anger from past hurts to resurface and take root, where forgiveness should dwell?

And I am reminded of the lesson my own children have taught me over the years… Christmas is about the love God shows us and the love we show to others. My three-year-old  (yes, the persnickety one) has been making presents everyday. They are mostly scribbles rolled up into scrolls, but he is so excited about giving gifts to everyone he knows that he just keeps churning them out. It really is the thought that counts! Instead of putting pressure on myself to attain a certain bar of perfection and expectations, I can give myself grace and be reassured that the little I do still counts, when done in Jesus's name. Simplicity is okay. In fact, simplicity is better so that Christmas doesn't overshadow Jesus himself!

On that note, I want to share with you the Christmas chapter from my book, 'From the Mouth of Babes'. It's one of my favorites!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ Chapter 32 ~
God invited everyone to his birthday party!
Though Tadhg could win a tantrum contest hands-down, he is also one of the most enthusiastic little people I know. One time, as I was sitting on the couch folding laundry, he came over to see what I was doing.
“Look, Lightning McQueen!” he shouted.
He lifted his ‘big boy’ pants out of the laundry basket. And who did he find under Lightning McQueen?
“And Thomas!”
The more laundry he removed from the basket, the more surprises he found. I was watching a happy reunion between a boy and his clothes.
“... and bones pants, and rocket pajamas, and....”
Who knew laundry could be so fun?
At Christmas, Tadhg is also the one pointing out all the Christmas lights as we drive through town. With wonder, he describes everything he sees. 
“Wow! Rainbow lights! And a snowman! Those change colors! Cool!”
Then he gently points out the fact that we don’t have lights on the outside of our house. And I gently point out the fact that Mom and Dad don’t have the time. 
It’s not that I’m a Scrooge. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I love the music and the decorations! I love the get-togethers and the gift-giving! I love the traditions, the baking, the commercialism, the inundation of presents, the clean-up, the obligations... well, okay, I may have become a bit Scroogey over the years. 
But I’ve always known that that isn’t the right attitude to have. Christmas is the time to celebrate our Savior’s birth, a time of beauty and wonder. So why am I not celebrating? Why do we sing ‘Joy to the World!’, and yet, I don’t feel joyful?
Last year, the children asked if we could go caroling around our neighborhood. I hesitated. I wanted to say ‘yes’, but I could only think of reasons to say ‘no’. Our neighbors weren’t the most social people, and– who knows?– someone might actually be offended by Christmas carols, or cookies even, and besides, I have so much to do... 
I said ‘Yes’ anyway. When they asked me again the next morning,  “Can we go caroling? Please?! Right now?”, their joy, and their desire to share this joy, started to rub off on me. Then when Cadence wanted to make presents for all his siblings and cousins, I saw his generosity and love shine through. And when Abigail announced, “God invited everyone to his birthday party!”, my heart grew within me until it wanted to burst. I was like the Grinch, looking down on Whoville, watching the Whos celebrate despite bare walls and no gifts. My children’s enthusiasm over the little things reminded me that Christmas is all about the joy and love that we have through Jesus. It isn’t so much about how or even how much we celebrate, but about why.
One hot July day, Tadhg requested Christmas music in the car. I happily obliged, and listened as he and Abigail came up with a silly version of ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’.
“... two turtle GLOVES, and a partridge in a pear KNEE!” they shouted together.
Five months and counting, I told myself. Plenty of time to meditate on the wonder of Christmas and build up my enthusiasm! 

(Tangent: ‘Enthusiasm’ comes from the Greek words en theos, which means ‘in God’. It’s one of my favorite words!)