Lately, I've had voices in my head telling me that I'm not good enough.
When a mom says, "I find your house a bit chaotic," I can't help but think, Am I not trying hard enough?
When a well-meaning stranger comments, "You must have your hands full," the thought that runs through my mind is, I must look like a crazy and stressed person.
When a friend jokes, "Haven't you guys ever heard of birth control?" I interpret it as, You are stupid and have no idea what you're doing.
And sometimes, all it takes is a look from a person in the store, and the voices in my head will fill in the rest.
Believe me, I am not blind to the mess in my house, I am well aware of the fact that my toddler is strong-willed and stubborn, and I still don't know how I will handle homeschooling, housework, and a new baby when I already work thirteen-hour days, but what I don't need are the voices in my head telling me that I'm not good enough. They make me feel hopeless and weak, completely naked and vulnerable.
So, what do I do now?
This week, I was rereading the last chapter of Ephesians, the section that describes the armor of God. Perfect timing, as always. I was reminded that the comments may come from people, but we are not always fighting against flesh and blood. More than that, what I realized in my reading was that I can fight naked, or I can fight clothed. If I am naked (as the Enemy wants me to be), I cannot win. But clothed in God's armor, I have His protection, His strength, and His victory.
P.S. Sometimes, it is better to think twice about a comment or joke. If it's not entirely encouraging, maybe you (or I) shouldn't say it.
This is timely for me to read as I've been dealing with doubts of my own. People really don't realize (or maybe they do?) how hurtful their joking, unasked for, and unwelcome comments are. It's important for me to remember, as you said, to properly cloth myself.
ReplyDeleteSomeone dear to us told Wyatt a while ago that they don't agree with our parenting style. How is that helpful? Our daughter is well loved, intelligent, and thriving, so I shouldn't let those comments get to me. And yet I have let them stir up doubts. As if a mother needs others to help her have doubts about how she's doing!
Also, my choice response for "don't they/you know what causes that?" has recently been, "yes, and clearly they/we enjoy it." Just as God intended us to, I think! ;-)
Has anyone ever met a mom who was completely confident in her parenting?!
ReplyDeleteNot I! I think those who act like they are completely confident are bluffing. We're in the trenches together.
ReplyDeleteI think it is cowardous to try to hide a negative comment in a joke or sarcasm. If a person wishes to make a critique, then they should just state it.
ReplyDeleteChris, I'm sensitive to critique in a any form! :)
ReplyDeleteBut sometimes people don't mean to be critical; they just don't choose the right words or right tone of voice. And sometimes, they really should just keep their opinion to themselves.
Love this post Rita. I've been struggling the past few days as well. Thank you for referencing Ephesians.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Regina. I hope you found it encouraging for you as well!
ReplyDeleteRita, I think that people who want to be critiqued ask for it. For example, if you want help fixing something or are asking people's opinions on a particular subject.
ReplyDeleteHowever, sarcasm and joking are used exactly because people want to give a critique, but don't want to be accused of giving their opinion without being asked for it.