43 Years Young

Yesterday was my birthday, which always makes me contemplate. Could I count the last year as a success? And by success, I don't mean, Did I make more money, did I write more books, or did I lose those 10 pounds? These are the types of questions I ask myself:

Am I a better parent than I was a year ago?

Is my marriage better than it was a year ago?

Do I love people better?

Have I gained more wisdom and learned more about God?

I'm glad to say that last year was a successful one, especially after the rough parenting and wife-ing moments and strange, blah birthday of 2020, and it was because I took these 3 things to heart.

1) Make every day count. I lost 4 friends in the past 2 years, all of whom were under the age of 43. I can groan about getting older, or I can see it as a blessing.

2) Our Triune God is the God of love and community. After reading Michael Reeve's wonderful (and easy-to-digest) book Delighting in the Trinity, I stopped picturing God as a lone person sitting out in the vast emptiness of space. No, He is in constant community with the Son and the Spirit! And that is how He wants us to live–ever giving, ever loving, ever connected to other people.

3) Live in love, not in fear. I used to be afraid of what people thought of me. In my heart I wanted to care for people, but I couldn't step out of my comfort zone to do so. But then I realized that "I'm shy" or "I'm an introvert" or "I don't know what to say" are just selfish excuses, because I was focused on myself more than on the other person. And if I want to "make every day count" and be like my Father, "the God of love and community", I need to stop making these excuses and start exercising my "love muscle." And it IS like exercise! In 2020, after months of not having people over, I found it extremely hard to think of cooking for guests! And having people over simply wiped me out! It was a strange feeling, and it showed me how easy it is to fall into a pattern of complacency. But if I exercise the muscles of hospitality, generosity and compassion, they grow stronger! What was difficult to do a year ago is easier now! And will be even easier next year!

So here's to another year of growing in wisdom and building up my love muscles! The older I get, the more I live in the reality of being the daughter of the King!

We love because He first loved us. ~I John 4:19 NIV

No More Excuses

In my new book, I make a lot of confessions. Here's one I didn't include:

I'm afraid to talk to new people.

This morning, as we gathered for in-person indoor worship for the first time in over a year, I was so nervous about the many new faces filling the sanctuary. I wanted to stick close to people I knew, or busy myself with something and avoid eye contact. Just the thought of talking to someone new makes my heart race, my palms sweat, and my mind go blank. 

And I used to let that be my excuse.

"I'm just shy. That's who I am."

"They don't want to talk to me. I'll wait for someone to come over to me."

"It's easier to hang out by the food table and keep putting food in my mouth so I don't have to talk to people."

But guess what? God still calls me to love people, to reach out, and to build community. And He has all the tools I need to grow in this arena.

No more excuses. 

So, this morning, I made it my goal to meet one new person before I left. And I did it! I walked straight up to a new person and introduced myself.

Sometimes I'm talking to parents and I hear them say things similar to what I used to say about being shy. 

"I could never do what you do."

"I just don't have the patience."

"You were meant to have eight kids. I wasn't."

There was a time when I believed these too! I would watch how another mom handled a situation and think, "I could never..."

But I have learned over the years that God calls me to be the best mom my kids can have. He has all the tools I need to grow as a parent. So whether I am getting to know my newborn, or I'm figuring out new ways to be organized, or I'm learning patience–again and again and again–God's got me covered. 

No more excuses.

(Read more about my parenthood journey in my book, Dirtying My Sleeves!)

New Year, New Fruit

As I thought about this blog post, I realized that every January, I write something that starts with, "I don't really believe in New Year's resolutions, but..."

And it's true. I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, only because I don't believe that there is anything more magical about making a life change on January 1st than making a change on any other day of the year.

But there is something about the "tick tock" of 11:59, December 31st becoming the "tick tock" of 12:00, January 1st that makes a person think. We all hope that life will be better in the New Year–not worse, not the same, but better. The change in number marks the passage of time, and it should mark a change in us. As Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV) says, "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." The New Year is a new season. It's a new page, both literally and figuratively.

So, I was thinking about my 2021. What do I want it look like? In 2020, I have had more friends lose loved ones. My friend Sarah passed away on December 28th. She was a person I looked up to; despite enduring physical pain for most of her life, she was a beautiful, joyful soul, an amazing singer, and the best mother to her two little ones and best wife to her husband. I've also had many blessings in 2020–wonderful memories with my family, personal creative growth, and spiritual growth too. So how do I continue in this growth? In light of Sarah's passing, how do I best use the time I have left in my life? 

This is what came to mind:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance [patience], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23 ESV)

In the past, I've prayed for more love, more joy, more patience (especially patience!) and whenever I acted unlovingly or grumpily or impatiently, I just prayed for more love, more joy, more patience! I thought that was what I needed. And really, eight of the nine things listed as the fruit of the Spirit are all things I want more of, all except... self-control.

I don't know how you feel about self-control, but it always felt a little out-of-place to me on this list. It just sounds more... blah. In a Bible passage that gives me warm fuzzies when I read it, self-control seems like something Paul just tacked on. "Oh yeah, and self-control. I'll just put it here with these other things." Love and joy and everything else make me feel more free, and self-control sounds so restrictive.

But this time, as I meditated on Galatians 3:22-23, I had this thought.

When I think of the times I've acted unlovingly or grumpily or impatiently, my regret afterwards was usually, "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have said that." All the times I've yelled at the kids, it wasn't more patience I needed, but more self-control! There is a reason Paul put self-control on the list!

I told my husband about this revelation. He got so excited about it! Why do we think of self-control in terms of how much dessert we eat on Christmas Eve or how much we drink on New Year's Eve? God practices self-control... all the time! If He didn't, all His power would be unleashed on us! And Jesus, He is described as a man of meekness. What is meekness? Strength under control. Jesus is also self-controlled!

And so I'll be making 2021 the Year of Self-Control. If I can control myself better, then I will also have more fruit of the Spirit! That thought actually gives me warm fuzzies!

How about you? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Which would you like to focus on this year?

The Better Version of Me

Okay, it's confession time.

When I graduated from UC Berkeley (ah, so many years ago!), I was a cynic. I had entered the school an innocent, idealistic, optimistic 18-year-old, and left a sarcastic and pessimistic 21-year-old. It took me a while to realize the change in me, and to realize that putting on the air of being tough and snarky was not the way I wanted to relate to people. It may be a good survival instinct in a world of pain and suffering, but it was not loving.

So I made a choice–I would rather be seen as naive, wide-eyed, and kind and generous to a fault, than be seen as witty, sophisticated, and fashionably dark and fatalistic. I worked on cultivating the skill of seeing people through a positive lens and giving them the benefit of the doubt. And I realized that it wasn't the environment of UC Berkeley that had made me a cynic; it was the part of me that wanted to stand out and be noticed. In this world, the quiet, kind person doesn't tend to get much attention. But to be kind is a gift, not a failing.

Now, I find myself at these crossroads again.

Only this time, something had unknowingly crept up on me over the past twenty years. While I was trying to be kind by being quiet and deferential, there were people in my life who told me, "Speak up! You should get what you want! You deserve it!" I started believing that it was better to always know what I want and to be verbal about it!

But now there are times when I regret what I say. I want so much to make my opinion be known that I blurt it out with no thought to the other person, and then later find myself asking, "Did I say that out of love, or in an attempt to look superior? Does my opinion always have to be know? When does it really matter that I speak my thoughts?"

The answer is that I still desire to be noticed, and I sometimes state my opinion merely to bring attention to myself, like the gong in I Corinthians 13:1.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. (I Corinthians 13:1 NIV)

Even if I say some pretty amazing things, without love, I am still saying nothing.

And I Peter 4:8-11a (NIV) says, Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God...

I know that the best thing to do is to strive for a balance between tight-lipped and being loquacious, because there are times when I do need to speak up, in truth and love. But if I really had to choose today which "Rita" I would rather be–the quiet, reserved one or the loud, opinionated one–I choose the first. Even if it would mean that I may never again give my strong opinion on anything, I would rather have the words that come from my mouth be healing, not wrecking.

Though this is not my home...

I apologize for not having written since... June?! Has it been that long?!

If it helps at all, I started a post in July, then put it on hold. AND I've been using my quarantine time to finish my new book, which I hope will be available to you al before the end of the year!

Other projects I've been doing during this time are:

-making cards for residents at the nearby assisted living facility

-trying new recipes, like ube ice cream (yum!)

-doing crafts with the kids

-reading stories to the kids and teaching my five-year-old to read

And just yesterday, I decided to landscape the front yard.

Now, those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that my family rent our home, and over the years, I've always had to tell myself, "Don't get too attached. You'll only be here for a few years."

This was partly for my own good. When I first got married, after having moved from house to house all my life, I dreamed of buying a home and living in it until I died. When our attempts to purchase a house failed several times, I had to let that dream go. God taught me that my home is not found in a location, but in the people in my life–my husband, my children, my friends, and my church.

But the down side of a "temporary" home is that I didn't want to invest in anything long term.

"Should I start a garden? Nah, we might have to move in the summer."

We always knew that the owners of this house plan to move in some day. When they deiced to chop down the only tree in the front yard, there wasn't anything I could do abut it. When the sprinkler system broke and the lawn died, I just thought, "Oh well." Every summer, when the lease-end date approached, I found it harder and harder to put my energy into the house.

Then this year, the owners gave us a two-year lease. And maybe it's because I'm feeling listless for the lock-down, or maybe I just grew tired of looking at my dead lawn, but I decided to beautify the front of the house. Even with only a few pots of fruit trees and bright flowers and several bags of mulch, I was able to make my brown yard into something colorful, cheery, and life-giving.

And here's the lesson I learned as I stepped back to look at the beautiful greenery:

Just because a home is temporary doesn't mean I shouldn't care. It's easier to be apathetic and do nothing, but I can add to the beauty, no matter where I am.

And that goes for my temporary home on earth too. There are days (especially in recent months) when I just want to say, "I don't care anymore." I know that life here is short and something better awaits for me. So why try to fix anything here on earth?

But God wants us to be His hands and feet here. He wants us to bring beauty and light to the world, though sometimes we would rather hide for the darkness. Even if I live to be 101, I want to always be doing what I can to share God's love and joy with others.

How can you add to the beauty today?

Purpose in the Futility

"Do I even need to get dressed anymore?"

A popular question nowadays. It makes me wonder if I'm being a bad mom for making my kids dress everyday, and more on Sundays.

But I get it. The novelty of wearing PJs all day (or at least pajama bottoms when we have conference calls) is diminishing. Here in California, we have been sheltering in place for 5 weeks, and for some of us, there just doesn't seem to be a purpose in our days anymore. We get out of bed... for what? Read some books, watch some TV, eat some food, look at the news on Covid-19, go back to bed, do it again the next day. 

If you are feeling this way–listless, bored, purposeless, teetering on the edge of depression–I hope to encourage you with stories of some well-known biblical heroes, namely Joseph, Esther, and Daniel.

Joseph was sold into slavery, living in Egypt, miles away from his family.

Esther, a Jewish girl growing up under Persian rule, was taken to be a part of the Persian king's harem.
Daniel was taken captive to live in Babylon under King Nebuchednezzar.

These three people all had reasons to be depressed. Their lives were turned upside down. They were far from their families. And they were in situations where they had to act under compulsion, or lose their heads. Surely they had days when they wondered, "Why? Why should I do this? Why should I even get up today?" It was difficult for them to see the purpose in what they were doing, or the purpose in what God was doing.

And yet, Joseph, Esther, and Daniel not only carried on, day by day, they excelled in their work. 

Joseph became the overseer of all his master's property.

Esther was chosen to be the new queen.
Daniel was a high advisor to king.

They had every reason to give in to their depression and trudge through their day, but they didn't. And God, with His purpose, used them in amazing ways! Genesis 39:3 tells us this about Joseph, "His master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord caused all that he did to succeed in his hands." A few chapters later, the Bible tells us that "Pharaoh said to his servants, 'Can we find a man like this, in whom is the Spirit of God?'" (Genesis 41:38 ESV)

And what was the result?

Joseph's reputation proceeded him and he eventually became the overseer of Pharaoh's property and saved the kingdom from a famine.

Likewise, Esther did her queenly duties and found favor with  the King, saving the Jewish people from genocide.
Daniel faithfully served the King Nebuchadnezzar, and his son Darius, who decreed that the kingdom will serve only Daniel's God after Daniel survived the lions' den. 

These past five weeks, I've been tempted to give in to depression. I'm just a suburban mom, not a nurse or doctor on the front lines. I certainly won't be saving the world by teaching piano lessons and making videos of my family singing! But we don't know God's purpose in all this. Our story, like the stories of Joseph, Esther, and Daniel, is much bigger than us. God is with us, He does have a purpose, and we can excel in spite of the situation! We can shine His light!

Galatians 6:9-10 reminds us: "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith."

So here are some ideas to help you (as they have helped me) find purpose in your day:

1) Look heavenward and outward. Keep focused on God. Brainstorm ways to aid others.

1) Get out of your pajamas. What you wear can affect your mental outlook. 

2) Set up a plan to do something everyday–read the Bible,  call someone, or dig deeper into the Word with videos like the Bible Project.

3) Go outside and take in God's majesty. Take a walk. Or just step out onto your front step and look up at the sky. Read a book or eat lunch outside. The change of scenery and the fresh air will revive you.

4) Find reasons to celebrate: birthdays, half-birthdays, losing a first tooth, whatever! 

3) Send cards of encouragement, especially to those who are alone. Many residents in senior care homes cannot leave their rooms at this time. There are also people hurting in deeper ways right now. My friend's wife is in hospice care, and he can only visit her from afar. And I can't even offer a shoulder for him to cry on! Another friend's daughter is a first year out of medical school. She is caring for Covid-19 patients and recently lost her first patient. A gentle note reminds them that they are not alone.

4) Pick up a new hobby. Then use the new hobby to encourage people. My friend Angie has always wanted to learn how to watercolor, so she looked up some YouTube videos and started making these!

5) Healthcare workers, delivery people, and others in essential businesses are working long, taxing hours. If you have neighbors in these fields, offer to help with their grocery shopping, or bring them a meal. Put out snacks, wrapped toilet paper, face masks, or hand sanitizer on your porch for delivery people to take with them.

6) Do some research and see how you can help locally. Our local shelter for abused women and children needs food donations. The blood bank still needs blood.

7) Many missionaries are seeing situations more dire than ours, where families are out of work and starving, or children are basically orphans because their family is in the hospital. Contact missionaries through your church, Compassion International, World Vision, or other Christian organizations and ask how you can help.

How to Survive Having 8 Kids (or Fewer) - Part 1 of 7

Nowadays, I'm asked this a lot:

Is it harder with eight kids?!

The short answer to that is: yes and no.

I also hear this quite a bit:

You must be a Super Mom! I can barely handle two!

To that, my answer is:

I'm not a SuperMom. But I have learned a few things since first becoming a mom. Though these lessons took some time for me to learn (I grew alongside my children), I have to say, I definitely benefit from them now, and I believe many parents would benefit too, no matter the number of kids they have.

So, here it is, the first of my seven not-so-secret secrets to keeping my sanity and joy while parenting eight children...

Tip #1) Focus on the Essentials

The first time I found marker scribbled on my light-colored couch, I blew up. The second time, I got frustrated. The third time, I gave up. And I realized, hey, what's a couch? Why am I getting so worked up over a piece of furniture?

"Love people, not things." That's what my husband and I tell our children. Things will come and go, but people cannot be replaced. They are more essential. My children are more essential. If I remember that I am cultivating people, not furniture, I won't get stressed out when my home doesn't look as perfect as I would like it to look.

Another way I relieve stress is by keeping our schedule fairly light. Our family doesn't try to do everything. We can't do everything. So what are the essentials for us? Growing in our faith and love for God, music, creativity, family time, serving the community, inter-generational relationships. When I am looking at community classes for my kids to take, I rarely sign them up for a class that is scheduled during dinner time. Why? Because eating dinner together is higher priority. That is when our family gathers together again to talk, read aloud, or do a family devotion. My family does not attend Awana at our church, even though that would help our children grow in their faith and love for God. Why? Because our Awana program is on Sunday evenings, and we like to keep some evenings open for resting, hosting dinners, or doing ministries like pre-marital counseling. When it comes to making decisions concerning scheduling, I am always counting the costs of the time spent (which includes driving time).

Of course, we go through seasons of busyness. With two highschoolers now, we are beginning to have more and evening activities. But my husband and I know that we don't need to say 'yes' to everything. Constant busyness and over-scheduling can rob a family of its core. We can easily forget to make time for what is truly important. 

What is most essential to you and your family? If you are feeling stressed out as a parent, maybe it's time to revisit your list. Have you pushed the essentials aside in pursuit of other things?

Not-So-Instant Gratification

"Learn how to play piano in one day!"

"Buy now with 0% financing!"

"Stream any movie, anytime, anywhere!"

As our culture moves faster and faster, we begin to believe that anything of worth must also move quickly. My children don't need any help with being impatient. The younger ones want everything "NOW!" The older ones wish school and other new skills could be mastered with minimal effort.

And I see my baby, almost one-year-old now, and I think of how far we've come, and yet, how far we still have to go. He still doesn't sleep through the night. He will be in diapers for at least another year. It will be a while before we reach a place where he is not so needy, and even longer before he is ready to be fully on his own. I'm in for the long haul, and there is no way around it.

It takes time to nurture.

It takes time to build relationship.

It takes time to learn.

It takes time to grow.

I don't want to be pessimistic, but I do hope that our next generation will not be one that gives up easily and abandons anything that doesn't give instant gratification. Parents, make the choice to slow down. To not take the quick and easy route. To emphasize skill-building rather than test-taking. To acknowledge that new technology might be fun, but not entirely necessary. Talk about saving up money to buy something. Make the time to do a long-term project with your children. 

What changes do you need to make in your life to better role-model perseverance, diligence and commitment?

Concerning Social Media

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Youtube

(and those are only the ones I know!)

More and more, people are trying to connect with the help of technology. It seems that every time I turn around, there is yet another new idea for the Internet or the phone. And we like social media, because it's fairly safe. We can make a comment without engaging in a whole conversation. We can unfriend people. We can do it from our bedrooms and feel like we are still interacting with the world. Through the many photos, comments, videos, and "check-in" points, we feel like we know our friends (and even strangers) on a deeper level.

I am not here to debate whether or not social media is damaging to real-life interaction, but because it is not going away, this is a topic that needs to be addressed. A whole generation is now growing up with it as a regular part of life.  If we said that social media will have only a positive effect on people, we would be very naive. I see the current obsession with social media as a cry for attention and recognition from a world that longs for true love. We want to be known.

A few days ago, a family member was showing me the Instagram photos on her phone. With a simple touch of her finger, she could see glimpses of other people's lives. She could know what they were doing that day. And she could feel connected to them, wherever they are.

Part of me felt the old twinge of being the outsider. I don't have a cell phone, so I don't have Instagram. I also don't text, which is the primary form of communication for most of my friends. If my home phone rings, I usually assume that it is AT&T trying once again to get me to sign up for their TV service. The more people use new technology to communicate, the more isolated I feel.

But I am making a choice that I know is for my own good. If I have Instagram and know that people are posting photos every day, I would only want to be on my phone all the time. And I know that I don't need more distractions in my life. The few precious minutes of free time I have should be devoted to being in the Word, practicing my cello, enjoying my family, praying, or reaching out to people with a phone call or letter. (And actually, one of the results of my feeling isolated is that I am more intentional now about connecting!)

Also, seeing other people's photos often stirs up envy in my heart, or sometimes, apathy. After seeing so many photos of beautiful sunsets, I no longer feel the wonder and awe of seeing a beautiful sunset. And, I know that I can easily fall into the trap of living vicariously from the comfort of my home, instead of going out and seeking God's adventure for me.

Social media can be a great tool for staying connected, but it can also be isolation and shallowness in the guise of real relationship. So if you are thinking about signing up for a new app (or removing an old one), ask yourself these questions:

- Does this help me better connect with my friends, acquaintances, and family members on a deeper level, or will it be the extent of my relationship with that person?

- Will this only contribute to the "white noise"?

- Do I feel grumpy, lethargic, or discontent after seeing or reading something on social media?

- Does this help me worship God, or does it desensitize me to His wonder and beauty?

- Does this draw my attention to the world, or cause me to miss out on what is around me?

- Am I relying on safety and comfort more than God?

The Luxury of Choice

This morning, did you have to decide which outfit to wear?

Did you check your watch, then think about taking a shower... or not?

Did you choose what you wanted to eat for breakfast– cereal, eggs, toast, or coffee from Starbucks?

These may sound like strange, silly questions about simple, mundane things, but let me point this out to you: if you are making choices, you are living in luxury.

I was reminded of this the other day when my daughter needed to wash her hands and she came to tell me that someone was in the bathroom.

"Remember, you can always use the other bathroom," I told her. "In fact, you can wash your hands in the kitchen. We have three sinks in this house! THREE!"

At that moment, I was struck by the prosperity around me. Not only do we have three sinks, but they all have hot and cold water! And we have four bedrooms! Families in Hong Kong squeeze into tiny one or two bedroom apartments. And not only do I have one car, I have TWO! Children in Africa walk miles to retrieve water or to go to school. And, if you count all the plates in our house (even if they are chipped or mismatched), we have enough for ten medium-sized families!

And this is only material wealth we're talking about. What about the freedom to do what you want with your time? To say what you want? To go where you want? People in China cannot speak freely. Children in India work all day in dangerous conditions. Men and women in many countries are imprisoned by corrupt police for unjust reasons. There are people STILL living in slavery today, even in the United States, and choice is something they can only dream of.

Take a few seconds today to stop and think whenever you are making a choice. Usually, we make everyday decisions without giving them much thought. Which shoes? Which book? Which store?– we take them all for granted. But our gratefulness will abound if we start seeing that the choice itself is a gift. We will begin to see that everything, from our abilities to walk and talk to reading this blog on a computer, is from God.

Then, if you are interested in learning more about poverty, slavery, and injustice around the world, check out these links:

Compassion International- Facts about poverty- My family has sponsored two children through Compassion International. I especially love reading stories about their "graduates" and how they are now using their education and knowledge to help their families and communities escape poverty.

Made in a Free World- The founder and CEO of this organization used to lead worship at the church I attended in Oakland. He is a gifted songwriter and singer (I often have one of his songs going in my head), but has decided to use his talents to tackle something bigger. Their Slavery Footprint "game" is eye-opening, as is their blog.

International Justice Mission- People living in poverty can barely afford food, so when they are in need of a lawyer or advocate, they are often helpless in their situation. IJM have put rapists in prison and freed innocent men and women. They are also on the front lines of the war against slavery, especially sex-trafficking.

Passing on What Matters Most

I love live music, and I want my children to be exposed to non-pop music as much as possible. So when our friend invited us to hear her perform with her symphony orchestra, my husband and I decided to go as a family.

All went well until intermission. As the children returned to their seats, an older woman in front of us turned and said roughly, "Your children are kicking the seat." I hadn't noticed anyone kicking, but I apologized anyway. And our family left before the concert was done because the woman had ruined our evening.

I wish I could have told her how I felt. I made the effort to be at a performance for the sake of my friend and my children. And these children are the future of live, orchestral music. They are the ones who will pick up the violin or oboe and someday fill our halls with beautiful music. I didn't mean to distract from this woman's enjoyment, but I knew that there was so much more to our outing than enjoyment. I just wish she saw it that way too.

My reason for sharing this little story with you is not because I want to rant about some stranger, but because it illustrates how we as parents will make the effort to bring our children to places and events when it is important to us. Some parents drive for hours and pay hundreds of dollars to bring their children to Disneyland. It's important to them. Some parents bring their children to sporting events and teach them to ice-skate, throw, or kick as soon as the child can walk. It's important to them. These parents, like me when it comes to  music, are doing what they do because they want to pass something onto their children.

And yet, when it comes to bringing children to a worship service for a few hours, some parents freeze. They'd rather sleep in and stay home. Or go to a park. Or go to Disneyland. They don't see why they should go to church, especially if there is no "children's program", because sitting with their children means that they, the parents, aren't really fully absorbing the message or paying full attention. And what will other people think? they wonder. When their child starts to wiggle, they see heads turn and they feel their cheeks burn. Is it worth it?

Author Melissa Kruger writes this in her devotional Bible study Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood:

While the paintings that hang in church nurseries always represent [Jesus and the children] as a peaceful scene, I have a feeling it was much more complicated. Surely as [the parents] traveled to get their children to Jesus, there were diapers that needed changing, hungry mouths to feed (and no a Chick-fil-A in sight), arguments, whining, dirty hands and feet, tired children, exhausted, and a myriad of other obstacles. It would not have been an easy journey.

But for these parents, it WAS worth it. Even when the disciples scolded them for bothering Jesus. And for everyone else there that day, it was worth it too, because they saw Jesus respond to these children with "Come." I'm sure the disciples took notice. And as well as anyone else there who had thought that the children were distracting them from Jesus's teachings.

As my husband and I prepare to bring our children to our church's prayer night on Thursday, I fill my mind with this image. Even though I spend most of the evening walking around with the toddler and trying to keep him quiet and out of trouble, I know that I am taking the first steps to bringing him to Jesus. Also, I remind myself that other people need to see the children there, even if they are a little distracting. Without them, the body of Christ wouldn't be complete.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven."

Children are, after all, the future of God's kingdom. 

New Year's Resolution

It's funny how our parents are always "old" in our minds. I have to remind myself that I knew the 30-some-years-old versions of my parents once, that it really wasn't that long ago that they were young parents, just like me. There was a time when they were more carefree and energetic, before the solemnity of life wore them down.

But I still have a difficult time picturing my mom as a thirty-seven year old. And I don't have very many memories of my parents laughing– really, truly, tears-stream-down laughing. That's why I like this photo. My dad is the one wearing the ivory shirt and beige slacks playing tug-of-war. My mom is watching from the sidelines with my little brother. We were at a camp retreat with our church, and the younger people must have talked my dad into showing off his muscles. Judging from the age of my brother, my mom is just about my current age at the time of this photo. And the smiles on my parents' faces are contagious! You can hear my mom's laughter as you study this picture. She's always had a beautiful smile. As does my dad.

I wish I have more pictures like this one. Even more, I wish I have more memories like this one. Which leads me to my resolution for this year: laugh more with my children and don't shy away from the camera. I want to give my children opportunities to remember their young, laughing mom.

(First published online as 'My Parents at My Age' in Camera Words)

What I Learned in 2015

The year 2000 seemed like such a mile stone, and now here we are, flipping the calendar page to 2016.

The biggest difference between the 2000-version of me and the 2015-version of me is that the old me thought she knew everything. She was intelligent, sassy, gung-ho, and ready to face the world. Then she was hit with real life: full-time work, a break-up, a marriage, one baby, two babies, three babies, unemployment…

The 2015-version of me is more humble and more dependent on God. And if she could give any advice to give to the 2016-version of me, it would be this:

Be humble and faithful in what you were given. Trust God in everything, even the unknown.

And don't stop striving and learning, because, hey, you don't know everything. Every year there are lessons great and small to be learned. And the great lesson I learned in 2015 was that I needed to connect with God more consistently. For years now, I haven't been attending a Bible study, or reading the Bible regularly. And that finally changed last year.

First, I stopped making excuses. Most days, I hit the ground running, but if I make a little effort, I can still find time somewhere in the middle or end of the day to sit with my Bible for a few minutes. If I have time to blog and look at photos on Facebook, I have time for God. Also, my friend Elizabeth had been inviting me to a Bible study at her house for the past several years, and I always said, "Well, it's during nap time, so maybe when the baby's older?" And of course, that day never came. But the day did come when I realized that my priorities were not in order. And I had to admit to myself that it was the quiet hour and my own nap time that I didn't want to give up. What was more important to me, naps, or my relationship with God? I asked myself. Foregoing a nap once every two weeks was not going to break me or the baby. But having fellowship with other sisters and diving into the Bible had benefits that were far-reaching and life-giving. I made a choice and started attending the Bible study in September.

Second, I needed accountability. All my previous attempts to read through the Bible or read a chapter a day petered out after a few weeks. So when my friend Kristin asked if I would like to join her online "study", I said, "Sure!" And we, along with several other women, read through Psalm 119 in six weeks. We followed a schedule and used e-mail to share with each other what we learned. And after six weeks, I felt connected to these other women, even though we had not seen each other face to face. I learned to not just read through the Bible passage and close the book, but to S.O.A.P., which stands for Scripture, Observation, Application, and Prayer. This acronym and the study comes from a great website called Love God Greatly. (I included their explanation of S.O.A.P. at the end of this post.) I've done three studies now with Kristin, and I am eager to do more in 2016!

Tomorrow, the sun will rise on a new day. Who knows what 2016 will bring for the Baird family? Who knows what lessons I will learn this year?

Though the questions sound rhetorical, they actually have an answer: God knows! And He knows what this year has in store for you too! I encourage you to seek God more courageously this year, whether it means spending more time in the Word, reaching out to more people, making a sacrifice, or being obedient.

Happy New Year!

What does S.O.A.P. mean?

S- The S stands for Scripture- You physically write out the scripture… you'll be amazed at what God will reveal to you just by taking the time to slow down and actually write out what you are reading!

O- The O stands for Observation- What do you see in the verses that you're reading? Who is the audience? Is there a repetition of words? What words stand out to you?

A- The A stands for Application- This is when God's Word becomes personal. What is God saying to me today? How can I apply what I just read to my own personal life? What canoes do I need to make? Is there an action that I need to take?

P- The P stands for Prayer. Pray God's Word back to Him. If He has revealed something to you during this time in His Word, pray about it. Confess if He has revealed some sin that is in your life.

On 'Meekness'

Another meaningful post from 2012

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I started this post a year ago. Then last April, I started it again. And now, here I am, trying for a third time. As you can guess, meekness is not my strong point.

But this time, I am determined to finish this post, because I am always reminded that Jesus is described as being meek. But when I tried to find where the word 'meek' is used in the context of Jesus, I could not find it in my Bible! The King James version still uses it (see Matthew 11:28-29), but many translations have chosen a different word (like gentle or humble) because of the modern definition of 'meek'. 

So, curious, I looked up 'meek' in my Webster's dictionary. Here is its definition:

Enduring injury with patience and without resentment,

deficient in spirit and courage, submissive, not violent or strong

And the online dictionary defined 'meek' as 

to be humbly patient or docile, overly submissive or compliant, or spiritless

Hmmm, that doesn't sound like the man who calmed storms, rebuked pharisees, and overturned tables.

Then I did some research to try to find the original Greek word for 'meek' as used in the Bible. This is what I found online:

praus- used to describe a soothing medicine, used by sailors to 

describe a gentle breeze, used by farmers to describe a broken colt

The idea, all in all, is that meekness means 'strength under control', and that the one word we have in the English language, 'meek', doesn't capture that idea.

So the picture that some people have of Jesus being spineless and weak is very wrong, and if I was to model myself after that Jesus, that also would be very wrong. Jesus, though He controls all of heaven and earth, put aside his power and glory, as described in one of my favorite Bible passages,  Philippians 2:6-8.

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God 

something to be used to his own advantage;

rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death-- 

even death on a cross!

And what does that mean for me?

It means putting aside my desires and taming my natural tendencies. Though I can be a strong personality, I don't need to assert it to prove myself. Back in my college days, I was ready to go out into the world and wrestle life to the ground. I was certain that I could have anything I wanted, when I wanted it. But I was also self-centered and ambitious to a fault. It was my will, not God's will, that I was seeking.

Now I am constantly challenged and humbled by motherhood. I spend the bulk of my days serving children from ages one to nine, cleaning up dirty diapers, dirty dishes, and messes I didn't make. I can't have sleep, or five minutes to myself, when I want it. And I know that I don't have all the answers. But when I feel that wild horse spirit in me rearing to break free, I remind myself, choose to be meek. Choose to be the servant when I would rather not cook. Choose to be patient with the child who is screaming in anger at me. Choose to reach out in forgiveness and love. Choose to be like Jesus.

Small-Circle People

Every now and then, a neutral word picks up a negative connotation. 

'Housewife' was one of those. A term once used to simply describe a woman not employed outside of the home, it now conjures up an image of a woman in a June Cleaver dress and pearls, slaving away in a prison of a home, with no ambition to do more than make the best meatloaf in the world to her husband's satisfaction. And so, nowadays people prefer 'homemaker' or 'stay-at-home mom'.

I feel that the term 'introvert' has also become one of those words. Say 'introvert', and people think 'wallflower', 'shy', 'anti-social', 'hermit', or 'nerd'. An introvert is the unattractive boy or girl in the corner by the punch bowl. Or the bookworm with the nerdy glasses and mismatched clothes hiding behind War and Peace. Or the single, middle-aged man or woman who goes home to a table set for one and a conversation with his/her cat. They are not wanted at social gatherings, because they are awkward and just plain boring.

Which is not necessarily true! Sure there are times when I can't think of anything to say while squished into a corner of the couch with the music blaring behind me, and though everyone else is joining the congo line around the room, I choose to sip my punch and force a smile. But introversion isn't about preferring solitude over people; it's about how many people one can be around at any given time, and the level of interaction one has with those people.

And that is why I've decided to give introverts a new name: small-circle people.

I will proudly say that I am a small-circle person. I like going where there are no crowds, because I can enjoy my surroundings better. I like conversations with one or two people around a small table, because I can focus on their words and emotions and talk about meaningful things, and not feel like someone is being left out. I like trying new things, and I actually prefer to do with them someone else-- it's just more fun that way. I space out parties, large social obligations, and outings on my calendar so I don't overwhelm myself. I like quiet, because I can't think when there is noise. And-- this is most important-- I choose a small circle of people and pour my love into them, because I know that though I am not equipped to help a multitude of people, I can certainly help some.

I have been learning over the years not to allow labels to shape me; my identity in God is not based on what I think I can't do ("I can't help all the orphans in Africa." "I can't lead a Bible study." "I can't talk to teenagers.") but on what God can do through me. By reminding myself that I am a small-circle person, I can more easily dispel the label of 'introvert' and focus on the plans God has for me. I may not be the 'life of the party', but I can find the one person in the crowd who needs a friend. I can befriend one neighbor who is lonely. I can mentor one young woman and help her find her identity in Christ.

God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in a God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us... There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. ~I John 4:16b-18a (ESV)

Follow Me

Mediocre.

Somedays, I feel mediocre at best. Mediocre mom, mediocre wife, mediocre teacher, mediocre musician…

On Saturday, as I prepared some music for a Sunday wedding, I felt mediocre. This was to be the wedding of two stellar musicians, with stellar musical families and friends, and I was trying to improvise love songs off lead sheets the day before.

I arrived at church on Sunday still feeling mediocre. Seeing another woman, due in September two days after me, looking tall, skinny, and stunning, reminded me of my mediocrity. Listening to the worship team on the stage added to that feeling. I was slowly and unknowingly sinking into a tar pit from which I would have difficulty escaping, if not for Simon, called Peter.

Simon Peter, a mediocre, fiery, impetuous fisherman, who always seemed to say the wrong thing. 

Simon Peter, called by Jesus to be one of the Twelve. And even the Twelve couldn't help but fight for supremacy, wanting to be the best disciple, the greatest in the kingdom, the most-loved of Jesus. (See Mark 10:35-44)

Simon Peter, who denied Jesus three times, after he had boasted that he would NEVER leave Jesus's side.

Yet Jesus still said to Simon Peter after His resurrection, "Follow me. Follow me even to your death." Peter, still very much his mediocre self, responded with, "Lord, what about that guy, John?" 

Jesus's answer? It's not about John, or Luke, or any other disciple. It's about you and your love for me. You must follow me. (See John 21:21-22)

And that was how I was called out of my tar pit, called to be like Simon Peter-- not to be the best, not to boast and compare-- called to follow, today, tomorrow, the next day, down my own path, whether I feel mediocre or not.