The Unexpected Blessings of Being Stay-at-home with Older Children

I always knew that I wanted to stay home with my children. Then, when they were older, I'd go find a job somewhere. That was the plan.

And for the most part, I've stuck to that plan. On this blog I've written about the unexpected blessings of being home with my children. It's not just that I have more time with them and that I can homeschool. It's that they eat better (and more cheaply) and that we have flexibility in our day, instead of rushing out the door every morning.

Then, as my children grew, I began to get the itch to work outside of the home. I was already teaching piano part-time in our living room, but I wanted to be more influential in the community. The problem was that, at that point, I had older children, AND younger children. I started teaching music classes and working on shows, but I still limited my hours and stayed home in the daytime as much as possible. This was frustrating at times: I felt that I couldn't do as much as my friends with only older children, and at the same time I didn't have the more carefree days of being at home with only younger children. The feeling that I was just "spinning my wheels" hovered over me. I had to push that feeling aside and tell myself that being available for my family was better for my children, both young and old.

But I didn't realize ALL the benefits until this summer!

Being home means that I can be more hospitable. I have the energy to have guests over for dinner almost any day of the week. I have flexibility to cook someone a meal and deliver it. And the big plus–we have other kids over. This summer, we've had soooo many of my children's friends over. And for many of these kids, because they are older, their parents are working full-time and the kids are home all day, sometimes by themselves. They eagerly say 'yes' when we invite them to our house! I bake some cookies and pop some popcorn, and they all have a grand ol' time!

Another plus is that I've had more time with my adult children. My oldest daughter graduated from college and was home in between jobs. My second oldest daughter had summer school, but came home during breaks. My oldest son needed a ride to the airport to fly to visit his cousins, and I was able to take him in the middle of the day. These "babies" of mine still need guidance and support, and I'm able to be there for them.

Stay-at-home moms, I know sometimes you feel like you aren't doing enough (or that you're doing a lot, but it's the same, mundane routine day in and day out!), but you may be doing more than you know! Keep looking for ways you can bless others by being stay-at-home!

The Fruit of the Spirit is...

 JOY!

Last month, I shared about the "Fruit of the Spirit Project," started by a friend of mine. Every month, she delivers a box full of small gifts that represent one of the fruit of the Spirit. Last month was Love, and this month is Joy!

Two days ago, I received a box that contains an envelope labeled "Joy" (with a letter inside), a scented candle, a small macramé hanging, a tiny chick, chocolate bark, and an adorable fake succulent in a little pot. As cute as my new tiny succulent is, I think the best part of the box is the letter my friend writes. She reminds me that trials will come in life, but as Christ followers we can "count it all joy when you fall into various trials." (James 1:2) Life right now is not easy; we are all carrying heavy burdens of different shapes and sizes. But we can see it from a different perspective: there is a unique joy that results from our most difficult times.

Is there someone in your life that needs this reminder too? Are there people you know who could use some encouragement today? Consider starting your own "Fruit of the Spirit Project" to spread the joy!

The Fruit of the Spirit is...

LOVE!

You've probably noticed that I haven't been writing a whole lot. Life feels rather ho-hum right now. Christmas is over, winter rains and cloudy days are upon us. More and more friends are moving out of state. And while I don't feel like life is "on hold" just because much of California is still shut down, it takes more energy than usual just maintaining normal interactions. Most of my free time is spent making cards, cooking meals for those in need, doing front porch visitations (with cookies!), and trying to come up with other ways to keep our spirits up and to encourage people. Our Christmas tree is still up, just to bring bring some cheer.

Imagine my surprise today when we heard a knock on the door. Standing outside was a friend whom I haven't seen in months! And in her hands was a box, mysteriously labeled "Fruit of the Spirit Project." She handed me the box and told me (also mysteriously) that was a part of something she's doing.

I gasped when I opened the box!

Inside was an envelope labeled "Love" (with a letter inside), a heart-shaped cookie, heart-shaped chocolates, a face mask, a prayer journal, a blank greeting card with a stamped envelope, heart-shaped stickers, a rose-shaped bath bomb, and a decorative heart for hanging.

And this is not because Valentine's Day is coming up! This is what my friend wrote in her letter:

In this new year, the Lord put it on my heart to incorporate joy again into my life. Which we should all have, right? Being a social, creative person is my joy. Thus the idea of "The Fruit of the Spirit Project" came into mind.

My Word-loving friend found an amazing way to spread joy! What a great way to use her talents! Her goal is to design a box (one per month) for each of the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Then she delivers the boxes to encourage people (like me) and remind us too to remain strong in the Word. With one simple box, I feel so loved, so cared for, and so encouraged in the midst of these dark and lonely days!

So I encourage you too to start your own "Fruit of the Spirit" project. Maybe you can do this with family to give to your friends and neighbors. What can you think of to put in a "love" box?

(I will share with you what comes in each box as they arrive!)

Renewed Joy in Serving

Serving in the church has been a part of my life since my childhood. Being the daughter of a pastor meant I was at church all the time. As soon as I was big enough, I was asked to help sweep, clean toys, and set up chairs. When my parents noticed my musical gifts and my love for children, I was asked to play piano and help in Sunday School. For the most part, I was always happy to help. As a young Christian entering my high school years, I continued to serve faithfully–every Sunday–because I was doing what I loved.

But then something changed in my college years. My dad planted a church. And I started serving for the wrong reasons. Sometimes I was filling a hole. Sometimes I enjoyed the attention and the praise. Sometimes I served because it was what I did on Sundays, like a job. I didn’t pray about how I should serve, or ask God to guide me. Soon, I grew weary, bitter, and discontent.

A decade later, married with young children and attending Valley Bible Church, I sat listening as Gary Darnell taught on Ephesians 4. I finally learned the purpose of serving: “to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ” (v. 12). This image of “building up the body” is repeated in the chapter:

”Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” (Ephesians 4:15-16)

We are constantly bombarded with messages like “follow your heart”, “find your passion”, “do what makes you happy”. Previously I had fallen into the trap of chasing happiness by serving, happiness as the goal instead of a delightful outcome. But Christian joy in service comes when we partner with God in his care for his family, when we response to God’s message of grace and love. Maturing, we develop a deeper love for fellow brothers and sisters and for the Heavenly Father. As I grew in my faith, my original love for singing grew into a love to sing in order to bring people into a place of worship. My love for children and teaching grew into a love to unify the church through the Word and encourage the whole body to grow. 

I didn’t realize this growth in me until last year, when the pastor to women saw my love for hospitality and asked me to help with the women’s ministry Equip Day. I felt an urge to say “yes” because of this love. But I also hesitated because I didn’t want to fall into the old trap, to say “yes” just to fill a hole. And so I prayed and realized that to say “yes” would be to live in God’s will; it would be a way for me to encourage the body to grow. Though participating in Equip Day involved public speaking (something that I do not love), my greater desire to see the church body flourish empowered me to set aside my fear of public speaking.

Last week’s message in Romans 12 reminded me that my renewed joy in serving came when, through “sober judgment" (v.3) and a desire to benefit the body of Christ, I extended my gift of hospitality beyond simply doing something I love. God provided the “measure of faith” required to use my gift of hospitality to equip and build up my VBC family. And it was a joy!

(This post was originally published on Valley Bible Church's website, the VBC Blog.)

Adopt a Grandparent!

At our church's 4th of July picnic, I noticed an older woman dressed festively in a red and white striped shirt. Though she needed a walker to move about, she was right in the middle of the activities–watching the water balloon toss, trying the different desserts, chatting with people of all ages. She came right up to me and started talking to me about my young children. We became fast friends.

By the end of the picnic, I knew many things about Kathy. One of her two brothers died when he was fairly young. Her sister Rita (a connection!) passed away last year. Her husband died a few years before that. Of her four children, only one is still living. Her family is now only her other brother, her nephew, her son, and herself. She lives with her brother, but her son does not live in the area. She has no grandchildren.

I, on the other hand, have grandchildren to spare. Immediately, in my mind, I adopted Kathy. She and her brother came for dinner recently and they had a fabulous time. They loved the children, the food, the conversation and the music, and my husband and I enjoyed their delightful company. I'm already planning to invite them to Thanksgiving dinner, and to make it known to them that they always have a place at my house on the holidays.

I have a deep love for inter-generational interactions. I grew up in the United States, oceans apart from my grandparents in Hong Kong. Now I see the role of grandparents in a child's life. Grandparents are a direct link to our past, and it is in that relationship where children first learn how to interact with people who are older, and hopefully wiser, and yet are not their parents. It is where children learn to care for someone who may need to move a little slower or need special care. And by spending time with their grandparents, children grow comfortable with being with people who are elderly. And children play a very important part in an elderly person's life too. They bring joy, energy, and a spark to everything. Their wide-eyed wonder makes anyone, no matter how old, feel young again.

You may not be living near your parents. You may sadly have parents who had already passed away. Or maybe your relationship with your parents is tenuous and unstable. In any case, I encourage you to reach out to the older members of your community and adopt a grandparent or two. They will be blessed, and so will you.

10 Unique Ways to Show Hospitality

Okay, maybe my title is a little misleading… there is really nothing amazingly creative or blow-your-mind-earth-shaking about this list. BUT… in light of what I wrote in my recent posts, this list may help you think outside-of-the-box when it comes to hospitality. Note that none of these ten ways involve cooking a fancy dinner or throwing a Pinterest-worthy party. This list is about true hospitality, which is simply loving your neighbor as yourself. 

1}  Offer to babysit for a couple who does not have family living nearby. (after getting to know them first, of course)

2}  Visit someone who is housebound, or visit seniors in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. (especially if you have children!)

3} Drop off a meal (either bought of home-cooked) for someone who recently had surgery or a baby. (ask for food allergies or preferences beforehand)

4}  Invite a new person to sit with you at church.

5}  Offer a ride to a person who doesn't drive.

6}  Surprise a neighbor with flowers or vegetables from your garden.

7}  Offer to pick up things at the store for someone who has a hard time getting out.

8}  Invite someone to join you on what is usually a family outing- the park, the farmer's market, a walk.

9}  When you meet a new person at church, invite them to lunch that day. And if he/she can't do lunch that day, schedule a meal for another day.

10}  Go out for tea or coffee (or ice cream!) with someone who is not in the same age bracket as you. 


To think of more ways to show hospitality, ask yourself, "What do I do already?", then ask yourself, "And how can I invite someone to do this with me?"

Final Thoughts on Hospitality (Part 5 of 5)

Hospitality sounds complicated, but it really isn’t. 

Magazines, stores, TV shows, and Pinterest make standards look impossible to achieve, but notice that the Bible doesn’t mention anything about cooking, decorating, cleaning your house, or being a good conversationalist. It simply says “seek to show hospitality.” Dioko philoxenia. Pursue a love of strangers. Cultivate it. With confidence, use the gifts that God gave you and be the first to reach out and make a connection. You don’t have to qualify somehow before you can practice hospitality. It’s as simple as a child going up to another child in the park and asking “Do you want to play with me?” or “Do you want to share my cookie?” That’s hospitality. 

And though I say it’s simple, I know it’s not always easy. We all have obstacles to overcome. Some aspects of hospitality will come easily to you, and some will be hard. Scripture memorization is easy for some people, and difficult for others. But just because it's hard doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.

And sometimes practicing hospitality takes courage. Sometimes it takes energy. Sometimes it takes repentance and inviting over the person that you feel had wronged you somehow. Being obedient in hospitality, like any spiritual discipline, takes work, practice, and preparation. And as a followers of Christ, we are called to be hospitable. We are called to obey. It’s evangelism. It’s loving your neighbor as yourself, one of the great commandments given by Jesus. So don’t discredit hospitality as something other people do, or something you can do someday. 

Of course, obedience doesn’t mean inviting people over even if you are ill, or you had a baby recently, or you are dealing with family issues. If your own life isn’t in “order” (for example, if your marriage is struggling) you need to take care of that first. Those are times to receive hospitality. There are seasons when you will practice hospitality more and seasons when you will practice hospitality less–that’s natural. I myself go through phases. I’ll have people over every week for several weeks in a row, then I need to take a break for a few weeks. I'm naturally an introvert and so I need time to recharge.

And–this is important–I need to practice hospitality without grumbling.

I Peter 8:8-9 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 

There has been times when I’m getting ready for a dinner and I’m tired and have a bad attitude. 

"Last thing I want to do is host a party right now," I would say to myself. "I'd rather hide in a hole." 

But remember the story of sisters Mary and Martha. Martha  is busy serving and preparing a meal while Mary simply sits at Jesus's feet. When Martha asks Jesus to tell her sister to help with dinner, Jesus says, “She has chosen the better thing.” I never understood this before. Was it wrong for Martha to be making a meal while Jesus was there?  No, Jesus gently scolds Martha, not because what she was doing wasn’t worth the time, but because she was grumbling. Her heart was in the wrong place. She wasn’t really being hospitable. But Mary was. 

The beauty of the way my story ends is that God still uses my shortcomings to bless me. After having people over, I’m always glad I did it. 

To end this series on hospitality, here is a quote from Joanne Thompson’s book “Table Life- Savoring the Hospitality of Jesus in Your Home.”

“Christian hospitality is like a great harvest of bread, delighting us with a joy only God can supply. It’s common to hear phrases like “pray by faith,” “witness by faith,” “give by faith.” But how often have you heard someone say, “I entertain by faith”? It sounds unfamiliar, doesn’t it? Our tendency is to categorize hospitality into two groups of people: those who naturally love to entertain and those who say, “That’s not my thing.” Both perspectives may be devoid of faith. And yet it is faith–that is, our living connection with God– that opens the door for every Christ follower to experience God’s treasures of the table.

Hospitality is more about your faith than your competence. A farmer can’t create a single grain of wheat himself, but by faith, he cooperates with God by tilling, planting, watering, and expecting a great return. Sharing your table isn’t fueled by faith in your magnificent entertaining skills or gregarious personality; it’s believing that God will satisfy hearts as well as appetites when you share your table in Jesus’ name.”

The Call to Hospitality- Passing on Blessings (Part 4 of 5)

My husband and I and our friend Susan recently had an opportunity to visit the home of an Iraqi refugee. We were invited into the small apartment and offered sweet, delicious Turkish coffee. It was hot that day; there was no air conditioning in the home. The family did not own much; their furniture were most likely second-hand. But we chatted for hours and left feeling like old friends.

Sometimes I forget that hospitality doesn't depend on the size of my home, or the price of my furniture, or the food I offer my guests. I live in an area where many of the homes, inside and out, look like they could be featured on a magazine cover. I feel the pressure to impress. But as I mentioned in previous posts, biblical hospitality is not entertaining or showing off. Biblical hospitality is taking what God has given me and multiplying it by sharing it with others.

So what does that look like? My family has sit-down dinners, so we invite people join us. I sing and play the piano, so on occasion I will visit the elderly in nursing homes and play for them. When I bake, I will make an extra loaf for a neighbor. I have a car, so I can offer someone a ride. I'm not a gardener, but if you are, you can drop off a bouquet or veggies at someone’s home. If you have time while riding the airplane, chat with the person next to you instead of scrolling on your phone. If you are sitting with friends at church, invite a new person to sit with you. There are an incredible number of ways to be hospitable when we focus on what we have, more than what we don't have! And you can be hospitable in ways that I cannot!

In the first century church, Christians opened up their homes to host church meetings. They shared everything. Acts 4 says there was not a needy person among them. People noticed that Jews and Gentiles, masters and slaves, men and women, rich and poor were welcomed. They would gather for dinners that Bible scholars call "love feasts", where communion would be shared and Christ's sacrifice be remembered.

And that is what I picture heaven to be, a giant potluck where people of all different ages and backgrounds gather together to feast. We all bring something to contribute to the meal and we all partake of what others had brought. Everyone feels welcomed and loved. It's the most amazing party of ever!

That is hospitality. A bit of heaven to earth.

The Call to Hospitality- Strangers as Family (Part 3 of 5)

We are surrounded by lonely people. 

An article on the Scientific American website says, “Thanks to remarkable new technologies and the widespread use of social media, we are more 'connected' than ever before. Yet as a nation, we are also more lonely. In fact, a recent study found that a staggering 47% of Americans often feel alone, left out and lacking meaningful connection with others. This is true for all ages, from teenagers to older adults.”

It’s true that once a person graduates from college, it’s harder to make friends. You might make friends at work, but rarely are those deep abiding friendships. More and more, people commute long distances to work, families don’t live near each other, and neighbors are aloof. So a person hopes to find friends somewhere, at a book club, for example. You look for friends among those who share your interests. 

But this is not the case for those of us in Christ's family.  We come from many different backgrounds and have many different interests, but we are united by the amazing love of Christ. We ourselves, having been invited by God to become a child in His family, now in the name of Christ look to invite “strangers” who may be very different from us. This is hospitality, treating a stranger as family, bringing in outsiders, loving others even though we may not have much in common.

Remember Hebrews 13:2, Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. 

The word 'hospitality' in the Greek is philoxenia, which literally means 'love of strangers'. This love is a brotherly affection, phileo; it’s the love described in Romans 12. If our phileo is genuine, we would not hesitate to show hospitality even to a stranger. This may mean talking to a new person on a Sunday morning. This may mean making room for one more at Christmas because someone brought with him a person who had nowhere to celebrate. The Old Testament is full of commands to include strangers, or sojourners, at the Jewish festivals and to treat them the same as if they were a Jew.

Leviticus 19:33-34 “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God."

Deuteronomy 16:14 You shall rejoice in your feast, you and your son and your daughter, your male servant and your female servant, the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow who are within your towns.

And these are just two of the many commandments given to the Israelites. The idea here is when you see at stranger, you don’t look upon him as an outsider. You treat him just as if he is one of you.

Now, of course this doesn't mean that you have to invite home every person you meet on the street. The key is to remember that as Christians, we are not a part of an exclusive club. We should never become detached, elite, or cliquey. We should strive (dioko, remember that verb from Part 2?) to be the first one to intentionally break the invisible barrier that divides us as strangers. And for some of us, this is hard. We feel vulnerable. We worry about what people might say if we shared ourselves with them. But put aside your self-consciousness and uneasiness as you look to Jesus as the ultimate example of love. He loved us even when we were His enemies. He loved those who were dirty, broken, and unworthy of love. He removed all barriers so that we could be with Him.

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." ~Matthew 25:37-40

The Call to Hospitality- Ambassadorship (Part 2 of 5)

Did you know… the most hospitable person who ever lived was a homeless man?

This man was Jesus of Nazareth, who never threw a party in his home, but invited everyone he met to the biggest and grandest party that ever was–the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus talked about the Kingdom more than anything else (yes, more than anger, murder, hypocrisy or adultery)! Everywhere he went, he shared about the Kingdom and revealed this Kingdom through his actions: he ate with the outcasts, he fed people, he called the friendless to be his friend, he touched people who were deemed unclean, he comforted the sad and lonely. This is hospitality.

And that is what we are called to do too. Hospitality is being an ambassador of the King of Heaven. As ambassadors, we are going out in Jesus’s behalf and representing the King of heaven to the world. This is the King who loved us even when we were his enemies. This is the King of peace and hope and unconditional love. And we get to wear that badge! And if we’re ambassadors, then our homes are an embassy, a safe place where people can find a peace and comfort that they may not find elsewhere. A cup of tea, a chair, and a listening ear are all you really need for this kind of hospitality.

But it’s not just in our homes that people should feel loved; it’s in our presence. You make people “at home”, and you can do that anywhere. It can be an another person’s house. It can be at work. This is the fundamental difference between being hospitable and entertaining. Any person can entertain and have friends over. Any event coordinator can throw an impressive party. Any interior decorator can make a house look lovely. But hospitality is the overflow of an inner change, an evidence of maturing in Christ. As you mature in Christ, you become more and more an ambassador of heaven, and people see that in you. 

Paul writes in his letter to the Romans:

I appeal to you therefore, brothers by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.... (Romans 12:1-2 ESV)

You may already be familiar with these verses. They talk about growing and becoming more Christ-like and standing out in this world. See, though, what Paul says as he continues with his list of ways to grow in our faith. Just a few verses down, he writes:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. (Romans 12:9-13 ESV)

Have you ever noticed that hospitality is on this list? If you want to be more Christ-like, you must seek to show hospitality!

And what does it mean to "seek to show?" In the Greek, the word is dioko, a very strong verb meaning "to pursue, to cultivate, to strive toward, or to run after". In the NIV, the word is translated to "practice", but it would be practice with intense effort and a definite purpose or goal. My husband studied the work dioko and discovered that it was the same word used in Acts 9:5 to describe Saul and his persecution of early Christ followers. Saul was intensely pursuing Christians to kill them. We should be intensely pursuing people to love them. This is not a haphazard activity or weekend hobby! If we are mature followers of Christ, we should be actively looking for opportunities to show hospitality, because God’s love is overflowing in us so much that we "Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:14-15 ESV). We desire to reach out because we know that we are representatives of the God of love. 

So the first step in understanding biblical hospitality is knowing that it is not limited to your home. We are not called to throwing impressive Pinterest-worthy parties. Remember my definition from the last post: hospitality is showing love to your neighbor and caring for him/her in ways that embody the home. I seek to look beyond my circle of family and friends and people with whom I feel most comfortable. I strive to show hospitality to the librarian and the grocer and the mom at the park. I work to show hospitality even to the person who spoke to me rudely or the neighbor who seems to be antagonistic towards me. After all, God loved us while we were still his enemies (Romans 5:8) and as His ambassadors, He calls us to do the same.

The Call to Hospitality (Part 1 of 5)

What comes to mind when you hear the word 'hospitality'?

"Yes! I LOVE throwing a good party! Baby showers, birthdays, holidays, you name it! I have decorations and dishes ready for every event and I know exactly what will be on the menu!"

or

"No! All the cleaning I have to do beforehand! And I'm just not a great cook! And where would everyone sit?! Our house is so small!"

Before you read any further, you should know that this series of posts is not about throwing parties. I will not be giving you tips on decorating or menu planning. I will not even include a recipe. Because, hospitality is not about parties! But don't be disappointed, because we will be talking about so much more! Just what does the Bible say about hospitality? And why is it important?

First, let's look at the modern definition of hospitality: the entertainment of guests in your home. The problem with this definition is that it is very limiting. What if your home is not very big? What if your budget is not very big? Does entertainment mean telling jokes and juggling? And how does this kind of hospitality differentiate between a warm, genuine invitation for a simple dinner versus a gala thrown by a hired event coordinator?

In contrast, let's look at the definition of biblical hospitality.  There is no one verse that clearly states what hospitality should look like, so this is what I came up with based on what I've learned from the Bible:

Through love, caring for your neighbor's needs in ways that embody the home.

Why your "neighbor"? Because you can show hospitality to anyone who is near you. Why "needs"? Because you are thinking about what this person needs the most at this time, more than thinking about what you are willing to give. And why "ways that embody the home"? Because the home is a place of love, trust, care, and acceptance, and we would not be truly hospitable if we did not give those things. Just think, a simple cup of cocoa and conversation warms a heart more than a buffet and a DJ.

But maybe this definition is still too ambiguous. So to help you (and not to overwhelm you), I will take time in my next four posts to describe biblical hospitality in depth (and what the Bible has to say) and giving you suggestions on how to make it a part of your life.

One final thought for today: as followers of Christ, we are called to be hospitable. Romans 12:13 says simply "Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Hospitality is evangelism. It is loving your neighbor as yourself–one of the great commandments given by Jesus. So don't discredit is as something other people do, or as something you can do someday. But also don't feel discouraged if you feel ill-equipped in this area. We are all growing, and I hope to encourage you if you seek to grow in the area of hospitality!

How to Survive Having 8 Kids (or Fewer) - Part 1 of 7

Nowadays, I'm asked this a lot:

Is it harder with eight kids?!

The short answer to that is: yes and no.

I also hear this quite a bit:

You must be a Super Mom! I can barely handle two!

To that, my answer is:

I'm not a SuperMom. But I have learned a few things since first becoming a mom. Though these lessons took some time for me to learn (I grew alongside my children), I have to say, I definitely benefit from them now, and I believe many parents would benefit too, no matter the number of kids they have.

So, here it is, the first of my seven not-so-secret secrets to keeping my sanity and joy while parenting eight children...

Tip #1) Focus on the Essentials

The first time I found marker scribbled on my light-colored couch, I blew up. The second time, I got frustrated. The third time, I gave up. And I realized, hey, what's a couch? Why am I getting so worked up over a piece of furniture?

"Love people, not things." That's what my husband and I tell our children. Things will come and go, but people cannot be replaced. They are more essential. My children are more essential. If I remember that I am cultivating people, not furniture, I won't get stressed out when my home doesn't look as perfect as I would like it to look.

Another way I relieve stress is by keeping our schedule fairly light. Our family doesn't try to do everything. We can't do everything. So what are the essentials for us? Growing in our faith and love for God, music, creativity, family time, serving the community, inter-generational relationships. When I am looking at community classes for my kids to take, I rarely sign them up for a class that is scheduled during dinner time. Why? Because eating dinner together is higher priority. That is when our family gathers together again to talk, read aloud, or do a family devotion. My family does not attend Awana at our church, even though that would help our children grow in their faith and love for God. Why? Because our Awana program is on Sunday evenings, and we like to keep some evenings open for resting, hosting dinners, or doing ministries like pre-marital counseling. When it comes to making decisions concerning scheduling, I am always counting the costs of the time spent (which includes driving time).

Of course, we go through seasons of busyness. With two highschoolers now, we are beginning to have more and evening activities. But my husband and I know that we don't need to say 'yes' to everything. Constant busyness and over-scheduling can rob a family of its core. We can easily forget to make time for what is truly important. 

What is most essential to you and your family? If you are feeling stressed out as a parent, maybe it's time to revisit your list. Have you pushed the essentials aside in pursuit of other things?

Front Porch Hospitality

Your doorbell rings and you peek outside to see a stranger on your front step. What do you do?

A) Tell the kids to hush and pretend you're not home

B) Open the door, yell "I don't want any!", then slam the door

C) Open the door, point emphatically to the 'No Solicitors' sign, then slam the door

D) Listen politely to the person's rehearsed speech (at least part of it), then politely send him on his way

I'll be the first to confess, I've done A) once or twice. I had a really nasty experience with a vacuum cleaner salesperson once. But usually I do D), which is the obvious right choice, no matter how much it may make me tense up.

The thing is, whether they are Mormons, solar panel salesmen, or pest exterminators, they are still people. And even though they are mere strangers to me and may never enter my home, I can still extend hospitality to them.

Take yesterday, for example. My doorbell rang around 7:30pm. I wasn't expecting anyone. Outside my door was a young man asking for donations. My husband and I chatted with him for several minutes and by the end of our time together, we knew the young man's name, a few things about him, and the fact that he's been doing this all day long. So I send him off with a bottle of water and a baggie full of homemade cookies. 

It's that easy.

We know that the Bible is full of examples of hospitality. However, when we think about hospitality, we oftentimes ask, "Who can I invite over for dinner?" or "How can I make my home more warm and inviting?" or "What's on the menu?" We are not thinking about the stranger who passes not through our front door, but by our front door. 

But take a look at God's commands to the Israelites in Deuteronomy. He tells them to give a portion of their harvest to "the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, who are within your towns" (see Deut. 14:28-29). He also says to leave food in the fields for these people (Deut. 24-19-22) and to allow them to celebrate with the Israelites (Deut. 16:10-14). Although these people may be strangers from a foreign land (and not followers of Yahweh), they are still to be welcomed and receive a portion of God's bounty!

So, here are some ideas for how you can extend your hospitality beyond your front door!

- Offer a cup of water to a door-to-door solicitor

- Put snacks (chips, granola bars, trail mix) or drinks (soda, juice, water) in a box by your front door, with a sign for the post carrier or package delivery person to help themselves. This is especially appreciated during the busy Christmas season. (idea courtesy of Luke and Elise Greenaway)

- Pass out flyers to your neighbors and host an ice-cream social on your driveway. Tell your neighbors to bring an ice cream topping of their choice to share. (I was invited to one of these, hosted by Jeff and Cristin Dersham!) 

- If you have a fruit tree in your front yard, put up a sign giving permission for passers-by to pick one or two. Or if you have an abundant harvest of fruit (lemons!) from your backyard, put some out on your sidewalk to share.

- At Halloween, set up a table with cookies, hot chocolate and coffee. Put out chairs so trick-or-treaters can rest for a bit. (I saw this at a house once. It was an oasis in the dark!)

Just remember, that though we may not be cultivating a deep friendship with the stranger at our door, we can still extend Christ's love to him!

And you shall rejoice in all the good that the LORD your God has given to you and to your house, you, and the Levite, and the sojourner who is among you. ~Deuteronomy 26:11 ESV

(And if you have ideas to share, please do!)

Introducing… Kim!

I know this isn't a cooking blog, but those of you who know me know that I enjoy being in the kitchen and I especially love making food for other people.

So when my friend Kim Chew started a new recipe blog, I knew I had to feature her! Just reading her recipes and seeing her photos make my stomach growl! And what I love the most about Kim and her blog is that it is not just about cooking delicious, healthy, home-cooked meal; it is also about sharing your heart and Jesus's love with people.

But first, a little history: I met Kim several years ago through our church. I knew that her husband was a dentist, that her kids were really involved in missions and serving, and that she had a heart for mentoring young moms.

But what I didn't know was Kim's amazing behind-the-scenes skills, namely in the kitchen. She is constantly hosting youth groups and fundraisers in her home (last night she put on a missions trip fundraiser and served 60 people!) She teaches cooking classes in her kitchen. She has moms over for dinner and teaching. I experienced her amazing hospitality first-hand when she hosted our band for a houseshow in her backyard a few summers ago. Everything was so beautifully organized and everyone felt at home right away!

Despite her busy schedule, Kim was able to find time to answer a few questions for me. Read on to learn more about Kim and her experience with cooking and hosting!


1) How and when did you develop your love of cooking?
My mom always cooked dinner and taught me some basic dishes–fried rice, spaghetti sauce, and stir-fry dishes. When I graduated from University of Texas, I moved to Los Angeles and roomed with my cousin Denise. She taught me how to make a pie crust from scratch and that was when I realized "home made" is so much better than store bought. When I married Steve, we traveled and I developed an international palate. Now, whenever I eat something I like, I try to make it at home.

2) What is your favorite dish to eat? To make?  

I have 4 favorites: Beef Wellington, paella, Moroccan beef stew and Chinese shrimp with lobster sauce AND I can make all 4. I like to make paella and gumbo. I love dishes where each bite is a little different and I like to cook dishes that have my meat and veggies together–just simplifies things.

3)  What is your philosophy on hospitality?  

My home is God's home. We need to care for it and use it for His glory. One of my love languages is "gifts", so when I cook, I get to give. We have always used dinner at our house as a way to get to know people. We'd have missionaries over, to bring the world to the kids. We'd prep the kids with a little history of the missionaries and their country, and give them some questions they could ask. It's helped my extroverts and introverts learn how to start and carry a conversation with strangers. We have been blessed with so much, I am happy to share it.

4) How do food and hospitality go hand in hand?
In a Chinese home, when someone comes in, the first thing you offer them is something to drink. Then you ask it they are hungry, and no matter what they say, you break out something to eat. When people eat together, we share stories and talk about life. There is something about having a table in front of you, that makes people feel safe, it's kind of like a safety barrier. People open up and talk more when you are enjoying an experience together.

5) What have you witnessed in your cooking-and-eating sessions? (and what do you call these sessions?)

I don't have a name for my cooking/eating sessions yet, but if I had to choose, I'd call it Dinner Together. All the people I cook with, want to learn. The first thing I've noticed is that knife skills are an important skill in cooking. A sharp knife, and the right knife can make a job easier. The second thing I've noticed is that people are surprised how easy things are to make. People talk and get to know each other when they work alongside each other. People enjoy making things, because it gives them a sense of accomplishment.

6) What are some tips you can share for people who would like to practice more hospitality in their homes?
1. Don't worry about the food. Most people come to your house for the company, not the food. You can order pizzas, toss a bagged salads, and serve ice cream for dessert.

2. It's not about how clean or tidy or beautiful your home is either. Let your kids set and decorate the table, make place cards, gather leaves or flowers and set the table.  

3. Spontaneous meals are really fun, call a friend and ask them to bring their leftovers over and share your leftovers or do potlucks.  

4. Entertaining doesn't have to be a meal - we've had great times sharing dessert and games or eating popcorn and watching a movie.  

5. You don't even have to entertain in your home! You can invite people to a park or a pool or a favorite restaurant.   

6. My sister-in-law gave me a great idea. She has 2 menus that she serves to guests.  One is Mexican food and one is Chinese food.  This way, she already knows the grocery list, the quantity and how to cook the food.  

7. Allow guests to bring something: drinks, dessert, an appetizer or a salad.

8. Have fun. If cooking isn't your think, don't cook. If decorating the table is your thing, do that. If you are worried about what to talk about, get a list of ice breaker/getting to know you questions off the internet, print them on cards and put them on people's plates before they come.  

9.  Keep kids at the same table as adults and make it fun for them. Wikisticks, lacing cards, small puzzles, coloring books, paint with water books can be played with after the meal is over. Think how fun it would be for a kid to find a toy at their place setting!


Thank you, Kim, for sharing your wisdom! There is so much I can learn from you! Check out her blog, Kim Chew Cooks, for some delicious recipes to try (and a beautiful fall craft to make!)

Home for the Holidays?

"How was your Thanksgiving?" I asked the man behind the check-out counter.

"It was enjoyable," he replied. "I was with my friends and we had a good time."

"Oh, is your family not local?" I asked sympathetically.

"Oh, they're local. I just don't like being with them. It's always drama when I'm with them and this year I wanted some peace."

This scenario is becoming all too common. Mention "going home for the holidays" and you will get a number of scowls and frowns. How sad it is that so many people grew up in a house that was full of anger, abuse, or abandonment. They would never want to sing, "I'll...be home...for Christmas." Some don't even have a home to go to anymore because their parents are divorced or estranged.

Christmas is the perfect time to open your doors to these people. Invite them into the warmth of your home. You don't have to put on a big party or make a fancy dinner. Just think the three C's: coffee, cookies, and conversation. Start by getting to know them and making yourself available. Show them through your actions what a loving home is like. Then when the time is right, share with them the fourth and most important C: Christ. If a person grew up in a broken home, only God can heal them of those wounds.

And if you are the one groaning at the thought of going home for Christmas, but you are going anyway, pray for your time with your family. God can do miraculous things! Pray that you will be the peacemaker, the one showing God's grace. Remember the words of James 1:19: Know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.

One more thought for this holiday season: Christmas is a bittersweet time for those who have lost loved ones. In the last month, four of my friends have lost parents. Others have lost loved ones earlier in the year. Be tenderhearted towards those who feel especially lonely right now and need extra love. Look for opportunities great and small to shine some light in their darkness!