The Unexpected Blessings of Being Stay-at-home with Older Children

I always knew that I wanted to stay home with my children. Then, when they were older, I'd go find a job somewhere. That was the plan.

And for the most part, I've stuck to that plan. On this blog I've written about the unexpected blessings of being home with my children. It's not just that I have more time with them and that I can homeschool. It's that they eat better (and more cheaply) and that we have flexibility in our day, instead of rushing out the door every morning.

Then, as my children grew, I began to get the itch to work outside of the home. I was already teaching piano part-time in our living room, but I wanted to be more influential in the community. The problem was that, at that point, I had older children, AND younger children. I started teaching music classes and working on shows, but I still limited my hours and stayed home in the daytime as much as possible. This was frustrating at times: I felt that I couldn't do as much as my friends with only older children, and at the same time I didn't have the more carefree days of being at home with only younger children. The feeling that I was just "spinning my wheels" hovered over me. I had to push that feeling aside and tell myself that being available for my family was better for my children, both young and old.

But I didn't realize ALL the benefits until this summer!

Being home means that I can be more hospitable. I have the energy to have guests over for dinner almost any day of the week. I have flexibility to cook someone a meal and deliver it. And the big plus–we have other kids over. This summer, we've had soooo many of my children's friends over. And for many of these kids, because they are older, their parents are working full-time and the kids are home all day, sometimes by themselves. They eagerly say 'yes' when we invite them to our house! I bake some cookies and pop some popcorn, and they all have a grand ol' time!

Another plus is that I've had more time with my adult children. My oldest daughter graduated from college and was home in between jobs. My second oldest daughter had summer school, but came home during breaks. My oldest son needed a ride to the airport to fly to visit his cousins, and I was able to take him in the middle of the day. These "babies" of mine still need guidance and support, and I'm able to be there for them.

Stay-at-home moms, I know sometimes you feel like you aren't doing enough (or that you're doing a lot, but it's the same, mundane routine day in and day out!), but you may be doing more than you know! Keep looking for ways you can bless others by being stay-at-home!

Food for the Soul

During the Covid pandemic, I had a clear understanding of the purpose of art. Though most people had food and shelter during the lock-down, it wasn't enough. We aren't simply robots, needing a recharge and tune-up every now and then. We are human, we are souls, and art fed those souls. So my family and I painted cards to send to people and made music videos to share online. At that time, I understood that art was a necessity.

But somehow, this past year, I lost that understanding. I no longer had a clear vision of the "why" behind what I did. My head knew it, but my heart didn't. As I tried to think of ways to bring in more income to help my college-bound children, I felt more and more that artists were undervalued in society. Schools were cutting art and music programs. Tech and computer skills were desirable in the job market. I could make $25/hour teaching music, but if a fast-food employee makes $20/hour (new law here in California), then does that mean I'm worth a little more than a McDonald worker? (I know it's not the right question to ask, but that's where my heart was at the time.)

What made matters worst was that after I finished vocal directing The Wizard of Oz in June, I felt a big hole. I had spent months working on this beautiful show, and it was all over in four days. What was I doing? I asked myself. Is it all meaningless?

I needed someone to shine a light through my fog, so this morning I had breakfast with my friend KW (who was the director of The Wizard of Oz and my musical, Five Children and It.) As she talked about collaboration and worship and God and all things dear to her heart, she couldn't hold back her tears. I just sat and listened. 

Hours later, I thought about her words, and it was then that my fog lifted. This is the vision I have now:

The shows I work on are like apples (or fill in with your favorite fruit here.) Most people will eat an apple, appreciate it, and enjoy it in the moment. They probably will not think about where the fruit came from, beyond the grocery store they bought it at. I, on the other hand, was there before the apple even started growing. I cared for the tree, saw the blossoms, and tended the apples as they grew. I worked alongside the Creator to ensure a sweet, beautiful crop. And in the end, when I enjoyed a bite of the apple, I could think back to the day I first saw the tiny apple growing on the tree. And I could be proud of the work I've done, even after the apple is gone.

So now I see that being an artist is an amazing blessing, not a curse. The world may not value it as such, but that's okay. I'm working with God to cultivate food for the soul!

Who Does She Look Like?

When I look at you

I don't see your sister

Nor your brother

Nor your father

Nor even me

When I look at you

I see the Designer

the Artist

the Architect

the Sculptor

the Engineer

the Knitter

the Scientist

the Musician

the Writer

the One who gifted me with this work of art

and allowed me to hold His masterpiece

this six pound eleven ounce masterpiece

in my arms

Surprises From God

I'll cut to the chase. We're expecting Baby #9 in October.

When I had my first prenatal appointment, the doctor asked what is now a routine question, "Was this a planned pregnancy?"

I said, "No, not exactly."

"And you plan to keep this baby?"

"Yes," I answered, when what I really wanted to say was, "HECK YES!" (pardon my language)

Before the baby was bigger than a grape, before we found out if the baby is a boy or a girl (it's a girl!), before I ever saw her wiggling on the ultrasound, I cared for this human.

My husband and I were not expecting another child. After all, I'm 44 years-old. My youngest is now 5. I had become really good at tracking my ovulation cycle, and then...

God surprised us.

And this all happened RIGHT BEFORE the opening of my musical. Not the best timing.

And yet, it was my musical that helped me wrap my head (and heart) around this surprise.

I didn't expect to get pregnant, just as I didn't expect to write a musical. And if I saw Five Children and It as a gift from God, entrusted to me to bring to fruition and share with the world, how much more can this child be a gift?! God surprised me with 3+ years of working on a musical, and if I said "No" to him at the start, I would have never experienced the joy that the musical brought me. And that is how I see this child. There will be years of work involved, but the joys will outshine the work.

Children, ALL children, are a gift. It sounds clichéd, but I must say it, because I hear parents, Christians and non-Christians alike, complain about their children. Some people (Christians and non-Christians alike) think I'm crazy to have nine children. They see children as a chore and an inconvenience. I admit that in my younger years, I would have been whining to God at this point, "How am I going to handle another one? When will I have time to do the things I want to do?" 

But children are people, and we need to fight the urge to think of the people in our lives as "inconveniences." Let us love as God loves us; we are God's children, and we are NEVER an inconvenience to Him. 

A Musical is Born -Part 16- The Shows!

Opening night was two weeks ago, and I am just now starting to feel normal. Our five shows were just THAT amazing, THAT emotional, and THAT exhausting! After spending 5+ hours at the theater every day for tech week, then spending 5+ hours at the theater every day for shows (including a back-to-back show on Saturday), plus the hour-long round-trip drive every day, I was done. But if I could have kept going at that pace, I certainly would have. It was just THAT magical.

Our tech week went as smoothly as it could have. After moving into the theater on Saturday and doing a rehearsal on the stage for the first time, we started adding elements.

On Sunday, we did a cue-to-cue rehearsal. This means adding any lighting cues, sound effect cues, or cues for the backstage crew. We worked out how exactly we wanted the show to start– do actors enter in darkness and we turn on the lights as the music begins? Or do we start with the lights and music and have actors enter? We went with the latter. This rehearsal can mean a lot of stop-and-go for the actors, because it's the stage manager's and director's first chance to work on timing and problem-solving. A show involves a LOT more than just the people on the stage!!

On Monday, we added costumes. This was wonderful because our Psammead (Sand Fairy) really got a chance to get into character with his whiskers, round belly, and furry feet. All other actors felt like they were from the time period. It was also their chance to practice dancing and moving in skirts and high heels. And it was also the time to practice any change of costumes required! For Act 2, we needed almost everyone in a soldier outfit, which they needed to get out of immediately after the scene. Some of these "quick changes" were not quite quick enough on the first day; that's why we give ourselves a few days to fine tune everything that needs to happen backstage!

On Tuesday, we added makeup. We require our actors to put on their own makeup before they arrive at the theater. Those needing special help (like when we did Beauty and the Beast in the fall) get help from our theater moms. Also, special mustaches, wigs, eyebrows, etc. are added at the theater. And we use lots of hairspray!! Any flyaway hairs can create a halo effect around an actor's head.

And throughout the week, we kept perfecting the show. The sound tech and I tried different configurations for the band so that we would have the best blend in the house. KW (the director) reblocked a scene that looked crowded on the stage. I threw out an unnecessary line (at the end of Scene 1) and changed an ambiguous lyric. Anything that we were not completely happy with, we found a way to make it better. And I saw the actors do the same! They were trying new ways to move in character and new ways to say their lines. I watched as they became more and more their characters with every run-through!

Wednesday was our dress rehearsal. Everything was in place, except for two things: 1) an actor sprained her ankle earlier in tech week and was slowly recovering, but we weren't sure if she would need crutches on stage; 2) illness had been plaguing us (no pun intended) on and off this winter, and two actors were sick for the dress rehearsal. We had two actors fill in with scripts in hand, and we were still able to go through the whole rehearsal. Everyone prayed that we would have a fully-healthy cast for opening night.

I was surprising relaxed on opening night. At this point, my job was mostly done. All I had to do was warm up the singers, lead them in a worship song, then conduct the band. The rest was up to the performers. I was so confident in our actors that I didn't worry about them at all. And we had ALL healthy actors that night! I KNEW that the show was going to be splendid. And I also knew that in the world of live theater, if something does go wrong, you just recover quickly.

And opening night was FANTASTIC! A few tiny things might have not gone as rehearsed, but I didn't even notice them! When I was conducting, I felt the music carry me away. When I wasn’t, I sat back and enjoyed every moment of the story. The audience laughed and cried and clapped and cheered. Many of them were not familiar with the story of Five Children and It, and they simply fell in love with the Psammead. The second, third, and fourth shows were the same. Every night, everyone gave their all. By Sunday's matinee, we had a sold out show!

I am so proud of my actors, and also proud AND grateful for everyone behind the scenes who made this show possible: sound tech, makeup and hair, costumes, sets, band, publicity, the directors and stage managers and everyone backstage. Without everyone's help, Five Children and It would still simply be words on a page. This two-hour production took an entire village and months of preparation. 

And like I said, I would do it all again.

But my job is not done yet. I will revise the script and scores to reflect the changes we've made in the show since November. And this weekend, we are recording an ORIGINAL CAST RECORDING!!!

43 Years Young

Yesterday was my birthday, which always makes me contemplate. Could I count the last year as a success? And by success, I don't mean, Did I make more money, did I write more books, or did I lose those 10 pounds? These are the types of questions I ask myself:

Am I a better parent than I was a year ago?

Is my marriage better than it was a year ago?

Do I love people better?

Have I gained more wisdom and learned more about God?

I'm glad to say that last year was a successful one, especially after the rough parenting and wife-ing moments and strange, blah birthday of 2020, and it was because I took these 3 things to heart.

1) Make every day count. I lost 4 friends in the past 2 years, all of whom were under the age of 43. I can groan about getting older, or I can see it as a blessing.

2) Our Triune God is the God of love and community. After reading Michael Reeve's wonderful (and easy-to-digest) book Delighting in the Trinity, I stopped picturing God as a lone person sitting out in the vast emptiness of space. No, He is in constant community with the Son and the Spirit! And that is how He wants us to live–ever giving, ever loving, ever connected to other people.

3) Live in love, not in fear. I used to be afraid of what people thought of me. In my heart I wanted to care for people, but I couldn't step out of my comfort zone to do so. But then I realized that "I'm shy" or "I'm an introvert" or "I don't know what to say" are just selfish excuses, because I was focused on myself more than on the other person. And if I want to "make every day count" and be like my Father, "the God of love and community", I need to stop making these excuses and start exercising my "love muscle." And it IS like exercise! In 2020, after months of not having people over, I found it extremely hard to think of cooking for guests! And having people over simply wiped me out! It was a strange feeling, and it showed me how easy it is to fall into a pattern of complacency. But if I exercise the muscles of hospitality, generosity and compassion, they grow stronger! What was difficult to do a year ago is easier now! And will be even easier next year!

So here's to another year of growing in wisdom and building up my love muscles! The older I get, the more I live in the reality of being the daughter of the King!

We love because He first loved us. ~I John 4:19 NIV

The Fruit of the Spirit is....

PEACE!

Don't we all need more peace in our lives?

Not just the clean-and-quiet-house kind of peace, or the lounging-on-a-beach-in-Hawaii kind of peace. I'm talking about the strong, steady peace of being in under God's wings even when a storm is raging all around you.

Last month's "Fruit of the Spirit" box (I'm a bit behind) included a scented candle, rosemary-infused olive oil, handmade soap, a pen, and a small poster that says:

Peace... Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

What a wonderful reminder as we face the uncertainties of today and tomorrow.

What I've Learned during Covid

Recently, I learned something about myself.

I walked into the kitchen and saw a mountain of pots and pans in the sink, leftover from breakfast and lunchtime. 

Ugh, I said to myself. I knew I had to tackle them before dinner prep started. 

I took a step toward the sink, my eyes locked on the dishes, daring them to look away...  and I lost the staring contest.  I turned and decided I'd rather bake something instead (even if that meant more dishes.) 

Then, while the pumpkin pasties were in the oven, awaiting my consumption, I started washing and cleaning up. Funny, how at that point, I didn't mind doing the dishes.

What did I learn?

That it's not the kitchen that I like, but the food. I'm not really in the kitchen unless there is en enticing, tasty reason to be.

Here is something else I've learned from these recent months: what is essential, and what is merely an inconvenience.

Wearing a mask is an inconvenience, when people are losing their jobs and losing their loved ones.

Writing a card and putting it in the mail, or baking banana bread and dropping it off at someone's house, is an inconvenience, when there are people who are lonely and missing friends and family.

Packing up enough fold-up chairs for a family of 10, along with toys, crayons, and lunches for the little ones as we attend the 11:00 outdoor service is an inconvenience, when it means that we can gather with our church family for worship.

Do you see what I mean?

Even today, when the sun was shining too brightly and the black top started warming up to uncomfortable temperatures, I thought to myself, "This is merely an inconvenience! What is better than being with my church family on Palm Sunday?!"

And I pray that you learn this lesson too. There are so many non-essential details in life that we can complain about, but if we really focus on what is important, we will find that those details don't really matter anymore.

What have you learned during this Covid time?

The Fruit of the Spirit is...

 JOY!

Last month, I shared about the "Fruit of the Spirit Project," started by a friend of mine. Every month, she delivers a box full of small gifts that represent one of the fruit of the Spirit. Last month was Love, and this month is Joy!

Two days ago, I received a box that contains an envelope labeled "Joy" (with a letter inside), a scented candle, a small macramé hanging, a tiny chick, chocolate bark, and an adorable fake succulent in a little pot. As cute as my new tiny succulent is, I think the best part of the box is the letter my friend writes. She reminds me that trials will come in life, but as Christ followers we can "count it all joy when you fall into various trials." (James 1:2) Life right now is not easy; we are all carrying heavy burdens of different shapes and sizes. But we can see it from a different perspective: there is a unique joy that results from our most difficult times.

Is there someone in your life that needs this reminder too? Are there people you know who could use some encouragement today? Consider starting your own "Fruit of the Spirit Project" to spread the joy!

The Fruit of the Spirit is...

LOVE!

You've probably noticed that I haven't been writing a whole lot. Life feels rather ho-hum right now. Christmas is over, winter rains and cloudy days are upon us. More and more friends are moving out of state. And while I don't feel like life is "on hold" just because much of California is still shut down, it takes more energy than usual just maintaining normal interactions. Most of my free time is spent making cards, cooking meals for those in need, doing front porch visitations (with cookies!), and trying to come up with other ways to keep our spirits up and to encourage people. Our Christmas tree is still up, just to bring bring some cheer.

Imagine my surprise today when we heard a knock on the door. Standing outside was a friend whom I haven't seen in months! And in her hands was a box, mysteriously labeled "Fruit of the Spirit Project." She handed me the box and told me (also mysteriously) that was a part of something she's doing.

I gasped when I opened the box!

Inside was an envelope labeled "Love" (with a letter inside), a heart-shaped cookie, heart-shaped chocolates, a face mask, a prayer journal, a blank greeting card with a stamped envelope, heart-shaped stickers, a rose-shaped bath bomb, and a decorative heart for hanging.

And this is not because Valentine's Day is coming up! This is what my friend wrote in her letter:

In this new year, the Lord put it on my heart to incorporate joy again into my life. Which we should all have, right? Being a social, creative person is my joy. Thus the idea of "The Fruit of the Spirit Project" came into mind.

My Word-loving friend found an amazing way to spread joy! What a great way to use her talents! Her goal is to design a box (one per month) for each of the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Then she delivers the boxes to encourage people (like me) and remind us too to remain strong in the Word. With one simple box, I feel so loved, so cared for, and so encouraged in the midst of these dark and lonely days!

So I encourage you too to start your own "Fruit of the Spirit" project. Maybe you can do this with family to give to your friends and neighbors. What can you think of to put in a "love" box?

(I will share with you what comes in each box as they arrive!)

New Year, New Fruit

As I thought about this blog post, I realized that every January, I write something that starts with, "I don't really believe in New Year's resolutions, but..."

And it's true. I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, only because I don't believe that there is anything more magical about making a life change on January 1st than making a change on any other day of the year.

But there is something about the "tick tock" of 11:59, December 31st becoming the "tick tock" of 12:00, January 1st that makes a person think. We all hope that life will be better in the New Year–not worse, not the same, but better. The change in number marks the passage of time, and it should mark a change in us. As Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV) says, "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." The New Year is a new season. It's a new page, both literally and figuratively.

So, I was thinking about my 2021. What do I want it look like? In 2020, I have had more friends lose loved ones. My friend Sarah passed away on December 28th. She was a person I looked up to; despite enduring physical pain for most of her life, she was a beautiful, joyful soul, an amazing singer, and the best mother to her two little ones and best wife to her husband. I've also had many blessings in 2020–wonderful memories with my family, personal creative growth, and spiritual growth too. So how do I continue in this growth? In light of Sarah's passing, how do I best use the time I have left in my life? 

This is what came to mind:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance [patience], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23 ESV)

In the past, I've prayed for more love, more joy, more patience (especially patience!) and whenever I acted unlovingly or grumpily or impatiently, I just prayed for more love, more joy, more patience! I thought that was what I needed. And really, eight of the nine things listed as the fruit of the Spirit are all things I want more of, all except... self-control.

I don't know how you feel about self-control, but it always felt a little out-of-place to me on this list. It just sounds more... blah. In a Bible passage that gives me warm fuzzies when I read it, self-control seems like something Paul just tacked on. "Oh yeah, and self-control. I'll just put it here with these other things." Love and joy and everything else make me feel more free, and self-control sounds so restrictive.

But this time, as I meditated on Galatians 3:22-23, I had this thought.

When I think of the times I've acted unlovingly or grumpily or impatiently, my regret afterwards was usually, "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have said that." All the times I've yelled at the kids, it wasn't more patience I needed, but more self-control! There is a reason Paul put self-control on the list!

I told my husband about this revelation. He got so excited about it! Why do we think of self-control in terms of how much dessert we eat on Christmas Eve or how much we drink on New Year's Eve? God practices self-control... all the time! If He didn't, all His power would be unleashed on us! And Jesus, He is described as a man of meekness. What is meekness? Strength under control. Jesus is also self-controlled!

And so I'll be making 2021 the Year of Self-Control. If I can control myself better, then I will also have more fruit of the Spirit! That thought actually gives me warm fuzzies!

How about you? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Which would you like to focus on this year?

Joy in the Trials

My husband is currently reading through the book of Proverbs with the family at breakfast time. A few days ago, he read this:

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox. (Proverbs 14:4 ESV)

When I heard those words, I had to chime it.

"My version is 'Where there are no children, the house is clean, but abundant joy comes by the presence of children.'"

And boy, am I feeling this right now!

With all of us at home, playing, creating, schooling, and working, the house pretty much looks like a disaster ALL THE TIME. We have close to a hundred books checked out from the library. On top of that, my husband brought home books from his office. The little boys have been setting up trains or scenes with tiny army men on the floor. My older kids are drawing and painting and cutting up cardboard boxes. And I'm in the kitchen cooking and baking, and now, preparing for Easter treats. 

But I go back to the proverb (my version). Joy, different from happiness, is rooted in knowing that God has me in His Hands, despite my situation. My children, in their joyful, innocent, trusting way, remind me that I too can trust in my Father. 

Life does not looking normal right now, and there are times when I almost can't stand the chaos, but I can't deny that there is much joy in our house. We are healthy. The children are working on projects together. My husband has spent more time with the kids than ever before. I see the older ones playing with the younger ones, and their laughter is contagious! We may not like living in these uncertain times, in almost complete seclusion, but at the same time, I am noticing the benefits. Whereas before, I would look at the calendar in astonishment and wonder, "Where did the time go?!", I feel like I'm actually experiencing each and every day.

I remember a quote recently shared to me by a dear friend. Fanny Crosby, the blind author who penned the words to the hymn 'Blessed Assurance', wrote this about joy:

Blindness cannot keep the sunlight of hope from the trusting soul. One of the easiest resolves that I formed in my young and joyous heart was to leave all care to yesterday and to believe that the morning would bring forth its own peculiar joy.

And that is what I've been doing–looking for the day's "peculiar joy". 

And one of these joys is music making with my family. We've always had a few reluctant kids who just did NOT want to perform, but now, without the pressure of an actual audience, they are emerging from their shells. For the first time, we've been able to musically involve all the older children in some way. And we've even put our music on Youtube! You can look us up under Homespun Royale (our band's name) or click on this link to hear our version of Ms. Crosby's Blessed Assurance (which actually has all 8 kids "participating" in the video!) 

So at this time, as difficult as it may be to adjust to homeschooling, entertaining, and feeding your children around the clock, find your "peculiar joys". Make memories. Stop to take mental pictures. Thank God for this time together.

Thankful, Not Entitled

"You deserve it!"

All my life, I've heard this from advertisements, movies, TV shows, and well-meaning folk. I've heard it so much that now there is a voice in my head yelling it whenever I feel someone has wronged me somehow. Just this past week, after nights of coughing and bad sleep, I was impatient and grumbly with my family because I kept thinking, "I deserve a break! I deserve help! I deserve people listening to me with no question because I am sick!" Not to mention all the times when I am perfectly healthy but feel that "I deserve recognition" or "I deserve a better present" or "I deserve a nicer house."

But here's the truth: I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything at all.

A mother loses a child. A wife loses a husband. A girl finds out she has cancer. A family loses their house. I have my children, my husband, my health, and my house. Did I do anything to deserve this? No, I am not anymore deserving than any other woman.

An attitude of entitlement is the opposite of a heart of thanksgiving. Telling myself that I deserve something, no matter how big or small that something is, only raises my expectations that people should give me what I want, and this breeds discontent, pride, and bitterness. I cannot be thankful if I don't receive everything as a gift.

And so this year, as Thanksgiving Day comes again, I am working on quieting that voice in my head in order to cultivate my heard of thankfulness. Instead of "I deserve", I tell myself "Be thankful." Be thankful for a husband who shows you love everyday, be thankful for children who are growing and learning, be thankful for a body that works with minimal pain, be thankful for a warm, safe home. 

And even if tomorrow I lose what I hold most dearly, God has given me the gift of His love and His mercy, which I can never, ever deserve. God has given me more gifts than I could have ever imagined: my family, my friends, and new mercies everyday.

10 Unique Ways to Show Hospitality

Okay, maybe my title is a little misleading… there is really nothing amazingly creative or blow-your-mind-earth-shaking about this list. BUT… in light of what I wrote in my recent posts, this list may help you think outside-of-the-box when it comes to hospitality. Note that none of these ten ways involve cooking a fancy dinner or throwing a Pinterest-worthy party. This list is about true hospitality, which is simply loving your neighbor as yourself. 

1}  Offer to babysit for a couple who does not have family living nearby. (after getting to know them first, of course)

2}  Visit someone who is housebound, or visit seniors in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. (especially if you have children!)

3} Drop off a meal (either bought of home-cooked) for someone who recently had surgery or a baby. (ask for food allergies or preferences beforehand)

4}  Invite a new person to sit with you at church.

5}  Offer a ride to a person who doesn't drive.

6}  Surprise a neighbor with flowers or vegetables from your garden.

7}  Offer to pick up things at the store for someone who has a hard time getting out.

8}  Invite someone to join you on what is usually a family outing- the park, the farmer's market, a walk.

9}  When you meet a new person at church, invite them to lunch that day. And if he/she can't do lunch that day, schedule a meal for another day.

10}  Go out for tea or coffee (or ice cream!) with someone who is not in the same age bracket as you. 


To think of more ways to show hospitality, ask yourself, "What do I do already?", then ask yourself, "And how can I invite someone to do this with me?"

The Call to Hospitality- Passing on Blessings (Part 4 of 5)

My husband and I and our friend Susan recently had an opportunity to visit the home of an Iraqi refugee. We were invited into the small apartment and offered sweet, delicious Turkish coffee. It was hot that day; there was no air conditioning in the home. The family did not own much; their furniture were most likely second-hand. But we chatted for hours and left feeling like old friends.

Sometimes I forget that hospitality doesn't depend on the size of my home, or the price of my furniture, or the food I offer my guests. I live in an area where many of the homes, inside and out, look like they could be featured on a magazine cover. I feel the pressure to impress. But as I mentioned in previous posts, biblical hospitality is not entertaining or showing off. Biblical hospitality is taking what God has given me and multiplying it by sharing it with others.

So what does that look like? My family has sit-down dinners, so we invite people join us. I sing and play the piano, so on occasion I will visit the elderly in nursing homes and play for them. When I bake, I will make an extra loaf for a neighbor. I have a car, so I can offer someone a ride. I'm not a gardener, but if you are, you can drop off a bouquet or veggies at someone’s home. If you have time while riding the airplane, chat with the person next to you instead of scrolling on your phone. If you are sitting with friends at church, invite a new person to sit with you. There are an incredible number of ways to be hospitable when we focus on what we have, more than what we don't have! And you can be hospitable in ways that I cannot!

In the first century church, Christians opened up their homes to host church meetings. They shared everything. Acts 4 says there was not a needy person among them. People noticed that Jews and Gentiles, masters and slaves, men and women, rich and poor were welcomed. They would gather for dinners that Bible scholars call "love feasts", where communion would be shared and Christ's sacrifice be remembered.

And that is what I picture heaven to be, a giant potluck where people of all different ages and backgrounds gather together to feast. We all bring something to contribute to the meal and we all partake of what others had brought. Everyone feels welcomed and loved. It's the most amazing party of ever!

That is hospitality. A bit of heaven to earth.

This Great Adventure

My hair is thinner
My waist is thicker
My cheeks are paler
My eyes are redder
But my heart is fuller than it was before
Though I've lost some things, I've gained much more!

My baby turns one today! I can hardly believe it! This year has flown by faster than any other. It seems that my youngest is growing up way too fast.

Of course, it doesn't help that she only wants to do whatever she sees her siblings doing. She was sitting by four months, crawling by six months, and walking by eight-and-a-half months. She likes to help unload the forks and spoons from the dishwasher (by taking them out one by one and handing them to a sibling to put in the drawer) and she loves finding the fruit snacks in pantry and putting them on the table, one at every seat. She dances and sings to herself and looks at books and laughs when she gets the joke. And she is so proud of herself when she accomplishes something.

This never gets old. I've had the honor eight times now (eight times!) to witness the growth of an infant. I'm amazed, I'm awed, I'm bedazzled, and I'm overwhelmed by the immense grace given to me to be the caretaker of these incredible unique human beings. It has been a great adventure so far, and I can't wait for more!

Humble Like a Child

I am fascinated by babies.

I love seeing their personalities unfold, starting from Day 1.

I am awed by the way their brains learn and grow, and amused when their bodies can't keep up.

And every time I observe a baby in her helplessness–needing me to feed, clean, soothe, and love her–I clearly see a reflection of my own relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Take today, for example.


My youngest eagerly wants to grow up and copy her siblings in everything. She loves sitting at the table with us and eating her baby cereal; sometimes she is so impatient, she'll cry in between bites. This morning, as I held the food up to her open mouth, she grabbed the spoon and tried to feed herself. She did okay (though she ended up with cereal all over her face, hands, and feet even!) and happily chewed on the spoon and whatever cereal was left on it. I then tried to take the spoon from her, but her grip on it clearly told me, "No! You can't take it from me, Mama!" She didn't understand that I wanted to take the spoon only to give her more cereal! She was happy with an empty spoon, and cried when I took away what she thought was the best! 

As this was happening, I was chuckling to myself, but also thinking of how often I have fought to keep something that I thought was good, when God wanted only to give me something better. Time and time again I think I know best, or I try to be self-reliant, when I am really more like a baby than I want to admit. I need to learn that I am not, and cannot be, fully independent. I am created to need God. I am created to delight in Him as my baby delights in me. I am created to be fully at peace only when I am resting in my Father's arms. 

Jesus says, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3-4).

And that is easier said than done, especially for me.

I did figure out a solution to the spoon problem. I use two spoons, so the baby can contentedly chew on one while I feed her with the other.

Maybe that's what God does with me too sometimes. He lets me hold on to my little treasures, while He continues to give me what I truly need. Which shows you just how much my gracious Heavenly Father loves me.

Almost-40 Me

My sister just shared a photo from Easter on Facebook. It is a picture of me with my two siblings, and every time I look at it, I cringe a little. Maybe it was the lighting, or maybe it was the angle, but either way, I look…well…chubby. Chubby and haggard.

I don't care that it had only been four weeks since I gave birth and I was completely sleep-deprived. Or that I had just eaten more than I should have. It wasn't me in the picture, not the me that I'm used to seeing.

But this is me. This is the hair-thinning, black-graying, eyes-wrinkling, almost-40 mother-of-eight me.

You'd think I'd be more mature and less shallow at my age. You'd think I'd be more wise. Actually, I don't mind getting older. It's aging that I don't like.

But let's think about this! I wouldn't expect my newborn to stay a newborn. Or my 14-year-old to stop maturing. We all change with time, and growth is always a good thing, isn't it?

For every white hair on my head, there is a lesson learned. For every laugh line on my face, a memory of a joyful moment. For every shadow under my eyes, a hug and kiss to comfort a child. For every extra pound on my body, I can count multiple blessings from God. 

So what if I'm a little wider than I used to be?

I have grown so much in the past decade. I can say without hesitation that I prefer the 39-year-old Me to the 19-year-old or 29-year-old Me. The person I am today is less fearful, less self-centered, and less impatient than before. I am now more gracious, more kind, more humble, and more sympathetic.

And I know I still have a ways to go. So if gaining more wisdom means maybe gaining a few more pounds and wrinkles, then I don't mind so much. It's time to accept this and move on, and spend less of my time and focus on my physical appearance, and more on my spiritual development. Then someday, when I look in the mirror and see a new version of Me, I'll to be able to say, "I like the 49-year-old Me even more than the 39-year-old Me!"

This is the Day!

When you were young, did you ever sing the song "This is the Day"? We sang this song so much when I was growing up that I used to roll my eyes at it, but now this simple call-and-response song continues to pop in my head at least every other day, and it doesn't bother me in the least. The words "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" are straight from Psalm 118:24, and they always encourage me to do three things:

1) To not long for the future.

"I can't wait until my son is older." 

"It'll be so much better when this over." 

There is nothing wrong with thinking these thoughts (in fact, sometimes they give me the hope I need to persevere), but when I find myself wishing for what-is-to-come more than focusing on what-is-now, I'm most likely missing out on something. Every day is totally unique and I am witness to many wonderful moments. Every second I'm alive gives me the opportunity to shower God's love on someone. And no matter how bad things may be (or seem to be), blessings are all around me, if I just take the time to see them and remember...

2) To be grateful for today.

It is easy for me to wake up and tackle the day without giving God a single thought. But everything I have is from God, from the very breath that keeps my heart beating to the magnificent sun that gives us warmth, light, and energy! God made it all, including this very day. I need to remember to thank my Maker for His many gifts! Which leads us to #3...

3) To keep an eternal perspective.

If you read Psalm 118:24 in context, you will find that its author was writing about much more than a holy Carpe Diem.

Open to me the gates of righteousness, 

that I may enter through them and give thanks to the Lord.

This is the fate of the Lord, the righteous shall enter through it.

I thank you that you have answered me and have become my salvation.

The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.

This is the Lord's doing; it is marvelous in our eyes.

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. 

(Psalm 118:19-24 ESV)

The author rejoices because God has brought salvation to us all! God has made it possible for us to enter into His presence! That is why this day is amazing! That is why we should be celebrating! He is the source of our hope and joy! And so, more than being thankful for today, we should be thankful for the Maker of the day! He has given us Himself!

This is the day (this is the day)… The song goes round and round in my head, as I fight to keep my eyes open after a restless night with the baby, as I try to stay patient while my three-year-old is throwing a tantrum, as I look forward to summer vacation and a break from school, as I push back the darkness of depression and hopelessness. God has given me today, and everything I need to get through it. More than that, He has given me everything I need to enjoy it, despite circumstances. So let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Let there be light!

Wow, this post becomes more relevant to me with each passing day, even though I wrote the first draft almost one month ago.

At that time, I was 39 weeks pregnant and feeling more discouraged, more tired, more sore, and more anxious that I had ever felt while pregnant. I was having strong contractions on and off for several weeks and all I really wanted was to have my baby, but at the same time, the fear of labor pains and my new life afterwards loomed over me at all hours of the day and night.

All I could do was try to stay busy. I excused myself from the family to run to the Chinese grocery store (Chinese food– my biggest craving) and heard this song coming through my van's CD player:

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth

The earth was without form and void and darkness was over the face of the deep

And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters

And God said, "Let there be light"

And there was light

The lyrics are straight from Genesis 1:1-3. As I sat listening to the soothing melody, I was reminded that God is the ultimate Creator. He has been there since the beginning, creating and holding the universe together. And He was still creating now, in me! There was a whole new person inside me! How amazing that I can be a part of God's creation process.

And even more encouraging was the fact that God brings order to chaos, light to the darkness. I picture God's great hand giving shape and meaning to the turmoil and confusion of the uncreated universe. Similarly, anytime I am feeling unsteady and fearful, God guides me through it.

And guided me He did.

That very night, just a few hours after I started writing this post, my water broke. I then experienced my hardest, most painful labor ever because the baby was posterior facing. But after laboring through the dark night, the baby was born at 6:49am, March 4th, healthy and whole. And how perfectly fitting that her name is Nariah, which means 'God is my light'!

But we are still in the midst of the chaos. Nariah is having trouble nursing, so I pumping around the clock, supplementing, and trying to teach her to like the breast again, which also means I can't pay as much attention to my other children or keep up with daily chores. I still have moments of darkness, even more so now because sometimes I feel like I'm failing as a mother, to the baby and all my other children...

Then I remember God's words, "Let there be light!" And I am reminded (again and again) that this present darkness is not forever, not when God is in charge. I may feel inadequate as a mother of eight, I may not know the reason for the timing of this baby, I may want to think that God has made a mistake (or more likely, that I have made a mistake), but those are all NOT true. God is sovereign. God is present. God is orchestrating all the details of my life, and Nariah's young life too.

So be encouraged as I am being encouraged. Maybe you are in your first trimester, or your 39th week. Or maybe you just lost a child. Or you are going through illness. We all have periods of darkness, when we wonder if God has abandoned us or if this time will never end. Remember that God was there at the beginning and that He is in charge. Only He can make something out of nothing and create beauty out of the ugly.

One more thing, if you are looking for uplifting music with lyrics straight from the Bible, check out Seeds Family Worship (and hear the song mentioned above, 'God is Creator' from Genesis 1:1-3). I am so glad my friend Ariel gifted our family with the Character of God CD. Listening to the Seeds Family albums are also a great way to memorize Bible verses!