Where “Yes" May Lead You

Twenty-seven years ago, God asked me to work with teenagers, and I said "yes."

There's a story that leads up to that moment (which I won't share with you today), but what was most surprising was:

1) I was twenty, so barely out of the teens myself,

2) I never had the desire to work with teens. In fact, I was a little afraid of them, having had not-the-best junior high and high school experience,

3) I had my doubts. I had no "training." I had no clear direction.

Nevertheless, I said "yes," without knowing where that "yes" would lead me.

Soon after, I started a leading a small youth group at my church.

After graduating from college, I was hired as a French teacher at a private junior/senior high school.

Then I got married, became a mom, and spent about the next twelve years or so NOT around teens. I was hanging out with other toddler moms, chatting it up about nap schedules and cloth diapers.

And I forgot about my "yes," until I got involved in my teenagers' youth theater company (how this happened is another great story).

What a shock! I never would have imagined that I would be teaching music to teens and directing them in shows. And the best part is that I love it! I love working with teenagers and being a supportive adult in their lives.

But along with the highs come the lows.

Two years ago, a lovely, spunky eleven-year-old came to audition for Moana Jr. She then went on to be in The Wizard of Oz and The Sound of Music, making many friends along the way. Shortly after her third show, she was diagnosed with brain cancer, and two weeks ago, she lost that battle. This was heart-breaking news for everyone in our company.

Twenty-seven years ago, I wouldn't have pictured myself in a bedroom, strumming a guitar through tears, leading a small group of girls in singing Christmas carols, witnessing the final moments of their friend's time on earth. I couldn't have imagined our time afterwards in the foyer, crying and holding each other for comfort. And I never would have known that in working with this young girl, I would be asked to sing songs with her friends at her memorial service.

Her service is tomorrow. I feel nervous and anxious. I put my two-year-old to bed, then lay next to her for a few extra moments just to pray. I ask God for peace. And I hear this song in my head.

This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine...

And that's all God is asking from me when I say "yes."

A Fickle Gut

A short post today. This is what I was thinking about in the wee early hours as I lay in bed...

My gut is broken.

And by gut, I don't mean my intestinal insides that be can fixed by changing my diet and ingesting more probiotics, or my changes in appetite throughout the nine months of pregnancy. I mean the instinct inside me that is supposed to guide me through life. Somewhere along the way, during my childhood years, between moving so often, being bullied, not feeling affirmed enough, growing up in the Chinese tradition–a myriad of things–my "guide" broke.

Sometimes "following your gut" is a good thing, but in my case, I would be in a world of trouble, because my gut is not always trustworthy. 

I would take my small revenge–my gut tells me,"You deserve it. He/she owes it to you."

I would be fearful of everything–my gut says, "Something out there will hurt you or your child."

I would doubt myself all the time–my gut whispers, "Don't try it. You'll probably fail." or "Rita, you made a mistake... again."

I would avoid conflict–my gut screams, "Run away! Protect yourself!"

We are broken people living in a broken world. Life happens–the good and the bad–and most of the time, my jerk reaction to the bad is just not reliable. This is a lesson I need to learn again and again: trust in the Word, trust the Holy Spirit's promptings, and trust people I know in the family of God. When I get lax and overly confident in my own abilities, I go with my emotions; then without realizing it, I may choose to take the easy route, the route of self-preservation. But that route is not always the right route. 

Overriding my natural responses and emotions is not easy. It's an uncomfortable place to be–sometimes it's downright painful!–but it's better than listening to the fickleness of my gut.

God's Power Through Our Meekness (by guest writer, Stephanie McDaniels)

Meekness is not a word that is used much nowadays, especially in a culture that equates meekness to being weak. 'Meekness' does not mean 'weakness', though according to the worldview's definition, it means exactly that. The worldview thinks meekness produces men and women who have no backbone and no boldness.  The biblical definition of meekness means 'power under control'.  Jesus says, “for I am meek and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29). Jesus by far was not weak, but rather, courageous and bold.  Jesus walked this earth with meekness, having complete control over His power with obedience to the Father (Philippians 2:1-11). 

The question then becomes...

How do we as Christ followers show meekness in today's world where it is looked down on? What stops you from desiring this quality Jesus possessed?

Jesus, our High Priest, who faithfully obeyed the Father's will and died on the cross for our sins, was the perfect example of a humble servant. The Father's son came not to be served but to serve (Matthew 20:28). This is in contrast to today's “ME” culture of putting our desires first. As Christians, we have to separate ourselves from this natural sinful nature and consciously put others before ourselves.  This could be as simple as allowing someone to go before you in the grocery store line when you were the obvious next customer. Or extending forgiveness and grace to a husband who has said unkind things to you after a stressful day at work.  Another way could be like a mother showing love to her rebellious teenager who just spent the last hour yelling and cursing at her.  When we choose to be meek, God's power and love is made more evident to the people around us.

Showing meekness (power under the Spirit’s control) means knowing and trusting that God can use everyday events to conform us more into the image of Him. Use these opportunities to glorify our Father in heaven.  Always know God is good. He cares about us in every aspect of our lives. As we go through our daily lives, we must put on a humble servant's attitude.  Allow the Holy Spirit to work within you, for it is He who possesses the power that sustains you. 

I recently wrote a note to a dear friend of mine, and in the note I mentioned how I admired her meekness. She e-mailed me after receiving the note, a bit surprised because she never thought of herself as being meek.  What an awesome testament of how work the Holy Spirit works in our daily lives without our even knowing it!

The Fruit of the Spirit is...

I Am

I am a daughter, a sister, a niece.

I am a wife, a mother, an aunt.

I am a teacher, a musician, an artist, a writer. I

am a dreamer.

I am a giver and a peacemaker.

I am a crier and an empathizer.

I am a questioner and problem-solver.

I am a neighbor.
I am a mentor.

I am a friend.

But above all these

I am a sinner

Above all these

I was rescued by True Love

Above all these

I was given grace and mercy

And the chance to become who I was meant to be

a child of God

    a disciple of Jesus     

         an anointed of the Spirit

              a saint marching in    

                  a member of the Body

a follower 

of Christ

I AM

I am all that I am

because of Him.

Instruction, Grace, and Love

Parents have a big role. Just like all humans are born with a God-shaped hole in their souls, children are born with mom-shaped and dad-shaped holes in their hearts. We, the parents, are the only ones who can fill those holes. And we, the parents, in many ways offer our children their first glimpses at the character of God. Not only are we our children's protectors and providers, we are their source of unconditional love.

Which is why criticism from parents can be so painful. The wrong choice of words and the wrong tone can convey to a child, "I don't love you because of this." But then again, if we veer in the other direction-- constant praise for good deeds done-- we can still convey the wrong message, "I love you when you do good things," or "You are perfect and can do no wrong."

And so we must walk the fine line of instructing our children without crushing them, knowing when to show grace and when to show justice with the intent to love, in order to grow them into the adults that God desires for them to be.

There is no how-to for this. Every child, every family, and every situation is unique. The following list can be helpful, but becoming a better parent also requires praying and listening to the Spirit's prompting. Sometimes a child needs to hear, "That was wrong. Let's fix it," and sometimes he/she needs to hear a simple, "It's okay. I still love you." We are, after all, all people in need of a Savior, and all 'works in progress'. And as you will see, none of the suggestions listed below require your child to change, but they do require you to reexamine your heart.

1) Make a list of your child's strengths and weaknesses.

Part of criticism is expecting the other person to be like you (this can happen often in marriage). We assume that the other person thinks, sees, and feels as we do. And when parenting, we naturally want our child to share our interests, our tastes, our talents, and our values. But what if your child is not athletic like you? Or mathematical? Or outgoing? It helps to first clearly see the person God created your child to be. Then, you can appreciate that person, both for his/her strengths and his/her weaknesses. Also, with that understanding, what could slip out of your mouth as a criticism ("Why can't you just understand this?") can be reworded as instruction ("I know math is sometimes hard for you. Let me draw a picture to show you what I mean.")

2) Don't use "absolutes". Don't call your child names. Don't compare.
"Absolutes" are words like "never" and "always". Rarely are statements using "absolutes" true. And calling your child a name makes a judgment on his/her being more than his/her action. If you need to correct a child, choose words that describe what he/she did, not who he/she is. (Example: "You did not tell me the truth." Not "You are a liar.") And lastly, comparing a child to a sibling, another person's child, or even to yourself creates a hierarchy and implies that you love the other person more than your child.

3) Emphasize the learning, and that everyone, including moms and dads, makes mistakes. 
Learning is a process, and how one arrives at the goal is just as important as the goal itself. A perfect test score should be celebrated just as much as a hard night of studying or an improvement from an average score to a better score. And it is true that in life, we all make mistakes from time to time. Allow your child to make his/her share, and call them what they are-- mistakes.

4) Don't jump to conclusions when you see the end result. Try to determine how your child got there.
This one piggy-backs onto #3. Once I found my toddler in the bathroom with toilet paper all over the floor and in the toilet. Seeing the mess made me want to scream, but I knew that my daughter was trying very hard to copy what she had seen her siblings do. A child's logic often works differently from an adult's logic. Try to see life through their eyes. Then take the time to show them how you would like things to be done.

5) Practice loving no matter what. 

It's easy to say, but hard to do. How well do you show unconditional love to your spouse? Your parents? Your siblings? Your neighbors? And do your children hear you say loving words about those people, or complaints and criticisms? If there is a difficult relationship in your life, you maybe be able to talk about it with your child as he/she grows older. "Sometimes it is hard for me to be around your grandfather, but I still try to love him. I forgive him. I help him. I won't leave him be do things by himself." If your child knows that you are treating others with this kind of love, he/she will be confident in your love for him/her.

6) Talk much about grace and forgiveness.

A heart that is truly humble cannot be critical. Acknowledge your own failings. Share stories, if applicable. I was an impatient, short-tempered little girl, and when I see my daughter get impatient or short-tempered, I tell her how I prayed for God to help me, and how I had to learn to control myself. Say "sorry" to your children. Apologize if you slip into 'critical' mode. The best thing you can do is to point your child to his/her Father in heaven, the one who never falls short. Remember:

Which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asked for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:9-11)

and

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17)

Because, though we are a representation of God in the lives of our children, we are still a mere shadow of Him. In all you say and do, turn your child's face to the Creator and Perfecter of our faith. And keep this goal in mind-- that your child will know that though he/she  is a sinner, through God's love and grace he/she can be a new creation.

Public Speaking

I was asked to speak at the Valentine's Tea at our church. Wow, the year has barely started and God is already throwing in the surprises! At first I thought that this would be a couple's tea, something that my husband and I could work together on. Then I was told that it's a women's tea, with women of all ages and backgrounds. And the topic is love.

My mind raced through my list of DISqualifications for this job. I'm no expert on love. I'm no Bible scholar. My background is fairly limited. I don't feel like a leader among women. I don't stand out. In fact, I'm more of a wallflower. And, I am definitely NOT a public speaker. I've never even taken a speech class in school. I can hide behind a piano and perform with a band, and I can be silly in front of a group of kids, but standing in the front of a room, sharing my thoughts with a crowd whose eyes are boring into me… I don't know. My heart races just thinking about it.

But then I remembered a line from the VeggieTales movie 'The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'. (I have five kids. I can't help but make references to children's books and movies.) In the film, the princess says that she can trust the goofy-looking pirates because she trusts the One who sent them. In my case, I can trust the leaders of the women's ministry because I trust that they are following God's will in asking me. I trust that they are prayerful and mindful when they disciple women and seek to raise up the next generation of leaders.

Likewise for the leaders, they trust that God has sent me to help with the tea, though I am not the most outspoken, courageous, or altruistic of women. They recognize something in me, a seed that was planted by the Holy Spirit, and this is their taking an obedient step in helping me cultivate that seed until I am blooming and fruitful. All I can say is, I'm both honored and humbled.

I have been prayerful on the matter since Friday, and my conclusion today is this: because my hand is in God's hand (as are the leaders of my church), I know that I CAN do this task despite my short-comings. It won't be the beginning of a speaking career (unless God has more surprises in store for me) but for one afternoon, God will use me to be His instrument to a room full of women.

My heart races just thinking about it…

This is My Prayer

I can't believe February is almost half over and I haven't written one post yet! I guess my mind's been on other things, revising stories and preparing for my husband's birthday. Also, Valentine's Day is tomorrow (as you probably know), and my husband and I were asked to be on a panel (which you probably don't know) to answer questions about marriage and romance for college students. Public speaking is on my 'top ten things I hate the most', so I'll tell you later how it goes!

I have been extra-excited these past few weeks because we are starting a study in Paul's epistle to the Philippians at our church. If I had to choose a favorite book of the Bible, it would be Philippians. Chapter after chapter, I find beautiful passages that sing like poetry, familiar verses that I welcome like old friends, and nuggets of gold that I can tuck in my heart. And now, I have the privilege of studying the book with our weekly small group and gaining insight from other growing Christians!

Jocelyn is a fellow mom (of three boys) in our group that I have had the pleasure of getting to know better. She likes to ask questions, which I find refreshing because sometimes I've read a passage so many times that I can't find anything new in it! She's also honest and open about her Christian walk, and I'm encouraged when I know that someone has experiences similar to what I go through.

Yesterday, she sent an e-mail to the group and shared this with us (which I'm sharing with you, with her permission):

I was reading Philippians 1 after a rough morning with the kids - After a week of peace among the brothers last week, they're at it again... fighting over silly things and not having the ability to stop themselves from irritating their brothers. Ugh. It was on that note that I read Paul's words in verses 9-10, And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ ... and this one (verse 27): Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. 

Would like to ask for prayer this week, that the Holy Spirit would help me to discern what is best... and that I would conduct myself "in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." I often get annoyed or upset and try to command or yell away their negative attitude or punish with consequences. I'm at a loss for what to do to "fix" this problem... pray that I would remember that God is also doing a good work in my kids' hearts, and that I would be able to tend to that garden and help them to grow.

The 'good work' Jocelyn is referring to is from verse 6, ...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ. And it is such a wonderful reminder that children need years of nurturing and teaching. While it may be easier to find a 'quick fix' for the problem at hand, sometimes a gentle word or deeper talk is more appropriate and meaningful. A change of action gives you peace for the present, but a change of the heart means a long and lasting response. After all, children are not computers who need data entry, but, like Jocelyn says, they are gardens, needing daily attention and time to grow. 

I encourage you to read and reread Philippians 1 everyday for the rest of this month. It is a wonderful, encouraging passage for all Christians, but especially applicable for us parents who need a reminder that our children are 'works in progress', as are we. I myself have been started praying verses 9-11 daily for my children. I like how the New Century Version phrases it (though I don't know how precise the translation is):

This is my prayer for you: that your love will grow more and more; 

that you will have knowledge and understanding with your love; 

that you will see the difference between good and bad and will choose the good; 

that you will be pure and without wrong for the coming of Christ; 

that you will do many good things with the help of Christ 

to bring glory and praise to God.

What a great way to sum up all that I feel in my heart for my children. The other night, I took out the journals I have for each child, and copied the passage into each book. I hope that when they are older, they will read these verses and the words will resound in them.

The Seis-Tres Club, Day 9

The baby slept in today! 

But my three-year-old did not. He was up at 6am. Then he proceeded to announce to the world (he is arguably the loudest member of our family) that he needed to go to the bathroom.

I got up to help him (and the baby slept on!) then coerced him to sit with me in the living room, by the light of our Christmas tree.

It was a special moment.

I asked if he wanted a story. He said, "Yes" and started to get up to look for a book.

I stopped him. "No, a story from the Bible," I said.

"What story?" he asked with wonder in his eyes.

I turned to the third chapter of Luke and began to partly read/partly tell the passage about the shepherds meeting the angels. My little boy's eyes grew larger and larger as I told him the amazing tale of shiny, scary beings with a message, a treasure hunt through various stables for a baby, and the discovery of this special, special child named Jesus.

When I was done, my son's face was full of awe and freshness. Oh, to be a child again!

My son soon grew tired of sitting, and he joined his sister on the floor (the older children were creeping out one by one, after being woken up by the loud bathroom announcement). The two played with the nativity set by the foot of the Christmas tree, while I turned back to Galatians 4:16-26, which begins with 'Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.' Also in this passage is the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. How perfect that my children are memorizing this verse this week! And what a perfect reminder that if I simply walk by the Spirit, all these things that I long to have, that I strive so hard to grasp, will come naturally!

A Single Daffodil

Every day, moments, piling one upon another, fade away like footprints in the sand. Then all of a sudden, one moment jumps to the forefront of your mind and you realize its significance, though it was many years ago.

When I was a student at UC Berkeley (oh so long ago), I would buy a bunch of daffodils, ten for a dollar, from the local florist at the time when daffodils were most abundant. The yellow cheeriness of daffodils always made me smile (to this day they are my favorite flower) and I wanted to share their cheeriness with others. With my ten daffodils in hand, I went about my day, on the look-out for friends and classmates who would benefit from a bit of floral sunshine.

On such a day, I had finished my classes with a daffodil still in hand. As I rode the bus to the BART station, I thought about giving the daffodil maybe to the bus driver or the BART train driver. I saw that my stop was approaching; I had to decide. Then I saw, sitting near the front door of the train, a grandmother and her granddaughter. They looked content and well-dressed; there was nothing about them that cried out for pity or mercy. But I knew that they were the ones to receive my final daffodil.

My heart was beating so quickly. I had no idea what the woman would say, maybe she would think I was a crazy college student and reject my gift. I had only a split second to decide what to do. The bus stopped at the BART station, and the doors opened. I hurried towards the front door, stopping long enough only to say to the woman, "This flower is for you." Then I rushed out.

When my heart had settled back to its regular rhythm, I didn't think any more of the incident. I went on with my day, my week, and my life. Then recently, more than ten years later, I remembered the bus ride, the woman and her granddaughter, the flower in my hand. What stands out to me now was the woman's response. She had grabbed my hand, had looked straight into my eyes (and the joy in her eyes was indescribable), and had said, "Thank you." But it wasn't a 'thank you' for the flower, or even for my thoughtfulness. It was a 'thank you' for being an answer to prayer. I'm certain that she had prayed for a sign, and the sign was me and my daffodil.

Remember, even the most insignificant moments are full of meaning when you listen for God's voice. I pray you have a beautiful, joyful day!

Stuck at the Swings

There's a phenomenon with which many moms are familiar, what I call 'stuck at the swings'. It's when you're at the park with one or two other moms, finally getting a bit of adult conversation after a week of being in the house, and all your child wants to do is swing.

"Mommy, I want to swing."

"How about the slides instead? You like the slides."

"No, Mommy, I want to swing. Can you push me?"

"Okay, for just a minute."

"Higher, Mommy, higher!"

And while you're at the swings, pushing your gleeful child (which really is a lovely picture and probably the right thing to do), you look across the playground at the other moms. They're actually conversing, you say to yourself with longing and envy. Why can't my child play by himself, like all the other children are doing? Why can't my child hate the swings, just for today? We come to the park to play with other children, and all my child wants to do is swing! The thoughts go on and on, rolling into a giant snowball of bitterness.

That's how I've been feeling lately... the longing, the envy, the giant snowball of bitterness... all of it. I feel like I've been missing out on life as I am at home, breastfeeding the baby in the back room, trying to rock her to sleep. Or if we are out and about, as I'm watching the baby crawl and explore, trying to keep her from eating everything she finds on the ground. And meanwhile, the conversation continues elsewhere.

So, there, I've unburdened myself. And I do know that there is much repenting that I need to do on my part, to melt this giant snowball of bitterness. First, I will go apologize to my husband. Then we'll see where the Spirit leads me... maybe there are more people to whom I need to apologize. And then I hope and pray that my joy returns, because I really, really, really do love the life God has given me. And this is only for a season, a very short and precious season at that.

And a note to those of you who have never been 'stuck at the swings'. If you see a mom, alone, faithfully pushing a child on a swing at the park, go talk to her.

Him Who Gives Me Strength

Sometimes I hear parents say, "I could never homeschool, I don't have the patience for it."

As far as I'm concerned, if you're a Christian, that's no excuse.

Just like there's no excuse for "I could never speak in public, I'm too shy."

Or "I could never teach Sunday School, I'm just not gifted that way."

Or, in my case, "I could never be a mentor, I'm not wise enough."

Is our God so puny that He could not grow us?

Is He so weak that He could not change us?

Is He incompetent, that He could not work through us, in spite of us?

What ever happened to the God who helped a little boy defeat a giant?

The God who helped a girl become a queen and save her people?

What ever happened to "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)?

If God called you to do something, He WILL give you the strength to accomplish it.

Standing Up for Truth

This morning's sermon was not given by our teaching pastor, but by a seminary student named Charlie. Charlie and his wife are both people I highly respect, of amazing wisdom and servants' hearts. 

Anyway, Charlie recounted a time when he was on an airplane and overheard (not that it was difficult to overhear people who were practically shouting) a group of athletes in the back of the plane. The young men were passing around pornographic magazines, holding them up for all to see, and talking about the photos in extremely vulgar and obscene language. At first, Charlie, like everyone else on the plane, tried to ignore the situation and mind his own business. But he couldn't ignore the Holy Spirit prompting him to stand up for truth. After a few minutes, Charlie, not being a man of confrontation, took a deep breath, literally stood up to his full six feet and some inches, and basically told the young men to be respectful to others on the plane. When he sat down, his heart was jumping out of his chest, and he half-expected the whole sports team to jump him once the plane landed. But nothing like that happened; in fact, people thanked him for what he did. And Charlie can only hope and pray that the young men learned a little about the self-destructive nature of their actions that day.

When I heard Charlie's tale, I was reminded of all the times I DID NOT stand up for truth, starting in elementary school. In the third grade, when other students made fun of the new Chinese boy, I joined in, though I knew that I shouldn't. All through my growing-up years, I would turn my head rather than face confrontation. I was always afraid of the consequences if I chose to stand up against my peers. What if the team did attack Charlie for speaking out? Would that mean his choice of actions was wrong? Is truth ever wrong?!

One Sunday a few months back, I found seats in front of two teenagers. As soon as we started singing, I realized that the boys were not there for the same reason I was. When their joking and playing continued even when the sermon started, I knew something had to be done, by someone. But no one did anything! Was it up to me?! For some reason, I felt like a highschooler again, the quiet and nerdy wallflower sitting in front of the popular and charismatic football players. But I finally took a deep breath, turned around, and quietly and calmly told the boys to stop talking. Looking back, I should have said with a smile, "This is good. You should listen to this!" But at least I did something instead of nothing; it was a small step, but a step nonetheless.

This was a good lesson learned today. I am no longer a teenager and I no longer need to be controlled by the fears that haunted me in high school. God's truth is truth, no matter what. Whom shall I fear?

Thank God for the Holy Spirit!

Let me share with you a moment I just had.

I was putting the kids to bed, by myself because my husband is taking a class tonight, which isn't usually a problem, except for the unpredictability of an almost-two-year-old. I was thinking that it would be nice to sing the kids a lullaby tonight, so I asked the girls to stay in the boys' room, which meant that my youngest could lie in his bed and listen. Well, he wouldn't have it. He was already revved up from giving Buzz Lightyear a bath in the sink after brushing his teeth, then attacking me with swords, then attempting to hug a beach ball instead of holding hands while we prayed. I was trying to sing while keeping the little one in his crib, and he was having a blast playing his new game, 'Dodge-the-Mama'. My older children couldn't help but laugh, and after asking them once to stop (which they didn't), I gave up. My patience done, I stopped singing and asked the girls to go to their room. Then I tucked them in, kissed them, and said "Good night, I love you", as usual.

A few minutes later, after putting in some laundry and finishing the dishes, my anger burned off and I was able to think clearly again. I felt a nudge to go talk to my children; ending a day on a sour note like that was potentially harmful, because the incident may stick in my children's heads for years. I wouldn't want my children growing up and always thinking that their mother had no time, patience, or understanding for them.

So I went and talked to each child, explaining that I didn't blame them for laughing at their brother, and also making sure that they understood why I stopped singing. Then, I apologized for losing my temper, and asked them for forgiveness. Now I can sleep better tonight.

Maybe I made a mistake in stopping the lullaby, maybe I should have shown more patience with my young ones, but whatever mistakes I made, I'm glad the Holy Spirit urges me to right the wrong. I know that I have many more years of parenting ahead of me, and MANY more mistakes will be made, but with God's help, my mistakes will not become my children's stumbling blocks later in life.