With Open Hands

It is a constant struggle for us, as moms, wives, and pastor's wives to make time for everyone and everything... It's a loneliness that I know will someday be filled, maybe when I'm less tied to the hearth, or maybe in heaven.

This was my written response to a friend who was apologizing for not making more time for me. She is also a pastor's wife, and the mother of a three-year-old, and so we are in the same season-- the season of never being alone, but sometimes feeling lonely. 

God is not ignorant of this. I have seen Him offer gifts of friendship to me, like an invitation to a mid-week Bible study with other moms. But the time of the meeting was during the nap time, and I was not willing to mess up the baby's nap schedule. Or when I was invited to the women's overnight retreat, but I turned that down, because the baby was still nursing. Both were legitimate reasons, and I know that this comes with the territory of having children. But sometimes, when I thought I was making choices, I was really making excuses. 

Like when a friend said "Come on over!" and I said no because it took more effort to pack up the kids and drive than to stay home. Or when someone offered to help me, and I said no because I didn't want to "inconvenience" anyone with "my" work. God was offering me gifts, but because I was still gripping to my routine, my schedule, my convenience, or my pride, I could not accept them.

But this week, God taught me to open my hands. When my friend Beth offered to come and help me with anything I needed help with, I hesitated at first, then said, "I guess you can help me sweep the backyard and trim the vines." And she did just that! What a wonderful time it was yesterday, working in the yard with Beth, my children, and my sister, and then enjoying dinner together! And when my sister-in-law called the other day and said, "Come on over!" I looked at my watch and figured that I could push dinner back by fifteen minutes or so and squeeze in a short visit with my in-laws. And when my friend, the one who had apologized for not having time for our friendship, e-mailed and said she could come over at 1:30, I didn't write back, "No, that's nap time." I said "Okay!", even if it meant a tired me and a shorter nap for my toddler.

We often get used to our ways. We want the familiar, we want the predictable, and we want specific answers to our prayer needs. But God knows our needs better than we do, and if we can let go of our expectations of God, we can accept His gifts. And I'm so glad I opened my hands to Him, because though I'm tired today, I'm more joyful than I have been in a long time.