A Letter

Today, I sent a letter to an old friend who had moved to New York. For too long, I have been proud and silent, avoiding the real issue all together. But today, in my letter, I expressed my anger towards my friend for some past actions, and asked for forgiveness and a mending of our relationship. Sending the letter was definitely the right thing to do, but even now, I'm a bit anxious as to how the letter will be received. Maybe she'll be relieved to know why I hadn't written to her for so long. Or maybe she'll be hurt, and choose to shut me out of her life forever. But I still felt the need to reach out and heal our friendship, to know that though we are physically far apart, our hearts are still close.

Honey and Spice Makes Everything Nice!

I've discovered that I take cooking very personally. Not only am I nourishing the body, I'm nourishing the soul. I'm sure God had that in mind when He created flavors. 

So, good thing I have a husband and five kids to feed! If I was single, I wouldn't be so inspired! Add a few guests, and I really get going. Then I cook up a storm and lay my heart on the table, a combination of a gift, a work of art, and a piece of me on a plate.

My husband and I talk every now and then about one day running a bed-and-breakfast. But it wouldn't be a normal bed-and-breakfast; it would be out of our guest bedroom (which, we hope, will have a balcony for outdoor dining) and it would be open only to people (single or couples) who are in the ministry and need a place to rest and/or meditate and pray. And while we wait for the day we have a home that can accommodate this dream, I collect recipes for delicious and gourmet breakfasts. Below is one that I cooked this morning as a crepe filling. The cookbook it came from recommended it on oatmeal... also yummy!

HONEY-SPICE PEARS

2 tablespoons butter
w tablespoons honey
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
3 medium pears, unpeeled, cored, and cut into eighths (Bosc is recommended, but I used Bartlett too)

Cook butter, honey, ginger and cinnamon in a skillet over med-high heat, stirring to combine.
Add pears to the sauce, cut sides down. Cook 5-10 minutes, flip and cook 5-10 minutes.


(Don't worry, this won't become a cooking blog, but I do love sharing recipes!)

Stuck at the Swings

There's a phenomenon with which many moms are familiar, what I call 'stuck at the swings'. It's when you're at the park with one or two other moms, finally getting a bit of adult conversation after a week of being in the house, and all your child wants to do is swing.

"Mommy, I want to swing."

"How about the slides instead? You like the slides."

"No, Mommy, I want to swing. Can you push me?"

"Okay, for just a minute."

"Higher, Mommy, higher!"

And while you're at the swings, pushing your gleeful child (which really is a lovely picture and probably the right thing to do), you look across the playground at the other moms. They're actually conversing, you say to yourself with longing and envy. Why can't my child play by himself, like all the other children are doing? Why can't my child hate the swings, just for today? We come to the park to play with other children, and all my child wants to do is swing! The thoughts go on and on, rolling into a giant snowball of bitterness.

That's how I've been feeling lately... the longing, the envy, the giant snowball of bitterness... all of it. I feel like I've been missing out on life as I am at home, breastfeeding the baby in the back room, trying to rock her to sleep. Or if we are out and about, as I'm watching the baby crawl and explore, trying to keep her from eating everything she finds on the ground. And meanwhile, the conversation continues elsewhere.

So, there, I've unburdened myself. And I do know that there is much repenting that I need to do on my part, to melt this giant snowball of bitterness. First, I will go apologize to my husband. Then we'll see where the Spirit leads me... maybe there are more people to whom I need to apologize. And then I hope and pray that my joy returns, because I really, really, really do love the life God has given me. And this is only for a season, a very short and precious season at that.

And a note to those of you who have never been 'stuck at the swings'. If you see a mom, alone, faithfully pushing a child on a swing at the park, go talk to her.

A Moment of Parenting Insight

Two-year-old tantrums and two-year-old messes-- just typing the words makes me tired. But a few days ago, believe it or not, I learned to appreciate them.

Everyone was in bed. The house was quiet. As I brushed my teeth, I admired the line of toy cars 'parked' across the back of my toilet. Slowly but surely, my son was learning to use the toilet, to listen, to clean up, and to add his personal touch to our home. And I am witness to it all! Would I appreciate the 'after' as much if I hadn't seen the 'before'? After all, what is the dawn without the night? The calm without the storm? The spring without the... well, you get the picture.

It's My Ten-Year Anniversary!

On July 13th, 2002, I married my best friend. These past ten years have gone by so fast, that I'm surprised myself as I type the words.

Five children, three jobs, five moves (if you don't count the move into our first apartment), countless lessons learned, all in ten years.

Before we were married, I gave my best friend a card with a message that read "I hope for many more adventures with you." I got what I hoped for!

And now we are in the midst of a new adventure. In a matter of days, my husband went from "I'm definitely returning to the school in the fall" to "God wants me somewhere else." And so, he did not renew his contract, and his status at this point is 'unemployed.'

We are waiting on God's timing to direct us, and though it is difficult to wait under the burden of uncertainty, we know, from our history, that God has something bigger and better planned for us.

So here's to another ten years of adventure with my wonderful best friend! We'll see what God has in store for us!

More DIY Cooking Fun

Sometimes, I just want to get crazy in the kitchen and make everything from scratch, because I want to know what's in the food I eat, and if food really does cost less if I make it myself.

Good thing author Jennifer Reese did this for me already. Her little, chubby cookbook, Make the Bread, Buy the Butter, documents her experiments in the kitchen, from making cheese to raising (and butchering) her own chickens to canning. She discovered that some things are worth doing (making your own bagels) while others are not (making your own pop tarts). The book includes the cost of making versus buying (based on prices in 2011) and recipes on how to make many foods, from the most basic (pancakes and salad dressing) to the most complicated (which is, arguably, the cheese). 

Flipping through the book, I have learned how easy it would be to make my own yogurt and beef jerky. Today, I made the granola. Oh, was it good! I had it as a snack with some milk and leftover quinoa. And I already had all the ingredients in my pantry! I will never go back to buying granola, or maybe even breakfast cereal, again! For those of you who are interested, I will share this recipe and the recipe for cocoa mix with you. They are both easy enough to do as a project with a toddler, or use as a homeschooling math exercise in fractions and measuring. And... they make great Christmas presents. One year, my friend Elizabeth made granola, put them in decorated jars, and blessed us all with a delicious Christmas present! 

(One note: Reese's calculations are based on the cost of ingredients and time, not the cost of home-made goodness versus pre-packaged, preserved foods. There are a few items, like burritos, where she concludes that it is cheaper and less hassle to purchase the food item than make your own. I am not always in agreement with that.)

GRANOLA:

(According to the book, this granola costs about $1.10 per cup to make.)

3 cups rolled oats
1 cup almonds, slivers or roughly chopped
1/2 cup chopped pecans or walnuts
1/4 cup wheat germ
1/3 cup maple syrup
3/4 cup sweetened flaked or shredded coconut
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup melted butter
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
(tweak as you like: add dried fruit, try different kinds of nuts, use honey instead of maple syrup, add cinnamon or orange zest. Chocolate chips, if desired, should go in after the granola is cooled.)

Preheat oven to 250 degrees F. Mix all ingredients and spread on a cookie sheet. Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes. Remove from the oven and break apart and large clumps. Store in a sealed container.


COCOA MIX: 

(One ounce of homemade costs about $0.18. A one-ounce packet of Swiss Miss mix costs about $0.38.)

1 1/2 cups dark brown sugar
1 cup cocoa powder
2 teaspoons kosher salt

Whisk or sift all ingredients together. Keeps indefinitely in a lidded jar.
To make hot chocolate, use 2 tablespoons per cup of hot milk. Stir in 1/4 teaspoon vanilla.