Jesus and the Leper

My body has been covered in hives since last Tuesday. Red, itchy bumps are all over my torso, arms, legs, and neck. The doctor told me that it was contact dermatitis (noncontagious), but I feel like I have leprosy. I feel ugly and dirty. I avoid wearing T-shirts or skirts because I don't want people to notice my skin and wonder. I even asked my husband if he finds me less attractive.

"No, you're still lovely," he assured me.

"I'm a toad. Your princess turned into a toad!"

"You won't be like this forever," he said.

"What if I am?!"

Sometimes I can get a bit dramatic. 

Then my husband admitted to me that he has a phobia of skin conditions, but this was helping him to get over it. He would love me no matter what. And the proof?

He's the one rubbing the ointment on my bumpy back. As I feel his warm hands on my infected epidermis, I am comforted.

Touch. It's so simple. And I can imagine now how the leper felt when Jesus laid his hands on him. (see Matthew 8, Mark 1, or Luke 5) When people could hardly look at the man because the very sight of his condition caused nausea, Jesus saw him, touched him, and loved him.

With the season of Lent and the approach of Easter, my mind meditates more and more on the man called Jesus of Nazareth, and how, because of his life and ultimate death and resurrection,

The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor. ~Matthew 11:5

Learning, Life, and Intentionality

As a homeschooling family, we naturally see every moment as a learning opportunity. We know that lessons in life go beyond facts, numbers, and the classroom.

So when I listened to my friend describe her sons' recent playdates, I shook my head. The problem wasn't that her sons' friends were wild and undisciplined; rather, their friends were bored! They asked to play video games and Wii, and when my friend told them, "We don't have any of those… there's plenty of others things to play," the boys didn't know what to do. They sat on the couch and announced, "I'm bored!"

How sad, to hear that elementary-age boys don't know how to play anymore. And we analyze and criticize video games, arguing that they are too violent or too sedentary, but forgetting that there are many, many lessons that children are not learning while they sit in front of a screen. Social interaction, body awareness, and creativity are just the tip of the iceberg.

Take phones and games at the dinner table. In order to quiet a child at a restaurant, a parent offers a game once. Then, because the child asks again, and because it's easy, the parents offers it again, until it becomes the norm. Go to a restaurant equals playing on the phone. The child is missing out on family interaction, of course, but what the child is also not learning is:

- manners

- patience
- self-control

- appreciation of those preparing and serving the food
- understanding of the time it takes to prepare food

- listening and responding in conversation

- boundaries

- social rules

- awareness of people
- care of people
- value of people

Every time our family sits down to eat, life lessons are being reinforced. It may seem tiring to live so intentionally, but that is what godly parenting must be (and godly living too!). So parents, think twice before you say "yes" to phones, video games, and TV. In a world where 'Google' has become a verb and soon even your toothbrush can come with an 'app', it is important to be intentional. Don't forget that every moment is significant and that the little things add up and make a difference.

Redefining Dating and Romance

St. Valentine's Day is approaching.

At our church, couples' panels are popular at this time of year. What better opportunity to invite married, Christian couples to share their experience and wisdom than when stores are decorated with hearts and 'love' is on our minds?

But is 'love' about chocolates, roses, and sentimental Hallmarks? Is it about not being alone on a day that celebrates couples? There is so much to say about this mainly superficial holiday that EVERYONE has something to gain on the subject of love, from the teenagers who are asking themselves, "Does he/she like me?" to the adults who want to know, "Am I ready to get married? Am I destined to be alone?" to the couples who are already married and want to make it better.

This is the stuff my husband and I love to talk about! So two years ago, we jumped at the chance to serve on a panel for a group of mostly young adults. For those who grew up without a model of Christian marriage, we painted a completely different picture of marriage and unconditional love. And for those who only knew how to date from watching Hollywood movies and observing mainstream culture, we shared our thoughts on biblical 'dating'.

This year, my husband and I were asked to be on a panel for our MOPs group. (MOPs stands for Mothers Of Preschoolers. It is a group for moms with young children to connect and grow.) To help us prepare, the coordinator sent us questions submitted by some of the MOPs members. My husband and I utilized our Wednesday date night to answer the questions. As we read over questions like "Who is more romantic?" and "What are some creative and inexpensive date ideas?", we couldn't help but laugh. The questions were typical, but my husband and I are anything BUT typical. We weren't going to give standard answers, and I hope the MOPs members won't be disappointed and regret asking us to be on their panel!

First, knowing that the people asking the questions are moms with young children, my husband and I safely assumed that the real, underlying question being asked is, "How do I recapture what my husband and I had before the children came along?" They want to know how to have fun and feel flirty again, but on a tighter budget, stricter schedule, and with much less energy. And though we could give tips on how to get your husband to be more romantic or where to get a great deal on a dinner and a movie, we don't think that would help, because it's a matter of definition. Some women define a "date" as "whisk me away with song, wine, and romance." They have certain expectations of what a date should entail, and are disappointed when the outing falls short of those expectations.

But if those women could remember the days of dating before the wedding, when the relationship was young and fresh and all a person wanted to do was be with the one she loved, it would be much easier to recapture that excitement even with the stresses of children and a mortgage. The goal of 'dating' is to be together and to know the other person better. A date is simply making the time to focus on each other. Some of my most favorite dates have been on our front stoop, asking questions and talking about deeper things. Some of our goofier and fun dates were nothing more than running errands together. My husband likes to say at these times, "Let's pretend we are NOT a couple with six kids waiting for us at home." As long as we are together, and talking all the while, and making new memories, we feel as young and fresh as we did thirteen years ago. 

'Romance' also runs along these lines of thinking. If you define romance as red roses and a box of chocolates, you would be fairly narrow-minded. But think of all the other things a person can do to stir up romantic feelings, and you would notice a trend: they show affection without the other person eliciting it. For example: "My boyfriend showed up at work with a Starbucks!" "He left me a note in my mailbox!" "He cooked me dinner when I was sick!" Before marriage, romance seemed so easy! Then after the wedding, when you see your spouse every day, holidays included, routine sets in. Expectations go up. If your husband makes you coffee every morning, it's not romantic. If he takes care of you when you're sick, it's not romantic. If he gets you flowers on Valentine's Day, it may be romantic, but it's also more of a obligation, right? "He's supposed to do those things!" you argue. But can you find the romance in them? I argue back. Look at all the ways your spouse shows affection. He/She may not be as spontaneous as before, but he/she is more romantic than you think. And if you show your appreciation, he/she will want to do more!

Don't think I'm a stick-in-the-mud. I appreciate finding an occasional love note tucked under my pillow. I'm not against a night on the town with dancing or a fun night out at the movies, though I would say that I prefer a quiet dinner to a trip to the city and diamonds are NOT my best friend. But that's a matter of taste. Some people enjoy certain things, and some people don't. 

But if you are wondering, "Where is the spice in my marriage?" or "Is it really love if there is no romance anymore?", I suggest you think about your definitions of 'dating' and 'romance'. With a different mindset and a little work, you and your spouse can be like newlyweds again! Remember, love isn't about one day out of the year. It's about the everyday little things.