New Year, New Fruit

As I thought about this blog post, I realized that every January, I write something that starts with, "I don't really believe in New Year's resolutions, but..."

And it's true. I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, only because I don't believe that there is anything more magical about making a life change on January 1st than making a change on any other day of the year.

But there is something about the "tick tock" of 11:59, December 31st becoming the "tick tock" of 12:00, January 1st that makes a person think. We all hope that life will be better in the New Year–not worse, not the same, but better. The change in number marks the passage of time, and it should mark a change in us. As Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV) says, "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." The New Year is a new season. It's a new page, both literally and figuratively.

So, I was thinking about my 2021. What do I want it look like? In 2020, I have had more friends lose loved ones. My friend Sarah passed away on December 28th. She was a person I looked up to; despite enduring physical pain for most of her life, she was a beautiful, joyful soul, an amazing singer, and the best mother to her two little ones and best wife to her husband. I've also had many blessings in 2020–wonderful memories with my family, personal creative growth, and spiritual growth too. So how do I continue in this growth? In light of Sarah's passing, how do I best use the time I have left in my life? 

This is what came to mind:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance [patience], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23 ESV)

In the past, I've prayed for more love, more joy, more patience (especially patience!) and whenever I acted unlovingly or grumpily or impatiently, I just prayed for more love, more joy, more patience! I thought that was what I needed. And really, eight of the nine things listed as the fruit of the Spirit are all things I want more of, all except... self-control.

I don't know how you feel about self-control, but it always felt a little out-of-place to me on this list. It just sounds more... blah. In a Bible passage that gives me warm fuzzies when I read it, self-control seems like something Paul just tacked on. "Oh yeah, and self-control. I'll just put it here with these other things." Love and joy and everything else make me feel more free, and self-control sounds so restrictive.

But this time, as I meditated on Galatians 3:22-23, I had this thought.

When I think of the times I've acted unlovingly or grumpily or impatiently, my regret afterwards was usually, "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have said that." All the times I've yelled at the kids, it wasn't more patience I needed, but more self-control! There is a reason Paul put self-control on the list!

I told my husband about this revelation. He got so excited about it! Why do we think of self-control in terms of how much dessert we eat on Christmas Eve or how much we drink on New Year's Eve? God practices self-control... all the time! If He didn't, all His power would be unleashed on us! And Jesus, He is described as a man of meekness. What is meekness? Strength under control. Jesus is also self-controlled!

And so I'll be making 2021 the Year of Self-Control. If I can control myself better, then I will also have more fruit of the Spirit! That thought actually gives me warm fuzzies!

How about you? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Which would you like to focus on this year?

Merry Christmas!

 2020 was a strange, difficult, exhausting, weary year. 

May you find hope, and rejoice!

The Aches of Pains of Growing Old (and the Hope of Christmas)

 As I grow older, I experience more aches and pains. 

Sometimes it's the physical ache–the tendonitis that just won't go away, or the lower back pain that keeps me from running like I used to.

But more and more now, it's the heart ache. The older I get, the more sadness I experience. I've seen friends suffer through cancer, young people die, families say goodbye to a spouse, a parent, or a grandparent. There are many people who will be going through this Christmas with a hole in their heart. And this gave me a new perspective on Christmas.

The tree is lovely, gift-giving is lovely, the lights are lovely, but the focus of Christmas should be on the very fact that there was pain involved. Mary faced rejection when her neighbors and friends found out that she was pregnant out of wedlock. Joseph had to look people in the eye even if they talked about him behind his back. Jesus was born naturally, with no heavenly epidural to ease his mother's contractions.

And this baby grew and experienced the death of his father. He experienced prejudice, being a Galilean. I'm sure he experienced bruises, cuts, and illnesses too. And ultimately, he experienced torture and death.

This sounds like a big downer at a time like Christmas, but THIS is what gives us hope! Christmas is the celebration of our Rescuer coming to be "God with Us." He isn't a metal robot who is immune to feeling nicks and scratches. He isn't a God who is out of reach and out of touch. He KNOWS what we're going through, and He's right there with us as we're going through it. And... get this... this is not the end of the story. This is not the end of YOUR story. There is more to come... more hope, more joy, more peace, more love.

If you are experiencing loss right now, hold on to the Hope of Christmas.  That's what I'm clinging to with all my might as my heart prepares to say good-bye to a friend soon.

This Year, Try a New Tradition!

I've heard from several families that this year they would like to try something new for Christmas. We're all wanting to make this Christmas extra special and memorable!

So here is a simple tradition that my family does... with books! We start on December 1st and go until the 24th, and there is still plenty of time for you to get some books ready for next week.

This is what I do:

I collect our Christmas picture books, and borrow several from the library (sometimes ones we've read before, sometimes new stories), and I wrap them in Christmas paper. Some people like to wrap all the books at once, and the kids can see them as a kind of "count down" to Christmas. I like to wrap a few at a time (3-5) to minimize confusion and reuse the paper if I can (and I don't really have the space for 24 books to sit). Then every day, one child gets to "open" a "present", and we "oh" and "ah" over his/her choice and read the story together! It's a fun way to incorporate read-aloud, and also helps kids who are itching to open something before Christmas.

If you're in search of some great Christmas books to share with your family this year, let me suggest these!

Our absolute favorites:

Santa's Favorite Story by Hisako Aoki
A picture book that perfectly combines Santa with the true Hero of Christmas

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson

This is a chapter book for read-aloud or older children, but it's best read together. You'll see Christmas with fresh eyes!

The Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

The old English may be hard, so I recommend reading this aloud, or listening to an audio version of it. But don't think that watching a movie of this story (even the Muppets version... my favorite) is enough. Most adaptations remove Dickens's Christian message (and his humor– that Dickens is surprisingly funny!) Focus on the Family Radio's Radio Theater also has a wonderful audio drama version.

Christmas Tapestry by Patricia Polacco

A longer picture book that always moves me to tears 

The Legend of the Candy Cane by Lori Walburg

How that traditional little candy can tell a wondrous story

Great Joy by Kate DiCamillo

A simple, touching story about a girl and a homeless man

More favorites:

Follow the Star (all the way to Bethlehem) by Alan and Linda Parry - interactive book, has little letters and puzzle pieces

Shall I Knit You a Hat? by Kate Elise

One Night in a Stable by Guido Visconti

The Crippled Lamb by Max Lucado

Tree of Cranes by Allen Say

Oliver and Amanda's Christmas by Jean Van Leeuwen

Toot and Puddle: I'll be Home for Christmas by Holly Hobbie

Toot and Puddle: Let it Snow by Holly Hobbie

Lighthouse Christmas by Toni Buzzeo

A Homemade Together Christmas by Maryann Cocca-Leffler

Zelda and Ivy One Christmas by Laura McGee Kvasnosky

Lighthouse Christmas by Toni Buzzeo

Cranberry Christmas by Harry and Wende Devlin

A Christmas Like Helen's by Natalie Kinsey-Warnock

Auntie Claus by Elise Primavera

The Wild Christmas Reindeer by Jan Brett

The Christmas Trolls by Jan Brett

(and if you like Jan Brett's books, she has a plethora of Christmas stories: The Night Before Christmas, Who's that Knocking on Christmas Eve?, The Twelve Days of Christmas, Home for Christmas. All her Christmas stories can be found in one book, the Jan Brett's Christmas Treasury)

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Wishing a very happy Thanksgiving season to you and your family!

The Better Version of Me

Okay, it's confession time.

When I graduated from UC Berkeley (ah, so many years ago!), I was a cynic. I had entered the school an innocent, idealistic, optimistic 18-year-old, and left a sarcastic and pessimistic 21-year-old. It took me a while to realize the change in me, and to realize that putting on the air of being tough and snarky was not the way I wanted to relate to people. It may be a good survival instinct in a world of pain and suffering, but it was not loving.

So I made a choice–I would rather be seen as naive, wide-eyed, and kind and generous to a fault, than be seen as witty, sophisticated, and fashionably dark and fatalistic. I worked on cultivating the skill of seeing people through a positive lens and giving them the benefit of the doubt. And I realized that it wasn't the environment of UC Berkeley that had made me a cynic; it was the part of me that wanted to stand out and be noticed. In this world, the quiet, kind person doesn't tend to get much attention. But to be kind is a gift, not a failing.

Now, I find myself at these crossroads again.

Only this time, something had unknowingly crept up on me over the past twenty years. While I was trying to be kind by being quiet and deferential, there were people in my life who told me, "Speak up! You should get what you want! You deserve it!" I started believing that it was better to always know what I want and to be verbal about it!

But now there are times when I regret what I say. I want so much to make my opinion be known that I blurt it out with no thought to the other person, and then later find myself asking, "Did I say that out of love, or in an attempt to look superior? Does my opinion always have to be know? When does it really matter that I speak my thoughts?"

The answer is that I still desire to be noticed, and I sometimes state my opinion merely to bring attention to myself, like the gong in I Corinthians 13:1.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. (I Corinthians 13:1 NIV)

Even if I say some pretty amazing things, without love, I am still saying nothing.

And I Peter 4:8-11a (NIV) says, Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God...

I know that the best thing to do is to strive for a balance between tight-lipped and being loquacious, because there are times when I do need to speak up, in truth and love. But if I really had to choose today which "Rita" I would rather be–the quiet, reserved one or the loud, opinionated one–I choose the first. Even if it would mean that I may never again give my strong opinion on anything, I would rather have the words that come from my mouth be healing, not wrecking.

Grains of Sand

I reread an old post from December 2011 and found it to be encouraging, in light of my latest post. These photos show grains of sand, courtesy of Professor Gary Greenberg and his book, Grains of Sand. To our naked eyes, sand looks like tiny brown rocks. But when magnified, we can see that each grain is amazingly unique.

Not only that, some are precious gems, just so minute that we don't realize it. Can you imagine... if God can make each individual grain of sand so beautiful, how much more does He care for us? God is in even the tiniest details!

We look at sand and think of it as ordinary and unremarkable, but let us remember that oftentimes the "ordinary" can be extraordinary! We may pass our time daydreaming of doing "bigger" things, when what is important and beautiful is right under our feet: time with our children, calling an old friend, inviting a neighbor over.

Popping the Bubble

Over the years, I had found that being a homeschooling mom who works from home and whose husband is a pastor means that my world can be very small. If you draw a Venn diagram of my friends and acquaintences, it would look more like one big circle instead of several overlapping circles.

Sheltering in place with Covid has not helped. The longer I stay home, the easier it gets to ignore the world around me and focus on my own little bubble of happiness.

Then recently, my family joined our church for an outdoor evening service. It felt a little strange at first, sitting in the parking lot, on a lawn chair, in a chalk-drawn circle, singing with masks on. But I started looking around me.

And this is what I saw: what used to be done inside a building, behind walls and out of sight, was now being done in the open. People were gathered, singing and praying together. Everyone who drove by, biked by, walked by, or flew by could see us worshipping God. They could see me worshipping God! I was always shy about worshiping and praying in public, even when inside with people I know, and now I was doing it outside.

If nothing else, Covid has brought God's people all around our country out of their buildings. And I hope that we are doing more than just singing in parking lots. Let's get out of our bubbles! What can you do today?

Though this is not my home...

I apologize for not having written since... June?! Has it been that long?!

If it helps at all, I started a post in July, then put it on hold. AND I've been using my quarantine time to finish my new book, which I hope will be available to you al before the end of the year!

Other projects I've been doing during this time are:

-making cards for residents at the nearby assisted living facility

-trying new recipes, like ube ice cream (yum!)

-doing crafts with the kids

-reading stories to the kids and teaching my five-year-old to read

And just yesterday, I decided to landscape the front yard.

Now, those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that my family rent our home, and over the years, I've always had to tell myself, "Don't get too attached. You'll only be here for a few years."

This was partly for my own good. When I first got married, after having moved from house to house all my life, I dreamed of buying a home and living in it until I died. When our attempts to purchase a house failed several times, I had to let that dream go. God taught me that my home is not found in a location, but in the people in my life–my husband, my children, my friends, and my church.

But the down side of a "temporary" home is that I didn't want to invest in anything long term.

"Should I start a garden? Nah, we might have to move in the summer."

We always knew that the owners of this house plan to move in some day. When they deiced to chop down the only tree in the front yard, there wasn't anything I could do abut it. When the sprinkler system broke and the lawn died, I just thought, "Oh well." Every summer, when the lease-end date approached, I found it harder and harder to put my energy into the house.

Then this year, the owners gave us a two-year lease. And maybe it's because I'm feeling listless for the lock-down, or maybe I just grew tired of looking at my dead lawn, but I decided to beautify the front of the house. Even with only a few pots of fruit trees and bright flowers and several bags of mulch, I was able to make my brown yard into something colorful, cheery, and life-giving.

And here's the lesson I learned as I stepped back to look at the beautiful greenery:

Just because a home is temporary doesn't mean I shouldn't care. It's easier to be apathetic and do nothing, but I can add to the beauty, no matter where I am.

And that goes for my temporary home on earth too. There are days (especially in recent months) when I just want to say, "I don't care anymore." I know that life here is short and something better awaits for me. So why try to fix anything here on earth?

But God wants us to be His hands and feet here. He wants us to bring beauty and light to the world, though sometimes we would rather hide for the darkness. Even if I live to be 101, I want to always be doing what I can to share God's love and joy with others.

How can you add to the beauty today?

Is This What It's Like to Be Afraid of People?

I went shopping at Costco today, with my mask on, of course. As I was pushing my cart towards the rotisserie chickens (dinner for tonight), I noticed an older gentleman looking at me. 

No, he was staring at me.

I tried to give him a friendly smile, but that's hard to do, with a mask on.

He finally stopped looking at me and went back to his shopping, but it made me think, 

"What was going on in his mind?"

Was he thinking I was one of the Chinese responsible for bringing over the Coronavirus? Was he thinking I should go back to my country?

And once that thought was in my mind, I couldn't help but wonder if other shoppers saw me that way. They saw my black hair and dark eyes and yellow-toned skin and that was enough. Even if they caught the hint of a smile under my mask, it wouldn't matter to them. I was Chinese. Period.

But I was probably being overly dramatic. The man wasn't looking at me for more than a second; it just felt longer.

I continued with my shopping.

Then I passed an African-American woman. I tried to give her a small smile. Too late. She didn't see it. Or I mean, she didn't see my eyes crinkling in a friendly manner.

And what was she thinking then? That I didn't smile at her because I don't like African-Americans? That I looked down at her because of her skin color?

My mind couldn't stop. The next thing I knew, I was in a shopping cart traffic jam in the bread aisle.

Then I remembered about social distancing!

Did these people think I was being irresponsible? Were they mad because I wasn't keeping my distance? Did they want me to stay away?

Fortunately, at this point I ran into a friend from church. We started talking about his baby coming in July and baking bread at home. I forgot about the questions in my head and thought more about how to care for my friend and his family.

Fear can be contagious; it can spread through a crowd quicker than Covid-19. As I finished my shopping trip, I realized that I had had a glimpse of what it would be like to live in a world of fear, to be afraid of people–the very people that Jesus commands us to love.

"Love your neighbor" sounds easy when we talk about it from the comfort of our living rooms. If you asked me if I was a kind person, I would say "yes." But deep down, if I dare to admit it, loving my friend is one thing, while loving my enemy is a totally different thing.

Jesus doesn't see it as two different cases though. His love for a friend is the same as his love for an enemy.

You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. (Matthew 5:43-44)

A neighbor may be your friend... or he may be your enemy.

My pastor asked this question last Sunday, "Which of these people would you help–a rioter? A first responder? A scared neighbor?"

It's good to ask ourselves these questions:

If someone spray painted nasty words on my store front, would I help this person if I saw him/her lying on the street?

If someone made threats against my family, would I still help this person if he/she was injured?

If a neighbor ignored me every day, would I still offer help when I saw him/her struggling with something?

Will I allow myself to be ruled by fear, or ruled by love?

Rejoice!

Renewed Joy in Serving

Serving in the church has been a part of my life since my childhood. Being the daughter of a pastor meant I was at church all the time. As soon as I was big enough, I was asked to help sweep, clean toys, and set up chairs. When my parents noticed my musical gifts and my love for children, I was asked to play piano and help in Sunday School. For the most part, I was always happy to help. As a young Christian entering my high school years, I continued to serve faithfully–every Sunday–because I was doing what I loved.

But then something changed in my college years. My dad planted a church. And I started serving for the wrong reasons. Sometimes I was filling a hole. Sometimes I enjoyed the attention and the praise. Sometimes I served because it was what I did on Sundays, like a job. I didn’t pray about how I should serve, or ask God to guide me. Soon, I grew weary, bitter, and discontent.

A decade later, married with young children and attending Valley Bible Church, I sat listening as Gary Darnell taught on Ephesians 4. I finally learned the purpose of serving: “to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ” (v. 12). This image of “building up the body” is repeated in the chapter:

”Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” (Ephesians 4:15-16)

We are constantly bombarded with messages like “follow your heart”, “find your passion”, “do what makes you happy”. Previously I had fallen into the trap of chasing happiness by serving, happiness as the goal instead of a delightful outcome. But Christian joy in service comes when we partner with God in his care for his family, when we response to God’s message of grace and love. Maturing, we develop a deeper love for fellow brothers and sisters and for the Heavenly Father. As I grew in my faith, my original love for singing grew into a love to sing in order to bring people into a place of worship. My love for children and teaching grew into a love to unify the church through the Word and encourage the whole body to grow. 

I didn’t realize this growth in me until last year, when the pastor to women saw my love for hospitality and asked me to help with the women’s ministry Equip Day. I felt an urge to say “yes” because of this love. But I also hesitated because I didn’t want to fall into the old trap, to say “yes” just to fill a hole. And so I prayed and realized that to say “yes” would be to live in God’s will; it would be a way for me to encourage the body to grow. Though participating in Equip Day involved public speaking (something that I do not love), my greater desire to see the church body flourish empowered me to set aside my fear of public speaking.

Last week’s message in Romans 12 reminded me that my renewed joy in serving came when, through “sober judgment" (v.3) and a desire to benefit the body of Christ, I extended my gift of hospitality beyond simply doing something I love. God provided the “measure of faith” required to use my gift of hospitality to equip and build up my VBC family. And it was a joy!

(This post was originally published on Valley Bible Church's website, the VBC Blog.)

Purpose in the Futility

"Do I even need to get dressed anymore?"

A popular question nowadays. It makes me wonder if I'm being a bad mom for making my kids dress everyday, and more on Sundays.

But I get it. The novelty of wearing PJs all day (or at least pajama bottoms when we have conference calls) is diminishing. Here in California, we have been sheltering in place for 5 weeks, and for some of us, there just doesn't seem to be a purpose in our days anymore. We get out of bed... for what? Read some books, watch some TV, eat some food, look at the news on Covid-19, go back to bed, do it again the next day. 

If you are feeling this way–listless, bored, purposeless, teetering on the edge of depression–I hope to encourage you with stories of some well-known biblical heroes, namely Joseph, Esther, and Daniel.

Joseph was sold into slavery, living in Egypt, miles away from his family.

Esther, a Jewish girl growing up under Persian rule, was taken to be a part of the Persian king's harem.
Daniel was taken captive to live in Babylon under King Nebuchednezzar.

These three people all had reasons to be depressed. Their lives were turned upside down. They were far from their families. And they were in situations where they had to act under compulsion, or lose their heads. Surely they had days when they wondered, "Why? Why should I do this? Why should I even get up today?" It was difficult for them to see the purpose in what they were doing, or the purpose in what God was doing.

And yet, Joseph, Esther, and Daniel not only carried on, day by day, they excelled in their work. 

Joseph became the overseer of all his master's property.

Esther was chosen to be the new queen.
Daniel was a high advisor to king.

They had every reason to give in to their depression and trudge through their day, but they didn't. And God, with His purpose, used them in amazing ways! Genesis 39:3 tells us this about Joseph, "His master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord caused all that he did to succeed in his hands." A few chapters later, the Bible tells us that "Pharaoh said to his servants, 'Can we find a man like this, in whom is the Spirit of God?'" (Genesis 41:38 ESV)

And what was the result?

Joseph's reputation proceeded him and he eventually became the overseer of Pharaoh's property and saved the kingdom from a famine.

Likewise, Esther did her queenly duties and found favor with  the King, saving the Jewish people from genocide.
Daniel faithfully served the King Nebuchadnezzar, and his son Darius, who decreed that the kingdom will serve only Daniel's God after Daniel survived the lions' den. 

These past five weeks, I've been tempted to give in to depression. I'm just a suburban mom, not a nurse or doctor on the front lines. I certainly won't be saving the world by teaching piano lessons and making videos of my family singing! But we don't know God's purpose in all this. Our story, like the stories of Joseph, Esther, and Daniel, is much bigger than us. God is with us, He does have a purpose, and we can excel in spite of the situation! We can shine His light!

Galatians 6:9-10 reminds us: "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith."

So here are some ideas to help you (as they have helped me) find purpose in your day:

1) Look heavenward and outward. Keep focused on God. Brainstorm ways to aid others.

1) Get out of your pajamas. What you wear can affect your mental outlook. 

2) Set up a plan to do something everyday–read the Bible,  call someone, or dig deeper into the Word with videos like the Bible Project.

3) Go outside and take in God's majesty. Take a walk. Or just step out onto your front step and look up at the sky. Read a book or eat lunch outside. The change of scenery and the fresh air will revive you.

4) Find reasons to celebrate: birthdays, half-birthdays, losing a first tooth, whatever! 

3) Send cards of encouragement, especially to those who are alone. Many residents in senior care homes cannot leave their rooms at this time. There are also people hurting in deeper ways right now. My friend's wife is in hospice care, and he can only visit her from afar. And I can't even offer a shoulder for him to cry on! Another friend's daughter is a first year out of medical school. She is caring for Covid-19 patients and recently lost her first patient. A gentle note reminds them that they are not alone.

4) Pick up a new hobby. Then use the new hobby to encourage people. My friend Angie has always wanted to learn how to watercolor, so she looked up some YouTube videos and started making these!

5) Healthcare workers, delivery people, and others in essential businesses are working long, taxing hours. If you have neighbors in these fields, offer to help with their grocery shopping, or bring them a meal. Put out snacks, wrapped toilet paper, face masks, or hand sanitizer on your porch for delivery people to take with them.

6) Do some research and see how you can help locally. Our local shelter for abused women and children needs food donations. The blood bank still needs blood.

7) Many missionaries are seeing situations more dire than ours, where families are out of work and starving, or children are basically orphans because their family is in the hospital. Contact missionaries through your church, Compassion International, World Vision, or other Christian organizations and ask how you can help.

Joy in the Trials

My husband is currently reading through the book of Proverbs with the family at breakfast time. A few days ago, he read this:

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox. (Proverbs 14:4 ESV)

When I heard those words, I had to chime it.

"My version is 'Where there are no children, the house is clean, but abundant joy comes by the presence of children.'"

And boy, am I feeling this right now!

With all of us at home, playing, creating, schooling, and working, the house pretty much looks like a disaster ALL THE TIME. We have close to a hundred books checked out from the library. On top of that, my husband brought home books from his office. The little boys have been setting up trains or scenes with tiny army men on the floor. My older kids are drawing and painting and cutting up cardboard boxes. And I'm in the kitchen cooking and baking, and now, preparing for Easter treats. 

But I go back to the proverb (my version). Joy, different from happiness, is rooted in knowing that God has me in His Hands, despite my situation. My children, in their joyful, innocent, trusting way, remind me that I too can trust in my Father. 

Life does not looking normal right now, and there are times when I almost can't stand the chaos, but I can't deny that there is much joy in our house. We are healthy. The children are working on projects together. My husband has spent more time with the kids than ever before. I see the older ones playing with the younger ones, and their laughter is contagious! We may not like living in these uncertain times, in almost complete seclusion, but at the same time, I am noticing the benefits. Whereas before, I would look at the calendar in astonishment and wonder, "Where did the time go?!", I feel like I'm actually experiencing each and every day.

I remember a quote recently shared to me by a dear friend. Fanny Crosby, the blind author who penned the words to the hymn 'Blessed Assurance', wrote this about joy:

Blindness cannot keep the sunlight of hope from the trusting soul. One of the easiest resolves that I formed in my young and joyous heart was to leave all care to yesterday and to believe that the morning would bring forth its own peculiar joy.

And that is what I've been doing–looking for the day's "peculiar joy". 

And one of these joys is music making with my family. We've always had a few reluctant kids who just did NOT want to perform, but now, without the pressure of an actual audience, they are emerging from their shells. For the first time, we've been able to musically involve all the older children in some way. And we've even put our music on Youtube! You can look us up under Homespun Royale (our band's name) or click on this link to hear our version of Ms. Crosby's Blessed Assurance (which actually has all 8 kids "participating" in the video!) 

So at this time, as difficult as it may be to adjust to homeschooling, entertaining, and feeding your children around the clock, find your "peculiar joys". Make memories. Stop to take mental pictures. Thank God for this time together.

The Light in the Dark

I’m sheltering with nine people – my husband and our eight kids. By God’s grace, we have yet to have a major blowup (though no shortage of minor ones), and by God’s provision (through many kind friends), we have yet to run out of toilet paper. 

My main job right now is to break up the humdrum of our day-to-day sameness by making things “interesting” – what interesting meal can I make with what’s in the refrigerator? what interesting crafts and games can we come up with? what interesting virtual playdates and trips can I schedule for the afternoon? So far, I’ve baked apple strudel, we’ve made popsicle stick catapults, and we’ve learned a new line dance.

And that’s been the easy part! The greater difficulty is fielding the kids’ questions.

“Is anyone coming over today?”

“When can we go the library?”

“How much longer will this go on for?!?!?”

I try my best to answer their questions, doing what I can to calm their restlessness, and their hearts. Then back to “cheerleader” mode I go! Who wants to line dance?

The truth is, behind my bold front, I am just as uncertain as my children are. I don’t have the answers. I feel anxious and unsettled too. And so I go to my father, my Heavenly Father. 

James 1:17 (ESV) tells us that “every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

During this time of uncertainty, one thing is certain. God knows what lies ahead. He is sustaining us through this time with His gifts of peace and love. He is our solace and aid. And for Him, this isn’t some bold front. He truly is, and always has been, our steady foundation, especially during shaky times. He is our hope, our light in the darkness. 

And this is no flickering candle, no glimmer in the distance, no ordinary light. This is a light that “shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5 ESV). Another favorite verse of mine says, “Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you” (Psalm 139:12 ESV).

This feels like a time of darkness, but remember this: it is not darkness to the Father of lights. Take some time today to sit with your Heavenly Father and bask in the warmth of His light.

The Calm in the Storm

This afternoon, I was standing in line with my shopping cart full of food, at least what food I could still find on the half-empty shelves. All around me were other families doing the same. The lines stretched into the aisles, but no one was pushing or yelling. In fact, people were calm and polite, some quiet, some laughing, some making conversation with strangers.

But I felt so tired. It had been such a strange few days. I just wanted to get some food to feed my brood. Being surrounded by people in crisis made me want to cry and I didn't know why.

Suddenly, an image filled my mind. It was a scene from the book "Tales of the Restoration", by David and Karen Mains. In a midst of a riot in the city, in which citizens were throwing mud at each other, a man quietly appeared.

...the man was wearing working-man's dungarees, a flannel shirt, a hardhat, and steel-toed boots. As the boy watched, the street cleaner said nothing. He scarcely glanced about him, but just kept cleaning and sweeping and shoveling the mess. 

A fistful of mud hit the man in the chest. He neither shouted in anger or threw the dirt back at the crowd; he didn't even wipe the filth from his shirt.

The boy in the story soon realized that the man was Jesus. Jesus is the peace in the midst of the storm; even better, He is the one who calms all storms.

This afternoon, as I stood in line with my shopping cart full of food, I closed my eyes and rested on this image. I imagined Jesus walking through the grocery store and bringing a peace-that-passes-understanding with him. I prayed for Jesus to calm the storm in my heart, that His peace would fill me, so that I could pass it on to others.

I realize now why I feel so tired. I've always felt others' pain very strongly, and every story I heard about people dying, children not getting fed because schools are closing, the elderly not having toilet paper, small businesses being in danger is like a boulder on my shoulder. Being in a store full of people "in panic" (as calm as we all were) was like an avalanche on my soul.

And so I've been reading and re-reading these words from Psalm 18:

I love you, O Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock, and my fortress and my deliverer;

my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,

my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

This is the verse on my chalkboard right now. As my family lives in close quarters for the next few weeks, this will be our reminder that it is not these physical walls that protect us, but our God.