A Musical is Born! -Part 9- The Overture

I didn't write an overture for my musical. In my mind, the curtain opens to reveal actors posed like an oil painting, and when the first note is played by the piano, the actors magically come alive.

But the theater we are in doesn't have a curtain. And KW, the director, wanted a different way to (literally) set the scene... by introducing the audience to the townspeople first.

And so, she asked me to write an overture, to which I happily obliged.

For those of you not familiar with the term, an overture is the piece of music that happens before the actual story begins. Oftentimes, there is no action on stage; the overture is the time for the orchestra to shine. The lights in the theater dim, the overture begins, and the audience knows that it's time to quiet down and settle in for the show. An overture usually introduces the audience to themes from each song, while giving its listeners an idea of what the overall tone of the show will be. When musicals moved from theaters to movie theaters, the overture was kept and sometimes used as background for the beginning credits. But some time after the 1960s, overtures in musicals became old-fashioned.

I grew up watching musicals with overtures and without. Most often, if I was watching a movie with an overture, I would just fast-forward through it to get to the action. At my young age, I didn't appreciate the composer's masterful way of weaving the different themes together into one piece. Then I discovered Into the Woods, where the story starts immediately with the actors on stage. And this became the basis for the beginning of Five Children and It.

But... like I said before, this musical is only half-done. It is still in the process of finding itself, and adding an overture is not difficult. I just needed to find the right tone and decide how to work in the themes.

It helped that KW already had in mind what she would like to see: different groups of townspeople coming on stage at different times, each in character and portraying an aspect of town life. She didn't need it to be long, so I knew right away that I didn't need (or want) to write an overture that was 5 to 10 minutes long. I just needed to find the right tone, something that is light and bouncy like the first song, but not exactly the same. I decided on the instrumental background to "Hilary St. Maur Devereux Albert William," a song from the second act. I tried playing snippets of other songs on top of that background, and it worked! A recognizable 4-measure bit of one song here, followed by another 4-measure bit there. Then I alternated the melodies between the glockenspiel and violin, so that a whimsical, staccato phrase was followed by a more serious, legato phrase. This was the perfect background for the different personalities on stage.

The final step was crafting a beginning and an ending. I could start the song immediately with the "Hilary" sound, but I wanted something quieter, as a way to ease the audience into this magical world. Since I hadn't used any of the slower songs in the overture, I picked the sweet ending of "Castle Siege" to start everything off. Then for the end, I took the chorus of the first song, "Fairy Palace", changed the melody a bit, then repeated it, with the melody in cut-time to create a ritardando (slow down) effect. The final overture is a little over a minute long; I was happy with the end result.

I was glad to hear that KW was happy with it too! She immediately blocked the opening, and I was able to see it today! I loved how the "children" scamper onstage during the lighter melodies, then while they are acting, the "adults" come on and open their shop, etc. I'm excited to now announce that the show has an overture, and that we now have an opening scene!

Addendum: At one point in the rehearsal, a singer asked if they were to sing the beginning of a phrase that was meant to be interrupted by the soloists. Originally, I had only the soloists sing the phrase, but the question made me think. I didn't favor one way or the other, so I asked the ensemble what they thought. I just think it's so fun having the cast be directly involved in the creative process, even if it's for one musical phrase. Also, an actor asked if we will be doing an "original cast" recording. If we could pull that off, it would be an AMAZING opportunity!!

A Musical is Born! -Part 8- The Music

My plan for Week 3 rehearsals was to sing as much as possible. With Christmas one week away, I wanted to teach the actors all the music so they could practice at home on their own. I did accomplish my goal, and learned a few things along the way.

The biggest lesson is that writing for children is different than writing for adults. Usually, when I'm thinking of harmonies, I think in four parts: bass, tenor, alto, soprano. I might deviate a little from this, but four parts is standard. But... in a group of children, there are boys whose voices haven't changed yet, or are in the process of changing. So even if I have a group that is half boys/half girls, I may have only a handful of actual bass or tenor voices. Most of my young male actors sing alto or soprano.

So, a vocal director for children's theater must find ways to be creative. Since most musicals were written with adults in mind, this kind of musical tweaking happens more often than you might think. At this point, I have several older female singers volunteering to sing tenor. I love that they want to try something new! I have in the past dropped a part or rewritten a few notes. We shall see if I'll need to make changes like that in this show. There has already been a few spots where I'm making changes based on what I hear (and I have complete freedom to do so!!)

Now we're on break until the New Year, and since there isn't much more to report, I thought I'd share a little about my songwriting process.

I heard this advice when I was a teenager: the music is coming out from the character. It's not the other way around, that the music is playing and the character is responding. Rather, the character him/herself is actually creating the music. And the audience just happens to be able to hear it too.

And that is how I approach writing songs for a musical. I close my eyes, become the character, and try to put all his/her thoughts and feelings into music. 

Of course, it's a little more complicated than that, but I won't go into music theory and poetic structure and all that. A lot of the time, I'm just sitting at my piano and playing around with different combinations of things, or I'm driving in the car and humming to myself, and find a melodic line that I really like. It's part trial-and-error, part inspiration, part work. I don't have a formula. Sometimes I start with a melody line, sometimes a lyric. In the case of Five Children and It, several of the songs started with something I read in the book. "Fairy palace in an earthly paradise" and "the wonderfullest Psammead" are straight out of E. Nesbit's mouth (or pen). Her words painted a picture for me and inspired my lyrics. When there aren't words from the author, I go back to the emotion of the character or the feeling of the scene that I'm trying to portray. 

It also helps to understand how songs serve in a musical. There are three basic functions of songs:

-narration- songs that give background information

-exposition- songs that tell the story

-"I want" "I am" "I feel"- songs that convey emotion and inner thought

Narration and "I want..." songs slow down the action. Exposition (which can include songs that convey conflict or summarize) move the story along. Songs can also be used as a metaphor, comic relief, background, or as a performance within the show itself, but most songs fit into one of the three listed above, or straddle two functions.

Next is understanding when these songs should happen within the show. Narration is a good opener, of course. Do I want a big opening number, or something more quiet? Too many "I want..." songs makes the show drag. So when is it beneficial to hear the heart of a character? Too much exposition done in song means some of the details may be lost and the audience can't stop to think. But in some cases, I want to move quickly onto the next scene, or I need to give information but want to do it in a fun way.

It's all about balance! This is the basis for my work; this is how I'm thinking as I'm writing. I'm no expert... definitely no Lin-Manuel Miranda or Stephen Sondheim. But I hear my actors singing the songs outside of rehearsal and I see how excited they are to practice with me, so I'm encouraged. I can't wait to start combining singing with blocking and dancing!

If you are interested in writing for musicals, I recommend listening to a variety of music. Music is a language, and you can't learn a language without listening to its sounds. Listen to music from shows, but also ones not from shows. Listen to songs from Gilbert and Sullivan, Rogers and Hammerstein, and George Gershwin, not just current writers. Then study lyrics, poetry, and story-telling. To write lyrics, you have to understand character, which is a whole other blogpost in itself!

A Musical is Born! -Part 7- The Discoveries

It is Week 2 of rehearsals. 

But I feel like it's been longer than that. I need to remind myself that this show is still very new for my actors. They have yet to familiarize themselves with the details of the story.

Last week, the artistic team and I sat with the whole cast (those who were there) and worked. Now, we divide and conquer. On Friday night, I had the eight actors who make up the "household" learn the Prologue and first song, while KW worked with the Narrators and MZ met with the Psammead. Then we swapped and switched and shuffled people around. I then rehearsed the "Castle Siege" with the ensemble, before moving them on to MZ to work on blocking the "siege". (Blocking is the theater term for movement on stage. This is for any movement that is not dancing.) 

And that is how our 4-5 hours go. Each director decides which scene or song needs to tackled and we schedule our actors accordingly. Basically, the actors learn the show in bits, all out of order. We start putting things together when the actors have learned the pieces. My goal is to teach all music by Week 3. This works out especially well because after Week 3 we'll take a week off for Christmas, which will give the actors time to rest and listen to the music at home (on 'repeat', I hope.)

So I arrived at rehearsal all prepared to teach the actors the singing parts that I have heard in my head for so long, when... surprise! There were plenty of new and amazing details to keep me on my toes! I needed another self-reminder: this show is only half-done! We still have many details to work out, and many of these details depend on the actors themselves (how many there are, what they are capable of physically doing, how well they listen, etc.)

Here is what I discovered this week, in just six total hours of rehearsing.

1) Illness at this time of year is unavoidable. I have yet to see the entire cast together. But technology is helpful here. I made practice tracks of all the songs so singers can practice at home.

2) My ensemble is awesome! I started with the hardest singing parts, to ensure that the actors have enough time to learn them, and they have already nearly memorized two of the songs. They listen really well and sit quietly during rehearsal, which means rehearsals go ten times as well.

3) Writing for male voices is hard for a female singer. Everything I wrote for female voices is singable... not everything I wrote for male voices is. We have some tweaking to do, but my actors are okay with trying to sing it in different octaves.

4) My Psammead (the magical sand fairy who can grant wishes) came in to rehearse his solo with me, and he wanted to show me the dance he had learned the day before. I was blown away by his moves! I had never seen this actor dance before!

5) A fun part of divide-and-conquer is when another director calls you in to show you what his/her group had accomplished. MZ choreographed a short lyrical dance for four girls, and when I saw it, I cried. She asked what I thought... I say, if my initial reaction to a scene is tears, it's a keeper!

6) I'm straddling the role of vocal director and writer. If I was solely the vocal director, I would only have to deal with the music and the band, sometimes collaborating with the other directors on dances and timing of blocking. But now I'm asked questions like, "What do you think of this baby doll?" We all agreed that the baby's face was... hmmm... too realistic. So, we're going to make our own baby. And "What is your vision for what the Psammead will look like?" That's a costuming question... I didn't think much about it! So I took some time to do some research, recruited my daughter to photoshop something together for me, just to give the costume committee something to start with. I still don't have all the answers. I don't know how to make a big baby doll or transform a teenage boy into a magical creature. But we have time to play and experiment... and discover!

A Musical is Born! -Part 6- The Reading

Auditions were two weeks ago. Because of Thanksgiving, we couldn't start rehearsals right away. But that's okay, because the extra time gave me space to finish preparing for our first rehearsal (and switch modes from writer to vocal director.)

On the night of the auditions, after the last actor had sung for us, the artistic team stayed for another hour and a half to discuss what we still needed to hear at callbacks to help us make our decisions. Then the next morning, bright and early, we gathered again with the actors and met with them in small groups. My job was to hear their singing range, then quickly teach the actors a part of a song and hear them sing the song individually. We ended around 1pm. Then the actors left, and the artistic team discussed some more. That is all I will say about that, because auditions are like personal, private conservations between actors and directors. All you need to know is that by 6pm of that day, we had our cast. 

Casting felt like a big step forward. Even though it caused me a bit of stress, I enjoyed the whole process immensely. It was refreshing to hear some of my songs sung by other people for the first time! I was getting tired of hearing my own voice. 

That refreshing, revitalizing feeling came again this morning at our first reading (when the cast sits down and simply reads through the entire script for the first time.) The five children, the Psammead, and the townspeople finally had voices and faces! The actors put on their best British accents and did a wonderful job of interpreting their characters, though it was only their first time reading their lines. The ensemble sang parts of the songs that I had taught them only the night before.

Throughout the reading, I played the keyboard and sang the songs and KW (the director) tried to paint a picture of what is happening onstage. The room was chilly, but there was an electric tingle in the air: we were starting to see the pieces of the puzzle come together slowly! And I was in awe as I heard KW or MZ (the choreographer) describe their ideas for a castle siege, a dance, or a transformation. They were filling in the holes that my mind by itself couldn't fill. 

And that is, in my opinion, the real magic of theater. We bring our talents and gifts and ALL work together to make this happen. Theater cannot happen without actors, directors, backstage crew, costumers, makeup artists, tech crews, publicity... it truly takes a village to raise this "child!" 

At our first gathering, I told my actors that my musical is really only half done at this point. Having a script and music in my hands is an accomplishment, but a musical is meant to seen, heard, and experienced. My actors are part of the team who will help bring this show to completion. I hope they understand this, and I hope they are as excited as I am! 

A Musical is Born! -Part 5- The Auditions

I'm sitting in a room that is charged with energy.

54 nervous kids are waiting for their 2 minutes. A lot is riding on those 2 minutes.

I'm not auditioning, but I'm as nervous as these kids. How will I know in those 2 minutes if this boy or girl will be the best one to portray my characters?!

Fortunately, I have the artistic team to help me decide. And even more fortunately, CYT is a tight-knit community, so I already know some of the actors. I've taught them in class, I've worked with them in shows, and I've seen them on stage. Besides, these 2 minutes is not the end of the process; there are still callbacks (when we hear specific actors reading for specific parts, oftentimes in dialogue with another actor. This is also when I can hear the actors singing songs from the musical.) Our callbacks will be tomorrow morning.

So, I'm sitting here, just waiting, shuffling papers again and again. Then it hits me! My nerves are not about the auditions. It's because THIS IS THE POINT OF NO RETURN. This is me, Mama Baird, sending my "baby" out into the world.

It's always been a wonder to me how the creative process is so much like birthing a baby. Part of it is a mystery: I'm contributing, yet wheels seem to turn by themselves. And in the end there is something new in my life that didn't used to exist before, and now I can't imagine my life without it. Then I share the music (or drawing, or story, or whatever) and my baby has taken its first steps. Next thing I know, I hear someone singing my song, and I realize that my Baby has gone out into the world and made friends. And I hope that more and more people will like my Baby and become its friend.

Tonight's auditions are equivalent to my Baby's first day at school. The first actor gets on stage and begins her slate*... here we go!

*Slating is when an actor gives his/her name (and possibly age) and announces the role he/she is auditioning for and/or the song or monologue that he/she is going to perform

A Musical is Born! -Part 4- The Team

100 days.

100 days until... 

OPENING NIGHT!

Three years ago, I had this:

and now we're down to 100 days!

It certainly doesn't sound like very much, when I think of all that still needs to be done: casting, learning the songs and dances, blocking the scenes, finding the band, costumes, sets, props, lighting... aaaahhhh!!!!

But we've been preparing for this. Long before the actors get their librettos, the directors have been studying the script, listening to the songs, brainstorming ideas with each other. Several people have asked me if I will be directing this show. The answer is no: I know music, but I don't know theater. I don't have enough experience with sets, props, lighting, costumes, blocking– basically everything that I mentioned in the paragraph above– to know how to direct. But I did decide to be in the role of the vocal director, the person who will teach the actors the music and help them get the right "feel." Doing the heavy lifting as director is KW, who most recently directed CYT's Shrek in the spring. The choreographer is MZ*, who had just finished CYT's Beauty and the Beast. The three of us make up what is called the artistic team for Five Children and It. We were the artistic team for another show back in June 2021, so I'm excited to be working with these amazing people again!

So we've already been talking, texting, emailing... any time an idea pops into our heads, we run it by the other members of the team. During the summer, we met outside a Starbucks just to confer, sync thoughts, ask questions, go out on limbs, be open to new possibilities. Do we use puppetry for the sand fairy? Hmmm.... How do we portray a baby on stage? Hmmm... We had lots of questions. 

We didn't have answers for everything that night, but we landed on this: the magic in "Five Children and It" should feel like "Mary Poppins"– colorful, delightful, but with a touch of seriousness. And we knew the theater that we will be performing in, so it was easy to already imagine the show on the stage. The only problem is that whenever I try to imagine the show, I picture it with my own children or my friends' children (you know who you are!) playing the parts. So what we need now is actors to fill the holes... next step... casting!

*I'm sticking with initials for now, until I get permission to use their full names.

A Musical is Born! - Part 3 - The Slog

It was a good thing I had new inspiration to propel me, because the next step was not a fun one. I had to put down on paper what I heard in my head; every note and every rest had to be painstakingly recorded in order to pass the music onto the singers and the musicians. I downloaded a free music notation program called MuseScore, and started to learn how to use it. It was frustrating at first, but I was rewarded. How exciting it was to see my songs written out! And how even more exciting it was to hear my students in the class sing my harmonies! In February 2022, my students performed two songs, "Castle Siege" and "Being Wanted", in the class-end showcase. We took our bows to thunderous applause.

At this point, KW and I started talking more seriously about performing the musical in our next winter session. But I still had lots of work to do. I kept tweaking the script and the songs (a line here, a lyric there) and began to orchestrate the show (a fun but daunting task!) I had originally thought that the show should be performed with only piano accompaniment, but I decided that it would be better to round out the sound by adding bass guitar, violin, percussion, and drums. Then, I had to think about music for between scenes, music for when the "magic" happened, and music for the bows. Lastly, how to get the music bound in a way that the music would lay flat on a music stand? After doing some brainstorming and researching, I decided that the best route was to print them through Office Max.

I also needed to make the script into a book. Thankfully, I had experience with Amazon's "Create Space" (now called Kindle Direct Publishing) and so I knew that was the best way to get the scripts bound in a sturdy book form. (I won't bore you by describing this process. Because a script is not laid out in paragraphs like a story, I had to go through the script and make sure everything was indented, bolded, or italicized correctly.) I also needed a logo! My husband, who is a full-time pastor and has a graphic design background, worked with me on this. He created an image that will go on posters, programs, T-shirts, and librettos. We had some sketches that looked more serious and Victorian, but we went with a more fun and whimsical look.

And then finally, FINALLY!, I had two books in my hand!

But these were only the proofs. KW and I went through and marked up anything that needed correcting (lots of sticky notes!) Then back to the computer I went. 

This was my summer. I took advantage of our more relaxed schedule to plow through as much editing as I could. Whenever I felt tired of the process, or discouraged, I would get a nudge of encouragement from a family member, a friend, or KW. In July, CYT had a picnic in a local park to announce the shows for the new season. When Five Children and It was revealed, I was surprised to find myself bursting into tears amidst the cheering and the clapping! Everyone was so excited. The musical was becoming a reality!

With new motivation, I finished the work. Weeks later, I received a heavy box on my front porch. 34 scripts!

And just ten days before auditions, I had copies of the orchestral score ready for each of the five musicians.

The computer work was done!! Now, it's time to take the show from the page to the stage!

A Musical is Born! - Part 2 - The Leap

January, 2020. 

Now with a script in my hand (or actually, a digital script in my Googledrive), I had to take the big leap and tell someone about it. 

My girls had decided to audition for The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, which turned out to be a wonderful, delightful show to be a part of. At this point, my girls were not just in love with musical theater, they were in love with CYT Tri-Valley. They had great friends and they were learning and growing and having fun. 

My girls and I after a night of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

My role as a parent volunteer for Tom Sawyer was to hem, fix, and organize costumes. No one in CYT Tri-Valley knew about my musical background, which was perfect. I sat and sewed and quietly observed how the organization ran, and found myself falling in love with CYT Tri-Valley as well. I also watched the directors at work, and I had the feeling that they were artists who liked to try new things, which was exactly the kind of people I needed. My musical could be a good fit for CYT Tri-Valley– if they would be willing. I drummed up my courage and approached the Artistic Director during a rehearsal one day. 

"Would you ever consider putting on something completely new?" I asked her.

She was surprised. The question was most unexpected. But she was open to the idea, and told me to send her the script. The next thing I knew, a CYT Tri-Valley board member had also read the script. Then another board member, "KW", the one who was also directing Tom Sawyer, read the script.

But, a few weeks after the excitement of seeing my girls on stage in Tom Sawyer, Covid lockdown happened. Live theater (and most everything else) shut down. I hardly thought about my musical for the rest of 2020 as I worked on other projects. It wasn't until 2021 and the talk of teaching classes that Five Children and It came up again. KW told me that I should workshop the musical in a class. I didn't know exactly what that meant at the time. I soon learned that it's a way of working through a script with actual actors in order to improve it.

So, in November 2021, I nervously sat in a classroom of 18 students and passed out my script. I started off by assigning different students to read each part. As they read, I listened for any awkward lines that caused stumbling. Then at the end of each scene, we discussed changes that needed to be made, before moving on to the next scene with new actors reading. I braced myself for the criticisms, but everything the students said was constructive and beneficial. There were so many little details that I had forgotten (like what happened to the nuts?!) There was even a very big detail that I had completely forgotten to mention, and that was that the family was going on vacation, not moving to the countryside! And the class as a whole agreed that the ending was not very satisfying, so I went back and rewrote the ending. The students had so many great suggestions that their collaboration only made the whole musical better. 

A few weeks later, I played the music to the class for the first time. I had held back on playing the music because I wanted to focus on the story itself and not let the music be a distraction. I was even more nervous that day than on the first day– the recordings were rough, my singing was just-okay, would they like my songs?! But my nervousness subsided with each listen.

"I can picture the scene in my mind," said one student after hearing the prologue.

"Oh, it's so pretty," uttered another student after one of the solos.

The students clapped after each and every song, and cheered for me when one recording didn't work and I had to perform the song live. By the time we finished listening, we had two songs that we wanted to perform as a class, and I was inspired to add more choral parts for the class to sing. The musical was still developing!

A Musical is Born! - Part 1 - The Seed

I've been busy.

I have two books in the works, but what has been all consuming is the musical that I've been working on since 2019. This musical will be performed in February of 2023, so I think this is the perfect time to start documenting the journey!

Welcome to Part 1 of "A Musical is Born!"

In the spring of 2019, my two oldest girls finally had a chance to help backstage with a show. Our local chapter of Christian Youth Theater (called CYT Tri-Valley) was performing Godspell, a musical adaptation of the Gospel of Matthew. By the last night of the performances, my girls were in love with theater and eager to perform in the next season.

But their excitement dwindled when the next three shows were announced: Frozen, Jr., The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, and Honk! There wasn't anything wrong with these shows; admittedly, they weren't familiar at all with two of the shows. But my girls had dreams of being in something big, like Les Miserables.

This led to a discussion about the small number of musicals that were appropriate for a CHRISTIAN YOUTH theater. Most musicals are not written with children in mind; they are full of crass jokes and innuendo (to say the least.) Even Les Miserables, an epic story of redemption, is not fitting for youth, unless heavily edited. And let me add that some popular musicals performed by high schools and other youth companies are full of morals that are not godly. I wish that all Broadway shows could be like Godspell. And it's not simply about making some edits; theater companies sign contracts that limit the changes they can make to a show. Unless you get specific permission to make changes, you are bound by copyright law to perform the show as written.

So that leaves few musicals to choose from. There are plenty of "junior" version of shows out there, and "children's" musicals and even "Christian" musicals, of course, but sometimes the quality of these shows are not top notch. Nor are they challenging to actors and singers who listen and watch Broadway musicals.

This was the discussion that started turning the wheels in my mind.

"Could I write a musical? Could I write something that is fitting for youth theater, full of beautiful music, and based on Biblical values?"

I wasn't completely confident in my skills, but I was up for the challenge. After all, I've written stories, scripts, songs, and choral music. Put them all together, and a musical is born! Besides, what was there to lose?

First step, I needed to find a story to adapt, because I knew I didn't have the time or energy to write an original story. I thought of one book after another that might work on stage: Pollyanna, Homer Price, and Mr. Popper's Penguins. Then I ran into copyright laws. If a book is not in the public domain, then I would need to ask permission to use the book (or pay royalties.) This then led me to two books that were more than one hundred years old, E. Nesbit's Five Children and It and George MacDonald's The Princess and the Goblin.

I decided to start with Five Children and It. This book tells the story of a family on vacation in England, and while they are there, the children dig up a creature called a Psammead, who has the ability to grant wishes. Then, of course, their wishes lead to trouble.

The story was perfect. It had a variety of characters, fit for all ages. It had moments involving a town full of people, and moments between only two or three characters. I started reading the book and mapping out the script, removing chapters that were impossible for youth theater to pull off (like the chapter on flying). Whenever I encountered a problem (like "How do we portray a baby on stage?"), one of my kids came up with a solution. Amazingly, the whole process flowed smoothly. The original story was written as a serial for a magazine, so chapters fell neatly into "days" and "scenes". I only had to dig a little for a subplot and an overarching story. The theme was apparent: be grateful for what you have. And most surprisingly, song ideas came easily, with the help of the author's text as lyrics. While I've been struggling to write "pop" songs lately, songs in the musical theater style came very naturally to me. By the end of the summer, I had a rough script and most of the song ideas.

Now for step two.

I had my family, plus my sister-in-law, do a read-aloud of the script. This didn't go so well. I had tried to preserve Nesbit's words as much as possible, but she being a British author from the early 1900's meant many words and phrases that were confusing to present day readers. If a person was reading them in a book, that would be one thing. But for an audience hearing the words, that was a problem. The story needed to be immediately understandable. So back to writing and rewriting.

Step three meant recording the songs so people could hear them. Out came the keyboard. I used Garageband to lay down the piano track, then recorded myself singing all the different parts. My husband heard my working on the songs, and immediately said about one of them, "It doesn't fit." No writer likes to hear those words! But he was right. The song was too melancholy for the fairy-tale. I scrapped that song and tried to come up with something more danceable and fun. After a few tries, I found a "country dance" sound that I really liked, which made the potentially scary scene much more light-hearted. This song is now one of my favorites.

And so it was, back and forth like this for months. Writing means rewriting, and rewriting, and rewriting. It means analyzing the tiny details, but also seeing the bigger picture. Some characters needed more development and lines. I had three songs in a row that were too similar, so I reworked the second song and gave it a totally different sound. I had a big gap without any music, so a new song was added. I tried adding another song near the end of the show, but that seemed to impede the flow of the scene, so out it went.

All throughout this process, my goal was still to write something that a medium-sized youth theater group can perform. It didn't need to be earth-shattering. It didn't need to make it to Broadway. I wrote with the children in mind, that there should be something for everyone, whatever their age, and whether or not they have the best voice or most experience. I put in a small sword fighting scene (who doesn't love a good sword fight?) and a possible tap number. In the end, I felt like I had accomplished my goal– a beautiful, God-honoring musical that was fun for all!

On "Adulting"

I never liked the word "adulting." It just bothered me, but I couldn't say why.

I would hear people say things like, "I just bought my first refrigerator! I'm adulting!" That's fine; I'm okay with that.

But if I hear someone say, "I have to go to work today. I'm adulting," it rubs me the wrong way. I think I figured out the reason today.

My 7-year-old was arguing with me this afternoon concerning a book he wanted to look at. The problem was his 4-year-old sister wanted to look at it at the same time.

"But I want it!" he shouted. "Why does she get it first?"

"Because you're the older sibling," I explained as plainly as I could. "You don't act like a four-year-old anymore."

And it was simple as that. An 18-year-old should not act like a 10-year-old, and a 31-year-old should definitely not act like an 18-year-old. But it seems to be more common nowadays that adults are holding onto their childhoods. To be an adult is to have responsibilities, and many would rather not have responsibilities. 

But isn't that a part of life? We learn from our past mistakes (rather than brag about them and long for the "good ol' days") and we pass on the lessons we learned. We distinguish ourselves from children, not because we buy refrigerators, but because we model for them what it means to live lives of integrity.

If you are an adult, there shouldn't be a time when you are "adulting" and a time when you are not. Everything you do should be "adulting."

Taking Part in the Beautiful

photo courtesy of J Swenson Photography

My son was born in my bedroom. It still seems unreal sometimes. With only my husband, my midwife, my photographer friend, and three pushes, my baby saw light for the first time. And as soon as I held him in my arms, all the pain of the previous nine hours, and the fears of the previous nine months, were forgotten.

As you can see from the photo, the joy I felt at that moment could not be contained. It didn’t matter that this was my sixth child. This was still special. Like listening to Samuel Barber’s Adagio for Strings. Or watching a sunset go through all its changes. It doesn’t matter that I’ve heard Adagio for Strings five hundred times before, or that I’ve watched a thousand sunsets in my lifetime. It’s still special–every time. Only, this was even better. In giving birth, I’m a participant, not a bystander.

We all long for opportunities to take part in the Beautiful, to step into something bigger than ourselves. This was my chance. And it was only the beginning, Day 1 of many days of raising and caring for this child. And it may seem mundane, even degrading at times. The lustre of parenthood is not always as clear as it is on the day of meeting one’s child. Certainly there are days when I wish for a sunset, in Paris, from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Or an opportunity to sing Adagio for Strings, in a beautiful concert hall, with a top-notch choir.

But let me never forget, I am still an integral part of the Beautiful, from diapers to runny noses, from laundry to dishes. For what can be more beautiful than human life?

Across the Ocean

When my parents told me that we were leaving Hong Kong, I didn’t fully comprehend. All I knew was that we were getting on an airplane and going to someplace called ‘America’, and all I knew of America was that it was the home of Mickey Mouse and Snoopy. What five-year-old wouldn’t be happy to go to Disneyland? Like I said, I didn’t understand what was happening.

My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and many cousins followed us to the airport to say goodbye. We took photo after photo. Sometimes I smiled; sometimes I just stared with big eyes. “Is something going on? Why is everyone making a big deal about this?” They knew something I didn’t, that my relationship with them would never be the same after this. We would grow up in different worlds.

There are times when I wish I were better friends with my cousins. I wish I could attend their weddings and know their children. And I definitely wish I had more time with my grandparents. For many years I wondered how my life would have turned out if I had never left Hong Kong. What would it have been like, growing up in a place where I didn’t stand out because of my hair or skin color? Who would have been my friends, when we all shared a common background, ate similar foods, spoke the same language?

But now I know that where I grew up didn’t change the core of who I am: a writer, a musician, an idealist, a teacher. Growing up in the United States has undoubtedly shaped me, as the wind and rain shapes a cliff face, but I am essentially the same person. Hong Kong might have made me a snazzier dresser, a better Cantonese speaker, or a connoisseur of dim sum, but what’s the use of dwelling on the might haves?

If anything, growing up as a person of dual cultures has given me a deeper desire to connect with my past, and the desire to give my children that same connection. I also love experiencing other cultures and appreciating the similarities and differences between us. Most importantly, I have much sympathy for those who have also come across the ocean. I know what it’s like to be the outsider, and I know the feeling of being ostracized for my ethnicity. Though I wish I could say that racial prejudice no longer exists in the United States, it still does, and I can be one to educate people through my writing and teaching. And so, for that, I am glad I came to ‘America’.

The New York I Knew

My family lived in Queens, New York, for three years. I was fortunate to be old enough to remember my time there: eating dim sum in Chinatown, seeing the Nutcracker at the Lincoln Center, visiting the beautiful, giant Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center, climbing to the top of the Statue of Liberty. I remember stepping on the cobblestones of South Street Seaport and feeling like this was “my town.” I loved New York; it was a city with a personality unlike any other.

This family photo (that’s me in the middle) was taken on Liberty Island either before or after we did the epic climb to Lady Liberty’s crown. I tried to count each and every one of the 354 steps, but lost track somewhere around 250. For me, it was just another summer outing with my family: making memories, searching for adventure, enjoying my time with my siblings.

But when I see this photo now, my happy memories turn to sadness. I think of how my children will never be able to visit the city of my youth. We will still be able to eat dim sum in Chinatown and climb through the head of the Statue of Liberty, but I will need to explain to my children why the two magnificent skyscrapers in the photo are no longer there. How could I have known that in my lifetime, a city could be so changed?

I think that, if I ever do have the opportunity to visit New York with my children, I would like to take them all to Liberty Island. We will stand in the exact same spot where I once stood with my family, and take a photo, to commemorate the New York I knew.

My Parents at My Age

A little something I wrote on Medium.com six years ago.

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It’s funny how our parents are always “old” in our minds. I have to remind myself that I knew the 30-some-years-old versions of my parents once, that it really wasn’t that long ago that they were young parents, just like me. There was a time when they were more carefree and energetic, before the solemnity of life wore them down.

But I still have a difficult time picturing my mom as a thirty-seven year old. And I don’t have very many memories of my parents laughing– really, truly, tears-streaming-down laughing. That’s why I like this photo. My dad is the one wearing the ivory shirt and beige slacks playing tug-of-war. My mom is watching from the sidelines with my little brother. We were at a camp retreat with our church, and the younger people must have talked my dad into showing off his muscles. Judging from the age of my brother, my mom is just about my current age at the time of this photo. And the smiles on my parents’ faces are contagious! You can hear my mom’s laughter as you study this picture. She’s always had a beautiful smile. As does my dad.

I wish I have more pictures like this one. Even more, I wish I have more memories like this one. Which leads me to my resolution for this year: laugh more with my children and don’t shy away from the camera. I want to give my children opportunities to remember their young, laughing mom.

My Little Man

Another of my writings from "A Picture is Worth a Bunch of Words" on Medium.com.

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This is my son. He was born with one working kidney. When I was 20 weeks pregnant, the doctor noticed in my ultrasound that one of his teeny-tiny kidneys was full of dark circles. The other kidney was a healthy, grainy-gray, bean-shaped mass. What were the circles? We wouldn’t know until the baby was born.

Thank the Lord the dark circles turned out to be cysts, not cancer. His right kidney still would never function, but his left kidney was twice its normal size to make up for its missing partner. Which was fitting, since my son was born with a personality twice the size of his body.

Sometimes I worry about him. He’s a real daredevil. 

"Watch out! You'll run into the..."

"That's pretty high! Are you sure you can do it?!"

He does things that people with two working kidneys shouldn't do. See the red spot under his eye? That's normal. His legs are covered with scratches and bruises, and his pants are full of holes to prove it.

This boy doesn't walk when he can run.

He doesn’t talk when he can shout.

He believes that he can fly, if he flaps his arms hard enough. And nothing is going to stop him– not his small stature, not his cystic kidney, not even gravity.

"Mom, I'm fine! I can do it!" he shouts back to me.

And then he does it.

Maybe I don’t need to worry about him as much as I thought.

Someday, this kid is going to take on the world.

My Grandfather's Gift to Me

There was a time when I was writing for "A Picture is Worth a Bunch of Words" on Medium.com. It was a good place for me to publish mini essays that didn't fit on this blog. But that was seven years ago and my thoughts on that have changed. This is my blog, so really, I can post whatever I write! And since I'm not posting much right now because I'm focused on finishing my musical, here are some of my more "artful" thoughts from a few years back.

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My mother’s father was a professional studio photographer. He conducted his business entirely in his home: one corner of his tiny living room was curtained off for sittings, another corner was transformed into a dark room, and a third corner was where he kept his abacus and books. Besides being a photographer, he raised birds and plants, all within a two bedroom apartment, while raising a family of seven on the crowded, little island of Cheung Chau.

My memory of my grandfather was that he was a very quiet man. He spoke maybe no more than a total of a hundred words to me, in Cantonese or English, and yet he made a stronger impression on my young life than any other person. All the portraits of me as a little girl were taken by him through his monstrous old-fashioned camera. He would signal to me, tell me where and how to sit, then shuffle back to his camera and hide under its curtain. Then magically, a few hours later, my face was captured on paper in subtle shades of gray. When I was old enough, he invited me to watch him work in the dark room, not knowing that someday I would develop my own photos under a red light.

I have very little now to remind me of my grandfather. This photo, of my mother and me, is one of the few mementos. When my grandfather could no longer take portraits, his children gave away or sold all his equipment. The dark room and studio were transformed back into a dull, ordinary living room. I wish now that I had had the chance to study under him, or to show him my photos, or to at least inherit something of his. But then again, I did inherit something from him– my love for black and white photography. And if he was here, I would tell him how much I miss film and the dark room, but not as much as I miss him.

Bringing Out the Art in Your Child

I'm sorry that I haven't been blogging. I keep telling myself, "It's 2022 and you haven't posted ONE thing!!"

But I have an excuse. I've been delving into writing for musical theater and doing more visual art. The musical theater stuff is a conversation for another day, but the art... oh my! I'm rediscovering an old love!

And not only am I painting and drawing again, this time I'm posting my creations on Facebook, which is a big step for me. I've learned to stop worrying about "not being good enough." There are a gazillion people on the Internet who are definitely better artists than I am, but that doesn't matter anymore. I'm learning, I'm growing, and I'm having fun.

Seeing my art on Facebook prompted a conversation with a friend. She has a son who is creative and artistic, but won't do any art outside of art class. Her question was "How can I encourage him to draw at home?" Our lengthy dialogue became the perfect basis for this blog post!

So here are some steps to encouraging your child to do more art!

1) Sit and draw with your child. A reluctant child is more likely going to sit and draw if he/she sees you drawing too. Get a drawing book from the library and try a few exercises together. Try one of the drawing games listed below. Suggest drawing something that your child loves (your dog, cars, ponies, Minecraft...) Make it about having fun, not about achieving a goal.

2) Use only encouraging words. Your child is probably reluctant to draw because he/she doesn't feel competent. He/she sees another person's drawings and thinks he's not good enough. Build up his/her confidence by emphasizing that the goal is not to draw as well as a professional artist, but to improve his/her skills.

3) Combine steps 1 and 2! Even if you're not an artist yourself, by sitting down with your child, you are showing him/her that you are also willing to try something new. Put aside your self-consciousness and your child will too! You'll be growing together! And be careful here: use only encouraging words to yourself. No self-deprecating remarks like "Mommy's not that good."

4) Display your work! Frame your artwork and hang it on the wall! Take a picture of it and text it to a friend. Make a card out of it and send it to grandparents. Art is for sharing!!

Now, for some ideas for art time at home!

1) Get a big sheet of paper and draw a scene together! Pick a theme and everyone can add little details to create the scene. Theme ideas: underwater, outer space, your neighborhood, medieval castle.

2) Create a silly creature. There are two ways to do this. One way is simply to give a prompt like "Combine an octopus with a hamster to make a new animal" or "Draw an alligator-chicken." Another way is to make it a group game: everyone gets a sheet of paper, folded in thirds. On the top third, everyone draws a head of some sort. Then fold back the top third so it is hidden; pass the paper to the person on your right (he/she should not be able to see the head drawn on the paper.) Next, take the paper that was passed and draw a body on the middle section of the paper. Again, fold the paper back so that the new drawing is not visible. Pass papers again to the right. On the bottom third, everyone draws legs of some sort. Then open up the papers to reveal your new creature!

3) Invent a do-it-all machine. This one is similar to the silly creature. "Draw a machine that can flip pancakes and make your bed at the same time." The sillier the better!

4) Draw a squiggle monster. Draw a squiggle or blob or weird shape on a piece of paper. Then trade papers. Now turn the squiggle/blob/weird shape into a monster of some kind by adding eyes, horns, teeth, whatever you like!

5) Try March of Robots or Inktober. Sometimes it helps to have prompts. The March of Robots (in March) and Inktober (in October) are both online drawing challenges that give 31 prompts for 31 days of drawing. If that is too intimidating or stressful, come up with your own prompts. My friend Liz and I started our own group! Every week (or so, depending on how busy we are), we take turns coming up with prompts. Then we share our work–it's fun to see what the other person comes up with!