Giving Children Freedom

As far as jobs and careers go, I never want my kids to feel like they need to live up to my expectations. They don't have to become pianists, they don't have to become doctors, they don't have to get a bachelor's or master's degree.

I want my children to have the freedom to succeed, in whatever way they choose to do.

But with the freedom to succeed comes the freedom to fail.

I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately, as I now have three adult children trying to make their way in the world. One chose not to continuing with schooling, one is working towards her bachelor's, and one is just starting out at a community college. And in all they do, I see them fearlessly try different things, and I've come to the conclusion that it's because they know that they will not be judged for trying and failing. They themselves have seen their dad and I work endlessly on creative projects, sometimes with success and sometimes not. We are not afraid to share our failures with our children.

And that makes a big difference.

Parents, be aware of your expectations (what is your definition of success?) and watch how you speak to your children about them. My parents encouraged me in my music, but still questioned me if I brought home anything less than an 'A' on my report card. I always felt like I couldn't do enough. Talk to your children about perseverance and diligence more than winning. Tell them that it's okay to try, and fail. Share your stories and listen to theirs. And please, share your stories here! Tell me about your experiences with failure and success, either as a child or as a parent.

Food for the Soul

During the Covid pandemic, I had a clear understanding of the purpose of art. Though most people had food and shelter during the lock-down, it wasn't enough. We aren't simply robots, needing a recharge and tune-up every now and then. We are human, we are souls, and art fed those souls. So my family and I painted cards to send to people and made music videos to share online. At that time, I understood that art was a necessity.

But somehow, this past year, I lost that understanding. I no longer had a clear vision of the "why" behind what I did. My head knew it, but my heart didn't. As I tried to think of ways to bring in more income to help my college-bound children, I felt more and more that artists were undervalued in society. Schools were cutting art and music programs. Tech and computer skills were desirable in the job market. I could make $25/hour teaching music, but if a fast-food employee makes $20/hour (new law here in California), then does that mean I'm worth a little more than a McDonald worker? (I know it's not the right question to ask, but that's where my heart was at the time.)

What made matters worst was that after I finished vocal directing The Wizard of Oz in June, I felt a big hole. I had spent months working on this beautiful show, and it was all over in four days. What was I doing? I asked myself. Is it all meaningless?

I needed someone to shine a light through my fog, so this morning I had breakfast with my friend KW (who was the director of The Wizard of Oz and my musical, Five Children and It.) As she talked about collaboration and worship and God and all things dear to her heart, she couldn't hold back her tears. I just sat and listened. 

Hours later, I thought about her words, and it was then that my fog lifted. This is the vision I have now:

The shows I work on are like apples (or fill in with your favorite fruit here.) Most people will eat an apple, appreciate it, and enjoy it in the moment. They probably will not think about where the fruit came from, beyond the grocery store they bought it at. I, on the other hand, was there before the apple even started growing. I cared for the tree, saw the blossoms, and tended the apples as they grew. I worked alongside the Creator to ensure a sweet, beautiful crop. And in the end, when I enjoyed a bite of the apple, I could think back to the day I first saw the tiny apple growing on the tree. And I could be proud of the work I've done, even after the apple is gone.

So now I see that being an artist is an amazing blessing, not a curse. The world may not value it as such, but that's okay. I'm working with God to cultivate food for the soul!

Friends, or "Friends"

When I was in the second grade, I learned an important lesson: how to win friends.

I had moved from Hong Kong to the United States just one year before.

Then after attending first grade in one school, my family moved to another part of town and I had to begin all over again at a different school.

So I found myself trying to break into established social circles while speaking a new language. I spent many lonely lunches by myself, chasing butterflies on the grass and biding my time until class started again. I honestly believed that if I could get a butterfly to sit on my hand, it would prove that I'm special in some way, and maybe my classmates would notice me too.

The butterflies never chose me. But it didn't matter. One day, I brought a pack of ramen noodles to school. But I didn't eat it in a bowl with warm water. Instead, I crushed up the noodles in the packaging, then opened the bag, took out the spice package, and shook the spices onto the bits of uncooked noodles. The result was a tasty, salty, crunchy treat, and soon I was a favorite among some of my classmates.

It didn't take me long to realize that as long as I brought ramen noodles to school, people paid attention to me at lunchtime. I knew that they weren't really my friends, but I didn't care. For five to ten minutes at lunch every day, I was not alone.

Funny how, many years later, memories like this suddenly come back to you. Second grade was nearly forty years ago. And this afternoon, as I was washing dishes, I realized that I still often think that my friends just want something from me. I don't expect people to truly want to be with me. Deep down, I still think that people like me only for what I can give them or do for them. I had learned this lesson as a little girl, but I had learned it too well.

Of course, I have friends who love me; they tell me so often. I just don't allow myself to believe it. And they aren't just Facebook "friends"–they bring me meals, check up on me, take my kids to the park so I can rest, and invite us over. But if I'm completely honest with myself, I still don't really believe that they love me just for being me. It shows in how I hold back sometimes–how I can't be open in conversations, or how I hesitate to ask for help. Forty years later, I have a lesson to unlearn. I myself need to work on being more than a "friend". 

In this present culture of social media, commuting, texting, and fast-paced living, true friendship–having a deeper connection with a person and loving him/her for who he/she is, not what he/she can do for us–is slowly fading away. If you want to fight this trend in your life, I recommend this book: Made for People: Why We Drift into Loneliness and How to Fight for a Life of Friendship, by Justin Whitmel Earley.

Who Does She Look Like?

When I look at you

I don't see your sister

Nor your brother

Nor your father

Nor even me

When I look at you

I see the Designer

the Artist

the Architect

the Sculptor

the Engineer

the Knitter

the Scientist

the Musician

the Writer

the One who gifted me with this work of art

and allowed me to hold His masterpiece

this six pound eleven ounce masterpiece

in my arms

Advice to Young Artists

I started teaching classes for my local branch of Christian Youth Theater in 2021. I never saw myself as a natural with teenagers (in high school, I always preferred to be with the children or sit with the adults), but I found myself really loving my time with the teens. In each young artist, I saw glimpses of my younger self: unsure and awkward, but eager to walk through open doors, if someone would just believe in me.

So I found ways to give bits of life advice in the midst of teaching singing technique and harmonies. I wanted these teens to know what I wish I had known at their age–what I wish someone had told me as I was learning to write, draw, paint, sing, and play the piano.

And that's what this post is about. I've written about creativity in one book, and about teenagers in another, and now I'll combine both loves and share with all young artists out there bits of advice that, I hope, will help them in their journey. I've also asked my artist friends to contribute (including my personal artistic heroes Ben Hatke and Sara Groves!!!), so scroll down to read their words of advice!

1) It's okay to copy...

I learned to draw and paint horses from copying drawings and paintings of horses. Studying someone else's work taught me to see the shapes, shadows, and colors that would be difficult for me to see on a live, moving horse (besides that I was living in Queens, New York, at the time, where there were no horses.) Once I understood how a horse was structured, I was able to try drawing horses on my own. Even so, professional artists work with models and reference photos all the time. It is not a requirement that you can draw everything from your head to be a good artist. Dancers, actors, musicians, writers... start by studying and copying the artists you admire. Now read on...

2) ... but find your own style.

When I hear young singers, oftentimes they want to sound just like the recording of their favorite singer. But the goal is to be a good singer, not a good mimic! As an artist, there is a point where you have to leave the safety net of copying and come up with your own creative ideas. Take the dance moves you learned and choreograph your own dance. If you like Billy Collins's poems, that's great, but mimic his style in your own voice. Don't sing like Ariana Grande; sing like YOU!

3) Try new focuses within your craft. 

If you love drawing animals (like me), also work on drawing people or objects (that's what I'm doing now). If you dance ballet, try tap or jazz. If you play classical music, learn to improvise by reading a lead sheet and playing from chord charts. In other words, don't get stuck on one thing. Don't be like "I only do graffiti style art, that's my thing." It may not come as easily as you like (jazz is still difficult for me to play), but by taking chances and stretching your mind, you'll also stretch your skills and be a more well-rounded artist.

4) Don't think in terms of winning or losing.

One of the biggest mistakes young artists make is believing that if they don't get the lead, or the solo, or the first place ribbon, they are a failure. Every attempt is worth taking.

5) It takes time, both long term and short term.

Another mistake young artists often make is waiting around for inspiration to hit. Learn to make your art a daily practice. When I was working on my musical, I did a little every day, no matter what. And it still took me years to finish it! And I was able to write it only after years of studying and practicing piano, music theory, composition, choral music, and writing. When I was a teenager, I would have NEVER imagined that I would be writing a musical in thirty years. I just saw piano playing as either a hobby or a chore. I am thankful now that my parents told me to practice the piano for an hour everyday! As I matured, I gave myself assignments: set this poem to music; harmonize this melody; write a short story using a given prompt. The key is to keep practicing your craft. For example, if you draw, carry a small sketchbook with you and rather than look at your phone while waiting for something, sketch your hand, your shoes, or your surroundings. When I started this blog, I set a goal to write something every week; that's when my writing really took off! And...

A few months ago I got an idea to dress birds up in clothes.
I didn't know if it would work, but I started sketching.... 

6) Don't worry so much about the final product.

Every project doesn't need to be a big, impressive final product. There are plenty of songs I never finished writing. Many drafts of stories that stayed drafts in my notebook. Pages and pages of sketches that were failed attempts at capturing an idea in my mind. The key is to just start and see where it takes you. Don't be afraid of the blank page. Don't keep your sketchbooks shiny and pristine. Remember that you are on a journey of learning and practicing, and every step you take, whether big or small, is moving you along!

7) MOST IMPORTANTLY: Do NOT compare yourself with others.

This was my biggest downfall. I spent my high school years constantly comparing. "She sings louder and higher than me." "His photos are so much more creative than mine." Now I know that there are certain things that a person can change about him/herself through learning, and there are certain things that a person cannot change. For singers, your physical structure dictates somewhat how high or low or loud you can sing. Some people are naturally loud. I, on the other hand, am naturally quiet. With training, I've exercised my voice to be louder and stronger, but I can only reach a certain level of loudness before I start hurting myself. And I will never be able to sing the high notes my daughter can sing–she's a natural soprano, and I am not. Again, I've trained my voice to reach some of the higher notes, but I physically cannot even squeak out a high C. So why waste my time lamenting over what I cannot do?! Other things that I can't do well (or at all): dance, play sports, play the violin, whistle, juggle. And that's okay. Nowadays, we hear this message: You can be anything you want to be. The truth is, I will never be a Major League baseball player or a ballerina, no matter how hard I work at it. But I can focus on what I'm good at, develop the talents God has given me, and become the best writer/artist/musician I can be. And be grateful everyday that I get to do what I love! 

(AND WHATEVER YOU DO, STAY OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA! DON'T WATCH VIDEOS OF THE FIVE-YEAR-OLD PRODIGY OR TWELVE-YEAR-OLD CELEBRITY AND COMPARE YOURSELF TO THEM!! DON'T DO IT!!!)

And now, some excellent advice from other artists...

Aaron Anderson
Photographer
andersonvisuals.com

What you are going to experience is more fun and beautiful than you can ever imagine, you will do things and see things that are inspiring in every way, most of which are once in a lifetime and few people will ever experience. It will also be one of the hardest things you've ever done, there will be moments where you question your own sanity, where nothing makes sense and it feels like everything is falling apart. You will have to hold on, and believe in what you're doing even when there is no logical explanation or evidence that you aren't a crazy person. In the end you need to make sure you enjoy every moment, don't get so caught up in what others are doing and what you don't have, and allow yourself to drink in the experiences that you've been given.

Joanna Crawshaw Miller
Painter/Visual Artist
joannacrawshaw.com

Never stop learning.

Don't be afraid to try something new.

Surround yourself with other creatives, including older creatives.

Go see shows, plays, concert, etc.

Keep your eyes open; inspiration comes from everywhere.

Camden Daly
Pianist/Accompanist/Conductor/Composer

Stay patient. You are going to learn so many things... things will come your way.

Jana Gehring
Painter/Visual Artist
leafbyjana.com

Don't be so afraid of looking different or slowing 'everyone' down that you ignore the desires you have to play with paint and pencil.

You'll almost never feel "ready" or that things are "finished". Frame them/finish them anyway, and learn what you can to keep going.

Spend as much time as you can playing and learning from your materials and techniques and methods. You'll never regret the time you spent learning to draw or paint something new, or learning a new medium. It's all building blocks you can use later.

You can do a lot more with 15 minutes a day, most of the time, than you can with 4 hour blocks once a week. Don't let "I only have a bit of time–it's not worth it" stop you.

Sara Groves
Singer/Songwriter/Recording Artist
saragroves.com

Don't edit yourself. You can't play the role of producer and songwriter in your head at the same time. There has to be a point in the process where you let it ALL out, unedited. You might edit later on, but you have to be in no-idea-is-a-bad-idea mode when you are creating.

Don't teach; bear witness. The songs that move me are just bearing witness to what is true about life. Even in a song that is written for advocacy–if I feel like my story telling is devolving into finger wagging, or a sales pitch, I back and rework.

Songwriting is not prose. It doesn't have to be linear or make sense in story-form. Sometimes a collection of words evoke emotion and create a setting better than any word-for-word description.

"God is the ocean and we keep writing about a cup of water." Producer Charlie Peacock told me this years ago, and it has stayed with me. The subjects for songs are everywhere, inexhaustible.

Ben Hatke
Author/Artist/Illustrator/Fire Eater
benhatke.com

Making art consists of two skills–the skill of *making* and the skill of *sharing*. How you combine those two skills is up to you. For instance you could use the Emily Dickinson Method, where you write poetry every day, very well, and put it all in drawers to be discovered after your death. You could also work like a performance artist, making art live and up close before your audience with every bit of your process on display.

When I was in college I enjoyed making a series of stores I called "Bathroom Comics." These were sheets of paper I would tack up to the wall in our dormitory bathroom and I would add a little bit to the story every time I was in there. My roommates loved it (I enjoyed hearing them laugh when they were using the facilities).

Both making and sharing have their challenges and can be scary. You have to make a habit of both (even if you are using the Emily Dickinson Method you have to form the habit of always putting the poem in the drawer).

I think you have to practice *every day*. As the painter Apelles (4th century BC) said: "never a day without a line." So keep those sketchbooks! Scribble those half-formed ideas. Learn every day and don't worry if your drawings are "perfect."

Genoa McDowell Sperske
Dancer/Choreographer/Director

Trust that you - as you are, as God made you - are enough. There will be people tearing you down as you learn your craft. Always take the opportunity to learn, but don’t let critiques lead you to change your spirit. You have something to offer the world. Find teachers who see that and guide you to develop the great things about you. Find the right balance between being strong in who you are and being teachable and open to self-development.

Find the space that is right for you. If you feel like your artistic community isn’t aligning with your personal convictions or isn’t emotionally healthy, find a new one. Or move into a different aspect of your art that supports you mentally, emotionally, spiritually. For example, if the competitive nature of auditioning as a performer feels like it’s weighing on you emotionally, try teaching for a little while. Take care of your soul to become a better artist. 

Remember that your worth doesn’t come from your art - what you produce, what role you land, etc. God gave you a special gift, but He would love you just the same without it. Your worth is in the fact that God made you and loves you. Try not to find your identity in your art. 

Humility and empathy go a long way in the arts. People and relationships are more important than the art you produce. Making art together is one of the most amazing feelings and you can’t have a positive experience making art with others without humility and empathy.

Bottom line - Stay true to yourself, be teachable, don’t find your worth and identity in your art, stay humble. 

Martha McDowell
Actor/Singer/Musician

Commit the gifts God has given them to Him and make Him an audience of One in both your preparations and performances. Work at your gift striving to please Him primarily. He will comfort you when you are disappointed in some aspect of your art whether it's not getting a role or making a mistake in a music recital. Because God has a plan for every aspect of your life you can trust Him to develop whatever area of art He has blessed you with. If you glorify God in your attitude and effort He will bless you. I know this from direct experience.

Alyssa Penman
Paper and Fiber Artist

It is enough to create what I do because it brings me joy. Comparison is the thief of joy and it is so true when you are one among so many talented artists. Also, it isn't foolish or crazy to want to make a living from creative pursuits. Maybe if I had pushed on when I was younger it would be easier to find my niche.

Heather Warren
Dancer/Choreographer/Actor/Singer

Trust your instincts and don't be afraid to try something new! Personally, my biggest regret in life was passing up a job with East Bay Parks as a Naturalist-in-training for what now seems like silly reasons. I'm trusting that God is using my decisions to place me exactly where I should be, but there were times I was afraid to jump into the new and unknown. Don't be afraid to try and fail!