As far as jobs and careers go, I never want my kids to feel like they need to live up to my expectations. They don't have to become pianists, they don't have to become doctors, they don't have to get a bachelor's or master's degree.
I want my children to have the freedom to succeed, in whatever way they choose to do.
But with the freedom to succeed comes the freedom to fail.
I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately, as I now have three adult children trying to make their way in the world. One chose not to continuing with schooling, one is working towards her bachelor's, and one is just starting out at a community college. And in all they do, I see them fearlessly try different things, and I've come to the conclusion that it's because they know that they will not be judged for trying and failing. They themselves have seen their dad and I work endlessly on creative projects, sometimes with success and sometimes not. We are not afraid to share our failures with our children.
And that makes a big difference.
Parents, be aware of your expectations (what is your definition of success?) and watch how you speak to your children about them. My parents encouraged me in my music, but still questioned me if I brought home anything less than an 'A' on my report card. I always felt like I couldn't do enough. Talk to your children about perseverance and diligence more than winning. Tell them that it's okay to try, and fail. Share your stories and listen to theirs. And please, share your stories here! Tell me about your experiences with failure and success, either as a child or as a parent.
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