I LOVE MARRIAGE!!
And not because I'm some hopeless romantic living in a fairy tale. After nine years of marriage, I know better!
I love marriage because I've learned so much from it: what it means to sacrifice, compromise, and love someone as myself; I've been encouraged to grow and stretch, to be strong and courageous, to be more myself; I am a witness to unconditional love, which makes me feel more secure and confident than ever before; I know more what Christ means when He describes himself as the Bridegroom.
I love marriage so much that I have always wanted to write about it, to inspire other wives, but I find it a difficult topic to write about. When my husband asked me why, I told him, "Because marriage is so easy!"
So you see, I've been blessed (and spoiled). Now, my husband and I had our share of misunderstandings and straight-out-pig-headed fights, but all in all, marrying my husband was as natural as breathing. Part of the reason why it's been so easy is because I married my best friend! If you are married, I hope you can call your husband your best friend. If you are not yet married, I say, "Find someone who you can call your best friend!"
Surprisingly, though, I've met women who don't feel like their husband is their best friend. Roommate, business partner, good friend perhaps, but not best friend. The idea of your husband being a 'friend' just sounds strange to most people, because most of us manage life by putting people and things into categories. 'Husband' is in the category of 'spouse' and 'marriage' and 'family', while 'friend' is not. We have a different set of expectations for a 'spouse' than for a 'friend'. But that is where our mindset must change. That is where we answer the question, "What does it mean to be married to your best friend?"
Start by thinking about what makes a great friend. A few things that come to my mind are:
-he/she is an intent listener
-he/she makes time for you
-he/she is courteous and respectful of you
-he/she takes an interest in your interests
Now apply those things to your marriage... are you a great friend to your husband? If you answer 'no', don't worry, you can become a great friend. This will mean establishing new habits and biting your tongue at times, but by changing your mindset of 'he is my husband' to 'he is my friend', you can cultivate a beautiful friendship within your marriage.
Here is a quick example of how your actions change when your mindset changes. After cooking a wonderful dinner, you would like your husband to take care of the dishes. Normally, if he doesn't volunteer, you fume and grumble. And if he does, you don't mention it, because after all, husbands should do the dishes. But if a friend came over for dinner, you wouldn't expect your friend to wash your dishes! Your choice then is to either ask your husband politely to help you with the dishes, or if he volunteers without your asking, acknowledge it. And THANK HIM afterwards for doing something he didn't have to do. It's the same with the garbage. Even if your husband takes out the garbage every week, THANK HIM for doing it, every time he does it! Thank him for working to support the family. Thank him for reading a story to the kids, or for changing a diaper. Use the word please, especially at the dinner table. It's sad that sometimes the people we treat with the least amount of manners (and respect) are the people closest to us.
Go through the other characteristics on the list (or on your own list) and think about how you can be a better listener (stop whatever you're doing and look your husband in the eye when he's talking about his day at work), or make time for your husband (call a babysitter and schedule a date!), or show interest in his hobbies. One story that I will never forget involves a wife going deer hunting with her husband, despite years of expressing her distaste for the sport. The two of them left before sunrise to go and sit in the forest, completely silent and still, for hour after hour. When they were done, they had not even taken one shot, or spoken one meaningful sentence to each other. The wife thought to herself, "What a disappointment! I wanted this to be a special day, but my plan didn't work at all!" but as they were walking back to the car, her husband took her hand and said, "I had a great time with you, honey." This story may be completely fabricated, but I like the lesson it is conveying to spouses (and especially wives). A friend knows what the other person loves, and makes the effort to do that for or with the person. A helpful book for couples to read (together, if possible) is His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard F. Harley. It may help you understand better how wives and husbands must learn to meet the needs of the other within a marriage.
Lastly, a best friend goes beyond the list above. A best friend is someone you go to first with your joys and sorrows, someone you forgive unceasingly, someone you know inside and out. You share everything with this person, and you never talk badly about this person. Again, list the qualities that make a best friend, and see how many of these qualities you bring to your marriage. Pray that God can help you forgive, or tear down walls that have been built up over the years, or hold your tongue. Ask Him to bless your marriage and help you become a BFF (which, by the way, means Best Friend Forever) to your husband.
Another topic to discuss is having a husband who is also your 'brother in Christ'... but I'll save that for another day.
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