The Last Word on Modesty (at least for now)

Two Sundays ago, one of our pastors (his name is Jason) preached on a somewhat controversial passage of the Bible, I Timothy 2:8-15. While I am not here to argue with anyone about "does women have authority in church to lead and preach?", I do want to address verse 9-10, which is:

I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. (NIV)

There, in my own church, was a lesson on modesty! Although it is important to dress appropriately for church (standards which can vary nowadays, depending on the church), church should not be a fashion parade. I've seen women (usually younger ones) come to church in clothes that were clearly meant to attract attention. I myself have fallen into that trap, of using church as a place to show off a new outfit. "I have nowhere else to wear this," I tell myself. But what I wanted were the compliments.

The verse above was a good reminder (and conviction) to focus on beautifying my heart, and not myself, when I get ready on Sunday mornings. That may mean being patient with my children, being kind and understanding to my husband, and being thankful to my Lord.

Also, I've finished reading A Return to Modesty, by Wendy Shalit. This book was not what I had expected: I wanted tips on how a woman should dress, but instead, I learned about how our culture's leniency in dress and sex has affected other areas of life, including the male/female relationship. This book is about getting back to the basic idea that God designed male and female to be different, to complement each other, and to respect each other. It is about not believing the pervasive lies that are so common now, such as "Living together is how you practice being married" or "Men are just big boys." 

Despite how media portrays girls, most girls do not feel comfortable in revealing clothes (but may follow a trend for the trend's sake) or sleeping around (but do it because they think they're "suppose" to be doing it). Cohabiting is now seen as a normal step in a dating relationship, just like somehow a kiss on a first date had become normal. But girls just want someone to care for them. They want to feel protected. All they are looking for is deep, abiding love, and so they compromise a part of themselves in their search for that love.

Speaking practically, sons and daughters should both be taught about modesty, in dress and in relationships with the other gender. Boys shouldn't have their pants hanging down below their underwear, or wear swim pants that barely hang on their hips. Going shirtless is appropriate only in some cases. They should learn to open doors and carry bags for females, and give up their seats when a woman is present. Parents of boys should stress that they are protectors of women and leaders of the home. They are the knights in the stories.

Girls should be careful of how much skin they show, and learn to choose clothes that are functional and attractive without being revealing. As Jason (the pastor who preached on I Timothy) said when he shared about being a father, "I want my daughter to know how to handle her beauty." And, they should be taught to allow boys to be gentlemen. Not that they cannot be strong and skilled and leaders too, but they need to respect the men in their lives.

Today, writing about modesty is much easier than practicing it. What used to be common thinking is now not so common. But if we as parents focus on the small flock we have in our keep, we can find the balance that God had intended when He created us, male and female.