Beauty in the Mirror

I'm trying to gather my thoughts. My son turned three today, and we spent the morning having chocolate chip pancakes (his birthday request) with his godmother and 'godsiblings'. While the children finished watching 'Finding Nemo' (also my son's request), I chatted with Elizabeth about everything from food budgeting to getting our babies to sleep through the night to thrift store shopping, which led us to the topic of self-image.

"When I see myself as through a camera, I see someone who is loud, awkward, and impatient," I told my friend.

"Your self-image is so screwed!" she retorted. "You are a graceful and calm person, and a good listener."

I began to argue back, then paused to think. "You're right," I finally said, "my self-image is screwed."

Why is it that most women hate what they see in the mirror? A woman is the first to say, "I'm having a bad hair day" or "I need to lose five pounds." That's what I did, and still do. For a long time, I hated almost everything about myself, and I couldn't take a compliment. I would brush it aside, not feigning humbleness like a 'proper Chinese person', but really believing that the person speaking was telling a lie. And when I married my husband, I continued this disbelief.

"You're beautiful!" he would say.
"You're just saying that because you're married to me," I would reply.
"No, it's the truth! You need to believe that!"

After ten years of hearing "You're beautiful" nearly everyday, I AM starting to believe it. I'm starting to love myself as my husband loves me, and as God loves me. But that's how long it has taken, ten years, and I still need reminding everyday. In the meantime, I am thankful for friends who remind me that I don't need to compare myself to other women. I am thankful for my husband who simply tells me that I'm amazing. And I'm thankful for mornings like today that, even though I can't quite sort through my thoughts and emotions, leave me refreshed and encouraged.