Seigneur, faites de moi un instrument de votre paix...
I need peace. Well, I guess everyone needs peace, but what I mean is that I'm a person who needs quiet and calmness. I don't like heated discussions or conflict of any kind. Raised voices give me stress.
So what do I do when my son has a tantrum? I stress. The muscles at the base of my neck become hard as steel, and a fireball starts growing inside me until I cannot swallow it down anymore. And then, I raise my voice, and any remnant of peace remaining is burnt to a crisp by my fury.
I lament now that I didn't approach my son's tantrums more calmly when he was younger. I wanted peace, but I only perpetuated the cycle of stress. And now, it's a question of the chicken or the egg. Does my son scream because I modeled that kind of reaction? Maybe.
Yesterday, when my son didn't nap and later had a grumpy afternoon, I raised my voice. Then this morning, the first lines of St. Francis's prayer came to my mind. Here is the complete prayer, translated from its original French:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
I think that taking care of so many children isn't easy. So, I think standards have to be adjusted for each additional child added to the mix. Though, each child has their own issues that have to be addressed. There is a twisted balancing act to actually achieve stress free parenting with plenty of kids in the mix. So, for us we try to aim high, but once a tantrum kicks in, it is easy to be drawn in ;)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely, Chris. Child #4 was stubborn from the day he was born, but he also tries so hard to be 'old' like his siblings. But I remind myself, and my other children, that he is only three, and still has much to learn.
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