Parents and Pharisees

Last night, I was chatting with my friend Jocelyn, a fellow mom of the Asian persuasion, about the stresses of raising children in a rather affluent area. Here are some of the things she has heard:

- All children should start reading at the age of two, and if they aren't reading by the time they are three, there's something wrong.

- Now is the time to put your boys in a team sport, if they are to 'fit in' in junior high.

- After school, my child has tutoring, then gymnastics, then violin lessons.

You would think that these parents are training their kids for the Olympics! And all Jocelyn wants is to raise three healthy and kind boys who can get through a day without fighting with his brothers! 

When has the simple goal of raising children been shrouded by such competition and so many expectations? The pressure is on to think not only about health and diet, but also art lessons, music lessons, sports, SAT-exam-prep classes, scholarships, Eagle Scouts, and Ivy League schools! When does the child have time to foster imagination and family relationships?

I feel like parents today are doing to their calling what Pharisees did years ago to the Sabbath. During Jesus's time, the Pharisees devised hundreds of strict rules in their effort to keep the Sabbath holy. But in doing so, they spent their time focusing on how many steps they were walking, or how much they were lifting, instead of focusing on God. Worse than that, they walked around on the Sabbath pointing their fingers at people who were breaking their rules! (see Matthew 12:1-13)

And don't think that I, as a homeschooling parent, is sitting on my high horse saying all this! I too am guilty of comparing my children to others, and I have to constantly remind myself not to look at other homeschoolers and feel the need to compete. And if you ever talk to homeschooling parents, you will find that they are just as prone to overscheduling and worrying, if not more so, because the child's education relies mostly on them. Homeschooling parents tend to want to sign their children up for every class. And they worry that in all their efforts, they will still somehow manage to neglect a crucial element of their child's upbringing.

For all parents out there, this is a gentle reminder to think about what is truly most important in your child's life. Rest, family time, and a quiet blossoming are more important than 4.o GPAs and sports scholarships. Don't be so focused on doing-all-the-right-things and forget to focus on your child! And also, remember your goal is not trying to shape your child into the person you think he/she should be, but the person God has designed him/her to be. And if your child achieves that, there is no greater success in life!