Present-Day Pen Pals

I really enjoy writing long letters in flowy script to my friends. Maybe it's because I'm a writer. Maybe because long letters feel like a deep but slow conversation over distance. When I'm writing a letter, I'm not hindered by time, or interruptions, or environment. In the open space, I can be open with my thoughts. My long letters are never long enough because I have so much to say.

I recently discovered that I enjoy writing long e-mails to friends. And this is after years of refusing to use e-mail, then using it only if necessary! Now, when I have enough time, I will sit and ask a myriad of questions (expecting answers to every one) and answer my friends' questions in detail. We share prayer requests and concerns, verses, and minute but amusing details from our lives.

Sometimes I rant about technology, but it really depends on how one uses it. Like all things in life, we need to approach new technologies with Godly wisdom, and try to use it to encourage and build up the Body. I know some young guys who text each other Bible verses to encourage each other at the start of a work day. And there's TakeThemAMeal.com, that has helped people at my church quickly and easily coordinate meals. I'll probably never become a part of the Twitter/Pinterest/Instagram crowd, but then again, I once said I would never blog...

True Love

As I had mentioned in my last post, my husband and I spent Valentine's Day at our church's Thursday night worship service. Though the service is open to everyone, the majority of its attendees are of college age. Because of that, my husband and I jumped at the chance to be on their Valentine's Day panel, which consisted of a young dating couple, two single people, and us, the old married ones. The format for the night was that we passed the microphone around and answered questions centered around dating, romance, and marriage, but questions that, if one dug deeper, were really about Godly living, no matter what stage of life a person was at.

I started out the evening very nervous and a bit stiff on the microphone, but as I talked more about the lessons I've learned, my love and respect for my husband, and our goals in marriage, I found myself speaking with more and more passion. The words started coming easier (though I don't know with how much clarity) and by the end of the night I was afraid I had been a bit of a hog with the mic. But I give all credit to the Holy Spirit. There were so many points that we barely touched on, so many misconceptions out there, that I'm praying I said what needed to be said, and that future opportunities to share will arise, either in a group setting or one-on-one.

But I have discovered through this experience how ingrained the Hollywood 'formula for love' has become in the minds of our present and future generations. I too had fallen into that trap when I was young. Though most Christians will tell you that sex before marriage is wrong, they still believe these lies that are prevalent in movies, TV, and music:

- You must be physically attracted to the other person to have a good marriage.

- Date around to find 'the One'. If you can't find that person at your church, go to another church.

- "If you want to know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss."
- Falling in love is so magical, it will change a person for life.

The overall attitude about romantic love is 'act on your emotions' and 'do what you like, as long as it doesn't hurt the other person'. But while infatuation wears off quickly, true love is active and growing. True love is about fighting selfish urges and seeking what is best for the other person (meaning God's will, not what we define as 'best'). It is humbly serving the other person (as opposed to serving out of obligation) and learning more about the person, in order to serve him or her better. Most people don't understand this, even in the context of 'loving your neighbor'.

Here is an example: I can say that I love my neighbor by not bothering him, not stepping on his grass, and not complaining about the loud music coming from his house. But really that is 'putting up' with your neighbor, not love. Truly loving your neighbor is knocking on his door, raking his leaves, and asking him about the music he likes to listen to. And that is only the beginning.

In marriage, the difference between being passive versus active in love is this: I can let my spouse cook his favorite foods himself, or I can serve him by cooking it for him. I can say "I never speak badly about my husband" or I can always praise him and defend his reputation if needed. I can avoid disagreements for the sake of peace, or I can work through these disagreements by listening to my husband's point of view, then respectfully yield to him if we cannot agree.

Another way to look at it is to compare the words of Confucius to the words of Jesus. Confucius said, "Don't do to others what you wouldn't want them to do to you," whereas Jesus says, "Do to others what you would want them to do to you." 

Oh, I can talk all day on this subject! Maybe someday I'll write a book. In the meantime, I will strive for something even better: to mentor young people and young couples, and do my best to role-model a Godly marriage, and in doing so, change their view of love and marriage.

This is My Prayer

I can't believe February is almost half over and I haven't written one post yet! I guess my mind's been on other things, revising stories and preparing for my husband's birthday. Also, Valentine's Day is tomorrow (as you probably know), and my husband and I were asked to be on a panel (which you probably don't know) to answer questions about marriage and romance for college students. Public speaking is on my 'top ten things I hate the most', so I'll tell you later how it goes!

I have been extra-excited these past few weeks because we are starting a study in Paul's epistle to the Philippians at our church. If I had to choose a favorite book of the Bible, it would be Philippians. Chapter after chapter, I find beautiful passages that sing like poetry, familiar verses that I welcome like old friends, and nuggets of gold that I can tuck in my heart. And now, I have the privilege of studying the book with our weekly small group and gaining insight from other growing Christians!

Jocelyn is a fellow mom (of three boys) in our group that I have had the pleasure of getting to know better. She likes to ask questions, which I find refreshing because sometimes I've read a passage so many times that I can't find anything new in it! She's also honest and open about her Christian walk, and I'm encouraged when I know that someone has experiences similar to what I go through.

Yesterday, she sent an e-mail to the group and shared this with us (which I'm sharing with you, with her permission):

I was reading Philippians 1 after a rough morning with the kids - After a week of peace among the brothers last week, they're at it again... fighting over silly things and not having the ability to stop themselves from irritating their brothers. Ugh. It was on that note that I read Paul's words in verses 9-10, And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ ... and this one (verse 27): Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. 

Would like to ask for prayer this week, that the Holy Spirit would help me to discern what is best... and that I would conduct myself "in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." I often get annoyed or upset and try to command or yell away their negative attitude or punish with consequences. I'm at a loss for what to do to "fix" this problem... pray that I would remember that God is also doing a good work in my kids' hearts, and that I would be able to tend to that garden and help them to grow.

The 'good work' Jocelyn is referring to is from verse 6, ...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ. And it is such a wonderful reminder that children need years of nurturing and teaching. While it may be easier to find a 'quick fix' for the problem at hand, sometimes a gentle word or deeper talk is more appropriate and meaningful. A change of action gives you peace for the present, but a change of the heart means a long and lasting response. After all, children are not computers who need data entry, but, like Jocelyn says, they are gardens, needing daily attention and time to grow. 

I encourage you to read and reread Philippians 1 everyday for the rest of this month. It is a wonderful, encouraging passage for all Christians, but especially applicable for us parents who need a reminder that our children are 'works in progress', as are we. I myself have been started praying verses 9-11 daily for my children. I like how the New Century Version phrases it (though I don't know how precise the translation is):

This is my prayer for you: that your love will grow more and more; 

that you will have knowledge and understanding with your love; 

that you will see the difference between good and bad and will choose the good; 

that you will be pure and without wrong for the coming of Christ; 

that you will do many good things with the help of Christ 

to bring glory and praise to God.

What a great way to sum up all that I feel in my heart for my children. The other night, I took out the journals I have for each child, and copied the passage into each book. I hope that when they are older, they will read these verses and the words will resound in them.