#1 Dads

Sometimes, I feel our culture is doing to the reputation of dads what it did to the reputation of mothers-in-law. Dads are all too often portrayed by media as goofy, incompetent, authoritarian, or absent. I'm not saying that all TV and movie fathers are bad, but there are enough 'bad apples' out there to ruin the whole barrel, in my opinion. The stereotypical modern dad is either affection but dumb, or overly strict and removed.

So let me take a moment to praise the amazing fathers I know. Last night, I had the pleasure of going to the county fair with several good friends, my sister, and my family. Between all of us, there were two dads and eight kids, five of them being three and under. The dads had graciously joined us moms right after working a long day, and it made me proud to see these men in action: helping with pushing strollers, carrying children, walking long distances in the muggy heat, and participating in a ride or two. They were tired, but they weren't complaining. And this was typical of them. Day in and day out, they work hard to support their families, then go straight home to work harder. When they wish they could pursue their own hobbies and pastimes, they choose to be with the family instead. They lead their families to seek after God, and accept the responsibility of all that entails. And above all, they cherish their wives. These are the men that I admire most, and I'm blessed that one of them is mine.

(Still) Home Sweet Home

Well, we're not moving. The landlord offered us a two-year lease with only a slight increase in rent, and we knew that it would be unwise for us to pack up our belongings and move into a smaller and more expensive rental for no reason other than that I don't like the orange exterior.

I decided that it's time to put down my pride and play the Glad Game. Though I feel the first impression of our house doesn't reflect "me" (and I'm almost always worried about "What will people think?!?!"), it's time to get over it. I have many reasons (still) to be glad:

- The landlord hasn't painted any of the rooms orange.

- The interior of the house still reflects "me" and my family.

- I will feel more settled after reorganizing certain rooms and closets this summer.

- We still have more space than we ever imagined having, not to mention a wonderful guest room.

- We have a home for at least the next two years, and at an affordable price.
- I don't have to pack.

- Our house is distinctive and easy to describe to people visiting for the first time.

- I can plant some warm-toned flowers in the front.
- This will be the longest that we've ever lived in a house.

- God's timing is ALWAYS perfect.

Home Sweet Home

Ah, back from camp, and there is nothing I look forward to more than sleeping in my own bed.

But something was... hmmm... not right about our house. Not on the inside, but on the outside. When we returned after two and a half hours of driving, almost giddy about being "home sweet home", we were reminded that just before we left, our landlord had had the house painted.

And guess the color? (You'll never guess.) Think fiery golden sunset, orange sherbet with artificial coloring, or the neon-peach-colored shorts you wore in the 80's.

I tell myself, "Well, at least I don't have to look at it all day." But I do see it, every time I look out the window, and every time I come or go. And somehow, it's changed how I feel about the house.

I admit to you that I had fallen in love with the house. It suits our family so perfectly that there would be few changes to make, if I ever had the chance to make them. And I had dreamed of that possibility, that the landlord would come to us one day and say, "I don't want this house anymore. Please buy it from me, for cheap, to help me out!" I know there was no other way we could stay, otherwise.

And I know that the day was soon approaching when we would have to move, and that this house would become a memory for my children and me, and that we would need to trust God to lead us to our next home. But then again, didn't He lead us to this house, three years ago?

Now I'm ready to step out again, and I have to thank my landlord and the strange orange-colored paint he chose. If not for that, I would have never been prepared to leave. 

Sometimes, God gives us gifts in funny packages.

My Other Children

My youngest son and I were just looking at the photo on the refrigerator of the boy we sponsor through Compassion International. The boy, now a young man, will turn 21 and graduate this August! In the photo, he is smiling and standing confidently, much different from when we first "met" him at the age of 17.

Some people wonder why we can't just ship food to famished countries, or dig wells and build houses. The difference is clear: we can "feed a man for a day" or "feed a man for a lifetime." Some countries have grown too dependent on short-term missionaries. Others simply take advantage of visitors' generosity. Still others gladly accept help with physical needs, but don't want to hear what the foreigners have to say about their spiritual needs. On the other hand, sponsorship programs provide relationship, mentorship, and discipleship. Like medical missions, they can meet a specific need rather than a general need. And most importantly, they teach people to become leaders, thereby influencing the culture positively from the inside out.

In a recent study of sponsorship programs, Dr. Bruce Wydick of the University of San Francisco found that these programs made a huge difference in the lives of the sponsored children. Compared to their unsponsored peers, 27-40% were more likely to complete secondary school, 50-80% more likely to graduate from college, and 35% more likely to have white-collar jobs (with many becoming teachers and leaders of their community). 

These numbers (along with the information available on the Compassion International website) are very encouraging, since I most likely will never meet my "son" in person. But then it occurs to me, as I finish telling my son about his "brother" in India, that there may be a time when we can all be together. Someday, in Heaven, I hope to meet all my "children."

Simple Gestures

I realize now how idealistic I sounded in my post 'To Serve Each Other'. Truly, I long for a world where no one is left wanting for food or love, and not because circumstances are always perfect, but because God's people are caring. But I'm not here to add another obligation on your long to-do list. I know that those taking care of children, elderly parents, or sick loved ones are already serving all day. There are days and weeks (and months!) that are completely draining. 

And yet, I don't think it's asking too much to change our mind-set. Living the life that God intended for us does not mean looking forward to church services because we will get an hour reprieve from our 'obliglations'. Living in the Kingdom is not about our happiness, but about the joy that God gives us when we serve others, and allow others to serve us. 

This post is mostly for parents of young children. If you are one, and feeling discouraged because your heart wants to serve, but your hands feel tied, here is a little article I wrote in 2011, titled 'Simple Gestures'.

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Two summers ago, my husband and I volunteered for our church’s ‘Senior Work Day’, a Saturday when people go out in groups to do service projects for local seniors. Because we had three children under the age of six, the coordinator of the workday assigned us to the home of Ed and Jean. The project there was simple: Ed had requested help moving some gravel in his yard. His wish was to plant a vegetable garden, so his wife could have fresh vegetables to eat. Though I was seven months pregnant at the time, I was excited to hear about this project and determined to help out any way I could. 

We arrived at Ed and Jean’s home with buckets, gloves, and shovels, ready to work. The children were so happy to have an excuse to dig and play with rocks! While they and the other adults shoveled the gravel, I busied myself by pulling weeds. We worked steadily for an hour, but with the summer sun climbing and the temperature creeping up to one hundred, I needed to stop and rest. Frustrated that I could not help as much as I would like, I sat and watched my husband and the others work diligently to finish the job. That was when Ed came over and sat by me.

He started telling me his story, and I quickly realized that I was talking with a remarkable man. Ed is a loving husband, the sole caregiver of his wife, who has Alzheimer’s. They had met during World War II, and have been married for more than sixty years. After talking for about half an hour, Ed asked if I would like to bring the children inside to meet Jean. I responded with a joyful ‘Yes!’

Ed introduced us to a beautiful, smiling woman with flowing gray hair. Jean’s eyes lit up at the sight of the children, and she nodded as her husband explained what we were doing in the backyard. Although it was difficult to have long conversations with Jean, none of us felt that the time with her was wasted. In truth, what we did in the house became more important than what we did outside in the yard.

Since our first meeting, my family has visited Ed and Jean multiple times. Now, instead of pulling weeds or washing windows, we just sit and chat. Ed and Jean love to watch the children play and hear their laughter. One visit was extra special for them because I brought my month-old son, and they had the pleasure of holding a tiny baby once again. I myself have grown to cherish Ed and Jean. Ed takes care of Jean and all her medical needs with a tender and patient heart. My husband and I know that we are witnesses of true love in action. We have been touched by them as much as they have been touched by us. In giving a little, we have received so much more in return.

Sometimes I feel like I can't do much to help my community. I see needs and wish I had the time and abilities to meet them all. But I remember Jesus's words in Matthew 25:40, "...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters o f mine, you did for me." A simple gesture of appreciation, an hour of time given, a little love shared... these can touch people, myself included, in the most unexpected ways, and reach deeper and farther that I ever know. 

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In the years since, I have visited Jean in an assisted living home, sat with Ed at Jean's funeral, and had Ed over to my house for his birthday and Easter. He's held not only my fourth child, but also my fifth. Every time he sees me, he laughs and talks about how our friendship started, four years ago. I laugh too, because I too would have never expected this friendship, or the joy I have gained from it.

God can use us, no matter what our circumstance, our talents, our energy level. He sees the gift, not the size of the gift. And as parents, we hold a unique gift. Children overflow with joy and beauty, and there are many people in the world who need a little more joy and beauty in their lives. It can be as simple as chatting with a person while your child hides behind your legs. Or if your child is a natural performer, let him/her perform! Teach them to be comfortable shaking hands and chatting with an elderly person. By doing so, you are also teaching them that they can make a difference in the Kingdom, and that it is important to love people despite age differences.


*Note: As part of our homeschooling, my children and I often visit an assisted living home to sing a few songs. If you would like to visit the elderly, it is easiest if you know someone living there, or contact their office and arrange a time to go with a group (MOPS, for example) and have a program of some sort. Some towns have an adopt-a-grandparent program, or a board in their senior center where seniors needing assistance (yard work, etc.) can post their names. And if your town doesn't have any programs like these, maybe you can start one through your church!

Looking Forward, Looking Back

(I'm borrowing the title from an 'Over the Rhine' song. 'Over the Rhine' is my favorite husband and wife band... beautiful music.) 

It's that time of year again... time to pack up for camping with our church family! This is our fourth time joining our church at Pinecrest Lake, and it has become an annual trip that our whole family looks forward to.  The children run around with friends, we take in God's beautiful creation, and of course, I bring a batch of home-made marshmallows for roasting and sharing! But my favorite thing to do is to find a place to sit where the baby can play safely, then wait to see who God brings my way. Spending an entire weekend with the church body is the best way to connect and reconnect with people!

I remember packing for camp this time last year, and I'm amazed at the changes that have occurred since then. Last June, my husband was a teacher, and had no plans to change his career. We were expecting a full summer of fun, with my husband returning to the school in the fall, but little did we know... 

There were signs of change in the air. Out of the blue, our church offered my husband a position as pastor of families and children. But my husband didn't feel like it was time yet to leave the school, despite the stressful environment. "Let's try another year there," we told ourselves, "and we'll see what happens."

Then we left for camp, where I have a conversation with a friend about motherhood, marriage, and life in general. That was when I made a comment that surprised even me: I feel like I'm waiting for something big to happen, like I've outgrown my space. Actually, we were going through my set of Soularium Cards, and I was talking about a photo showing a full-grown man sitting, scrunched like a sack of potatoes, in a small school locker. That was what I felt like. And I didn't know why.

When we came home from camp, we still couldn't settle down to enjoy our summer vacation. My husband had yet to sign a contract for the new school year, and there were still many questions in our mind. June ended, July began, and my husband got a call to meet with his supervisor. He came home with a contract, but he was unhappy with the changes his boss had made. We talked and talked and talked some more, then started calling friends for wise counsel. One friend told us flat-out that the we need to renegotiate the terms of the contract. Another friend asked if my husband would be happy there, regardless of pay and such. That was when we called a pastor at the church and asked him about the position offered. In a matter of days, we knew that God was steering our boat towards the church, not the school. My husband resigned as a teacher, then waited for the church to officially hire him.

That's the story in a nutshell. And now, here we are.

As I think about the present and the future, it is good to look back and be reminded of God's faithfulness to me. I've mentioned before that I never wanted to be a pastor's wife. I grew up as a PK (pastor's kid) and I know the stresses of raising a family while working in ministry. But I also know that all along, God has been preparing me for this role. Because of my experiences, I know how to care for other pastor's wives and children, how to avoid church politics and power struggles, and how to be inclusive of all ages and all kinds of people.

And as always, I'm learning that it is not always about my comfort level or desires. It's about letting God lead. I don't know what the rest of 2013 has in store for me, but whatever it is, I can trust that it is good! God has never let me down, from unemployment in 2009, to our new home in 2010, to a fifth child in 2011 (you can read those stories by clicking here), to a career change in 2012, He is all-knowing, sovereign, and merciful. And I'm so glad He is!

Another Great School Year Ends

Whew!! A full year of ancient history, anatomy and physiology, poetry, paragraph writing, decimals, long division... I can't believe it's over already!

Last night, we had our fourth annual end-of-the-school-year recital. This was an idea I had three years ago when my oldest was in first grade. I loved the idea of piano recitals, but because I was my children's piano teacher, there wasn't much of an opportunity to perform for people. So I decided that we will do a performance, but include singing, foreign language, dancing, cooking, ANYTHING we want!

This year we had the children's autobiographies and self portraits on the walls, along with art and science posters. We recited poems ("The Lamb", by William Blake, "Fog", by Carl Sandburg, "Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening", by Robert Frost, and several fun ones by Shel Silverstein) and Bible passages, played piano and sang songs. And of course, we  ended our 'Evening of Enjoyment' with dessert, all made by the kids! It was a wonderful, joy-filled way of ending the school year with family and friends.

And now that the big night is over, I can share with you some of the field trips we did this year. If you live in the Bay Area and are looking for a place close to home to explore, try one of these fun places!

Just south of us is the lovely Sunol Regional Wilderness (pictured here). Though poison oak was running rampant after the frequent winter rains, we enjoyed a short hike with a troop of homeschoolers ranging in age from two months to ten years old. After lunch, we ended the day with a romp in the creek. My kids tried to catch some tadpoles and fish, but they were too quick for us! Sunol is known for its beautiful scenery, including a part of the park called 'Little Yosemite'. Next time we go, we will have to venture further on the trails!

Another fun regional park is Shadow Cliffs, just ten minutes from my house. This park used to be a quarry, before it was donated and turned into a reservoir/beach for hiking, fishing, swimming, and boating. We chose not to swim, but did a short hike along the reservoir, then picnicked near the water. And a few fishermen gave us an informal lesson on gutting fish!

If you are planning to visit a regional park, be prepared with cash on hand. Most parks have a parking fee per car, especially on weekends.

Also south of us is Ardenwood Historic Park  in Fremont. This was our second time there, and this year we went with other homeschoolers for a day of visiting baby goats, hugging chickens, and pumping water. We were looking forward to seeing the blacksmith demonstrations, but he was sick that day. Ardenwood also offers a historic house, a working farm with animals, and beautiful gardens. They have many hands-on activities for the children, especially on week-ends. The price of admission changes depending on the time of year, so check out their website for hours and prices.

Our final field trip was to the coast. I discovered Harley Farms Goat Dairy in Pescadero when a friend toured it a few months back. I wanted to take the kids for a tour, but found that the price for a tour was out of our budget. But we went anyway, to feed the baby goats, check out the facility, and sample the delicious cheese! The town of Pescadero is tiny, but has so much good food to offer! In the stores you can buy local olive oils, jams and jellies, cheeses, and fruits and vegetables. And I've heard that their avocado soup is scrumptious! 

And what is a trip to the coast without going to the beach? This year, we visited two beaches on two different occasions: Bean Hollow and San Gregario. Both are ten to fifteen miles south of Half Moon Bay on Highway 101. San Gregario State Beach is just north of Pescadero Road, what made it fun was the fresh water from the estuary (pictured above) flowing out in a stream to meet the ocean. The children were able to play in the water without the fear of being washed out by the big waves. Also on that beach were drift wood forts and houses built over time by visitors. Bean Hollow is just south of Pescadero Road, and it got its name from its beach of small, smooth rocks. The rock formations are amazing, and the tide pools are manageable for climbing and exploring. My children prefers the sandy beach for building and digging (they call that the "real beach") but if I wanted to go tidepooling, I would definitely return to Bean Hollow.

Summer is upon us! As always, I hope to fill our days with more adventures to destinations near and far, new and old. Take some time this summer to explore our amazing state! Pick a day on the calendar, pack up a lunch, and GO!

To Serve Each Other

Which group do you fall into?

1) I go to church on Sundays because I am refreshed by the songs, the sermon, and seeing my friends.

2) I like going to church on Sundays, but only if everyone is in their 'Sunday best', and all children are in another room so my worship time is not interrupted.

3) I'm a parent with children under the age of five, and going to a church service is so tiring sometimes that I'd rather just stay home.

4) I look forward to going to church services because I want to serve those there who need an extra dose of love and care.

I don't like to group people into general categories, but I made the list above to make a point. Hopefully, you didn't find yourself in category #2. But we all have at least one foot in category #1, because we often fall into habit of going to church on Sundays to be served, not to serve. And I don't mean a preoccupied kind of serving, where we forget to be Mary because we are too busy being Martha. I mean serving by having our eyes and ears open to the needs of others. How often do we want to just fall on our knees and weep, but instead we smile because that is what people expect us to do? How often are we on the flip side, expecting others to be happy and smiling, when we really should be expecting a room full of broken people, all needing God's healing, coming together to serve each other? But we forget this. 

Last night, I read a mom's humble confession to losing her cool at church, to being angry for the stares and comments she gets when her children are not on their best behavior, to needing more grace and love on Sundays. 

And I too have had my experiences of going to a service, only to be stopped at the sanctuary door and asked to go to another room with my infant. Or the times when my child makes noise, and my cheeks burn red as I avoid the eyes turning to see "Who's kid is that?!" Or the days when I want to let the tears fall, but I don't want to show people my puffy eyes and runny make-up. How sad that the one place where we should experience the most grace and love is sometimes a place of shame and guilt.

Now, this is not meant to be a finger-ponting session. This is a reminder, a lesson learned, a gentle admonishing at worst. It is a chance to start a new habit, one that my husband and I have been practicing, to go to a Sunday service praying that God will lead you to people who are broken. Expect that people had just gone through a difficult week. Ask if they need prayer, even if they smile and say, "Everything's good." Find just one person, and commit to praying for that person for the whole week. Go to serve, not to be served.

And the best part of this habit is that even if you are the mom who is so tired, you'd rather just stay home (which is how I feel half the time), you can still serve-- the visitor who is also stuck in the nursing room, the young teen who needed a smile and a listening ear, the widow who needed a hug from a toddler. And if we really are serving each other, God can meet all our needs.

And another thing for those in category 3, the mom I mentioned above also wrote a letter to parents with young children, to encourage us and herself when we are wondering, "What's the point of going to Sunday service?" It's an uplifting note, because it reminds us  why Jesus says, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark 10:14 NIV) There is a place in the Kingdom for ALL of us.