We Are the Church

This morning, we had our Sunday service in an outdoor amphitheater at the fairgrounds. We sat on metal benches, worked through technical difficulties, shaded the sun from our eyes, and heard faint strains of a Beatles song coming from a nearby booth.

And it was AWESOME!

It was awesome because our church cared less about superficialities and more about the heart. It wouldn't have mattered where we were, as long as we were together worshipping the same God. Anyone who had come this morning to see classic cars was welcomed to join us for worship. And as one of our pastors talked about the recent mission trip to a Native American reservation in Arizona and described how he baptized new Navajo believers in an empty dumpster, it only affirmed what I already knew to be true: WE are the Church. Our eyes are turned towards heaven, while our hands and feet serve here on earth. We look past nationality, class, and physical appearance, and we would rather spend thousands on shaping the hearts of people, than thousands on a fancy new building, coffee and donuts, and state-of-the-art technology. 

Sometimes I worry about what visitors think when they come to our church building. Sometimes I'm taken in by stained-glass windows and a beautiful sanctuary. I'm glad to be reminded today that when these thoughts enter my mind, that is a sign that my focus is off. Our building may not be impressive, but that is not what matters. Even if it burned down tomorrow, the Church would not quit.

All this may sound like prideful boasting, but I'm just excited that we broke out of our normal routine of "going to church" and instead, were experiencing a Sunday of being the Church in the world. And in the words of Paul, May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. (Galatians 6:14 NIV)

A Decade of Blessings

My son is the big 1-0 today.

Ten years ago, I couldn't even imagine this day. I told myself that someday... someday... I will be almost thirty-five, and that I will be the mother of a ten-year-old.

And suddenly, that day has come.

I started this post with the intent to give new parents some witty parental advice, but the more I reflect on the years gone by, I find my thoughts traveling down a different road. I think about my son, and I'm proud of the lessons he has learned, and of the man he is becoming. I'm thankful that he is healthy and strong-- that ALL my children are healthy and strong. I observe how the children interact with each other, and I'm grateful for the loving relationships that will follow them for the rest of their lives. Then my thoughts move to our rental home, my husband's job, my family (including our children's grandparents, aunts, and uncles), our church family, and our homeschooling.

Gratitude washes over me.

I look back over the past decade, and I cannot tell you how we got here. I mean, I can describe the circumstances that led up to finding our house, working for our church, etc., but I know that none of it was our doing. My husband and I never strove to be successful. Yet we find ourselves richer than we have ever been before.

Christian Canadian hockey star Paul Henderson once said, "I always thought Christians were the weak people. When you can't make in life then you have to ask God. I really prided myself on being a self-made man." But what happens when the plan goes awry? What happens when your body starts attacking itself in the form of cancer, as in the case of Mr. Henderson? We think we hold so much in our hands, only to discover that our hands are empty.

A self-made man can look back on his life and tell you exactly what he did to get to where he is today. I am humbled by the fact that I can look back and tell you exactly how God got me to where I am today.

Wet Pockets

For those of you who read my post 'My Strong Son' and found yourself thinking, "That sounds like my child, but I'm having a hard time seeing the silver lining!" here's a little story to encourage you.

Yesterday, my son wanted to dress like his sister, and the closest he could get to that was to find a striped shirt and pants with a draw string. He put on his shirt, but looked everywhere for his blue pants. When he asked me about them, I told him that the pants were on the line.

We went outside to check on the pants, and found that the pockets were still a bit wet. My son said it was okay and took them inside to put them on, but a few minutes later he returned to me and said that the damp pockets were bothering him.

"I can dry them for you," I said, "if you take the pants off for a few minutes."

"No, I don't want to take them off," was his reply.

"But if you don't take them off, how can I dry them?" I argued back. "I can't hang you on the line, and I can't put you in the dryer!"

"I don't want to take them off," he said again.

It was one of our moments of impasse. We both wanted the same end, but could not agree on a way to get there. Why couldn't my son see that my solution was simple and logical?

I chose to leave the subject for the moment, and my son disappeared while I returned to working on the fudge frosting for the birthday cake. A minute later, I looked out through the back door, and saw my son standing outside in the middle of the backyard. If you know my son, you know that he rarely just stands. But there he was, my little hobbit, standing and blinking in the full sun. And I knew right away what he was doing. He had found a solution to drying the pants while wearing them. I couldn't help but laugh.

My son brings enrichment to my life. His ingenuity challenges me, teaches me, and renews my own sense of wonder and creativity. And one day, my son will grow into a man, and through his unique perspective on life, he will make a difference in the world. Though it is not always easy, I am blessed to be a part of that journey, every step of the way.

My Five Apprentices

August is the beginning of my busy season. We start with the boys' birthdays this month, then the beginning of the school year, then the girls' birthdays in October, and then of course Thanksgiving and Christmas, and suddenly, it's the New Year!

So pardon me if my writing becomes more sporadic. This is a post I started weeks ago, and only by finding time between baking and lesson planning have I been able to finish it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of my favorite scenes is that of a dad mowing the lawn, with his son pushing the plastic toy mower right behind him. Not only is it adorable, it is a wonderful picture of one of the fundamental jobs of being a parent, that of training and teaching.

From the beginning, children learn by mimicking their parents. My youngest daughter slips on my shoes, then grabs a little purse and puts it on her shoulder. She wants to mix things in a bowl with a big wooden spoon. She loves to drink out of my cup, the one without a lid on it. I don't have to tell her to copy me. This is all a part of the parent/child relationship.

And this is what I realized a few months back, when someone mentioned the word 'apprenticeship' in light of raising the next generation of Christ-followers. Yes, I have five apprentices in my house! Not rug rats, not students, not minions. By thinking of my children as apprentices, my view of how to train and school them has changed dramatically!

(Here I go with my lists again!)

First, apprenticeship started in the late medieval period, with a person studying for seven years under a craftsman in order to master a trade. Of course, seven years would be too short of a time for a child to learn all he/she needs to know, but that's the point: if it takes seven years to learn blacksmithing, how much longer is required to learn all aspects of life?

Second, an apprentice lived with his/her teacher while in training, meaning that the teaching encompassed all aspects of life. With this in mind, I no longer feel overwhelmed by my parenting job. Before, I worried, "There is so much I need to teach them! How do I know what to do? And what if I miss something?!" Now, I see my task clearly: prepare each of them to be a Godly adult. Part of that is accomplished through role-modeling, part of it through instruction. As soon as a child is able to understand and complete a task, it is simply my job to teach him/her. My three-year-old can set the table, and my ten-year-old can do the dishes. And there are the intangibles (such as character traits) that they will (I pray) pick up along the way.

Third, apprenticeship means learning while working alongside the teacher. It is not giving a person a how-to book, or showing him/her once, then walking away. And it is definitely not leaving the job of teaching to another person. It is a parent and child doing the work together, whether it is gardening or dishes, or a fun hobby like sewing or woodworking. For me, this is a reminder that I need to involve the children in my projects. When I cook or bake, I ask a child to be my sous-chef. When I shop, I send a child to retrieve a specific food item. And we all have to agree that when it comes to work, the more the merrier, and lighter the load! 

You may wonder at this point: what about academics? How do multiplication, essays, and  history reports fit into all this? Even for homeschoolers, there are things that have to be taught and learned at a table. And this is where apprenticeship changed my view the most. A formal education is NOT the most important thing. While some may argue "You need to go to college! You need a job! You need to know proper grammar!" I say, "Well, yes, but you need to know other things too." Ellyn Davis, in her essay 'The Knowledge of the Holy' (from the excellent book I Saw the Angel in the Marble) writes:

As we have tried to find "the ancient path" in educating our children (see Jeremiah 6:16), we have concluded that education is not as much the mastering of skills and information as it is the development of healthy relationships. We want our children to be "rightly related" to God; to themselves (personal care of their spirit, soul, and body); to others; and to created things (nature, animals, time, money, possessions, knowledge, etc.). Academic knowledge, facts, and skills assume their proper places as they contribute to healthy relationships is each of these areas.

If a child has a firm foundation, college, jobs, and even proper grammar will come with time! But whether than stress out about my children taking calculus in high school (which I did the other night before I came to my senses), I can focus on my children.

And really, if you are a homeschooling family, apprenticeship is not completely foreign to you. I always feel that certain subjects (science and history for sure) are hands-on and fun for everyone involved (and I'm learning right with my kids!) With other subjects (reading and math), I teach with the future in mind. These are small steps toward the long goal of apprenticeship.

I plan to start school on September 2nd, but actually, school is already in session! So what I really should say is this: I look forward to continuing with my apprentices this fall, and I hope you do too!

Gardening Tips for Your Marriage

(As you know from my recent posts that I've been thinking a lot about marriage in the past month. Here is a post that I started a week ago, and finally finished today! I hope it's encouraging after the more sober post on Sunday.)

Gardens for me are a place full of beauty, peace, and wonder. So when my husband and I first started courting, I naturally pictured our relationship as a garden. Sun and water to help it grow, some occasional pruning and weeding to keep it healthy, and- voila! A bountiful harvest!

But eleven years of marriage has shown me that it's not as easy as that. Just as in gardening, I've learned that there is much more to marriage than a little sun and water. Do the wrong things, and your marriage (and garden) can wither over time.

So the first gardening tip for your marriage is: become an expert in your spouse. Different plants need differing amounts of sun and water, and similarly, your spouse needs care specific to him/her. Just as you can't water a cactus like you water a violet, and you can't plant a fern in the sun next to a rose, you should not assume that your spouse needs to be loved the same way as your best friend or your parent. Nor should you assume that your spouse gives and receives love the same way as you! A helpful book in this topic is The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Second, part of weeding is learning to identify the weeds before they get too big. If you wait for the weeds to be mature before you pull them, then you have the much harder work of digging to remove the roots also. Other plants may be damaged, or weaker because the weeds sucked up some of the nutrients and water. Examine yourself and find the tendencies in you that are not beneficial to your marriage, and then learn to nip them in the bud! Practice Ephesians 4:25-27, "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." Be quick to forgive, and quick to apologize.

Third, pruning is more painful than it looks. When I first got married, I thought pruning meant being less selfish and sharing the last piece of pie with my husband. But pruning means cutting off whole branches-- things in my life that are not healthy and Godly. It may mean giving up a hobby or changing a bad habit, and it usually involves sacrifice and discipline. And if I don't prune it myself, God will!

The last two things to keep in mind when cultivating your marriage are fertilizer and time. To replenish the "soil" of your marriage, read marriage books with your spouse, attend an occasional conference, and spend time in the Word, both together and alone. Remember that Bible verses about marriage are not limited to Ephesians 5 or Colossians 3. Any time the Bible speaks of a neighbor or the Body (as in the verse above), it is also referring to your spouse!

And time, though important, is often forgotten. One cannot plant a seed and expect a tree the next day. Plants, and marriage, need time to grow and blossom. Have patience and pray for diligence as you care for your garden! In time, you will be rewarded!

Knocking Down the Bricks

In the past two weeks, I've spent time with a friend who has just gone through a divorce and a friend who is trying her best to avoid that route. After listening to each of them talk, and trying to give counsel where helpful, I thought about my own marriage and the rough times my husband and I have had. No one thinks on their wedding day that it would all gone downhill from there. So what happens between the wedding day and the signing of the divorce papers that leads a couple to that point? How easy would it be for my own marriage to wither and die, if I continued in habits that serve me rather than serve my husband?

In every relationship, we build up a wall, brick by brick, when we wrong the other person. But in relationships of the closest kind, because expectations are higher and so disappointments greater, the bricks are bigger and the walls we build are taller and thicker. After years and years of this kind of brick-laying, a husband and wife wake up one morning and find themselves in different rooms all together. It isn't a sudden change, just a sudden realization.

The only solution I know to removing the bricks is grace, forgiveness, and humbleness. When I've wronged my husband in even the smallest way, I can choose to insist that I'm right, or I can lay down my pride, and apologize. Then, he forgives me, and if we need to, we can talk about the misunderstanding or any changes that need to be made. In the end, we are closer than before because we have a better understanding of each other, and the wall between us is knocked down. And the only way to keep the wall from growing again is to apologize and forgive often.

I don't believe that it is impossible for a rough marriage to be saved. But depending on the size of the wall between the spouses, it does take much work, and much, much forgiveness. But then again, didn't God forgive us for the greatest wrongs? And doesn't His grace overflow in us so we can forgive others?

Here are the lyrics to my newest song-- the result of my time with my friends. If you are going through a rough time in your marriage right now, I am praying for you.

You're in the other room

I hear your voice but I cannot hear your heart 

Anymore

I look up at the sky

It hasn't changed since you made your promises to me

You promised me the moon

There was a day when we would have climbed mountains

There was a day when we would have crossed seas

There was a day when we would have flown from star to star

But nothing is as hard as this

We thought we had it all

If all were good intentions and dreams that shone

We were in love

But that was not enough

My hands are empty, the doors are bolted shut

Where are the keys?

And then we knew that we couldn't climb mountains

And then we knew that we couldn't cross seas

And then we knew that we couldn't fly from star to star

And that nothing was as hard as this

A look across the room

A word or smile was once the world

To us

So simple yet profound

I need to say I'm sorry for the way

The way I've hurt you

Though not as grand as our dreams of climbing mountains

Though not as grand as our dreams of crossing seas

But if we try, we can still fly from star to star

Like we've never done before

Like we've never done before