Knocking Down the Bricks

In the past two weeks, I've spent time with a friend who has just gone through a divorce and a friend who is trying her best to avoid that route. After listening to each of them talk, and trying to give counsel where helpful, I thought about my own marriage and the rough times my husband and I have had. No one thinks on their wedding day that it would all gone downhill from there. So what happens between the wedding day and the signing of the divorce papers that leads a couple to that point? How easy would it be for my own marriage to wither and die, if I continued in habits that serve me rather than serve my husband?

In every relationship, we build up a wall, brick by brick, when we wrong the other person. But in relationships of the closest kind, because expectations are higher and so disappointments greater, the bricks are bigger and the walls we build are taller and thicker. After years and years of this kind of brick-laying, a husband and wife wake up one morning and find themselves in different rooms all together. It isn't a sudden change, just a sudden realization.

The only solution I know to removing the bricks is grace, forgiveness, and humbleness. When I've wronged my husband in even the smallest way, I can choose to insist that I'm right, or I can lay down my pride, and apologize. Then, he forgives me, and if we need to, we can talk about the misunderstanding or any changes that need to be made. In the end, we are closer than before because we have a better understanding of each other, and the wall between us is knocked down. And the only way to keep the wall from growing again is to apologize and forgive often.

I don't believe that it is impossible for a rough marriage to be saved. But depending on the size of the wall between the spouses, it does take much work, and much, much forgiveness. But then again, didn't God forgive us for the greatest wrongs? And doesn't His grace overflow in us so we can forgive others?

Here are the lyrics to my newest song-- the result of my time with my friends. If you are going through a rough time in your marriage right now, I am praying for you.

You're in the other room

I hear your voice but I cannot hear your heart 

Anymore

I look up at the sky

It hasn't changed since you made your promises to me

You promised me the moon

There was a day when we would have climbed mountains

There was a day when we would have crossed seas

There was a day when we would have flown from star to star

But nothing is as hard as this

We thought we had it all

If all were good intentions and dreams that shone

We were in love

But that was not enough

My hands are empty, the doors are bolted shut

Where are the keys?

And then we knew that we couldn't climb mountains

And then we knew that we couldn't cross seas

And then we knew that we couldn't fly from star to star

And that nothing was as hard as this

A look across the room

A word or smile was once the world

To us

So simple yet profound

I need to say I'm sorry for the way

The way I've hurt you

Though not as grand as our dreams of climbing mountains

Though not as grand as our dreams of crossing seas

But if we try, we can still fly from star to star

Like we've never done before

Like we've never done before