After the Wedding

My husband puts a magazine in front of me. 

"Tell me what you think of this article," he says.

I quickly read the first paragraph, and is instantly appalled.

The author, Kristina Kilbourne, writes, It's only been three months since the honeymoon and already I'm his personal chef, counselor, maid, and sex slave, amongst other things. I'm not complaining, it's just I wasn't prepared for this.

The article is titled "Congratulations… You're Hired!" and appears in a local magazine that centers on (according to their cover) "Home, Health, Family, Culture, Community". Ms. Kilbourne says she's not complaining, but the whole article sounds like one big gripe. She had her image of Prince Charming, and her new husband did not fulfill that image. 

You see, my husband is very handsome and charming on paper and in photographs, but the private itching, belching, gassy guy who I see everyday, is a long way from Disney charming.

She then goes on to list how he doesn't help around the house, how he isn't romantic enough, how he doesn't communicate about anything but sports and video games, and (this is where I have the biggest problem) how he loves God but makes jokes about being the 'president' and his wife being the 'governor'.

I can understand this woman's frustration. Reality has hit her hard. If she already feels this discontent less than one year into her marriage, my heart breaks for her. I want to sit down with her and her husband and discuss what it means to love sacrificially as Christ loves the Church, because clearly, their marriage is based on the idea that it should be magical and easy. And the husband's idea of 'magical and easy' is not the same as the wife's. 

But I also don't think a magazine is the place to file your complaints. I am not angry at the author, but at the editors of this magazine for choosing to publish this article. There is nothing constructive in the article, and it in no way promotes 'home, health, and family'. The article does nothing more than degrade men, shoot down marriage, and make God's Word sound sexist, demeaning, and malicious.

Let this be a lesson to engaged women everywhere. Don't believe the hype… Marriage is the most wonderfully rewarding job you will ever have in your life where the "Boss" is annoyingly frustrating, but great to look at… Cheers to being a married woman in the 21st century! 

That is how Ms. Kilbourne ends her article. Now if I was giving advice to thousands of engaged women, I would say this.

1) Marriage is a choice. No one is forcing you into it (at least in this culture). Evaluate your reasons for getting married before you jump in. Talk to married couples. Have realistic expectations.

2) Your spouse is also a choice. See with open eyes before saying 'yes'. Remind yourself that he is not perfect, and neither are you.

3) Good pre-marital counseling is HIGHLY recommended.

4) Evaluate your own faults before you start evaluating your spouse's. Roles and communication doesn't come naturally. You will have to change something in yourself to make your marriage joyful.

5) Never complain about your spouse/fiance publicly. It's disrespectful and unloving, and won't help your marriage. Your complaints are valid, but you need to work it out with your spouse and possibly a counselor or trusted third party.

It sounds cliched to say this, but no one is perfect, and that's the truth. But with effort, we can be more considerate of those around us, especially spouses. After the wedding day, many people stop saying 'thank you' and 'please' when addressing their spouses; men stop opening doors for their 'gal'; in short, we don't put in the effort anymore. Yes, you can be yourself in marriage, but you can still strive to be a better version of yourself.