A Masterpiece

Today, my baby is six weeks old. Some parents never get to hold their baby at this age. I thank God that I do.

Despite the busyness of my day, I find myself stopping to revel in this little person. Of course, there's the cuteness factor, but it's so much more than that. It is knowing that I somehow participated in bringing forth this brand new person into the world, that without me, he wouldn't be here. But at the same time, saying that I helped in the creation of this masterpiece is like saying that I helped paint the Sistine Chapel when all I really did was clean the brushes.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. ~Ephesians 2:10

My children are works of art. They are walking, breathing, talking masterpieces, one-of-a-kind creations of an amazing Artist. And so am I, as are you. Remember that as you go about your day today.

You are a masterpiece!

Seize the Day?!?!

Carpe diem!

Those could have been my words once upon a time, back when I was younger, freer, and– haha– more energetic.

And now, are you kidding me?! I can hardly force myself out of bed in the morning, and you want me to lasso the day, rein it in, and wrestle it to the ground?! Even as I type the title for this entry, the words taunt me. The only thing I seize regularly is the hand of my toddler as we cross a busy parking lot. And the only thing I wish I could seize is five minutes to myself so I could use the bathroom in peace.

But if today was really, truly, my last day on earth, would I regret spending it at home with my children?

The answer to that question, I realize, is a very certain 'No'.

All too often, I compare my life with others. I envy those who have the opportunity to travel or who have published works. I feel that my life is boring and unexciting, and that others see me as one who chose to trade in a life of passion for one of fear, complacency, and routine. 

But there is no comparison. Though my life is no Hollywood movie, there is no lack of passion in what I do. I am not 'seizing the day' by going on grand adventures, but I am choosing this: 

to boldly live a quiet life. 

While I may never publish my book, I may never visit Australia and pet a live koala, and I may not have anything interesting, witty, or funny to say at the end of the day, I AM seizing the moments that God is giving me: lovingly changing a diaper, meditating on a Bible verse, encouraging a stranger, choosing NOT to yell at my children, doing something for my spouse that requires sacrifice on my part.

And if I die tomorrow, may those who know me best say this, that Rita took advantage of every moment, that she loved her Lord with all her heart, her mind, her soul, and her strength, and that she served her family and friends with passion.

6 Things Having 6 Kids Has Taught Me

Most people think my life must be crazy. Or I must be crazy. Why would I choose to have six kids otherwise? Noise, mayhem, the never-ending demands– if I'm not crazy, then I must be Superwoman.

I never pictured myself as a mother of six. Like most everyone else, I had to learn the basics of childcare and parenting when my first child was born. But then, with each child who entered my life, I discovered that there was still more I had to learn, though the lessons, surprisingly, were not what I would have imagined them to be. Raising six children has taught me more than patience and efficiency. It has taught me…

1) how to ask for help.
I have always been an independent person. I wanted to do everything myself, and I didn't think I needed to change, even when I found myself with a baby attached to my breast or a toddler attached to my leg. But as the number of children I had increased while the number of hands I owned stayed the same, I became more and more frustrated. I needed more hands! And more hands came, in the form of friends, family, my husband, and even my children now. All I have to do is ask!

2) how to rest.
As I said, I used to try to do everything. Before having children, it never bothered me to go from event to event, task to task. I soon discovered that with children, this kind of living wears out both the children and the parent. Now, when someone asks me or invites me to do something, I say "no" if I need to (without feeling guilty). We have quiet time in the middle of the day, so the younger ones and I can nap. Every Sunday after church, the family has mandatory rest time (which means lying down without books or anything). After a string of busy days, we take a day or two to stay home. I remember God's commandment to honor the Sabbath, and one way of doing so is by resting.

3) how to clean.
Messes never bothered me until now! I used to tell myself, "It's not that bad. Do it later," and so procrastinated on cleaning until company was coming over. That changed when I noticed how quickly the bathroom got dirty after a day. Books that I just put away are scattered across the floor… again. Toys that are left out become a hazard and clutter up precious little living space. My house is far from spotless, but I don't procrastinate anymore when it comes to cleaning! Keeping messes to a minimum helps me keep my life organized and makes this busy home more enjoyable for everyone.

4) how to communicate.
Sometimes I think my words are clear, then wonder why my child is not doing what I asked! Eye contact and well-defined instructions (or consequences) are crucial if we are all to survive living together. Also, to go beyond 'survival', I have learned how to speak with love and grace and directness when heart issues need to be addressed. And sometimes, the one with the issues is me. "I'm sorry" and "Do you forgive me?" are well-practiced in our home.

5) how to hug.
I didn't grow up with hugs. Hugging is still not my natural inclination. I consciously tell myself to hug my children, and happily receive their hugs in return!

6) how to appreciate the little things.
Ten minutes of quiet.
A roly-poly.
A short but deep conversation with a friend.
My husband washing the dishes.
Taking a walk with my family.
A clean room.
Food on the table.
A good night's sleep.
"I love you."

Having six children can be chaotic at times, but the benefits, visible and invisible, far outweigh the work and stress. Though the lessons may not be easy,  I am looking forward to all that God wants to teach me through my kids!

Rediscovering Faith and Contentment

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. ~Hebrews 11:1

The initial giddiness of having a new baby has been replaced by the weariness of taking care of six children plus one adult. All last week, I was critical, short-tempered, and downright grumpy around my children and husband.

Baby blues? I wondered. But I never had postpartum depression before.

Which didn't mean that I couldn't have it with my sixth child, but it wasn't baby blues at all. It was, at the heart of it, discontentment.

I was just savoring my freedom with a toddler out of diapers. I was writing more, performing more, mentoring more… doing all the things that I've always wanted to do but couldn't because I've been busy with babies for the past ten years or so.

And now, I'm back to the start. Back to nursing, schedules, diaper bags, and nighttime feedings. And there was some envy in me as I listened to my husband talk about his work and the upcoming staff retreat. I watched him as he answered phone calls and text messages from people wanting his biblical advice, and as he left to meet someone at a coffee shop to give encouragement and care. I felt stuck, useless, overlooked.

This morning's sermon was from Hebrews. It was about waiting for God, even when nothing seems to be on the horizon. Abraham, Jacob, Joseph… just to name a few– they had faith. They believed despite the fact that they could not see. God's promise was enough.

And so it must be for me, if I call myself a woman of faith. Though I cannot see why God wants me to devote my talents and energy to raising six children rather than to be a missionary or worship leader, I need to trust that He has a plan for me and my children. Though I'd rather raise my hand and be the first to volunteer, I need to trust that now is not the time; later will be better. Though I think I am ready to take on so much, I need to trust that God is shaping me for something more. There is much that I can grow in.

My husband left for the staff retreat today. I took all six children with me to Costco (a giant warehouse store) to restock our refrigerator. It was my first time doing so, and I was surprised to find myself calmly maneuvering through the crowds, joking with my children, joyfully going through this task with them. 

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart… we sang this morning as our closing song.

It is not always easy to have a vision for the things unseen. But that is contentment– living with the knowledge that God's promises will be fulfilled, and in the meantime, finding delight in the waiting.

On 'Meekness'

Another meaningful post from 2012

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I started this post a year ago. Then last April, I started it again. And now, here I am, trying for a third time. As you can guess, meekness is not my strong point.

But this time, I am determined to finish this post, because I am always reminded that Jesus is described as being meek. But when I tried to find where the word 'meek' is used in the context of Jesus, I could not find it in my Bible! The King James version still uses it (see Matthew 11:28-29), but many translations have chosen a different word (like gentle or humble) because of the modern definition of 'meek'. 

So, curious, I looked up 'meek' in my Webster's dictionary. Here is its definition:

Enduring injury with patience and without resentment,

deficient in spirit and courage, submissive, not violent or strong

And the online dictionary defined 'meek' as 

to be humbly patient or docile, overly submissive or compliant, or spiritless

Hmmm, that doesn't sound like the man who calmed storms, rebuked pharisees, and overturned tables.

Then I did some research to try to find the original Greek word for 'meek' as used in the Bible. This is what I found online:

praus- used to describe a soothing medicine, used by sailors to 

describe a gentle breeze, used by farmers to describe a broken colt

The idea, all in all, is that meekness means 'strength under control', and that the one word we have in the English language, 'meek', doesn't capture that idea.

So the picture that some people have of Jesus being spineless and weak is very wrong, and if I was to model myself after that Jesus, that also would be very wrong. Jesus, though He controls all of heaven and earth, put aside his power and glory, as described in one of my favorite Bible passages,  Philippians 2:6-8.

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God 

something to be used to his own advantage;

rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death-- 

even death on a cross!

And what does that mean for me?

It means putting aside my desires and taming my natural tendencies. Though I can be a strong personality, I don't need to assert it to prove myself. Back in my college days, I was ready to go out into the world and wrestle life to the ground. I was certain that I could have anything I wanted, when I wanted it. But I was also self-centered and ambitious to a fault. It was my will, not God's will, that I was seeking.

Now I am constantly challenged and humbled by motherhood. I spend the bulk of my days serving children from ages one to nine, cleaning up dirty diapers, dirty dishes, and messes I didn't make. I can't have sleep, or five minutes to myself, when I want it. And I know that I don't have all the answers. But when I feel that wild horse spirit in me rearing to break free, I remind myself, choose to be meek. Choose to be the servant when I would rather not cook. Choose to be patient with the child who is screaming in anger at me. Choose to reach out in forgiveness and love. Choose to be like Jesus.

Grace

A cold is making its way through our family. Thankfully, my two-week-old and I are still healthy. This old post from August 2012 spoke to me today. May it speak to your heart too.

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I haven't written for a week because the baby's been sick. Early last Tuesday, she woke with a high fever that lasted for three days. Then, she broke out in red splotches all over her body. Roseola, or three-day measles, is what she had. So for a week, I had a crying baby and little sleep. Worse than the fatigue was seeing my smiling, joyful baby cry and lose interest in eating and playing. I am happy to say today that she is almost back to her normal self.

During the seemingly long hours of holding my baby, I pondered what lesson could be learned from all of this. It wasn't until yesterday that I knew. I am thankful for God's grace. Where is God's grace in a sick child and a weary mother, you may ask? God's grace was that the illness happened last week, not this week, when we have to travel to a wedding in which my older daughters are flower girls. God's grace was what could have been, but wasn't. And when I think of all the other incidences in my life of how things could have been, I find that His grace is more than abundant.

Like how, twelve years ago, I could have married the wrong man. The man broke up with me and my heart shattered. But by God's grace, I experienced months of pain rather of years, maybe decades, of pain.

Or how I could have pursued the wrong career, and found success by the world's standards. God could have given me what I asked for, but by His grace, He didn't. He led me away from that path, and away from self-destructive pride and greed.

And so, once again, a difficult week of mothering has shone light on God's character. And I also found it providential that my baby's middle name is Grace.